CHAPTER TWELVE

He told me some of the details regarding his statement. Something had come up with his family, so he had to be there for them. If he was coming back to Korea he didn’t know, but in two weeks he would board a plane from Incheon Airport, heading to Changsha. The whole conversation had seemes to last forever, my heart was in complete confusion. When he leaned forward to grab my hands, it raced like crazy. At the same time it felt like a giant had stomped on me and that all that was left of me was a small pile of mush. I definitely had to talk to Sujin.

 

       “Hey, are you listening?” Yixing’s worried eyes met mine when I looked up from deep thought. Big mistake. Lightnings went through my whole body and I hurriedly looked away. This was the first time it’d ever happened.

       “What’s wrong?” he asked and I shook my head.

       “Nothing.” I stuttered and did my best not to look at his face.

       “I don’t believe you, you never stutter.” he said and squinted with suspicion towards me.

       “Nothing’s wrong, okay?” I snapped and he gave me an even more confused face.

       “That was a first…” he mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. “But I still don’t believe you.”

       He knew very well that I never got mad at him. Never.

       “Tell me. Now.” he said with a slow, firm voice with an underlying determination.

       “Don’t you see that if I tell you, how great the consequences will be? That you might have regrets? Because I don’t want you to be unhappy because of it.” I half-yelled hoarsely and felt the tears emerging from my eyes.

       “I’m willing to take that risk.” he said and crossed his arms.

       “Well I’m not!”

       “Hyejin, if this is about me you have to tell me.”

       “And I can’t do it, I can’t make you live like that.”

       “Then are you going to live like that?” he said. Of course I didn’t want to. But if he was spared from the worry and the anxiety of knowing he hurt my feelings, I was prepared to do it. For his sake entirely.

       I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks now and that upset wrinkle in Yixing’s forehead softened and he embraced me in his arms.

       “Shh, if you could just tell me what’s on your heart… I’d carry it with you.” I shook my head against his shoulder.

       “I can’t do that to you.” I kept on crying as he rocked me from side to side and whispered that it would be okay. He sighed and pulled me even closer. My mind went on like a flipper ball game and I was worried my heart would jump out of my chest. I was trembling. I’d never experienced such a feeling before. This was completely new for me.

       “Y-yixing?” I started but he laid a hand on the back on my head, which made me go all quiet again.

       “Let’s just stay like this for a little while.”

 

Twelve days went by in a wink and I had decided to get Yixing the best goodbye-present one could ever imagine. Or, well, at least something he could look at and remember all the happy moments of our time together as friends. After eleven days of sneaking in and out of shops, I was finally standing eye to eye with a white sheep plush toy. I might’ve seemed silly, toys were after all for children. But somehow it reminded me of him and all I could think was: perfect. Because I knew he would like it. I was making my way to the counter to pay for the plush when I heard a soft male voice from behind.

       “I know, I know. Do you think she’ll like it though?” Yixing’s voice said and I panicked. What was he doing here? I quickly rand towards the shelves and hid behind one that would be able to conceal my presence entirely. I couldn’t let him see his present in beforehand.

       “But you know her better than anyone, that’s why I’m asking you!” he said and I sneaked a peak out into the store. I spotted him in the middle of the store, holding his phone to his ear, looking around with a confused expression plastered on his face.

       Then suddenly, I was certain that my eyes met his because he lit up and started walking towards me. I hurriedly returned to my hiding place and held my breath.  I heard his footsteps getting closer and closer towards my hiding place until they stopped.

       “Sujin, I found something! I’ll send you a picture!” he happily exclaimed. What was he talking about. It wasn’t long before his phone made a tingling sound and the footsteps went further and further away again. I let out my breath that I’d been holding for far too long and dug around in my bag for my own phone, found it and started writing a text to Sujin.

 

       Sent 2.46 PM

       Yah what are you planning with Yixing?

 

       I leaned my back towards the shelf and took a deep breath while I waited for her reply. Shortly after I felt a small vibration in my hand.

 

       Received 2.48 PM

       Spoilers ;)

 

       I sighed and cast an annoyed glance at her text again before locking the screen and now once for all going to the counter and payed for the plush animal.  So much trouble for just one present….

 

       And then there was the day before he went away. Eomma had invited him over for his last dinner at our place and he simply couldn’t refuse such an offer. Lixiang was of course also invited, even though he wouldn’t understand much of what we were talking about. So when they arrived I greeted them at the gate, just as planned. Yixing went in as if he had lived at our house his whole life, while Lixiang followed with uncertainty in his eyes. When he spotted me, he took three huge steps forward until he reached me and winded his long arms around me.

