It was 2:30 am. Cigarette butts and empty bottles littered the space where Tao should have been, and Oh Sehun was currently moving onto his second pack of Marlboros.

He no longer cared about the stains they were leaving on his teeth, or fingers, that Tao always warned him about. He no longer cared about sleeping well, or about replying to his lost friends’ month old texts. The only texts he cared about were the ones he wasn't getting  He longed for the voice, for the smell, the taste, the simple ‘thereness’ of Zitao.

    And he would never again receive what he longed for.

Zitao was gone. For good. Sehun often sat, wondering why he left. Infinite amounts of explanations worked their way through Oh Sehun’s mind, none of them ever satisfying him.

....

Their entertainment careers had ended. The promotions stopped. The dance practices were less and less frequent, the fan signings were further and further apart, and dorm life crumbled. The ‘hyungs’ stopped talking, some moved out, and eventually Exo was officially told to ‘disband’.

Leaving the life of an idol was harder than either Sehun or Tao ever thought it could be. The occasional fan still approached the two on the street, but Tao and Sehun weren’t worth much of anything to the media anymore. Exo was a thing of the past.

It was hard not only in the financial sense, but also in the emotional one. Sure, living as an idol they regularly received hate, and were put through strenuous schedules daily, but the two had grown used to it. There was a rhythm that they grew accustomed to, and lived in for many years. After they stopped being idols, the rhythm grew harder to find, and eventually they lost it, unable to find a different one.

The two twenty-almost-thirty-somethings didn’t have any ‘real world’ skills. They barely even had any money from their famous lives, as the company had taken almost all of it. However, they scrapped things together the best they could. Sehun found a job washing dishes at a function hall, and Tao bused tables at the local country club. To help further aid in the couple’s money situation, Tao searched for odd jobs.

The two were put through hell trying to find jobs, their own place to live, and doing countless other tasks that came with adjusting to a ‘normal’ life. The emotional strain was just as much as the other strains. They felt as if their lives weren’t going anywhere. They lived as if their lives weren’t going anywhere.

The two really were miserable, to say the least. They had eachother, and that was what primarily kept them going.Together, they kept up the facade of happiness to keep the other ‘happy’. Life had taken it’s toll on the couple, and they both were close to the edge. What edge the other was near, and how close the other was, they both were ignorant to. That rainy June night was supposed to help the couple, and have them be happy for at least one night.

It was 3am, exactly a year ago. On that rainy June night, Zitao had a rare day off from work. A day he would spend sleeping, and a night he would spend cuddling with Sehun.

Oh Sehun was sat contently on the couch, waiting for his boyfriend to finish his bath, while preparing some silly drama that he knew Tao secretly loved. Sehun didn’t think, didn’t even entertain the thought that Tao would not be joining him. Not then, not ever.

Tao had put on some probably-too-loud music to accompany his relaxing bath, which only mildly irritated his boyfriend. ‘Let the kid have a break’, he thought. After long days at work, and longer days at the odd jobs he worked to help support himself and his boyfriend, Tao was relieved for a day off. He often lied on the bed after work, exclaiming he was ‘ready to go to sleep and never wake up’.

About an hour after Tao had gotten into the bathtub, Sehun heard him draining the water. Sehun drowsily waited for the door to open, and for Tao to come out wearing a baggy t-shirt and boxers.

He continued to wait. Ten minutes after he heard the bath drain, he heard the playlist he had made for Tao end. Another ten minutes, and Sehun had fallen asleep, because unlike Tao, he had not had the opportunity to sleep all day.

Sehun woke up roughly half an hour later, and Tao was nowhere to be seen. He stood, stretched, and figured Tao must have also fallen asleep, after draining the tub. The poor kid really needed more than a day off. Sehun shuffled over to the bathroom to place his boyfriend into the bed to sleep,chuckling at the boy’s drowsiness.

He went to turn the doorknob, only to find it was locked. Odd. Tao usually didn’t lock the door, as only him and Sehun lived in the small apartment. Still half-asleep, Sehun reached up to grab the key off the door frame, and slowly unlocked the door.

    The shower curtain was drawn, and the lights were off. Only the faint glow coming from the living room brought light to the bathroom. Sehun didn’t turn on the harsh fluorescent light, so Tao wouldn’t have to wake up too suddenly. Using the light from the living room, Sehun could make out a piece of paper sitting on the lid of the toilet. He bent down to pick it up, and his eyes shifted to the floor beside the tub. Multiple pill bottles were scattered there, accompanied by a razor blade.

Sehun didn’t dare open the shower curtain. He grabbed the note and ran. Ran out of the apartment, into the nearby park. He couldn’t bear to read the whole thing, but his teary eyes skimmed over the notebook paper.

            Sorry,

..I just couldn’t anymore,

..It will be easier this way..

I love you.

It was 5 am, and a sobbing Oh Sehun sat in a park, dialing 911.

It was 10 am, a month later, and a sobbing Oh Sehun sat in a funeral home.

….

It was 3 am, and Oh Sehun was sat in the same tub his boyfriend sat in exactly a year ago.

It was 6 am that same day, and Oh Sehun was pronounced dead.