30
The Girl Who Can't Break Up and the Boy Who Can't Leave
Seohyun
"Stop!" I laughed uncontrollably, gripping my stomach, continually grabbing handfuls of my popcorn and throwing it at Myungsoo. He shook his head, smiling jokingly as he continued tickling me. "I'm crying!" I wailed as I held my hands up as a sad attempt to protect myself from my own boyfriend.
"Fine, fine," he said, retreating once he saw me with tears in my eyes. I huffed, sitting up straight and trying to regain my conciousness and sanity as we turned our attention back to our movie. It was a typical Friday night. Myungsoo and I were both done with the day and sweeped the kitchen of any food and layed it out on our coffee table. We then sat back and cuddled as we "watched" the movie.
Our little session would usually just consist of making fun of the cheesy scenes and filling ourselves with fatty food until we had to practically roll into the bed.
"So, what's happening right now?" I asked, taking a sip of my soda and nodding toward the screen.
Myungsoo shrugged, "I dunno. Personally, tickling you was a thousand times funner than this movie."
"Funner isn't a word," I corrected.
"It is though," Myungsoo retorted. I cocked my head but shrugged. "I want to kiss you," Myungsoo whispered, leaning closer to me. But I glued my eyes to the screen and put my hand up so he kissed my palm instead.
"I actually wanted to watch this movie," I insisted.
Myungsoo sighed, "Fine..." But despite his words, he cuddled up next to me, wrapping his arms around me and pecking me on the cheek multiple times. "Myung..." I gave him a look. He rolled his eyes and leaned back into the plushy sofa.
"Your the only girl in the world that I can kiss and your not letting me?" He rolled his tongue in his mouth.
"Nope," I said, munching on some chips, "Movie."
Myungsoo and I actually watched the movie instead of playing around and criticizing for the first time after some more bickering from Myungsoo. When I picked out the movie, Myungsoo had whined due to the fact that it was romance, but after about fifteen minutes he was fully engrossed in the screen, concentrating on every single word and movement the actors did across the screen. I smiled sideways at him, seeing that he was enjoying it.
"See? I pick good movies," I smiled. Myungsoo nodded and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, eyes still glued to the screen. It had gotten to the of the movie and the two main characters of the movie got involved in an intimate love scene. Myungsoo glanced at me every now and then as I nonchalantly took a bite out of my ice cream.
The male actor took off his clothes and arrived in the bedroom fully . Myungsoo shifted uncomfortably and leaned towards me, "Don't look."
"Why?" I asked, amused. It wasn't like we were twelve.
"I want to keep your eyes ," he mumbled. I laughed, "You want to keep my eyes ?"
Myungsoo stoutly nodded as he raised his hand and covered my eyes. "Your losing your eye-ginity to me and only me. Okay? Okay." I laughed but let him cover my eyes as I dug my head into his chest.
- - -
I walked into the oh-so familiar living room as Myungsoo headed to the kitchen. "You want chocolate milk?"
I nodded, "Thanks."
The haunting feeling left in this house was still heavy, even if the scarring events that happened were over a year old. I strode past the familiar furniture and the familiar walls and the familiar pictures. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the old picture of us skiing, sitting on the coffee table untouched. I picked it up and stared at it.
He didn't throw it away.
"What are you looking at?" Myungsoo asked, setting down the chocolate milks on the table. He glanced at my hands tightly gripped around the dark wooden frame of the picture. Myungsoo looked up at me, staring into my eyes.
"Why do you still have this?" I asked.
"Why would I throw it away?" Myungsoo mumbled. I tore my eyes away from his as I stared into the picture again. We were so happy. I brushed my thumb across the clear glass covering the picture before I set it down.
I made my way over to where Myungsoo was sitting, looking down at his lap, and accompanied him on the couch. I wasn't thirsty at all but the awkwardness was the oxygen right out of the room. I took long sips of my chocolate milk and soon, to my misery, it was gone.
"Are you hungry?" he chuckled as he eyed my empty glass.
I shook my head.
"Well, we're going to eat anyway. And we might as well watch sappy love movies," Myungsoo said, "Eating and watching sappy love movies always makes you feel better."
I stared at him blankly. "You told me that when we first met... remember?" Myungsoo asked slowly as he got up to head to the kitchen.
I just kept staring at his back figure as we made his way over to the other room. He remembered that?
I sunk down into the couch and Myungsoo returned soon with a disc in his hand and bags of chips and candy, cartons of soda, and baked goods. I watched as he put the disc into the DVD player and sat down next to me. The disc started to play as a movie title flashed across the screen.
About thirty minutes into the movie, I started getting bored. In short, the movie . But I didn't care. For some reason, it comforted me. In the past, whenever Myungsoo picked out the movies to watch on our Friday nights, we would end up using it as just background sound as we did something else. Basically- Myungsoo at picking out movies. Why did that comfort me?
Well it shows that small things like this didn't really change. Even if everything around us and between us changed.
I felt myself dozing off but I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, focusing myself back to the movie when a passionate love scene started to flash across the screen. It was deathly quiet in the living room. Even the air seemed to be still as the sound of the scene echoed in our ears.
I slowly looked over at Myungsoo but turned my eyes back to the TV when he shifted to glance at me.
The scene was way too long.
"Don't look," Myungsoo whispered as he covered my eyes as he used to. My eyes widened but I didn't do or say anything as we just sat there with Myungsoo's hands covering my eyes.
In truth, the scene wasn't even that long.
It was long because I was just waiting. Waiting for Myungsoo to cover my eyes like he usually did and whisper, "Your losing your eye-ginity to me and me only."