       “Noona!” he said and I was startled by the Korean word that came out of the Chinese boy’s mouth.

       “He understands?” I asked Yixing and looked at his brother that was still hugging me.

       “Nah, I just taught him the basics.” He laughed and poked Lixiang’s arm.

       “轮到我。” he said and Lixiang loosened his grip around me, now with a very suspicious smirk and Yixing lightly hit his arm before taking Lixiang’s place. But Yixing’s embrace wasn’t like his brother’s at all. While Lixiang was holding onto me as if his life depended on it, Yixing’s grip was soft and gentle. He then turned his head slightly and looked at something on the side. I could feel the cold wrap around me as he pulled away and laid an assuring hand on my cheek before he walked toward the door. There he was greeted by eomma and Lixiang was caught somewhere in the middle, not really knowing where he would go. Eomma said something in Chinese and his face lit up and he followed her inside with a glittering smile, doing an encouraging thumbs up to his brother before he disappeared into the house.

       Yixing sighed and sat down on an edge next to the stairs, and patted the wooden floor next to him. I sat down next to him and we both sat there quiet for a long while.

       “Promise you’ll call.” I said and he nodded.

       “I promise.”

       “Promise you’ll send me loads of pictures.”

       He nodded again.

       “I promise,” and then he hesitated before opening his mouth again. “Promise you won’t forget me.”

       “I-…” I started before his words sank in and I looked at the boy that was sitting next to me. He was tilting his head away from me so I couldn’t see his face. So I leaned forward to get a proper look. His eyes were puffy and tears were streaming down his cheeks. When he noticed that I had caught him crying, he cleared his throat and rubbed his sleeves to dry his tears. And then he smiled and asked me again with a soft voice:

       “Promise you won’t forget me.”

       Now I could feel myself tearing up and it was my turn to hug him.

       “I promise I won’t forget you Yixing.” I could feel him nodding towards my shoulder.

       “That’s good. It’s a promise.” he said with his shaky voice. Soon we were interrupted by eomma yelling from inside that dinner was ready. Yixing stood up and offered me a hand to drag me up as well, an offer which I wasn’t late to accept. We went in, both with puffy eyes and wet cheeks and eomma gave us both sympathetic glances as we stepped into the dining room. Yixing greeted appa and we all sat down around the table.

       “So this is the last time you come for dinner?” appa asked with disappointment in his voice.

       Yixing nodded.

       “Yeah.”

       “It was nice having you here son,” appa said and eomma stretched out her hand to hold his in comfort.

       “It was nice being here Mr Song,” Yixing said and everyone could clearly see how moved appa was; all he could do was to nod and then he said no more. Eomma said something to Lixiang and he answered happily.

       “You know Chinese, Mrs. Song?” Yixing asked and eomma smiled back a him.

       “Yes, I learned some when I lived in China in my youth. Thankfully Changsha dialect is on the list of variants I understand.”

       The silence laid thick over everyone again.

       “But, you two are brothers? That’s unusual,” eomma spoke up again.

       “Yeah, our family is pretty well off, so our parents are paying that extra tax for having us.” Yixing said and took a huge pile of kimchi with his chopsticks. “I have to eat a lot of kimchi before going.” he added and nodded towards the chopsticks.

       “Ah, I understand…” she said and pushed the kimchi plate closer to him.

       “I’m going to miss you,” Yixing suddenly blurted and all eight eyes were laid on him. Eomma sighed.

       “And you, whom I have loved like a son, will be very missed as well, dear.”

 

It was time for the two brothers to go home. They had a long journey ahead and didn’t want to be too tired when arriving, so they were going to sleep early. I wasn’t that convinced that Yixing would be able to sleep well though, considering how worried he had been for the past two weeks.

       “Will you come to the airport tomorrow?” Yixing asked and squeezed my hand.

       “Of course I’ll come.” I said and he smiled, not as glittering as usually: this time that satisfied smile was mixed with sadness. An exact reflection of what I was feeling at the moment.

       “Well then,” Yixing said as Lixiang was tugging his shirt, quietly telling him they should go. He slowly turned around, making himself ready to leave. They had just left the gate when I spoke up:

       “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

       For a brief second, he stopped and without looking back, he raised his hand and yelled back:

       “See ya!” and then they rounded a corner. When I then was in the midst of closing the gate, I heard Lixiang’s voice like a mumble and Yixing’s following

       “YAH!” and then it got quiet again.

