The white walls seemed uncomfortably pale as the dim sunlight shone against it, before being covered by a cloud that drifted by slowly. The world seemed to have turned dark all of a sudden in the small room as Key slowly closed his magazine and placed it gently down on the table. He breathed out heavily and rested his head gently against his pillow. The electrocardiogram beeped noisily beside his ear, but he was used to that already and somehow, he ignored it.

His eyes were half opened as he stared into midair; endless memories filled his mind as he sought through them slowly. Then, he made up his mind.
As his hand reached towards the small cabinet beside him, the IV drip that was connected to him arm swaying gently under his movements. Pulling out a piece of snow white paper and picking up his special ink pen, he pressed the paper to his magazine and began to write slowly.

To: Jonghyun,

I don’t have words to describe my feeling right now. There’s just too much to pour out, and I can’t even stop it myself from overflowing. To be honest, they’re overflowing right this second. So many of this, mixing together and forming an unknown feeling are just coming out of me so quickly. Let it be sad, happy, angry, frustrating…It’s just there. All of them.

Remember the day when we got into our first fight? When we had our first disagreement? Who ended up winning? Was it me…or you? Or did we have a tie?

“I’m not wrong.” Key repeated as he crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. “I am not being y.”
“Oh, yes you are. Right this second, you’re being y.” Jonghyun pointed out. “Unfold your arms.”
“Shut up.” Key shouted and sat down on the chair. “I am not going to apologize to her.” He hissed out the last word.
“Key, you were wrong. You have to.” Jonghyun insisted.
“I told you! I was not wrong! She was the one that…”
“You slapped her.” Jonghyun stated.
“But that was because-”
“No buts. You are going to apologize to her, right this second.” Jonghyun insisted darkly as he glared at Key coldly. He then threw down a piece of paper with a phone number on it onto the table.
“Why don’t you go apologize to her?” Key mumbled and picked up the pillow next to him and threw it at Jonghyun’s face before leaving.

~A moment before this argument~

Key stood by the wall, smoothing out his hair as he watched the party in front of him continue. He hated it. Wearing suits and all, being covered by women and their perfume…He shivered just at the thought of it. He looked to a distance.

Jonghyun was there, surrounded by women as usual. They were laughing and chatting with him, and he could tell that some of them were even flirting. He felt anger boil inside him as he breathed out slowly, reminding himself to not get mad.

He heard footsteps – it was probably a female, as he heard the sound of the high heels against the marble floor.
“Boring, isn’t it?” A lady with heavy makeup and a tight turquoise dress walked up to him.

Key smiled and nodded his head slowly, trying to stay as polite as possible.
“I never get parties like this. It’s stupid, and you hardly social unless you’re popular.” She took out a cigarette and lit it. “Like that one.” She pointed at a direction with the lit cigarette.

Key followed the direction.

She was pointing at Jonghyun.
“In what way?” Key steadied his breathing.
“Look at him. Just look. All those girls surround him…I bet he’s ed every single one of them.” She inhaled on her cigarette and smirked. “So s aren’t only girls.”
“Take that back.” Key glared at her.
“What?” She looked at him.
“I said, take that back.” Key repeated.
“What…? Is he your friend? Or what?” She looked at him. “Oh! I get it! Is he gay?” She suddenly asked.
“You-”
“So man like both women and men? Wow…he must be really-”

*SLAP*

It happened so fast, that Key couldn’t even remember his hand moving and striking the girl in the face. Her cigarette dropped as her eyes widened in astonishment.

Key felt every pair of eyes fall onto the two of them. He looked at his hand before looking up the girl, who was glaring at him.
“You bastard!” She screamed. The entire hall fell silent.

Suddenly, Jonghyun was beside them.
Key turned to Jonghyun.
“Jonghyun, I-” Key began.
“We’re going.” Jonghyun grabbed onto Key’s wrist and pulled him out of the place.

~End of moment~

As Key walked slowly into his room, he closed the door slowly behind him and locked the door before he limped up to his bed and fell face-first onto the soft sheets.

