You are in the library, going through your notes when someone sits next to you, so close that their thigh is pressed against yours. Trying to look up subtly, you notice a pink-brown head of hair. Kai is resting his head on his arms that are on the table, so you assume that he's just tired. You smile softly and go back to doing your own thing.

An hour or so after that, you pack up and tap him on the shoulder. "Kai, let's go. I'm starving."

The boy lifts his head and turns to the other side as he gets up, not facing you or giving you any acknowledgment. He starts walking off first. You frown. Did you do something that made him mad? Why is he acting so cold? Quickly, you pack up and run after him.

"Kai!" You call, trying to keep up with his long strides. Sometimes he forgets that you're not as tall as he is. "Are you okay?" you ask anxiously. He doesn't reply. So you try to question him again. "Did I do something—"

"No," he snaps.

You are so shocked that you immediately shut up. When Kai realises that you are too afraid to start speaking again, he glances at you. You don't look back at him. He finally sighs, slows down his pace until he is right next to you, and brushes his fingers against yours. A zap runs through your body and a small gasp escapes your lips. You look at him, only to start staring. He looks away guiltily.

His right cheek is swollen, just waiting for it to bruise up. Without even thinking about it, you wrap your fingers around his and bring his hand up. His knuckles are red.

"At least I got a good hit," he offers meekly. You can only stare at him. You don't really know what to respond to that. "Please say something," he finally whispers.

You shake your head, quickly untangling your fingers with his. Desperately, the boy reaches for your hand again.

You never get mad with him. Most of the time, he is the one that cannot handle your talkativeness. He snaps at you all the time but once you get too quiet, he apologises in his own way. He doesn't say sorry, but he does things that show you his remorse. You realise that he isn't very good in voicing out what he is feeling. And that is fine. You don't take it to heart. You always start speaking again almost as soon as he apologises. Only this time, you can't. Because Kai just keeps hurting himself like that. This is already the second time this week.

"A teenage boy was being bullied by a gangster," he hurriedly tries to explain. When you still keep silent, he stops in his steps, pulling you to a halt as well. "I'm sorry," he finally apologises desperately. "Talk to me."

"I'm just..." You sigh and shake your head. "Why do you keep hurting yourself, Kai?" you whisper.

He doesn't reply to your question so you finally look up at him. His lips are parted and his eyes hold what you would recognise as surprise and affection. It is a weird combination that you're not even sure if that is what you're seeing.

"Why do you care?" he asks softly, not in a rude manner, just merely curious.

"Because you're my friend," you tell him. "And I hate seeing you come home with new bruises. I feel like I'm not taking good care of you."

"But you are," he mutters, frowning. 

"Then promise me that you'll stop getting into fights," you plead, squeezing his hand. "Please." 

"I—"

"Kai." 

He sighs in resignation. "Okay. Okay, I promise." 

You look at him for a while longer. He doesn't catch your eye. You nod and turn to walk. He follows behind you, almost timidly. He knows you're disappointed in him, he knows you're probably not going to talk to him until a little while later. So he doesn't try to strike up a conversation, though you know he would never. It just isn't in his character to start up a dialogue. Only when you have buckled up yourself in his car that you finally speak again. 

"I figured out that calculus problem on my own," you announce, beaming at Kai. 

The boy glances at you from starting up the car. When he sees your bright smile, the tension in his shoulder visibly leaves him. 

"Yeah?" he murmurs softly, venturing to give you a small, proud smile. 

You nod. "I was so close to just giving up and going to you for help, but I told myself to keep going because I know I'm not stupid and can definitely get it. And I did!" 

He starts driving, glancing at you. He says honestly, "I don't think you're stupid either." 

"You called everyone in our class stupid, Kai," you point out. 

He makes a face. "I didn't call them stupid," he grumbles. "Besides, I think you're the smartest one in the whole class." 

"You're only praising me so I'd forget about getting mad at you, aren't you?" 