       I smiled for myself and went inside.

 

The next day was the day. That very day we had been waiting for. Or more like, that very day that I had feared for two weeks.

       It was 9 am when I was on my way to the airport. Why was I even doing this? Grabbing any chance to see this Chinese boy for a little while longer. Hoping he might change his mind and stay a bit longer. But what was I thinking, he would go to his family, they were the most important people in his life, and I would most likely not be able to change his mind with my mere presence. What would I do when I met him? Would I simply say my goodbyes and… hug him? My heart raced at the thought and I his my head against the bus window to clear my mind. Would I tell him the whole truth? No, then he would feel bad for me the whole journey and that wasn’t what I wanted. But then again, if I didn’t tell him maybe he’d run after another girl? My head was a complete mess when the bus arrived to the airport. On shaky legs I stepped out on the gray asphalt and took a big breath. I was going to make it through this as well. For the first time I’d completely disregarded uni as one of the hardships in my life.

       “Hyejin-ah!” I heard from the distance and turned my head to see Yixing and Lixiang hurry towards me with their bags practically flying behind them.

       “Yixing-ah, Lixiang-ah!” I yelled back and forced the most glittering smile I could put on. I followed the two boys to the gate and for a while we stood there, talking about all the fun things they’d do in Changsha when they arrived, or well, it was more of Lixiang and me talking in separate languages while Yixing translated. When a flight attendant announced that they would allow entrance through the gate, Lixiang threw himself into my arms and I held him for a while. Yixing said something to the younger brother and suddenly he raised his head and said, with perfect Korean pronunciation:

       “Noona, I’ll miss you.”

       I laughed. Something more Yixing had taught him I presumed.

       “I’ll miss you too Lixiang.”

       The boy detached himself and went through the gate to wait for his brother. Yixing and I were now alone, or, as alone as one could be at an airport. I handed him the bag I'd been holding. 

       "It's for you. I know it's a bit silly but it reminded me of you so..." I said awkwardly as he unpacked the little sheep. He smiled softly when he looked at it and then at me. 

       "Thank you, it's adorable." He said as he hugged the plushie. "But what a coincidence!"

       Yixing looked around and  finally set his eyes on a bag that was oddly similar to mine.

       "This is for you." he proudly said and handed me the bag. I felt warm tears run down my cheeks as I received the bag. Inside, there was a little cat plushie and I was just staring at it. It was so cute, and so fluffy.

       "It's amazing!" I almost yelled and Yixing looked at me with curiosity in his eyes. 

       "There's something more." he said and I looked inside the bag again. A little blue box was left at the bottom. I carefully picked it up and opened it, almost not daring enough to look what was inside. A beautiful necklace rested on a velvet pillow. 

       "Do you like it? I tried asking Sujin for advice but she didn't know.." he said with a very unsure voice. The tears kept on running as I nodded. 

       "I... I very much like it. It's beautiful." I said and his face lit up a little.

       Yixing took a step forward, closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around me. I felt like my insides were going to explode. I mentally blamed it on the hard embrace.

       “Remember your promise.” I said into almost his shoulder.

       “And you remember yours.” he scoffed and slightly pulled away, just to put our foreheads together. My whole being was screaming. Okay, okay, calm down.

       “Wo xihuan ni.” he said before taking a step back, returning to his original position.

With that very small knowledge in Mandarin I had, the curiosity of what it could mean spinned in my head. The rest went too fast. I watched Yixing as he went through the gate with the sheep under his arm to greet Lixiang and then they both disappeared behind a wall. I sighed and looked down into the bag with the cat and the blue box.

But, 'wo' meant I, that I was sure of. 'Ni' meant you, that I also knew. I dug around in my bag and found my phone. I opened nciku that I’d been using during so many of our conversations the past months. On the first try of searching, I found the most possible translation. I stared at the word for a long time before feeling my insides getting all warm again. 

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Hello everyone! I've been writing on this chapter since the middle of December and finally I got it finished!

I really hope I'll be able to write more in the future when my life isn't as messy as it is now.

BUT finally we have some kind of confession. However, do not fear, the story isn't over yet ;)

I really hope you liked this super long chapter and I want to thank all the subscribers for reading this fic, it's what keeps me going ^^

Stay awesome everyone!