He felt mad.

He felt angry.

He felt frustrated.

But, most importantly, he felt wronged.

Jonghyun never tried to understand the situation before he just started yelling at him.

He didn’t know how long he remained in the position, but he could feel the arm that he was resting his against lose its feeling. It was numb, just like his mind. The originally light blue sky was dyed into a dark blue color, millions of small stars scattered across.

How long had he been like this?

*Knock knock*

Even the dumbest person in the world would know who was knocking on the door, but Key didn’t want to answer it. He could just imagine what the person was going to say.

Go apologize and stop acting like a brat.

Stop being y.

Apologize to her now!

A while later, the knocking stopped, and the shadow that Key could faintly see by the door was gone. He sighed and closed his eyes slowly.

He didn’t know how long had passed since he last closed his eyes. But he knew something for sure.
He was sick.

His entire body felt hot as he sweated, but then at the same time, he felt cold. An uncomfortable feeling remained in his throat as he coughed again for the 5^th time in that minute. He pulled the blanket over himself, trying to get rid of the cold. He sneezed once, and then coughed some more. Key sighed and panted, gasping for air that he had lost when he was coughing. He felt that feeling again as he covered his mouth with his hand and coughed again, this time more violently than before. As he took his hand away from his mouth, his eyes widened.

There was blood.

“Key? Key?!” He heard someone calling out his name as the doorknob was turned furiously. “Key?! Answer me! What’s wrong?”

He smiled to himself wryly.
“The door’s not going to open, idiot.” He muttered softly before he fell into darkness. The last thing he saw was the door kicked open, and someone rushing towards him.

He couldn’t make out the face of the person.

Remember that day, when we found that newborn bird? Remember that time, when I compared it to myself, and you scolded me for thinking so negatively? I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that I was right, and you were the one that was wrong. I’ve tried so hard to think positively like you’ve told me to, but in fact, I think that I’ve tried too hard. Trying too hard brought all my hopes up, and then somehow, they were hopelessly crushed.

The wind blew mercilessly against the trees as they swayed under command, leaves fluttering off and dancing under the rhythm of the wind. Key pressed down on his hair, which was flying in all directions as he walked slowly over to Jonghyun, who was kneeling down by the tree and holding something in his hand.
“What is it?” He asked once he got close.
Jonghyun didn’t reply as he stood up slowly.
“Jonghyun?” Key called out slowly.

Jonghyun turned around, and in his hands, was a newborn bird. There were no feathers, no feet, no wings – even the eyes weren’t open yet. Key breathed in sharply before he glanced at Jonghyun, who had tears in his eyes.
“I tried so hard…so, so hard to save it…but…” The rest of his sentence trailed off as he held the bird in one hand and wiped the tears away with the other. Key felt like a rock was pressed onto his heart so heavily, like it was going to crush in a matter of seconds.
“Jonghyun…” He called out his lover’s name, but he couldn’t say or do anything else. Jonghyun knelt down once again and gently placed the bird into the box that he had prepared and closed the lid.
“I’m sorry…” He whispered, only repeating those two words fragilely before he placed the box into the small hole that he had dug earlier.

A moment later, a small grave formed just by the tree. Jonghyun stood up and walked away slowly, his body looking so fragile like it would break or crack just by a single touch. Key looked at the grave with grief as he knelt down slowly. His hand reached into his pocket before he pulled something out and gently laid it across the dirt.
“Rest in peace.” He said as his flower-shaped ring shone dimly against the sunlight that peeked through the leaves of the tree above.

“Jonghyun…I was thinking…” Key whispered slowly as he sat down on the couch beside Jonghyun.
“What is it?” Jonghyun’s hand automatically circled Key’s waist and pulled him closer, like he was afraid to lose him if he ever let go.
“That bird…” Key began. He could clearly feel Jonghyun’s body jolt as the word bird came out of his mouth.
“What about it?”
“It’s just that…I feel as if…It resembles me…so much…” Key said softly.
Jonghyun stared at him.
“In what way?” He asked.
“Everything…How it couldn’t fly, how it couldn’t live, how it couldn’t…survive.”
“Key, we talked about this before.” Jonghyun muttered and covered his eyes with his hand.
“I know…I’m sorry.” Key apologized.
“You are not going to die. Not until I die.” Resting his head against Key’s shoulder, Jonghyun breathed out slowly. “Why don’t you think positive? Why are you always so negative?”

