Living without you                                     

Living alone

This empty house seems so cold

            Ryeowook had written Kyuhyun five letters in the first week of basic, often forfeiting an hour of sleep just to scrawl a page of carefully worded, thoughtful sentiments to his lover to let him know what was happening to him and to ask after his own experiences.  It wasn’t until nearly three weeks later when he received his first letter back from Kyuhyun.  He was honestly a little mad that he hadn’t gotten a few more or it hadn’t at least come a little sooner.  But all this was forgotten when he read the short letter.

My Ryeonggu,

            I have been absolutely miserable without you.  Are you sure that the option I told you before we left isn’t reasonable after all?  Can’t we sing in Japan instead?  Yesung would join us.  Or we could move in with Zhoumi in China.  I cannot handle another twenty-three months of this.

                                                                                                                                                                                  Love, Kyu

            “Oh, you reckless fool!” Ryeowook muttered under his breath.  What if the squad leaders had decided to humiliate him and read his letter in front of everyone?  They’ve been known to.  How would he explain Kyuhyun’s words?  Still, he couldn’t help but smile and pressed the letter to his lips when he was sure that no one was around.  Then he read it again.  And again.

            “Kim!” one of the other soldiers called out, looking for him.

            “Yes?”

            A couple soldiers entered the room as Ryeowook was stashing his letter into a safe place in his cubby.  “We have a little time tonight before lights out, but the sergeant is being a and won’t let us watch television or play on the computers.  We were wondering if you’d play the piano for us.”

            “Sure,” Ryeowook said, getting up and heading their direction.

            “He was also wondering if you knew any songs in English you could sing?” another asked.

            “Who?  The sergeant?” Ryeowook asked.

            They nodded.

            “I know a few.”

            Ryeowook thought about the various songs that he knew.  He wasn’t an expert English speaker, so hopefully his fellow soldiers would be somewhat forgiving about his pronunciation.  But more importantly, what should he play them?  He mostly knew ballads for the piano. 

            He followed them into the hall they often went to when they had downtime.  It was equipped with a television, a few computers, and a Ping-Pong table, among other things.  But since the sergeant had told them to turn off the electronics for a while, the men were clearly bored.  Even while enlisted, Ryeowook couldn’t escape from being an entertainer.  And he was thankful.  There were few things that put his mind at ease like playing the piano.  It helped settle the anxious feelings inside him, it helped him to express the sadness he was bottling up over being so far from his lover, and it was his sole creative outlet at the moment.

            Ryeowook sat down at the old wooden piano.  It was slightly out of tune, but when played by an expert, no one seemed to notice.  For a moment, Ryeowook simply let his fingers glide over the keys and warm up, playing chords and short tunes.  Then the sergeant asked him personally if he knew any songs in English to play, setting down his newspaper as he sat in a seat across the room

            “Several, sir, but they’re all slow.”

            “That’s just fine, Kim.”

            Ryeowook nodded and thought about what to play a moment.  Then he thought of one that perhaps the other soldiers might relate to a bit, if they had loved ones they’d left behind themselves.  He began the slow musical lead up to the words and he noticed several people turn his way suddenly, recognizing the song.  Ryeowook quietly cleared his throat before beginning to sing the first lines. 

            “Lying beside you, here in the dark, feeling your heartbeat with mine…”

            How those words made him think of Kyuhyun.  As he sang, he felt is eyes water just a little, but he blinked it away.  It would not do to blur his vision when he needed to look down at the keys.  It had been a while since he’d played the song and he was a little rusty.  So he kept going and smiled to himself as he sang, thinking of Kyuhyun’s long awaited letter that had finally arrived that day. 

            He was approaching the part of the song that he co