Trips to supermarket are supposed to be calming for Kim Taeyeon. At least, she could sort and push the thought of forced marriage, Jessica Jung, part-time jobs, brain cells-killing missions, Jessica Jung, and more Jessica Jung to the back of her mind.

It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. She couldn't just forget about Jessica Jung when she's right here beside her, eyes scrolling through the wide selections of tofu in the freezer rack. If her heart has frozen enough, she could just push her into the freezing room that has the "staff only" sign plastered all over. But alas, when Jessica turns to her with this smile on her face, asking her whether they should get the cheaper or the quality tofu, her heart thaws in a frighteningly alarming rate, turning into a mushy ball of goo. 

Tofu. Focus on the tofu. Not the Jung. Tofu.

"Right or left?" Jessica asks her, both hand holding packs of tofu. 

The middle. She desires the middle - but then again she has promised herself. No falling for each other. "No tofu?"

"Okay." She quickly slips the packs back into their respective lineups. The fact that she gave up without much fight startles Taeyeon.

"You're not going to reason with me?"

Jessica rolls her eyes. "You said I have the cooking skill of a dishwasher. I wouldn't trust me for the sake of a healthy, non-hazardous meal."

"Hmmm. Marriages do you wonder. We've finally reached a mutual understanding."

She's slapped in the soon after. "Just push the trolley down while I'm on the lookout."

They're currently on a shopping spree after Jessica told her that her parents will be coming to check in on them. Even though their marriage is anything but real, it's still nice to show her not-in-laws that she's a good marriage prospect. 

...not that she's thinking of marrying Jessica anytime in the future. It's just that. Jessica is in a rather good mood and she'd rather has Jessica coming along with her and help her carry some of their stuff than letting her laze around with the kittens back in their flat.

"Tell me about your parents?"

"Dad used to be a boxer... he coaches people now. Mom is a martial arts instructor these days."

"Ah.”

"...Tae? Hello? The frozen food section is not that way?"

Screw smoked beefs and nuggets and s that couldn't save her. All she needs right now is a set of protection gears. Unfortunately, she's pulled back the collar because, even in a better mood, Jessica is still a Satan spawn.

Rounding a corner, conversation quickly dies down, settling into humming and recounting of daily needs with occasional elbowing from Jessica, asking whether they should get something they totally don't need. Taeyeon nods to some junk foods Jessica proposed only because Jessica pulls those ty aegyos she couldn't bring herself to say "no" to. (The aegyos are probably the work of her subconscious - or maybe it's her who's going soft. Or, something in her dinner messed her brains up and now she genuinely thinks Jessica is cute or something.)

Eventually, they stop at some sketchy booth surrounded by curious housewives. The lone man leading the booth has this obnoxious afro donned half-assedly, askew to the right by 30 degrees. His loud voice is the icing to his obnoxiousness. A perfect combo of People You Should Dump Into Solitary Confinement. "The beauty missy over there and her pint-sized friend! Ayy!"

"I'm her husband!" Taeyeon barks back, curious onlookers trying to find a bulge in her skirt.

He ignores her, apparently, because she's not the "beauty missy". "Wanna try our lucky draw? Check out the coolio prizes and test your luck!"

Taeyeon's thoroughly disgusted at the afro guy's jovial outburst, but Jessica links her arm with hers and strings her along. "Won't hurt to try?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No means no--"

"Unless it means yes?" Jessica pulls it, again, that pouty smile, which Taeyeon should've grown accustomed to already.

Her legs turn into two long sticks of jello. She submits. Her eyes scan the prizes.

"The first prize is a trip to Australia... but let's see. I was born the epitome of "tough luck". You, on the other hand, should have a decent luck, I guess."

"Tae, I've used up my eternity worth of luck. I got paired with you."

. "G, greasy. Five meters away from me."

Jessica giggles, then hit her lightly on her arm. The playful impact slows down the thudding inside her ribcages. "Just do it. You're... still way luckier than me."

"But you're one lucky for having me as a partner - "

Taeyeon pulls out the lucky draw herself. The prizes shouldn't be that... bad... 2nd prize is a... newlywed set? It has a "R-18" tag written in twice smaller font and her mind takes off into the regions she shouldn't dare to trespass, so she prays she wouldn't have to shoulder such problematic prize. The 3rd prize, however, is a shopping coupon, so Taeyeon nails all her prayers on it. Jessica waits mock-anxiously, shaking their interlinked hands while Taeyeon's anxious for real.

