Part of me dreaded whatever was to come of Taehyung’s small mysterious mission, especially when he had recorded my number on his phone so that communication would make it easier between the two of us. Soon enough, Jimin’s group of friends had invited our group over for lunch at the shopping mall, and I dropped out in hopes that staying cooped up at home would evade me from his mere presence. Taehyung was the one that kept me reasonable throughout that period where I could say I had turned paranoid. It wasn’t just about Jimin but I was guessing that I had become very sensitive. To what, that was still a full-fledged mystery, but Taehyung was aware of the small changes in my demeanor, and the way in my which I replied sometimes; with bitterness unable to hide behind my words of semi-truth and mostly lies.

Taehyung himself had scolded me the day after the get-together, throwing a tantrum about the fact that I missed a very good lunch thanks very much and that nothing was going to come out of it if I was going to avoid Jimin at all costs, because contrary to my overreactions, it almost seemed like Jimin really didn’t give a damn about me.

Or so I thought, until his phone call popped up that same night, asking if everything was okay and whining that I hadn’t been present earlier that day.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired” I shuffled around and made myself comfortable on my bed, all too much aware of the slow breathing on the other side of the phone. Was I crazy to find even his small short breaths more than a little charming?
 

“But I had no one to talk to, and you didn’t even tell me” I heard the whining in his voice; picturing the pout he was probably wearing on his face at that instant.

I just snorted, “Shut up. I bet you had a blast”

“It wasn’t as fun because you weren’t there” He replied as a matter of fact, “And we even went shopping together with the girls. I would’ve forced you into a makeover”

“Haha Jimin, that’s very funny” I rolled my eyes, hating the underlying meaning behind his joke. Jimin loved his girls curvy and more on the softer side, feminine and sure of their appearance. I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite, and he always managed to remind me of that fact, no matter what he was trying to do. I still couldn’t understand his actions, sometimes acting like a very good friend, and sometimes flirting like he wanted something more. I came to that stage where avoidance was the only solution, to which Taehyung replied quite stubbornly that it was not. He called me a coward, but I didn’t care. I was one, I admit it, I was not going to lie, but I guess I was more scared of what he might say when discovering the truth, than actually making a move to make him understand my true intentions.

A few days after that, I agreed to go out with my friends for some bubble tea before heading home. We had settled ourselves down at our usual table when we accidentally bumped into the boys, who had also decided to stop by for refreshments.

“Hi” I murmured to Taehyung, who only reached out to pat my hand in a friendly way. Inwardly taking a deep breath and repeating to myself over and over again to act normally, I turned and caught sight of Jimin’s attention diverted towards Aejung.

They seemed to be in a very serious conversation, heads together and laughing silently amongst themselves. As my gaze wouldn’t detach from those two individuals, I felt something tighten inside my stomach in a very unpleasant manner. It must have shown on my face because I felt Taehyung tap my shoulder and ask, “Is everything okay? You don’t look too good”

When I didn’t reply, too focused on the chemistry occurring between Jimin and Aejung, his eyes perceived what caught my attention, and I felt him still next to me.

“Kim” his voice was a warning. I tore myself away and focused on the bubble tea in front of me. Biting my lip and feeling the cold drink against my fingers, a numbing confusion spread like wildfire across my brain. What did I just see? I was imagining it right? There was no way that Jimin and Aejung had something going on between them, right? Oh god, I was going crazy, thinking about every little thing so deeply. I hated being so vulnerable to all my surroundings, and Taehyung’s concerned eyes on my form didn’t make it any easier for me at all.
 

I never knew that Jimin and Aejung knew each other in the first place, and Taehyung hadn’t told me anything about the two of them. He wasn’t one to keep secrets, so he would’ve warned me, right?

“Am I imagining things?” I mumbled, loud enough for his ears to pick up, but too soft to catch the group’s attention.

He hesitated slightly before replying gently, “I didn’t want to think too much about it, Kim. And I didn’t want you to worry or rack your brains over it”

“So not telling me about it is better?” I took my bottom lip in between my teeth, “A warning would’ve been nice, Tae”

“Kim, I’m sorry” he placed a hand on my forearm in an attempt to qualm the raging waves that were coursing through my body, eyebrows furrowed in the center, “ I should’ve told you”

“Whatever” My frown had taken a permanent place in the space between my eyebrows, but I wasn’t about to demonstrate all the emotions that seemed to crash and push against each other. I felt like waves and waves of confusion and mild annoyance were crushing each other, trying to compete and drown the other. It was impossible to breathe, suddenly the air felt too stale, too stuffy. I excused myself and scurried away, unable to deal with all those horrible sensations rushing in all at once.

Seeing Jimin with Aejung hurt me. I thought that avoiding him and trying to minimize the contact would make me safe, would protect my heart from whatever pain was awaiting for me on the other side of the wall I’d built around myself, but the image of the two of them together made me want to vomit. I felt the anger rise every time I’d think about it. I wasn’t mad neither at Aejung, nor at Jimin as a matter of fact, but mostly at myself. I was letting myself go so easily, making myself feel all those feelings and not controlling my emotions well enough so that they were all over the place when I was in his peripheral.

These thoughts kept me up at night, all ‘what if’s creating and closing doors of possibilities that blossomed and wouldn’t stop once they started. I had two extremities: one was that Jimin actually liked me but didn’t know about how to approach me, since all his life he’s been flirting around and playing with girls that weren’t really important to him. Pretty far-fetched and cliché, I know, but we all have those high hopes of other people, those expectations. The bar we set is too high, which is why we’re always disappointed the most whenever the truth pours out, because reality does not match with our expectations. Although I tried telling myself that no, the chance of him liking me was not probable, my heart said otherwise, my heart kept that blind optimism which was to blame, because that’s what hurt the most after all.

I had the other extremity, and that was that Jimin just saw me as a friend and nothing else, that he found me entertaining due to my different reactions and just wanted to see how long I’d last. Well, if only he knew that I’d already fallen.

“Hey Aejung” I tried asking once when we had been alone in the corridor, late for chemistry class. I couldn’t be bothered about chemistry, not when the own chemistry in my brain was not functioning at it’s best.

She turned her head towards me when I called her name, and it was then that I noticed the prettiness of her high nose bridge. When she smiled at me, encouraging my words, her full lips upturned into an even crescent, and it hit me then; that was why Jimin liked her. She was pretty.

How was I supposed to compete with that?

“Kim? What is it?
 

My words fell out of my mouth before I could control them, “Since when were you so close with Jimin?”

“Ah, that” She huffed playfully, “Well, when you decided to ditch me that day at the mall, he was the one that actually talked to me and stayed with me. I would’ve been like such a loner if not for him. He’s a really nice guy, and I guess that’s how we got friendlier with each other”

I knew it; I knew that deep down, though she mentioned him as a friend, the love in her eyes was something she could not hide, no matter how much she tried. The twinkling stars of maroon swirl