“I’m not sure…” Key leaned his head against Jonghyun’s and mumbled. “I don’t know.”

I appreciate it – I really do. How you continued to love me even after all those flaws that you found in me. You never stopped giving me your love, and I felt like sometimes I was getting too needy. But all you did was smile and shake that thought off my mind. Every time I felt down, you would always cheer me up somehow. You said that you liked me smiling, but somehow…I feel as if that smile is disappearing.

Key sat on the couch, hugging onto a pillow as he stared into mid-air silently. This isn’t the first, and it’s definitely not the last either.

Terminal…

Untreatable…

No way…

No hope…

I’m sorry…

Live your life to the fullest while you can…

No regrets…

“Key?” Jonghyun called out softly as he brushed a few locks of hair away from Key’s sight. Key didn’t even blink.

He heard Jonghyun sigh, but he still didn’t move.

He felt something warm on his lips, and when he realized it was Jonghyun’s lips…
“Jonghyun…” He finally responded and called out softly as his sight focused. Once the image of his lover came to his sight, tears began to trickle down his cheek.

Jonghyun was shocked.
“Why…are you crying?” Jonghyun gently brushed away the tears from Key’s eyes and asked, the pain in his voice so easily detectable.
“Jonghyun…Jonghyun…” Key wrapped his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders and buried his face into his shoulder, the tears flowing non-stop as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had been silent, sitting there for the past 2 days or so, no food, no water, no sleep. He was just…there.

And now…he came back to reality.

I remember it was Valentine’s day…wasn’t it? Ah…yes…the day for all those chocolate and flowers and ribbons…That day was special to me. Really, really special. It can probably make one of my top 5 favorite days of the year. Or should I say, it definitely made it because you were there with me, Jonghyun? That day really made me feel like, living was actually a good thing.

Thank you.

*Ding Dong*

The doorbell rang all of a sudden as Key was in the kitchen, preparing something. He immediately unfastened his apron, hung it up and walked over to the door. As he opened it, a bouquet of different color roses appeared in his sight.

He smiled, knowing exactly who it was.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” Jonghyun’s head poked out from behind the roses as he smiled. “Will you like to be my Valentines?” He asked adorably as he clipped a necklace onto Key’s neck. Key lifted it gently with his finger. It was a shape of a clover, like it was supposed to bring him luck. The silver reflected against the sunlight that peeked in through the door.
“I never agreed.” He smiled as he toyed with the necklace.
“Would you like to be my Valentines, though?” Jonghyun asked again.
“No.” Key shook his head.

He grinned as Jonghyun’s face dropped immediately.
“I’d love to be your Valentines.” Key immediately hugged onto Jonghyun’s waist, not aware that he had squashed the roses a little bit until the scent of roses filled the air.

A while later, they had gone out for lunch like Jonghyun had planned. Couples walked across the streets here and there as Jonghyun walked Key over to a restaurant.

The restaurant was quiet, and the lights were quite dim. Nevertheless, you could still feel the ‘happy lovey dovey’ Valentines atmosphere through the ribbons and roses. Jonghyun and Key walked over to their table and sat down before the waitress handed them their menu.

After ordering their food, Jonghyun grinned at Key devilishly.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Key shifted uncomfortably.
“I have a surprise for you.” Jonghyun said.

Key rolled his eyes and chuckled.
“You always have surprises for me. When have you failed to plan one?” He smiled.
“You’ll see. This one’s special.”
“They’ve all been special.”