The car comes to a stop at a traffic light. Kai turns to look at you seriously. "Sweetheart, you can be mad at me all you want but I'll still think that you're smart and beautiful." 

The words hang in the air for a long pause. So long that the red light has already turned green. Your face is scarlet and even the tip of Kai's ears are pink. You wish you could just laugh and brush it off as Kai just teasing you. But with Kai, he never beats around the bush. He always says the truth, whether it is too harsh or not. He doesn't have a filter between his mind and his mouth. Whatever that leaves his mouth is as true as the sun shining down on earth.

For the rest of the ride, neither of you find the courage to say anything. 

"Wake up," you hear Kai whispering in your ear. You whine and move away, snuggling deeper into your blanket. Kai turns you around with force until you are lying on your back. You open your eyes to frown at him. He has a trace of smile on his lips. "You're gonna be late for your train." 

"What train?" you ask tiredly, closing your eyes again. 

"Back to your home town!" 

You smile at his thoughtfulness. Opening your eyes again, you tell him, "I'm not going back this weekend, Kai."

"Why not?" he frowns. 

"Because I told my mother that I'm spending time with a friend."

He pauses before whispering, "You didn't have to." 

"I wanted to," you murmur in reply. Turning on your side again, you tell him, "Now let me sleep, please?" 

He sighs but nonetheless leaves you alone. You sleep again for another two hours. When you wake up again, Kai is still on the bed, reading a novel. He glances at you when you yawn. He shuts his book slowly, not forgetting to bookmark the page. 

"Finally," he mutters, almost playfully. "It's already noon."

You roll your eyes and curl up even more in bed. He pokes you with his foot under the blanket. "Stop it," you whine. 

"I'm hungry." 

"Go cook then." 

"I would if I could," he mutters under his breath. You don't move or answer him. He sighs and leans over, staring down at you. "Please wake up." 

You groan and turn to him. "If you so nicely asked for it." 

He gives you one of his rare grins, tilting his head to the side. His bruise has now swelled up, causing his cheek to puff up a little. He looks a little cuter to you, but that's only because he has graced you with his smiles and ocassional whines in the morning when he cannot seem to get up. To others, you know he looks intimidating, exactly like a gangster. And you only wish that people would stop putting labels on everything and everyone they see, counting their worth through materialistic things. 

"Kai," you call out while you're washing your face. 

You hear him padding over to the bathroom, so you look into the mirror, observing how he leans against the door frame with his arms crossed as he watches you. You blush and lather the face wash even harder as if to wash away the redness. However, his stare is so intense that you just feel your heart beating faster and faster. You can't breathe. 

"What," he finally asks when you don't say anything. 

You swallow and take a deep breath, only to breathe in a load of bubbles and foamy face wash. You cough and sputter. At once, Kai has an arm around your waist while he turns the tap on. You bend over the sink but find that you don't have to do anything. Kai, despite being rough normally, has the softest touch as he scoops some water to splash over your face. His calloused hand is gentle as he runs it over your face, washing the foam away. He doesn't say anything but keeps his arm around your waist, his chest slightly resting on your back. 

When he has thoroughly cleaned your face of your face wash, he takes a towel and passes it to you. Only when you have pressed it to your face, you realise that it is his towel that you are using. It smells like him, like the shampoo he uses over at your place. It even has his natural scent, something that you can only describe as comfort and fuzziness. 

"Let's just eat out," Kai says while you wipe your face. 

You don't object. And so that is how you end up in an Italian restaurant on a Saturday afternoon, having pizza with Kai. You notice the glances at your table and you don't deny that it is probably because of Kai and the huge bruise on his face. The boy himself doesn't seem to notice them with his head down, not giving you eye contact when you talk. You know he notices everything. 

"Kai," you murmur softly. He grunts in response. "Why won't you look at me when I speak?" He doesn't answer. "You know I like looking at you while I talk," you tell him gently. 

