I can't get you out of my mind. Please I need you. I don't care if you're an addict or a robber or a murderer, I just hope you can come back to me. It hurts me when you leave. What do you want me to do? I cried to sleep every night, I bathe once a day, I only ate once a day eventhough I need to force myself to eat. Where did you go? Did you forget about all the adventures we faced together? Am I meaningless to you? Did you ever regret your choice? I did not regret it even for one bit. Are you afraid? Because I'm not. I want to be strong for our sake. I don't care what other people might think.I know how you hate being judged but I have no choice other than judging you. Do you even try to love me? I love you for as long as I can remember. I still remember how we first met. I was crying because of another man when we met but now I'm crying about a man too but this time it's different because it's you. You were so gentle to me when we met because you said you hate girls crying and you made me smile there. I'm trying to catch up to you but you're too far. I can't even reach out my hand.

What happened to you? What happened to us? What happened about us being together? What happened to our future? What happened to all of those? Did you even picture me in your future because I do . You're there with me and we're happy. You even said that you want to have two children, a girl and a boy. You wanted a boy first so that he can protect his sister. We even picked their names eventhough they're not here yet.If I have a map going to you I will follow it so that we can be together. I'm not an angel and you're not one too. We make mistakes but we can fix it. You're too nice Jong In. We became a couple eventhough you love another girl.I knew everything from the start but I tried to make you fall in love with me. It seems that I'm failing because I lack one thing, being loved by you. You made all those promises so that I won't feel bad. I appreciate it but you're still in love with that girl. I feel stupid because I was trying to seek your attention from the love of your life. I'm trying to forget about you but I know it's impossible. You knew that I had cancer when I suddenly fainted in your arms. You were so sweet for accompanying me to the hospital.Now, I go to the hospital on my own because you're not here. Do you even know that I have only one month left in my life? It was a miracle that I even survived this year. I would always think that if you would mind checking up on me at least once before I go far far away from here? I'm sorry that you need to lie to yourself for my own sake. I waited for you everyday in the hospital waiting for the door to open revealing your smiling face. I want to laugh at your lame jokes, I want you to embrace me and more importantly I want you to say you love me. What games are you playing? Please stop this game bacause I've lost from the very start. I hope you can find your happy ending without me because I have mine but it's never going to happen because all of my endings have you in it as long as I live. If you're reading this letter that means I'm having my happy ending somewhere else without you. Your one and only princess,
Jung Soo Jung
(23rd October 2015)
 

 

 

 

Jon