As they finished their entrée, the waitress took their plates away before disappearing off to the kitchen.
“What’s for dessert.”
“As I always say, you’ll see.” Jonghyun stuck out his tongue playfully and signaled to the waitress that was standing near the kitchen. She nodded before the lights of the originally dim restaurant darkened even more.
“What is this?” Key looked around suspiciously and nervously at the same time.
“My present.” Jonghyun mouthed before another waitress came out of the kitchen, a small plate in her hand. As she arrived on the table, she placed the plate down in front of Key and bowed before leaving.

Key gazed at the plate.

It was simple, a chocolate heart-shaped cake in the middle, surrounded by several different kinds of small chocolates surrounding it.

But it was the words that really got him.
“Well…? Will you?” Jonghyun asked.
“Of course.” Key replied. “Of course I will.”

Key began to devour the cake slowly, not wanting to hurt the words that had been beautifully written on. At the end of the meal, all that was left on the plate was the words…

Stay with me forever, okay?

It was Guy Fawkes not too long ago, and you knew exactly why I loved that occasion. Fireworks. Who doesn’t like them? They represent so many things at one…but I think that they only have one meaning behind them.

Well, to me at least.

They basically draw out one person’s life map. First, as they are lit, they shoot up towards the sky, and show off everything that they have within them. However, when that moment is over, they wither, and die away, gently floating back into the crowd before another person takes over.

It’s just like me, isn’t it?
But…I’ve got to say, the fireworks that you showed me were the prettiest, they were the best.

“Come on!” Jonghyun chuckled and pulled on Key’s wrist, dragging him into the middle of a large field with a large bag of fireworks in one hand.
“W-wait!” Key ran along with Jonghyun before he stopped to catch a breath. Jonghyun shrugged and dropped the bag of fireworks.
“We’ll do it here.” He smiled and took out a small sparkler before lighting it and handing it to Key. He accepted it and smiled as the sparks shot in all directions, forming a beautiful image.
“It’s pretty.” He smiled as he stared at the firework before it died out.

Jonghyun only smiled as he dug into the bag again and dug out more fireworks. This time, he had several different kinds, and they looked big.
“What’s that?”
“It’s called a shell.” Jonghyun explained before he placed it down on the floor and lit it carefully. The fuse burnt slowly before it touched the body of the rocket before it shot up into the sky and burst open into a beautiful pattern and several small ones. The red and green colors contrasted against the sky and each other before dying and fading away into the darkness.

They played around with all the different types of fireworks before there were only two left. Key sat down on the grass before Jonghyun sat down beside him as well.
“What’s this one?” Key picked up a small, red firework and examined it slowly.

“Here.” Jonghyun took the firework out of Key’s hand and lit it before throwing it off onto the dirt.

Almost immediately, an ear piercing sound filled the air, not giving Key any warning as it screeched across the silent air. Key quickly covered his ears and glared at Jonghyun, who was laughing at Key’s reaction, not trying to hide it or anything.

As the firework died down slowly, Key pouted as he shot a glare at Jonghyun.
“That wasn’t really nice.”
“I was never meant to be.” Jonghyun smiled and gently pulled Key closer to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
“We’re almost done, right?” Key asked, slightly blushing.
“One more.” Jonghyun smiled and pulled out the final firework from the bag. It was a rocket shaped one, but a large word was printed onto the body of it.

Special.

“Special? In what way?” Key tilted his head to the side.
“You’ll see.” Jonghyun stabilized the rocket before he lit it and ran back to where Key was, slinging his hand over Key’s shoulder as they rested their heads against each other.

The firework shot up into the sky, making an ear-piercing sound before exploding, revealing something that was indeed so special.

Key’s eyes widened at the words that lit up the sky in a light blue tone.
“That’s what I want to say to you.” Jonghyun smiled again and pressed his lips to Key’s gently. “I love you, Key.”

The four words, I love you Key were high in the air for everyone out there to see. But Key didn’t mind. He couldn’t even think about that. Right now, he was in his happy place, with his lover, and he didn’t care about anything anymore.

Yet.