"...the 3rd prize. We got the 3rd prize."

"God, Taeyeon. What a luck. Today must be your last day on earth."

Taeyeon pays her no heed as she shows her lucky draw to the Afro Guy. "And we have a winner here for the third prize... the shopping coupon! Anyone here willing to go down the same path as the pretty lady and her minion?!"

"Husband!"

"Come and test your luck here!"

Her bark is definitely drowned by the guy's shouts and the loud chattering from the surrounding housewives. Jessica pulls her into one of the aisles to begin their shopping trip. With the coupon, they could buy more and she could cook up some extravagant meals to impress the in-laws. And avoid death by left hooks. Boxers are terrifying.

"How about seafood? You can't go wrong with a seafood set." Jessica offers, eyes on the frozen salmons. 

"Good idea. Your parents aren't particularly allergic to sea creatures, right?"

"Nope."

Good. The last thing she wants is a lady with bloated skins and one fuming husband.

"How about we go quick and buy that seafood set? Save some time while you can still go creative with the dishes."

She nods and quickly rings the staff stationed near the seafood set. The pretty lady asked if she would have it sent to the home and Taeyeon agrees, writing down the address of the dormitory. When she turns around, somehow, Jessica is already chatting with familiar faces. Apparently, Yuri is also made the trolley-pusher by Tiffany.

"A feast? What's the occasion?" Tiffany points a finger at the set she purchased, as the staff has it wrapped to fit into the container.

Jessica answers for her. "My parents are coming over and Taeyeon is getting desperate trying to impress them. Thus the try-hard meals."

"I value my life, thank you."

Tiffany looks lost. As she and Yuri inch closer to ask further, Jessica moves to the side to answer her ringing phone. Taeyeon explains her predicament (the boxer and martial artist bits and her unsurmountable desire to divorce Jessica before her mother german suplex'd her to her demise), but her eyes won't stop stealing panicky glances at Jessica. She doesn't own even a piece of protection gear, and should Hell breaks loose, she can only defend herself with the two-years old banjo her mother bought her as a souvenir from the west.

Jessica comes back, looking undeniably relieved. "I have two news. One, my parents can't make it tonight."

Taeyeon does a mental fist-pump.

Yuri points out the obvious, "You guys already bought all those foods though. Real shame."

"Two, the officials sent me a mission."

Taeyeon, in response, an eyebrow. "And that matters to us how - "

"They told me to, uh, "cook for my husband"."

Taeyeon drops her jaw. And she has to physically shove her jaw up with her own hand. The shock of the news is that severe.

Screw dodging death by an uppercut. In the end, god has written a definite end for her: death by her own wife's cooking.

Yuri bursts into an unwomanly chortle and bellows a playful slap to her forearm. Taeyeon replies back by shooting her elbow to Yuri's ribs. If they're not in public right now, she would have ripped Yuri open and take her pancreas as a memento instead. Tiffany is looking even more lost and begins to rapidfire asking one too many "what"s.

"But, no kidding, we still have way too much foods on our hands." A pensive pause. "Tiff, Yul? Why don't you stay over for dinner?"

Yuri's laughter quickly decomposes into cold sweats. "Wh, what, nah. We  - I mean, well, the mission w-was meant to give an opportunity for a quality time and me and Fany w-will probably ruin it - "

Not wasting on the presented opportunity, Taeyeon slings an arm around Yuri and Tiffany's shoulders and pull the two close to her, huddling like one sick family. "Aw, come on guys? Please? It's lonely spending Saturday night with just Jessica since we're both antisocial homebodies. Pretty please?"

“ you Taeyeon, get offa me - "

Tiffany leans to the side, pressing closer to Taeyeon so she can face Yuri. "Come on, Yul. Don't free foods turn you on?"

"Only when they're SAFE to DIGEST." Yuri manages to shake off, but Taeyeon links their arms into a death grip. She can't let Yuri go. Apologies run wild in the back of .  "LET ME GO."

Tiffany comes to save the day, face contorted into a pout. "Come onnnn Yul. Stop being an , you're the one complaining having to slave over the stove every day."

