" I took a chance, I took a shot. You might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not " 

The heart was a room, locked with files and folders and piles of junk. It was a safe haven, a sanctuary my soul always returned to when it was drained. We all tried at one point in our lives to keep it hidden, to lock our emotions in and force itself towards the back of our mind. 

But there’s bound to be someone that opens that door, peeps in, and beckons it to come and play. 

It always happens, always. 

I resent my heart for that, for trusting someone so easily without my brain’s consent. 

But it didn’t work that way and we all know it. 

“What’s going on in your life these days?” Jimin asked me one night during our summer vacations. He was a good friend of mine, having just met recently at a mutual friend’s birthday party. It was awkward at first, because I had never been really good at getting acquainted with boys. I always had my pre-judgmental thoughts about them; their boisterous nature, their endless teasing smirks and their macho vibe, not to forget the ual innuendos they loved using at every moment they got. But I got used to it, as I got used to Jimin’s presence. We didn’t go to the same school so I didn’t hang out with him often enough to know his ways; but from what I could gather, he was a very charming and easy-going guy, sometimes a bit too confident with his male ego. If I were to compare him to an animal, it would be to a peacock. He walked with a stride that appealed to everyone, as if holding a big sign saying ‘hey look at me, I’m handsome and charming and the whole package’ and I was a bit jealous of his outgoing, social butterfly personality. 

So you would know what’s coming next…Charming boy, good personality, great confidence, what more would you like in a perfect boyfriend? 

That was exactly what Jimin aimed to do. He loved flirting around with girls, being the perfect image of someone who was interested enough yet was too unreachable to be grabbed. He was a cunning fox that twirled girls around his little pinky then manipulated them with his strings. To my surprise, I found out that he had actually never dated anyone and was still a ‘first rated quality’ as my friends would put it. This seemed weird to me, because the way he acted, it always looked like he was aloof and a bit too good in his skin. But like I said before, I never really understood people and their actions so I was not really in any position to judge, to be honest. 

So it was very surprising when he asked me that personal question on the phone while I had been busy arranging all my files for the next semester. 

“What do you mean?” I furrowed my eyebrows as my hand stacked my English literature copybook next to my edition of “Romeo and Juliet”.  Our relationship did not run as deep as what the books all talk about – deep bonds and conversations at 3 a.m in the morning talking about life and experiences? Sure, it may have happened to some, but trust me, I’d much prefer sleep than talk to Park Jimin if the choice was to be debated. So you could say that I was more than a little taken aback by his sudden interest in my own, non-eventful and boring life. 

“Well-boys, dating, having a small crush?” he teased and I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that he was probably sporting a ridiculously cute grin on his face as I imagined him no, lying on his bed with his body sprawled like a starfish, “You know, what normal girls do” 

“What does that even mean?” I scowled at the phone. 

“Whatever you want it to mean” He chuckled, small ruffles and movements that indicated his movement, “No but seriously, no one in sight? Or no one good enough for you?” 

“I don’t want to date” in the spur of the moment, I felt like pressing the ‘end’ button of this call just to frustrate him, just like he was doing to me. Those personal questions did not help my somewhat perilous case of never having dated before. It might not have been so bad some years before where people actually believed that being single meant being happy. Now, when you say you’re independent and don’t need anyone to sustain the equilibrium between the bad and the good, they just reach over and pat you on the edge of your knee while looking at you with such sick pity it made me want to vomit. 

I understood the concept of wanting to be loved; I’ve wanted to experience it to, just with the right person. 

And I’ve had my fair shares of experiences with one-sided crushes that I never got the chance to confess due to my cowardice. I did not need to be reminded of that in the least. 

“Why?” Genuine curiosity dripped from his voice. Had I already sparked some interest just by saying that my life was indeed ant-climatic? Would he too take pity on me into thinking that one needed a partner to succeed in life? 

I sighed and reluctantly giving an answer, knowing that he’d pester me to death if I didn’t, “I don’t want to date just for the sake of dating. I want to have a relationship, a real one. Not just a fling or something or the sort”

“Yeah,” His voice was surprisingly soft and for the first time since I’ve met him, I felt the gentleness in his husky tenor that caused goosebumps to break across the skin on my arms. His next line had me really thinking about who he really was, because the Jimin I had talked to that night definitely wasn’t the usual Jimin people were used to seeing. 

“I think we’re kind of the same. I mean, I’m not interested anyway at the moment, but I don’t want to date shallow girls that just like me for nothing. I want something real, something you can touch” 

Knowing that I’d be able to eat his head out after for the sappy words he expressed that night, I decided to play nice and instead learn to empathize with him because deep down, I felt the same. Something changed at this particular moment, what I thought had only been a platonic friendship triggered another door to be opened. I felt like we had hit a new level, and that if he did trust me enough to confide in me, then I believe that he counted on me more than just a mere friend he used to pass the time. 

“So in other words, you’re just flirting for the sake of it?” I asked him with stinginess in my voice. I wasn’t being cold on purpose, I just wanted to see whether he was genuine with his own feelings, or if he played with girls just for the fun of it all. After all, you never know what people have under their sleeves. 

“Flirting is fun” Jimin argued, “You don’t have to owe them anything” 

I rolled my eyes and wondered how I would’ve slapped his head if he had been standing in front of me; “So you think it’s funny when the girl starts showing interest in you?” 

“No, I didn’t mean that. But you know, those girls that aren’t really serious” He explained, trying to reason out his ty attitude, “it’s fun to flirt with them. Their reactions are really entertaining too” 

“You’re disgusting” 

“Come on Kimberly, you know I’m just joking” He chuckled.