And it's not untrue. You like having eye contact when you're talking, just because you like the intimacy and emotions you get to share with the other. But with Kai, you find that you hardly get that. Most times, you have to remind him to look at you while you speak. He often gives you just a bit of eye contact before he goes back to looking down again. However, you realise that he doesn't act like that when he is alone with you somewhere separate from the rest of the world. 

He looks up at you. Then he narrows his eyes on your lips. You feel your heart racing. He stretches his hand out and swipes his thumb at the side of your lips, wiping the barbecue sauce from your mouth. 

"Thank you," you give him a sheepish smile. He rolls his eyes but you think there is affection in the act. He goes back to staring down at the table, which makes you sigh. "Seriously, Kai." 

He glances up at you. You see a hint of fear in his eyes. "I don't... I'm not comfortable..." 

You frown. "Why?" He bites his jaw and something ticks. "Is it the stares?"

He sighs and looks up at you, giving you all the eye contact you desire. But he looks so vulnerable now and it only makes your heart break. You suddenly wish you weren't outside anymore. 

"It's okay," you shake your head. "If you're not comfortable then—"

"No, I'll do it for you," he murmurs. 

For the rest of lunch, Kai has his eyes on you, gaze unwavering and showing just a teensy bit of affection.

Kai unfortunately has to leave on Sunday afternoon, before your brother returns that night. You managed to talk him into leaving some of his belongings here because you just know that he will be coming back again. Junmyeon enters your room when he comes back, only to see you smiling to your phone. 

You're stupid
Kai || 7:14 PM

The text really isn't all that funny but you could just see Kai saying that in your head that it makes you smile. You're not going to lie but you do miss him already. Your room smells vaguely of him and of coffee that only he drinks. You wonder if Junmyeon smells what you do, but you doubt it when he plops onto your bed like a starfish. 

"Why didn't you come back?" he grumbles. "Dad missed you." 

"A friend came over so I stayed," you lie through your teeth, hoping he doesn't sense anything.

Luckily, he is too tired to probe. He groans as he heaves himself up. "Well, I gotta get ready for class tomorrow. Good night." 

"Night," you greet. 

That evening, you don't sleep as well as you did when Kai was over. 

The next day, the moment you leave your apartment building, you hear a loud horn. Startled, you snap your head up, only to see a familiar black Mercedez in front of you. A grin unknowingly creeps onto your lips as you skip down the steps. You open the car door, peeking in. Kai has his hand resting on the car wheel lazily, his head bent so he can look out at you from where he is. 

"You're late," he clucks his tongue. "Get in." 

You slip into the vehicle quickly. He starts to drive off and while you buckle your seatbelt, you tell him, "I didn't know you were gonna come by."

"I'm going back home today."

You frown at him. "You didn't go back yesterday night?" He shakes his head. You sigh, dropping your head back against the seat. "Kai..." 

"Don't worry about me," he murmurs, glancing at you. "I'm not worth your worries." 

"Don't say that, of course you're worth it," you snap for the first time. When he doesn't answer, probably too taken aback by your outburst, you clear your throat. "I'll go back with you." 

"You will?" 

You take in the hopeful look on his face, an expression that not many will associate with a boy like him. All he really needs is reassurance and security. So far, he hasn't received any of that. Until you came around. Now he feels like he isn't just a destructive bomb, ready to go off any moment. He feels human; he is once again in touch with the love and warmth he have not felt in years, once again hearing the laughter and chatter of someone who wants to be with him, once again learning how to love. Kai is learning to become human again.

"Jongin, what's wrong with your face?" 

"You're going out with her an awful lot, is she your girlfriend?" 

You realise that Kai's family, they may be well aware that Kai has anger issues and a tendency to explode at every little thing. But it could be the lack of interaction with him that is making them act like how they are. They're not being rude, you finally understand. They just don't know how to act around him. They probably know that he doesn't like beating around the bush, but their straightforwardness is not the kind that comforts Kai. No, not at all.

"Leave us alone," Kai huffs under his breath, grabbing your hand as he pushes past the barrier that is his mother and his sister.

