♬BTOB - It's Okay♬

Without as much as a simple alarm, Sunggyu suddenly shakes his head aggressively against Woohyun’s chest. His light punches continuously abusing his husband’s side when his wailing turned up a few notches. Of course he can’t really help it. The unboxing of last night’s memory is just like a trigger to detonate an even higher level of mourning out of the heartbroken male. His fragile heart couldn’t handle the sinking fact. His hollow heart just couldn’t bear the mere thought of losing Sunwoo, having lost Sunwoo. He just couldn’t imagine a life without Sunwoo.

His Sunwoo. He doesn’t care if they have just a mere ten years of . He doesn’t care if they barely knew each other for less than 9 months. He still wants to call Sunwoo his. His Sunwoo. His son. He doesn’t care. He wants Sunwoo as his son. But Sunwoo isn’t there anymore. He isn’t there for him to realize that wish of his, of Sunwoo’s. He had left. He was gone.

Eternally gone.

Kim Sunggyu harshly rubs the incessant tears that keep on running down his face against Woohyun’s chest, sobbing and hiccupping while trying to speak, to voice whatever it is that is in his head. And Nam Woohyun can only listen to every rumble and mumbles that come his way.

“I’m an idiot, Woohyun. A complete idiot. I s-shouldn’t have dismissed it like that when he called me u-umma. I– I should’ve said something better. I should’ve told him that I l-like hearing him calling me that. I should’ve told him that I like the way he called you a-appa. I should’ve told him. But I d-didn’t. I don’t understand why I didn’t.” A restraint hiccup escapes Sunggyu’s throat along with a harsh jerk of his shoulder.

“Sunwoo likes calling us like that, but I always, a-always pretend like I’m angry. Like I hate being called that way. But I-I’m not. I actually like it, love it. I’m so stupid, Woohyun. I’m really really really so stupid.” The doctor blubs, almost sounding like a desperate plea as he s his feeble fist into Woohyun’s chest and arm aimlessly, devastated.

“I should’ve just stayed there with him l-last night. Stayed with h-him. Be with him even if I had to witness his p-passing. I should’ve been there with him, for him, but I didn’t. He asked me to leave and I complied. I shouldn’t have listened to him. I should’ve stayed!” His voice rises up at the last bits as he bursts in anger out of the blue. Kim Sunggyu is just suddenly too angry at himself, too maddened at his own stupidity, at his misplaced ego. He tries to hold back the severe hiccups that are just about to explode but there is just no way of stopping the uncontrollable. Because the only thing Kim Sunggyu can do to try and wash the pain away is by bawling his eyes out, hoping that the streaming tears could somehow carry the pain along as they disappear and soak Woohyun’s shirt.

Nam Woohyun on the other hand just cannot stand it anymore. It hurts him so badly to see how Sunggyu keeps on blaming himself for what he couldn’t possibly avoid, for what he couldn’t have possibly guessed or expected would happen. It wasn’t his fault. It isn’t his fault. It never was and never will be. He was after all just doing his duty. Why does he have to put all the blame on his shoulder? Why must he carry them all by himself? Why can't he understand that none of these is his fault?

Woohyun may not shoulder the same kind of excruciating pain as his husband does, he had met and known Sunwoo of course, but it wasn’t to the same extent as Sunggyu did. But it’s all the same in the end. He can still feel and share at least part of what his husband is suffering. Because at the end of the day, Nam Woohyun just loves Sunwoo all the same— just as much as he does.

“Hey…” Woohyun’s voice comes out breathy despite his attempt to sound soft and coaxing. He’s just doubtful if what he is about to say would do any difference to the crying mess of his husband. But he just braces himself, it can never hurt to try, right?

“Hey, Gyu. Hey, stop it. You can’t possibly blame yourself for everything, Gyu. It’s not your fault at all. Nothing is. You have to stop blaming yourself.” Woohyun tries, he really does, but he is starting to feel useless, hopeless even because it seems like his words had done nothing to lessen Sunggyu’s pain. Because to Kim Sunggyu, those coaxes sound too honey-coated, too rainbows and sunshine, that it makes them just sound impossible to believe. It was just too good to be true.

Or maybe it’s just simply because at this point, Kim Sunggyu already thinks that nothing can actually be done to help him ease the pain. That agonizing pain will always be there. And there’s nothing, not even Nam Woohyun’s sweet talk can fill the hollow of his heart, as effortlessly left empty by Sunwoo’s mere farewell. His eternal farewell.

Nothing can heal this, nothing can— or so Kim Sunggyu thinks at the peak of his grief. Kim Sunggyu can hardly thinks properly at this stage where his head is all fuzzy and his heart heavy with the burden of his loss. All that he can fathom in his miserable state of mind is, he can never ever erase this pain. It will always, always be there.

That is, until his ears are graced with the most soothing and melodious sound of harmony coming out of Nam Woohyun’s throat as he sings the one song that they always sung before.

“Do your shoulders feel heavy?

It isn’t easy to put down that heavy luggage, right?

Someone said this before, when your dreams feel far,

Then take a break for a bit before going.”

Woohyun begins his singing; cradling Sunggyu’s body softly as he does so, as if he’s singing a lullaby for a baby, hoping it would finally lull the male down.

“Are you tired from the same lifestyle every day?

Just who is that for?

You’ll end up falling down anyways.

When you’re having a tough time, and think that you’re alone,

Listen to this song…”

Sunggyu’s cries has quieted down by this time, only his shoulders still violently shaking in a series of hiccups, his body still nestling deep within Woohyun’s embrace as he tentatively listens to every sound of his voice, of his singing.

“Look forward to it, the melody that you enjoyed listening to.

The voice that would come out on a radio,

All I can do are these song lyrics,

Even if you’re having a tough time,

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,

It’s going to be well, I believe in you...”

Woohyun smoothly ends his singing with a tender lingering kiss on Sunggyu’s tuft of hair. And just as soon, Kim Sunggyu feels the ghost of Woohyun’s smile against the top of his head, feeling his body sways from side to side within his husband’s loving arms. Strangely enough, he feels calm. His tears have miraculously faded to a stop although the salty traces are still there. His hiccups are barely there, seemingly blended in the gentle rock of his body.

Kim Sunggyu himself is indeed surprised to notice his crying has subsided. He almost thinks it is impossible to stop, but Nam Woohyun is definitely a blessing in disguise. He just simply stirs a miracle out of his own voice, putting a stop to the miserable cries. Howon who has been by their side watching the heartbreaking scene also has his eyebrow cocked at one side, not exactly expecting the sudden halt of Sunggyu’s horrible crying. While Woohyun can only breathe a sigh of relief along with a content smile as he plants just one more kiss on Sunggyu’s head.

“Feeling better now?” Woohyun asks after some moments of silence. Not trusting his own voice, Sunggyu just opts to nod his head against Woohyun’s chest as he keeps his head buried there.

It has been awhile since Woohyun had sung anything, and he honestly is not as confident with his singing as he used to. But he thinks if it can somehow appease his breaking husband down, then, his singing must have been quite a magnificent treat to every pair of ears i