"B, but Fany - "

"It's settled, then!" Taeyeon claps her hand happily like those monkey with cymbal toys. "Us, four, seafood, feast." She mouths personally to Yuri, "Death."

Yuri replies with a look that could easily tame even the most sinister Phyton, but when faced with the choice of dying alone or dying with someone else, Taeyeon doesn't falter. At least she could drag Yuri along her journey to the Nether Land.

"Thanks for joining us, you two. It gets kinda lonely when your husband spends more time wiping dusts off her banjo when, obviously, someone else needs all the /touchies/ too." Jessica throws a side-glance at hey, lips folded into a coy smile. She gags inwardly.

"No problemo. But... it's tiring cooking lots of dishes alone, right?"

No. NO. Taeyeon tries to interject. "WAIT, FANY - "

But Tiffany pays her no heed. Hell had been broken loose. "I'll help you out, Jess. I've improved a lot since last time and we'll show these two losers /who/ rules the kitchen now."

"I'M RULING BOTH OF YOU OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"

Yuri clings to Fany's arm like her life is depending on it... which is true, in hindsight. "Fany, you , there's a reason why I'M the one on the cooking duty!"

"Sheeesh, Yul, you want Jessi to tire herself out so bad?"

Jessica couldn't help but supply in, hands on her hips. "Yeah. We LEARN from past mistakes, you know."

Yuri goes quiet for five more seconds before she resignedly lets go of the California-born's arm, turns around, and launches herself to a sprint - but Taeyeon's emergency reflex holds her back, gripping Yuri's forearms tight.

"LET ME GO, TAENG."

"I'M DRAGGING YOU WITH ME."

"YOU PAPER HUMAN CAN'T DRAG ME DOWN. NOBODY CAN. NOT EVEN ONE DIRECTION.”

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE."

"Girls, stop and chill? Everyone's looking at us and me and Tiff would prefer looking like normal, upright South Korean citizens instead."

Yuri ups her game, pulling even stronger. "LET ME GO YOU SLIT-EYES."

"That's racist." Jessica quips.

Taeyeon summons her inner chakra and ki energy to tip the balance. "YOU FREAKING CRACKER."

"That's horribly racist." Jessica quips, with a frown.

Fed up with their antics, Tiffany grabs Jessica by the arm and leave them. "Let's just leave 'em and buy some things like seasoning and, well, you know, kitchen-y things."

Jessica nods, and off they go. Sensing the absence of their wives, she and Yuri quickly let go of each other, feeling soreness numbing their (in Taeyeon's case, what little she has) muscles.

"They're gone."

Taeyeon lets out a deep sigh. "Let's... just... hope for the best. We have god. Let's just... watch the trolleys and be a good spouse."

"Yeah."

Silence. 

"Ya know, Tae,"

"Yeah?"

"If they're buying seasonings... then why did they walk to the direction of the pharmaceutical corner?"

Silence.

"LET ME GO, TAENG. I'M WAY TOO YOUNG TO DIE."

"No, no, listen, Yul! I have a plan."

"Okay. Shoot."

She fishes out her phone from her pocket and quickly scrolls on her LINE contacts. "Get your phone out. We're dragging more people into this hellhole."

“Oooooh. You reek of evilness.”

“Crap, Yul, I bathed.”

“Proverbially.”

“Oh. Anyway, you call Yoona. I’ll ring Hyo and Sunny.”

“We can’t get Yoona here without her bringing Seohyun, though. She deserves nothing but all the good things in life while Yoona can rot in Hell for all I care.”

“Hmmm… Seohyun has a healthy lifestyle going on, right? Just hope she can stomach all da shocking hazard.”

“Hee hee.”

“Hmmm hmmm.”

“Et tu, Tae? Sica as your wallpaper, really?”

“I can explain.”
 

She opens the door and greets Sunny and Sooyoung warmly with her biggest -eating grin to date. She doesn’t even know she has it in her to smile so brightly, she could rival those K-Pop idols armed with perpetual smiling machineries.

Sooyoung steps in and gives her a bear hug and Sunny joins soon after. Taeyeon tries to maintain her grin even though Sooyoung’s bony shoulder… arms… everything grinds into her like samurai blades. “Thanks for inviting us, Tae! Good to know that you’re no longer a stingy miser.”

Taeyeon shakes her friends off. “Hmmm. No problem! The more, the merrier. Got one too many ingredients to cook.”