Myungsoo
"Don't look," I said before I raised my hand to cover her eyes from watching the scene. I was about to automatically put my hands back down but Seohyun didn't do or say anything. She just sat there and let me cover her eyes.
I smiled. I guess some things never change.
"I'm sorry, the movie ," I said, uncovering her eyes once the scene ended. Seohyun didn't respond and when I turned to look at her, her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply, her head threatening to fall on my shoulder.
I watched her as she sleeped peacefully before I carried her into my bedroom. Our old bedroom. I laid her down and tucked her in, then went to change and brush my teeth before I stood in front of the bed, contemplating whether to climb in or not.
I wanted to sleep with her so bad. I wanted to hold her like we used to and use each other for body warmth like we used to.
Yet, I didn't want to scare her. I didn't want to offend her.
But, I wanted her to trust me. Trust that I wasn't going to do anything to her. I took a deep breath and walked quietly toward the bed, shifting my feet underneath the carpet so I wouldn't wake her up. I lifted the blanket and climbed into the bed as I sunk my head into the pillow.
I turned sideways and for once I didn't see the usual white empty sheets beside me.
There wasn't the usual view of the wall across the room.
But a girl.
The girl I love so much. She's finally returned to my spot next to me.
Seohyun who only looked at me and only loved me.
Seohyun who respected me and was there for me through everything without fail.
Who changed because of me.
Who hurt because of me.
Who was scarred and scared because of me.
We built our love so high that when the winds shook, so did I. My greedy heart couldn't take the temptations. What I didn't know was that while I was away cheating, Seohyun was always there waiting for me at home and hurting. I didn't understand it then. I was blinded by Jinah... But now, I knew.
It had always been Seohyun and only Seohyun. It doesn't matter how we get to the actual love part of love, as long as we get there, right? I smiled at the girl laying beside me. The beautiful girl laying beside me.
How could I even look at someone else?
I held her body close to me as I smiled again and closed my eyes. I loved the way Seohyun's body fit so perfectly in my embrace. I wanted to stay like this forever. Would the days of agonizing pain finally be over?
Seohyun stirred in her sleep and I held her tighter, wanting to feel her heart beat.
Was it beating as fast as mine was?
Seohyun turned around and I knew she was awake. She carefully brought her hand to her eyes and rubbed them as she turned around and practically jumped out of the covers when she saw me in the bed with her, embracing her.
"How did I get here?" Seohyun asked.
"I carried you," I murmured. "Oh," she breathed. Seohyun looked down and eyed my arms wrapped around our waist.
"Why are you holding me?"
My mind went totally blank. I forgot the fact that she wasn't my girlfriend and that I couldn't hold her whenever I wanted to. My voice hitched in my throat. How was I supposed to respond her question?
"Because I want to hold you..."
"Myungsoo..." Seohyun whispered as she shifted under the weight of my arm, "Please don't."
Even if I wanted to shake my head and cling onto her, never letting go, I didn't want to hurt her. What was I even thinking, crawling into the same bed as my hurt ex-girlfriend? It was me who was crazy. Besides, Seohyun had already rejected me three weeks ago when I confessed to her again.
I don't know how long I can hold onto her without giving up all in all.
"Trust me," I whispered.
"But we're just friends," Seohyun said with a tearful, broken voice as she removed my hands from her body. "I can't right now, Myung... I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I'm sorry."
Who knew rejection hurt this much? My heart cried out in pain as Seohyun kept tossing salt into the already- hot fire. "Please Seohyun, give me one more chance," I said with the last miniscule grain of hope left in my heart. "Your in denial, Seo... Please tell me you love me like I love you."
"I can't."
There was a silence as the sound of Seohyun's gentle sobs filled the air. Tears thereatened to drop from my own eyes. , I wanted to go hide in a corner and cry alone until my eyes dried out, sulking in the pain.
I stared at her broken expression and the pain displayed in her eyes. I was hurting her. I was driving her crazy. This girl... She couldn't afford to be hurt anymore. Although it had only been twice... it had already been twice. Seohyun. She couldn't trust me. After my years of lying and hurting her, of course she couldn't trust me. Besides, I came to her after Jinah's death. What part of that fact would make me any more trustable?
"I can't," she repeated with the same agonizing tone in her voice.
As if I had to hear it again.
"I understand," I said after a silence. Seohyun nodded and started to make her way out of underneath the covers when I stopped her. "Stay."
Maybe she felt like she should owe it to me because she did. She crawled back into the blankets and lay her head on the wet pillows with her back facing me as she closed her eyes and fell into a deep slumber.
Meanwhile, I was awake. I couldn't sleep with this heavy weight bringing my heart down to the pits of my stomach.
Seohyun.
She drove me crazy. She doesn't understand how much I love her and need her. How sorry I am. How much desperation I have for her to be mine.
"I promise I'll do better," I whispered, "I'll love you right this time. And I'll be the best boyfriend you'd ever have. We'll even get married. Just like we dreamed of when we were 3 years into our relationship... Just trust me and I'll fix everything. I'll love you and treat you how you deserve to be treated. And most importantly, I'll only have eyes for you."
I wiped the cold tear that slid down from her eye before I carefully embraced her again, falling asleep with my head against her back.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
what is this sad love? T-Twhen this fic ends, i sure am going to miss torturing Myungsoo and Seohyun. LOL.Thank you guys all SO MUCH for waiting so long for my chapters to be updated and encouraging me (: you guys are the greatest.I just wanted to ask you: Do you think Seohyun should accept Myungsoo ? Or is she just being super stubborn and unnecessarily careful?I got my mind set for what's happening at the end of the fic already and who ends up with who so you guys aren't changing the plot, i'm just curious about your opinions.have a blessed week! (: <3한나.
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