And finally, Christmas. It had been a pleasant and definitely enjoyable occasion until yesterday. I am terribly sorry for falling ill one day after Christmas. However, I loved the event that you planned for me…though you know I don’t really like snow…but I had fun. I’m glad that there was actually that contest out there at that time. Did you plan it all? It doesn’t really matter anymore…that day was engraved into my heart completely. I’ll never forget it.

I promise.

The snow drifted down slowly after that final cold spell that was casted across the place. Overnight, tiny specks of snow turned the entire garden and park into a snow covered kingdom. Every single thing – whether it be the equipment, the poles, the streetlights, the trees – they were all covered in snow.

It was beautiful.

Key slowly made his way through the snow with Jonghyun as he wrapped the scarf around himself tighter.
“Where are we going?” He asked.
“Secret.” Jonghyun winked at him and dragged him into the centre of the park.

Heaps of people were gathered there, though they all looked the same – beanies, scarves, big puffy jackets.
“Thank you all for coming here on such a cold day.” A man spoke through the microphone. “I would like to ask all that would like to join this contest to please step forward.”

Jonghyun tugged on Key’s hand and pulled him forward.
“J-Jonghyun! Wait!” Key called out, but it was too late.

They were in front of the audience with a bunch of other contestants.
“What are we doing here?” He whispered.
“Listen.” Jonghyun only smiled.
“Now, the contestants will have exactly one hour to create an amazing sculpture. However, we will only judge the entries through one criteria – meaning!” The judge said. “We don’t care what it will be. We just have to see the meaning in it!” He shouted. The audience cheered on.
Key looked around.
“Are you sure we’re going to do this?” He asked.
“Of course.”

Key cleared his throat as he coughed slightly before they started the contest.
“What are we making?”
“Hm…how about…” Jonghyun thought for a while. “How about a key turning a locket?” He suggested.
Key shrugged.
“Sounds nice.”
“Then let’s make it.” Jonghyun began piling snow onto one particular place. Of course, Key helped too, but very slowly as his body was still weak…and it was probably getting worse.

He glanced at his watch after who knows how long of working.
“We have 15 minutes left.” He muttered and gazed at their product.

The overall shape was done, but they only needed to add a few extra details before they could be finished.

His head hurt, and he felt like the world was spinning.

But somehow, he didn’t want to give up.

Not just yet.

He wanted to finish this…

As the clock ticked down from 15 minutes to 10, and finally to the final minute, Key’s mind sped with the clock.
“10 seconds!” The man called out.

Key’s hand trailed up to the key, applying just a little bit more of snow. But somehow, he felt weak. His hand didn’t seem to listen to him as the snow just slid off his hand, along with his body that crashed against the ground.
“Key! Key?! Can you hear me?! Key!” A distant voice was calling out to him, but…who was it?

I guess that concludes it.

I wonder if we won that competition or not…hmm?
Well…I guess I have nothing more to say now, Jonghyun. Of course…I thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. A simple, feeble thank you might not cut it, but that’s the most I can do right now.

Thank you for making the last bit of my life a memorable one. One that I can treasure forever, and ever, and ever.

Always have faith in yourself, never give up.

Remember,

I love you.

~Key.

Key read through his letter, each paragraph bringing back a memory as a tear slid down his cheek. He took his necklace off and slipped it into the envelope that he had prepared earlier, slipped the letter in and sealed it, placing it on his lap as he laid down on his bed.

He pulled the IV drip out of his arm, despite knowing that it was a suicide move as it was the thing that was keeping him alive at the moment.

The electrocardiogram’s screen got messier as his heart rate became unsteady.

But inside, he felt fine.

On his face, there was no pain. No anger. No sadness.

There was only a faint smile as his eyes closed slowly, his eyelids covering his vision.

He heard someone from the corridor.

A familiar voice that he’ll never forget.

The electrocardiogram was beeping fast now, before the messy lines reached a pause, and became a perfectly straight line.
“Key! We won! That contest!” The voice said before the door was pushed open.
“That’s great…” He tried saying, but his voice wouldn’t come out as he felt all the energy draining from his body. “That’s great.”

His eyes closed, and never opened again.

Remember Jonghyun…

I love you.