“Me and Sooyoungie had a discussion on the way. We thought that the fact that you’re sharing your food with us itself is fishy, but eh. Free foods.” Sunny shrugs, looking nonchalant. Taeyeon likes her more now.

But Sunny’s smart. Like, smart enough to stay healthy even though she’s roomed with Sooyoung who piles her dirty laundries into Himalayas. Which means, her earlier suspicion might get her somewhere.

Though she hasn’t let her donkey grin falter, Yuri joins in before she even has to send a red smoke signal, leaving Hyoyeon who’s sprawled eagle on the sofa, Seohyun who’s busy playing with Black and White (temporary names for those damned kittens), and Yoona who’s busy watching Seohyun playing with Black and White. Goddamnit, Kwon Yuri! A friend in need is a friend indeed! “Sunny, Soo! Make yourselves home. The sofa’s booked by Queen Hyo so if you want to unwind, you might have to use Tae’s bed. If you’re in need of a quick hump, too.”

Taeyeon smacks Yuri in the forehead not-so-playfully. “Aw, Yul, don’t give them ideas! I don’t want to sleep with blotches of lady liquids.”

Yuri engages them in a conversation as she slowly leads the dysfunctional Soo-Sun pair inside the den. With no one really paying attention to her, Taeyeon sneakily locks the door to her apartment and stuffs the key inside her brassiere. Hook, line, and sinker!

The click doesn’t go unnoticed by Sunny. “Tae?”

“Yeah?”

She gazes into the keyless hole. “Where did the key go?”

“Places keys should go.”

“Like, pockets? It’s just, you know, us. And it’s safe here.”

Soo pipes in, “Yeah. That’s the cautiousness of Victorian Era grandma you got there, Tae. You OK? Not that you ever looked OK, since you’re pale and small and less.”

“Ha ha. less.”

“Now, now, girls,” Yuri tries to direct their attention back, sensing Sunny’s unamused stare towards Taeyeon. As the asphyxiating tension hangs in the air, Sunny scans the inside as if she’s looking for a particular somebody.

“Where’s Tiffany?”

The question is enough to send Taeyeon and Yuri on alert. Without further ado, Taeyeon dives to the door and pulls out a fighting stance to guard the door with all her life while Yuri grips both Sooyoung and Sunny’s arms and pull them inside. Naturally, Sooyoung and Sunny show them struggles.

“LET ME GO YOU ERS, I KNEW IT, I ING KNEW IT, IT WAS A TRAP ALL ALONG!”

Yuri pulls harder. “STOP STRUGGLING, SUNNY, AND SURRENDER TO YOUR DEMISE.”

“WHAT’S GOING ON? WHAT THE HELL?” Sooyoung couldn’t resist being over-the-top.

Taeyeon, still being sewn to the door, lets out a chuckle reminiscent of 60s railroad villain with twirly moustache. “Ha ha, you see, Soo. Tiffany and Jessica have cooking skills similar to that of the Radon element.”

Sooyoung opens like she’s about to say something before closing it back shut as everything sinks in. Now, she joins Sunny’s freakout.

“YOU HEAD,” Sunny seethes, voice lost its traces of aegyo, “I’LL PUMMEL YOU DOWN TO THE POINT WHERE ALL YOU CAN SMELL IS IODINE – “

Jessica pops out, looking oblivious, “What’s with the ruckus?” followed with Hyoyeon’s drawled out “Keep it down, will ya? Candy Crush expects nothing but perfection and to achieve perfection, tranquility is needed. So shut your traps before I push candy canes up your noisy asses!”

Taeyeon replies, acting out an innocent grin. “Playing tag!”

Sunny and Sooyoung shout out the truth. “THESE ERS ARE TRYING TO – “ “SICA GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND SPARE OUR LIVES – ‘

Yuri quickly manhandles the two soon-to-be-corpses in a frightening deadlock. “Sorry Sica, some people just missed their early morning sanity shrink!”

“Oh. Well.” Jessica buys it with all the wit of a badger. “Anyway, just for a heads-up, as per Taeyeon’s suggestion, we’re having a hotpot tonight since the weather dude told us there’ll be a heavy downpour tonight. Me and Tiff are preparing the pot and whatnot, and since we bought a lot – you guys can grab the ingredients from the fridge.”

