Sunggyu’s tongue stoned to silence as soon as his feet step inside the quiet room, his steps heavily slowing down into a halt when the scene excruciatingly falls into place. The sight of a boy lying on the isolated bed, his body unmoving and his pale face embellished with a small content smile, as though he knew— as though he perfectly knew that it was his time, Kim Sunggyu just can’t help but feel his chest squeezes terribly.

The throbbing squeeze only doubles when his eyes trail off towards another boy who has been crouching by the bed, desperately holding onto the lithe and lifeless hand of Sunwoo tightly, his tears pouring out and spilling down their interlocked hands as he violently shakes his head in pure denial.

The supposedly bright morning unexpectedly turns damp and glum, the room suddenly seems a bit too smaller than usual and even the air feels much too stuffier than always. He can feel the strange churning beneath his chest down to the pit of his stomach as he ingests everything in. When it finally does though, it makes him feels almost too constricting, too suffocating that it takes him a little too much energy to even let the air flow through.

It suffocates him terribly. It just really does, in an agonizing kind of way, and he should’ve fallen apart right then and there, yet there he is, blankly staring down onto the small lifeless figure lying on the bed, without even a hint of moistening eyes, what more of a drop of tear down his face as he hesitantly strides towards the bed.

His eyes then trace down towards the bawling Myungsoo, not knowing what he should do or say in this situation. Everything is so unexpected. He never really sees this coming despite being the attending doctor. Or maybe, he just refuses to see it coming, he doesn't really know. What he knows is that, everything is so surreal that it drowns him in a vast and endless sea of feelings and thoughts. So many thoughts, that it leaves him without so much of a simple sound to give the younger boy the comfort he so much deserves and needs.

Unsurprisingly, the usual sprightly aura around Sunggyu seems to diminish as he lets his eyes— his soulless eyes, linger on Myungsoo for a few more moments before he forces himself to finally set them down on that serene look gracing Sunwoo’s face— only to ratify that he is indeed lifeless now.

Sunggyu tries to control his ragged breathing. He knows then that he is close to crying, very close to breaking down even, but a small desperate whimper from Myungsoo just pulls him out of his reverie, out of his furious need to shed those tears.

“Sunggyu hyung…” Myungsoo’s devastated cry traverses the air into his ear. He jolts his head almost reflexively towards the source of the voice and there is just this small voice in his head that tells himself to hold back, to be strong, and to remain sane the moment he witnesses the heartbreaking sight of Myungsoo’s tearful face.

And so he does.

Kim Sunggyu tries his best to keep himself composed, chanting in his mind that he shouldn’t cry. That it isn’t his place to do so. He chokes back all the feelings that threaten to escape down his throat as he straightens his thoughts up. He can’t cry. He shouldn’t. After all, his line of occupation requires him not to, for various reasons that he couldn’t even remember properly now that this is happening.

“Sunggyu-hyung…” Myungsoo’s forlorn voice rings again in his ear when he feels a light touch on his back, snapping him back to his conscience. He just swallows thickly as he finds his heart tightens into that unfamiliar twist of pain as he witnesses the despair look on Myungsoo’s tearful face.

Seeing how broken Myungsoo is, how hurting it is for the younger to face the death of someone so important, the only important person in his life at such an early age of 15, Sunggyu can only close the gaps between their bodies before draping his own weak arms around the younger’s frail one into a warm needed embrace.

Be strong.

Softly, he hushes the boy down as he rubs soothing circles on his back, consoling with his honey-coated voice.

“Shhh, don’t cry now, Myung.” He kisses the crown of Myungsoo’s head gently, hands still rubbing circles down his spine. “Not now, not here. At least don’t cry in front of Sunwoo.” He continues, his voice still calm and unemotional as ever. It baffles him how he finds himself still void of tears, still calm and still sane until this point. It feels as though he had broken the gate to his tear dam.

The tears are there but they wouldn’t spill. Restraint. Held back. Gone.

He knows it’s strange not to cry then. It is definitely his beloved Sunwoo who lay on that bed, lifeless and still would be even if he denied or begged. But those chants in his head just totally work like magic.

Don’t cry.

Don’t feel.

Don’t break.

Those words just did the wonder, miraculously