Surprisingly, I felt no remorse as I did my work.

 

All day long, I was actually anticipating the whole party. In all of my 19 years of living, I’d never liked parties. I wasn’t big on them as kid, and I wasn’t into them as an adult. Every year I spent my birthday with Big Bang. And every year I went home disappointed because Jiyong still didn’t see me as a woman. Needless to say, it pissed me off. So, every year I promised myself I’d get over him, and every year I broke my promises. I knew I couldn’t stay away from him, no matter how hard I tried. Even when I cried at night because he didn’t want me, I knew I wouldn’t leave.

 

But something kept telling me today was different. That today was the day I was going to free myself from all of this inner turmoil. I needed to, because I was starting to get bags under my eyes. Stress and I were never good friends, but when it came to Jiyong, it seemed like we were womb buddies.

 

So, in no time at all, I was done with all of my photoshoots. I only had two today, and they weren’t anything big. Well, to the artists it probably meant everything, but I was so in the zone about what to do tonight, I wouldn’t have noticed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. Even as excited as I am, this doesn’t hinder me from working. I’m good at what I do.

 

Just as I was packing up to leave, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Ki Kwang from BEAST. I was shooting his solo shots, and I guess he stayed behind. I smiled up at him to make him seem a little more comfortable, because for some reason every star I shot was too afraid to talk to me. Like I would do something to them, or their pictures. Did I really look that mean? I always hoped I didn’t.

 

“Um.. Ms. Joo Min..?” He said a little tense. I could see his muscles flex, and his pretty face faltered for what seemed like a few seconds. This kid was scared out of his mind.

 

“Yes?” I answered as sweetly as I could, hoping it didn’t throw him off. He smiled a little then, and I saw him relax a little. It put me at ease.

 

“I heard it was your birthday today... and..” He trailed off here, and looked over to his left. I followed his gaze, to see a single white rose there, and a huge chocolate bar. My mouth watered a little, looking at the chocolate bar. Hershey’s was my favourite... how did this kid know?

 

“Is that for me?” I asked, my voice a little small. I wasn’t expecting a gift, let alone chocolate. He nodded, and smiled again before going over to hand it to me. I accepted the chocolate and slipped it into the bag I was wearing over my shoulders. I didn’t want to crush the rose, so I held it lightly.

 

“I know most people wouldn’t do any shoots for their birthday, and I felt bad that Cube booked it on this day. So.. I wanted to show I was grateful.” I smiled hugely at him, and nodded. It was sweet, no doubt.

 

“Thank you.. It means alot.” And then, I got the greatest idea known to man. It was like someone had hit me with one of those Acme hammers, and I could see the lights.

 

“You should come to my birthday party. All of your seniors will be there.” I blinked, looking for his reaction. When he nodded and hesitantly said yes, I smiled again. I told him to bring the rest of s, to which he nodded and smiled again. I waved to him as he left, then turned back to packing my things away.

 

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I the black mass in my hands. I’d bought this dress last year when I won an award for my photography, but didn’t get to make the show. I had been in America at the time, and couldn’t get back because the snow was too bad where I was. So this dress sat for ages in closet, begging to be worn. I felt this was as good a time as any, considering what I planned on doing.

 

My hair was wet from showering in the back of the compound. I figured I needed to look somewhat presentable if I was going to be wearing a dress this short. Or heels that high, or even makeup that I hadn’t touched since I was fifteen. In truth, this all felt foreign to me. But as I curled my hair, and touched my lashes with mascara, and slipped on that party dress with heels, it all came back to me. With just a little grooming, it was amazing what you could do for yourself.

 

Finishing, I picked up my black clutch, and turned off the lights in the compound. I let myself out, closing and locking the door behind me. I looked up the sky, the stars more noticeable since the sun was going down. YG wasn’t far from here, so I decided to start walking. I guess I looked okay, because some random guy winked at me. I knew I didn’t look just ‘okay’ when I saw DooJoon’s smiling face in front of the YG building. I knew I didn’t look just ‘okay’ when he kissed my cheek and whispered to me that I looked stunning.

 

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It was like no one knew who I was. (I had to keep Youngbae from bulging his eyes out at the fact that I wore a dress. I ended up telling him I did it for him. That made him smile.) I was grateful for that, even when they finally figured out it was me. I kept DooJoon close to me, lightly grabbing his hand to go around to meet people. I intertwined our fingers so that he couldn’t get away that easily. Besides, I needed him around.

 

It was nice to see so many people there. People that I had done shoots for, or just people in general. I tried my best not to look at the gift table as I passed, seeing as it was touching the ceiling. I didn’t really care about the gifts, I just wanted to see Jiyong to tell him I wouldn’t be around as often anymore. All the while, I kept DooJoon so close, I could smell him. Any other time, this would’ve bothered me.. but today, it helped me feel secure.

 

“Thanks for coming..” I said in his ear as held me. We were dancing together, and it was pretty nice. Jiyong never did this with me, yet.. he never did anything anyway.

 

“No problem. I didn’t know it was your birthday, so I didn’t get you anything..” His face dropped a little, and I realized he was frowning. It was actually pretty cute.

 

“Its okay. You being here is enough. You’ve sort of made my day immensely better..” I smiled at him, and he smiled back obviously loving the compliments.

 

We twirled a little, and I could feel someone watching us. I was pretty sure everyone else was off to themselves, probably drinking or talking. They weren’t worried about me, just about having a good time. I couldn’t blame the people, because I was feeling the same way.

 

We twirled again, and that’s when I saw him. On the middle of the dance floor, Jiyong was standing right there, looking livid. I could tell, because he was right behind us. Like he’d been standing there for ages, and I couldn’t see him. I wondered what made him so mad, when I realized I was still hugged up to DooJoon. We stopped dancing, and I turned to face Jiyong, who now looked like he could spit nails. He looked over me, stopping at where my dress length was, then back at DooJoon. Maybe he was doing the brotherly thing, since that all I was ever gonna be be to him.

 

“Jiyong...are you okay?” I tried looking at his face, but he looked like he could crush nations.

 

“Get away from him, Joo Min..” He said, pointing furiously at DooJoon. I was surprised, because he hadn’t done anything. Plus, why was Jiyong acting like this at my party?

 

“Uh..I think she’s fine, thanks..” said DooJoon, ignoring Jiyong. He pulled me back in, as if wanting to dance again. I didn’t say anything.

 

Until Jiyong pulled me away, dragging me out of the party.

 

What the hell is going on?

For that, I had no answer.