Suddenly, Sunny and Sooyoung loosen up, relief washing their faces. “Oh. Hotpot.” Sunny echoes, shrugging off Yuri who’s also cocking an eyebrow at the sudden resignation.

“Um, yup?”

Things are looking bright, especially now that Sooyoung is back to her open-mouthed, boisterous laugh. “Should’ve told me from the start, you asses! You can’t go all Radon on a hotpot.”

“Radon what?”

The tall and midget duo trudges into the living room with much ease, though knowing Sunny, she probably hasn’t let her guard down. Sooyoung greets all too happily, sitting right where Hyoyeon is and a fight breaks out, looking more like sailors beating each other down found in seedy saloon than a girl fight. Seohyun’s quickly alarmed and tries to break the two and Yoona’s finally snapped out of her mandatory Seohyun-creeping time. Sunny claims the couch and looks like she’s in utter peace.

Everything is going according to plan.

Yuri puts her elbow over my shoulder, sporting her usual half-smile.

“Yul, what a persuader, you are. Can’t believe you managed to convince Sica and Fany to have a hotpot instead.”

“Hmmm. I can even make Angie and Brad divorce with a game of words and a bottle of soju if I want to.

“I’m so blessed.”

“Me too.”

“Gotta go to the kitchen now, have to check up on the ladies.”

“Don’t get killed. You want to see the horrifying concerto of food poisoning we have set up, don’t you?”

“Haha, yes, but of course.”

They trade villainous cackles with each other.

But Taeyeon knows, deep down, that their fire-forged bond will not last long. Not in the face of Death. She and Yuri will have to duke it out before the Pot of Death, sooner or later.

After everyone had their turn, it’s time to taste the soup. Any food that’s taken by the chopsticks will have to be eaten, so this is where the second half of the strategy needs to be laid. The pot of soup was put in the middle of them, kept warm with the portable stove her mother left and hasn’t picked up since last year’s summer. They sit, forming a circle of nine, some oblivious and the other anxious.

“Let’s go clockwise, starting from Yoona.” Yuri suggests and the others agree. “Lights out, ladies.”

Now, with the light turned off, the game begins…

“Aight, I’m going first!” With the light dimmed, Taeyeon can’t really see anything clearly, but Yoona’s Mickey shirt that’s twice her size is fairly easy to spot among the dark.

It’s time to psychoanalyze each of them.

Yoona, being a big ing glutton she is, will definitely pick something chewable, hard, big, minus the wrongness of the sentence she’s forming in her head. Heh. As if Yoona’s even into that. She’s been thirsting after Archangel Seo Joohyun since day one. Quickly, Taeyeon backpedals into the start of her thought.

Footsteps come in closer and Yoona puts something into the boiling pot, the plop resounding in the otherwise quiet living room. Hyoyeon makes an ooooh coo and Sooyoung pipes in gibberish like “what is it, what is it” which Sunny quickly answers with an ominous “safe,”. Knowing Yoona, she probably put in the freshly-sliced salmons.

Next up is Seohyun. The health nut would definitely put in something useful and resourceful for the humanity. Safe!

Tiffany is up next, she can hear someone’s (probably Sunny) breath hitching in a not-so-subtle manner. Cooking ineptitude aside, Tiffany shouldn’t be that stupid to include something that might knock the life out of anyone. The real problem is Jessica, after all, since her slightest touch could torch even an ice cube on fire. Judging from the rather sharp plops that pop out, Tiffany must have included cylindrical object of medium size in a five to eight quantity. Sorta safe.

Sunny’s next, standing in a rigid manner with an even more robotic, “My turn.” Since Sunny already knows about the whole death trap situation and she obviously intends to retaliate, she might put in something advantageous to herself but possibly endangering to both her and Yuri. TOTALLY UNSAFE!

Sooyoung, who has never tasted the Hell on Earth that is Jessica’s cooking probably thinks it’s all cool and breezy since they’re having a hotpot instead. No worries. She might put in something weird, though. Damn prankster needs to get laid so she could stop ruining others’ lives. Safe. Kind of.

Hyoyeon takes everything in stride, but she’s one hella cook and won’t do anything that might tarnish her reputation as the go-to chef. There’s also her motherly nature that might come out once in a blue moon or when she isn’t busy sneaking in alcohol through the academy’s strict checking. Overall, Hyoyeon isn’t someone she should worry the hell outta her knickers about. Safe!

