Now.

Today will be the last day of school day for Seoul High School students. The students were indeed happy, with wide smiles plasted on their faces as they walked towards their respective classes.  They are happy but sad at the same time; especially for the seniors since this will be their last year in high school before graduating. Since its the last day for them, the school decided not to have lessons for the day. They are allowed to spend their time with their best friends.

Best friends.

The most lovely yet annoying person that you can be friends with.  It was that kind of friendship that blooms in the center of your heart - that kind of friendship that grows from the seed basking in the warm soil to a vast tree with many ups and downs, many - but not enough to disguise the enormity or the grandeur of such a tree, the sheer brilliance and beauty of it.

High school life with best friends can be a beautiful memory to keep but, it can also bring you painful memories for your entire life.

The bell for announcement rang across the cafeteria.  Everyone stopped their conversation and waited for a voice to speak out through the speaker. 

“Attention everyone. The last day of the talent competition will take place at the auditorium within an hour. Since today is the last day of the competition, the winners will be announced after the show. I hope all of you will participate as the supporters for the contestants. Thank you and don’t even try to do anything ‘funny’ today.”

When the announcement ends, the students that had finished their lunch, began to rush to the auditorium. While some are still busy chatting and laughing with their buddies, not leaving their tables in any soon.

Backstage, the contestants were feeling nervous, waiting for the competition to start with their hearts pounding so hard against their ribcage. All except one girl who was sitting calmly on her chair looking soulless. She was staring at an empty space with a sad gloomy face. She tried to smile when someone greeted her but the smile never reached her heart. 

The auditorium was soon occupied by excited students, waiting to see the contestants or in another words; their crushes. Some brought junk food, popcorn and soft drinks to keep their stomachs happy throughout the whole show.

This is going to be interesting!

And the whispers go on until they are hushed as the judges took their seats right in front of the stage. The show is ready to kick off as the lights dim out.

“Hello to everyone!”  A good-looking guy step out from the side of the stage.

“Are you ready to watch the last performances from our senior batch today?” He shouts cheekily towards the students. Cheers and applaus filled the auditorium. 

“Then, let’s introduce our first contestant. Our talented dancer, Mr. Zhang Yixing aka Lay!” The girls start to swoon for him as the music begins.

****

“And the next person is, Miss Kim So-Hyun. She will play for us a song with the piano. Can you guess the song’s title? Let’s continue the show!”

The audience applaud for her. She bows at the judges as they looked at her entry form. 

"She should have a partner. Where is he?" 

She left the judges who are whispering among themselves towards the white piano. She coughs a bit to regain the attention.

“You may start now.” One of the judges quickly states.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing in me and you kicking me out

You’ve got my head spinning, no kidding. I can’t pin you down

What’s going on in that beautiful mind

I’m on your magical mystery ride

And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright

She pressed the keys  with her long, delicate fingers. Students are slowly singing along with the rhythm of the piano music.  Each key was delivered with sorrow feeling that begin to swell up in her heart. 

"It’s his favorite song."

My head’s under water

But I’m breathing fine

You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

Some students are glancing at their friends while jokingly mouthing the ‘crazy’ words. Yet, there’s a smile plastered on their faces.

Give your all to me

I’ll give my all to you

You’re my end and my beginning

Even when I’m lose I’m winning

‘Cause I give you all of  me

And you give me all of  you

Her fingers started to tremble as she tried to continue but ended up making mistakes. She can’t hold it anymore, the song was too sad for her to play. She stops moving her cold fingers against the black and white keys. Ignoring the stares, she gets up and runs; leaving the auditorium with tears threatening to fall. Everyone was flustered but soon calmed down by the emcee. 

“Too bad, some technical problems had occurred.” He glances at the empty sideway of the stage before returning his gaze to the audiences and judges. 

“But, she’ll come back for sure. Don’t worry. And let’s move on, shall we?”

****

With all her might, she runs. Splitting the empty hallway, looking fo a spot to hide herself. Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks as the painful memory broke her broken-heart yet again.

