A fresh morning in June.
Last Sunday was officially the first day of summer but I still have to put on a scarf on my way to work. I have an Vitamin D deficiency so my boss orders me to spent my lunch break outside on our patio but it's too cold to take of my plain black cardigan. The doctor said that arms and face should be exposed but I don't really want to catch a cold because of my lack of sunlight.
It's not like I don't ever leave the house. It's ridiculous. I mean I walk to work, there's no secret tunnel I take to avoid the sun.

My name is Yoo Youngjae.
I'm 21 years old and I work full time at a coffee shop.
I'm on my semester break that's why I work full time.

I study English literature and history. I don't know if I like it. Most history majors become lawyers, librarians, businesspersons, writers, archivists, researchers, teachers, politicians, and even entertainers.
It all sounds great. It all kinda fits since I'm a very easy person and those jobs seem to be so basic and normal.
At least that's what I like to think.
The truth is that I don't even really know what I want to do with my degree.
Do I want to become a teacher? Or work at historic sites and museums?

I'm having a.. complicated time.
I drowning myself in nostalgia, memories and what if's.
Too realistic daydreams, all of them never going to turn out real.
I'm all for cliches and pretentious .
Himchan, a good friend of mine tells me at least twice a week that I'm turning into a goddamn hipster.
The thought alone is scary which is funny since, as already mentioned, I'm living for cliches.

It all kind of enveloped out of my depression. I'm not sad or knocked down
Just clinging onto the past and I'm always accompanied by melancholy.
I'll be at a birthday party, excitingly singing Stevie Wonder's “Happy Birthday” song with my other friends.
But then I look into their smiling and laughing faces and think “Oh man, this will be over soon. It's so sad.”
I'm a ing idiot for that.

Lately I found interest in wine.
Again Himchan said I'm in the process of transforming into the sarcastic wine mom of our group.

I love coffee. I love to know everything about the geography facts, where the beans come from, the processing, balance of temperature and time to reach its individual peak of aroma, acidity, body and flavor.
It's the same with wine.
I always digged complexity. Logical complexity.
Therefore I'm a wine and coffee person.

Dark coffee is the best coffee, occasionally I'm having a Cortado.
I'm not much of a sweet tooth, compared to cheesy Daehyun.
Yes he is my crush. My boyfriend, my teenage love. The head over heels kind of love. The one where I smile and get teased and I don't even notice of big my grin is.

Flushed Cheeks and a lot of teasing because he's so rude and cheesy while I'm all for the soft and slow paced romance. He loves to sent me flower bouquets to work, dedicate ballades to me while we're out with friends at karaoke. The loud romance.
I do have to admit that he is really stepping up his game.
This autumn we'll travel to Europe.

Which brings me to my next point.
He helps me fulfilling my secret day dreams.
I'm like Blair Waldorf. Like her, I have a scrap book with pictures and receipts and doodles and old tickets. On some pages I wrote down some sort of bucket list.
All my cliche dreams all the pretentious bull.

I myself call it pretentious bull because everyone else does and they're right.
I read poetry, listen to Louis Armstrong on Vinyl, embrace the idea of caffeine and storms outside. I watch Woody Allen movies.
I cry over books written by W. Sommerset Maugham, Murakami, Salinger and Hemingway.
I wish I looked different- get rid of the baby fat, my ridiculous cheeks and my knobbly nose. More pretty I guess.

After every book I read, movie I watch, song I hear, I rethink my whole life which is stupid.
I spent a lot of money on fine cuisine which Daehyun loves, but often enough he tells me that he likes my cooking way better.

He's the best thing to ever happen to me.
When I can't sleep he puts on my pretentious classic music.

By the way.

Why is listening to classic music even considered pretentious? Why do I participate in this?? Hold on, for real. Why is everything I like considered suffering the special snowflake syndrom?
I... maybe I just really enjoy Chopin, Satie, Liszt and Bach.
They were and still are geniuses.
Why ridiculous this.

I think I just enlightened myself.
_{^{Holy .}}
Dear scrap book aka my diary. I apologize for this entry dripping with self-pity.
it all, I'll enjoy my Café Crema in a cute Cafè in Saint-Germain-des-Prés, the 6th arrondissement in Paris with my lovely boyfriend.

He'll put on Debussy to wake me up and the soothing tunes of Arabesque I from 1888 will be the soundtrack for the first early hours of the day. Waking up feeling refreshed like the morning dew. I'll help him button his shirt with furrowed eyebrows while he tickles my neck with his fingers. We're so close that I feel his warm breath on my cheeks and he looks prettier than any Monet Painting.
That's what I believe in. For me, Debussy and Daehyun the both have the ability to grasp all our attention (yes everyone’s attention) while offering us the possibility to let ourselves go and go along with the flow of time, of the moment.

What's so wrong with les grandes chansons françaises.
With tasty croissants and romantic bistros.
With Vespa rides in the narrow streets of Livorno in the Tuscany.
With admiring the Renaissance Buildings in Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Germany.
With enjoying a cold beer and pierogi in Gdansk, Poland.
With riding bikes in Amsterdam, Netherlands.

I believe that people are just afraid- afraid to travel and see those things which the write books and make movies about themselves.
Afraid to escape their busy lives even though the wish they would. Turn their day dreams into reality.
I'm not afraid.
I'm in love, I want to discover and to experience.
La vie en rose.
Call me a dreamer, with my head in my hands.
I think I can live with that.

Einen schönen Tag, have a nice day.



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A/N:
Everyone, hey.
I'm suffering a dilemma. I basically wrote about me lol?
All the things I do like pity myself, working too much, taking bubble baths with some red wine..
It feel so strange. People talk about it how good it is. All the "I'll travel to Paris" talking and chessy
and romantic stuff, including pampering yourself. But as soon as you mention that you listen to
Choping and think that Van Gogh's Painting are pretty you're suddenly pretentiously deep.
You don't really like all of this for real. But I do, I do like it.
Screw those people. I hope you think of yourself as a friend, treat yo self and relax sometimes.
Hope you liked it (Jae is my precious angel that's why he's the main character hehe)

- instanttoffee