Before her turn, there’s Yuri. Yuri is street-smart enough to survive Jessica’s cooking throughout first year. Yuri is also Yuri, demonic, satanic, embodiment of evil, Yuri, and this might be the fork road that splits their bond as suffering husbands. “I’m going.” She says, and she walks to the kitchen while humming a Voltaire song, which signals Taeyeon of the taller girl’s malice. ANYTHING BUT SAFE!

It’s finally her turn. She quickly stands up without notifying the others, only when Sooyoung calls out a “Tae?” does she answers with a reluctant, “Yeah…”

“First thing first.” She takes a deep breath. Because conversing with yourself in a dimly lit kitchen is a totally healthy thing to do. “I need to check what everyone else has taken…”

Since she did the shopping earlier, she has the superior knowledge of knowing what’s actually stored here. She has an upper-hand over Yuri and Sunny, which is nice, because she isn’t sure if her peanut-sized brains could even compete with Yuri’s twirly-moustache villain mindset and Sunny’s nerdy intelligence gained from rounds of Metal Gear Solid. After checking through the shelves, she concludes the things that were visibly disappeared was the salmon slices (Yoona, probably), radishes (Seohyun?), …

“Wait. Where’s the pepper.”

The pepper isn’t where it’s supposed to be. And by that, she means the whole ing bottle.

“! Who the hell would put an entire bottle of pepper… WHERE’S THE CHILLI SAUCE?! YOU GUYS ARE SICK!”

Comes Yoona’s reply from the living room, “Don’t say it, upperclassman! Now Hyunnie is visibly scared!”

“I’m not the one putting in inedible stuffs, . . . There’s one more killer in this flat.” Taeyeon quickly rummages through the plastic bags, trying to find whatever that should be able to let her out of this horrific predicament. Gathering every ounce of stability she has left, she plows through the contents of the bag while her brains got to the thinking.

The radishes might be Sunny’s instead. She has no time to double-check everyone’s ingredients because she couldn’t take too long, else she would be deemed suspicious. Since Sunny has every right to murder her, she might put in the radishes, sliced moderately, to ward off her area from Jessica and Tiffany’s ingredients. Considering that she’s seated next to Tiffany and across Jessica, she must have slid the radishes from her side, the not-so-thickly cut radishes will slide through the broth and knock Tiffany and Jessica’s ingredient to somewhere else – preferably her and Yuri’s area. Since the pot was put in the middle, one might not be able to reach too far and has to take anything in their side – the nearest from where they’re seated.

But that line of thinking is amateurish. After all, Sunny isn’t the one that has firsthand experiences with both Tiffany and Jessica. Taeyeon concludes, all Sherlock up her .

As for Yuri, she might settle for defensive tactic. Taeyeon notices that the tofu in the fridge is reduced to half of its formerly large block. She must have strategically put the tofu as some sort of Berlin Wall, shielding her area so the broth in her area would be the one that’s been there before the construction of the wall. She intends to form a reservoir; a void of hope amidst the poison and whatnots.

But even The Berlin fell. Demolished. Liza Fox’s Free begins to play in her head as she imagines Yuri’s horror-stricken face once she has a taste of the killer cooks’ monstrosities.

Since Sunny went all-out offense and Yuri played defense, the only option left for her is to play the Devil.

She takes some fish sticks from the seafood set. Not that those flimsy fish sticks could help her in any way – she has chosen it simply because it’s pretty delish and harmless. Her plan is to use the fish sticks as a bait. Its squishy texture should let out some decent plopping noises upon meeting the soup to test her water against Yuri’s poker face. Next, she will use her chopsticks to rearrange Yuri’s wall of tofu and moves two to three blocks fast, so Yuri’s area will be accessible to Jessica’s ingr… poison. She’ll put her fish sticks to the middle and play dumb, saying she puts her own ingredient too far and reaches out for the soup in Sunny’s, or Sooyoung’s, or if she’s lucky, Seohyun’s area once the ingredient has simmered and they’re allowed to finally taste the soup. Though it isn’t a must to eat whatever you’ve put in, everyone will probably be too busy scooping up the soup to their bowls to notice.

Yes, the perfect plan to come out of this unscathed.