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood

You’re my downfall, you’re my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

She stops in front of an empty staircase. Her legs give in and she falls with her back against the wall. She tightly hugs her knees and buries her head. Her sobbing become intense as the flashback starts playing clearly in her mind. She is crying in pain again because of him.

Before.

“Hey, do you want to join the camping activity?” asked my best friend, whom I called Kyungsoo or D.O.

He was sitting beside me with that usual lazy look on his face.

“I’m too lazy for that. Plus, homework are begging us to complete them.” I uttered while yawning.

“I don’t care.” He grinned.

He began to sing out loud in the classroom casually. Then, he stopped his singing and faced me again with a joyful face.

“So? Have you made your decision?” His eyes were twinkling in exhilaration.

“About what? The camping?” I scoffed.

I stared at him lazily, my eyelids droop like they were going to fall anytime.

“No. I don’t want to go.” His shoulder seemed to slump down as I finished my words.

“Alright…” He said with a sulking tone as he stepped out of the class with a sad face.

Now, I felt guilty for making my best friend disappointed and heartbroken. I let out a heavy sigh. Not that I didn’t want to go, but my heart doesn’t feel good about it. Like a bad omen? You know what I mean right?

****

“Guys, I have an announcement for all of you.” The teacher beamed as she walked into the class.

The class that was once noisy, suddenly went silent.  

“The camping was cancelled.” Grunts were heard everywhere.

“Sorry, but lucky to you, the principal has another plan.” The teacher continued after seeing our frustrated faces.

“What’s the plan, teacher?” A student asked her from back of the class.

“You’ll know.” Then, she elegantly showed her back to us and started to scribble the white board with a messy handwriting. As if on cue, the pupils obediently took out a note book to jot down it.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see that Kyungsoo was smiling like a maniac. Now, I know why even the tallest student also known as the giant in our class would be afraid of him. Luckily, I knew Kyungsoo since elementary school and was not affected by his creepy slash dorky side.

Later on, the principal had revealed his so-called-mysterious plan in the announcement. “The school will be having a competition or to be exact, a talent competition among the students!” He chirped through the speakers.

“Boring.”

“I thought it’d be different this year.”

"Ugh not another competition please."

Various negative reactions were expressed except for Kyungsoo's.

“Oh my gosh! I’m excited!” Kyungsoo clapped his hands like a seal, making me embarrassed.

“Oh yeah. Of course… I’m so looking forward for this event.” I said with sarcasm and a bored face.

“Can we be partners? Who knows we’ll be the winner!” Kyungsoo shook my arm childishly. 

“But I can’t sing or dance. These two things never existed in my life dictionary.”

He laughed heartily. His laughter was like ripples in a still pond after a stone has been thrown in. It radiated outwards through the packed hall of children who had up until that moment been quite silent. Now they too began to titter and soon the ripples of laughter became great waves of hilarity.

“But, you said you loved to watch people dancing.”

“Yes I do. Especially watching you. I still remembered the time you danced in front of crowds for school's event. You’re a quite good dancer, you know.”I cracked a tiny smile.

“I knew it for ages that I’m good!” Kyungsoo laughed at me again.

I shoot him a glare.

“No! Wait. I’m just pulling your leg!” He suddenly begged on me when my expression turned darker.

“I think the biology lab will have a new test subject soon.” I smirked as Kyungsoo’s eyes grew wide.

****

After a few days of begging and convincing, I agreed to join the competition with Kyungsoo as my partner. Kyungsoo’s expression was priceless at the time. He kept asking me if it’s true or not. I tried so hard to maintain my usual stoic face. Don’t get me wrong, I just love to tease Kyungsoo. Well, we are bestfriends.

We went for a walk at the park for our upcoming event. Kyungsoo was full with enthusiasm throughout our discussions. He suggested me to play the piano since I can play it well while he’ll sing his favorite song. I nodded in agreement as the idea wasn't that bad for me. As long as I don’t have to dance with my clunky legs.

“I can’t wait! I know we’ll win the competition!” Then he laughed at his own words.

“Me too. There are only few weeks left. We need to start practicing as soon as possible.”