"Jongin, mom is just worried about that bruise," his mother tells him, incessantly following the both of you into his room. 

When he doesn't reply his mother, you do it instead. "He's fine, auntie." She snaps her eyes to you when she hears your voice. You smile reassuringly at her. "It was from a few days ago but he promised he'd stop fighting." Her eyes are wide like she doesn't believe you. "Right, Kai?" you look up at him when he comes over from his wardrobe to stuff clothes into the duffle bag next to you. 

He gives you a look. "What are you doing?" he grunts.

"Talking to your mom since you're not going to do it," you beam up at him.

He stares a little longer, his eyes just roaming about your features for a few seconds. He finally shakes his head and goes back to doing what he was doing. You smile softly to yourself as you watch him. Hearing a slight cough coming from the side, you turn your head to his mother. She gives you a warm smile, tipping her head back. You understand that notion. 

"Kai, I'm going to the toilet—"

"I'll go with you." 

You give him a weird look. "To the toilet?" you ask in disbelief. When he purses his lips, you chuckle and stand up. "It's okay. I'll be back as soon as my bladder lets me." 

"You're an idiot," he sighs, shaking his head. Your grin widens. 

"I'll show you to the bathroom," his mother offers. You nod your head. 

Just before you leave the room, you hear Kai murmuring softly for you to hear, "Come back quick, baby." 

His mother leads you down a hallway and into a room you can only describe as a function room. It is huge and spacious, the entire floor is carpeted and the walls are of beautiful red and gold. It looks like a ball room. 

"I'm sure you know of Jongin's... fiery behaviour," his mother starts saying. You turn to her quickly and nod. She sighs. "He never got much attention from his father nor me as he grew up. It's all my fault, really... I focused on his sister more, I doted on her more. He became hateful and angry at us — or really, just me." 

"He's not all bad," you say softly. 

She nods her head. "He's not. I know that. But he just... he doesn't like to come home and I... we... no one knows how to deal with him. The therapist he has been seeing always calls and tells us that he skipped his sessions. No one has gotten close to him in years..." She then lifts her eyes and smiles at you. Her eyes are red with tears threatening to spill. "And now you're like his guardian angel." 

You laugh quietly. Your cheeks are pink. "I'm not," you deny, shaking your head. "Kai is just... You need patience with him, auntie. A ton of it. You always have to be the bigger person with him." 

"He seems to put you before himself," she points out as an observation. 

"Does he?" you frown. You never really noticed that. "I'm the only person he has... I mean, apart from—"

She laughs sadly. "It's fine. We both know it's true." You don't know how to reply to that, so you don't. She continues after a long pause, "I guess I want to thank you for finding him... Please don't give up on him." 

You promise, "I won't." 

She is so relieved that the tears start streaming down her cheeks. She attempts to wipe them away quickly as she ushers you out into the hallway. She leaves you to return to Kai's room alone while she goes in the other direction. On entering the room, you bump into a wall. You stumble backwards, but then you find that you have an arm around your waist to keep you balanced. You look up to see Kai holding onto you, his worried eyes gazing down at you.

"Where were you?" he mutters, his hot breath fanning your cheek. 

"I had to pee," you squeak. Having Kai at such close proximity is not doing your heart any good. 

"Well, next time, pee faster," he grumbles almost childishly. 

You hit his chest weakly. "Can't a girl have her own private time to herself?"

"No," he answers easily.

He lets go of your waist now, walking back into the room. You follow behind him. What he says next is soft yet you hear it, loud and clear as a promise.

"Because you belong with me."

Author's note:

Sorry for the super late update,,, I was trying to churn out a new chapter... I really appreciated your patience! Though I still got people asking for updates but God knows I've been working on it!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, just leave me be, I know what I am doing, unless I really don't, I will put up a notice.... Just... I really dislike people rushing me for updates, please don't do it to me.... I haven't blocked anyone on AFF yet, I don't want to start. 

Anyway,, I haven't proofread this but I hope it's still coherent. And that you liked this chapter. 

Till next time
xoxo