“How about now?” Kyungsoo eagerly chimed.

“Go ahead.” I paid attention towards Kyungsoo as he stood up from the wooden bench.

He coughed a bit to fix his voice. I could saw a glimpse of nervousness in his eyes.

“But, I’ll sing only a verse okay? My favorite verse.”

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood

You’re my downfall, you’re my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

He can’t finish his song when I kept staring at him. Maybe my concentrated face was too funny for him, I guess. 

“What? Why did you stopped? You should finish your singing.”

“I can’t. Maybe next time. I’m embarrassed.” He snickered.

I scoffed at his words. “Whatever Kyungsoo. But, you got a nice sweet voice, you know. And I’m not kidding.” He nodded happily as he loved the compliment.

“You’re the best person I ever had!” Kyungsoo suddenly blurted it out. For me, it’s quite odd to see him acted like a child.

“Why were you acting like this, Kyungsoo? It felt weird and somehow uncommon for me.”  He scratched his head while smiling apologetically. “I don’t know too. But, whenever I’m with you, my childish side will always comes out. In other words, I love to be with you. ”

Silence engulf the both of us. We were enjoying the scenery of autumn in our surrounding. Sometimes, I kept smiling onmy own. Maybe Kyungsoo’s ‘confession’ did made my heart fluttered. How sweet can this boy get? Seriously.

“Hey, let’s dig in some ice cream, shall we?” Kyungsoo broke the silence.

“Why not?”  I agreed since there is an ice cream shop across the street. Nearing the zebra crossing, Kyungsoo offered to hold my hands with his sheepishly smile.

“No thanks. I’m not a child anymore.” I insisted and playfully pushed Kyungsoo away. He stumbled a bit into the middle of the cross. He tried to say something with his smile still plastered on his heart-shaped lips.

But the honking and screeching sounds filled the air. Then, the thing that I most feared for all my life happened in front of my eyes. A jeep swerved, out of control, hitting Kyungsoo along with it. The two on-coming cars tried to avoid it but failed. Both of them hit in a three-way head-on collision. There was an explosion, a ball of flame and a fist of grey smoke.

"Kyungsoo!"  This word seems to be stuck in my throat and I froze at where I stood.

Soon, people started to surround the lifeless body that was lying on the road. 

"No.. Please.." I fell to my knees as my trembled hands tried to wake him.

I grabbed his limp arms and shook it several times as I weakly begging on him to open his eyes again. Red liquid kept flowing non-stop from his head, dirtied the road. My eyesight was getting blurred from tears as I knew he had left me.

"You can't do this to me." I cried helplessly against his calm chest and my hands took hold of him.

"Please forgive me, Kyungsoo."

That’s the day when she lost herself. Losing someone important in your life wasn't a joke. She cried for days and nights after the accident. The guilty feeling keeps haunting her. Her family always tells her, not to put the blame on her shoulder. It’s wasn’t her fault. The driver was the one at fault. He didn't stop his car although it was red light at that time.

But still, Kyungsoo won’t come back. Forever.

Now.

It’s been a month since Kyungsoo left her. She lifts her head as her sobbing gradually stopped. She wipes her tears clean from her face. She knows she's not supposed to cry today. It was his last wish.  Feeling somehow a new energy in herself, she stands. She must continue her performance.

 "You’re the best person I ever had!"

She tooks a deep breath; calming down her heart. Cold airs are slightly brushing herself. It feels like someone is hugging her, giving her encouragement to be stronger. Closing her eyes slowly, she feels a familiar touch. 

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.. If I had been more careful, that wouldn’t happened.” She whispers to the empty air. "But, it'll always be my fault, right? Those squishy hands.. I wanna hold them again." Her lips twitch a bit, feeling a pang in her heart.  “I miss talking to you. The childish you.”

She opens her eyes and walks away with heavy steps. You never said goodbye to me. The steps are getting lighter as she realized something. She begins to run towards the auditorium, not wasting any more time.

Because you’ll never leave me.

Because I never asked you to leave.

Forever and always; I’ll miss you, Do Kyungsoo.