Lu Han could hear metal clanking and faint whispers. He tries to register where he is, what day it is today or who are the people he could hear, but nothing came. He only knows one thing though: pain. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint where but he’s sure that his body is exhausted as hell. It’s like he just tried to lift the heaviest thing on earth. He tried to open his eyes, but failed, though he could feel lights on his face. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but oddly enough, he feels calm.

Lu Han could still hear the faint whispers and he’s sure that he could also hear familiar beeping sound on his left. Lu Han feels like his body just separated from his soul. Is this death? He doesn’t know and he thinks that he doesn’t like to know. After a few minutes, Lu Han didn’t notice that he fell on a deep slumber.

The next thing Lu Han knew is that he could already open his eyes and the exhaustion that sipped through every part of his body is gone, except for a headache. Everything is white, even his clothes are white. His eyes are still heavy and he still couldn’t really move his body. He’s still trying to comprehend where exactly he is when his gaze fell on his hands. His fingers were intertwined with a man. The said man is sleeping on a chair beside him, head comfortably resting at the side of Lu Han’s bed. Lu Han couldn’t register who the man is and he feels like the headache is worse than before. Before he let himself fall asleep again, another man entered the room, dressed in white coat with a clipboard on his hands. The man smiled at him.

“Good Evening Mr. Lu. I’m glad that you’re awake now.”

Lu Han just replied with a grunt when the man beside him stirred. His hair is dishevelled and Lu Han could point out the dimples appearing at the man’s cheeks. He stared at Lu Han dumbly and gave him a grin.

“How long I’ve been out?” Lu Han didn’t expect his voice to be hoarse. He already knew that he wasn’t able to use his voice for the past days and he could barely remember what happened.

“I was expecting a question like: ‘where am I?’” the doctor chuckled. “Anyway, you’ve been out for three days Mr. Lu. I know that you could feel headache now and that’s the anaesthesia losing its effect. Aside from that, could you still feel any other pain or discomfort?” The doctor asked him politely.

Lu Han just shook his head.

The doctor just nodded and wrote something on the clipboard. “Also, I’m afraid that the right side of your body would be paralyzed for a few months Mr. Lu, although I’m happy to inform you that the left side of your brain is removed successfully, so that means that you’ll have a less chance – no - near zero percent chance of experiencing a seizure again.” The doctor smiled at him.

Lu Han didn’t know about his body being paralyzed until the doctor said it. He tried to move his right hand, but failed. Lu Han isn’t exactly surprised, though. Right now, he just wanted to get back to sleep again.

“Thank you for informing us Dr. Kim.” The man beside him stood up and bowed before the doctor left.

The man looked at Lu Han and smiled softly at him. “We’ve been worried about you Lulu. I thought that that’ll be the end. Geez, I never expected myself to cry!”

“Sorry Yixing.” Lu Han managed to give him a sheepish grin.

Yixing has always been his best friend since forever. Lu Han isn’t exactly the extroverted type and he’s more than grateful to have the former beside him. Lu Han couldn’t deny that without his best friend, he wouldn’t be able to adjust well to college and meet Jongin and Kyungsoo, his two other friends who are blind with their feelings with each other.

“Well, at least Dr. Kim is hot… You should rest for a while Lulu, the doctors said that you’re not allowed to eat any food yet.”

Lu Han doesn’t need to be told twice. He immediately drifted off to dreamland after closing his eyes.

Yixing invited Lu Han at a new café just beside their university. It took a bribe and a lot of pleas before Yixing was able to convince Lu Han to go outside from his “cave” and to actually give himself a break. Lu Han is actually the nerd type, the one who opts to study even in his free time. In Yixing’s point of view, there really is nothing bad about that, considering that the two of them are scholars and needed to maintain grades. But Lu Han is becoming unhealthy, refusing to eat and rest and that could just add fuel to the fire on the fact that Lu Han could have seizures anytime.

Lu Han agreed to Yixing only because his best friend has been nagging him since last week and he’s tired of Yixing saying: “You should come out bit Lu Han, you look like a buggin’ ghost and you freakin’ need the sun.” So yeah, the two of them went at the café.

He was surprised to see Jongin and Kyungsoo there. Kyungsoo waved at them with his signature wide eyes and heart shaped smile. When the two of them have already settled on their sits, Lu Han suddenly felt a shiver run down his spine. It’s like someone’s staring at him, reading what’s on his mind. There’s this uncertainty gnawing at his chest and he doesn’t know if it’s because it’s the first time he hang out again for the past few months. Nevertheless, he scanned the café: students with their latte and highlighters in hand, an old man reading the newspaper, two high school women giggling… nothing odd, except when his gaze fell on a man sitting at the corner of the café.

Lu Han could still remember those tantalizing eyes, reading him as if he’s a Nobel prized book, trying to map out every corner of his soul. He couldn’t break their gaze. He remembered the man’s silver hair that matched his alabaster skin and his lazy, yet captivating eyes, the soft muscle that darted out every once in a while to wet his pink lips that are perfectly molded together. Lu Han’s not sure why he can’t take off his eyes on the said man, maybe because he hasn’t met anyone as handsome before? Or maybe he doesn’t understand why the man is staring at him.

Their eye contact broke when Jongin pulled him out of his reverie.

“Lu, are you alright?”

Lu Han just gave him a smile and nodded.

“He’s been preoccupied with papers for the past few months, Jongin. I’m just lucky I was able to pull him out from the dorm.” Yixing said as-a-matter-of-fact, then drank his latte. “Thanks for this Kyungie, you know what I like.”

The time passed quickly and Lu Han didn’t notice when the man got out of the café. He felt refreshed and more motivated. He was surprised when he heard his own laugh because seriously, when’s the last time he laughed? Or even truly smiled?

Lu Han just remembered about the man when they finished their drinks and bade their good-byes. That night, Lu Han dreamt of a guy with silver hair and lazy eyes. 

“Yixing…”

Yixing looked at Lu Han and placed his phone beside Lu Han’s bed. He held his friend’s hand and smiled at him.

“What is it?” Yixing asked softly. Lu Han kind of hates it when Yixing treats him like a child. On the contrary, he kind of likes it too, because heck, he missed his mom.

“When you asked me to go at a café with you recently, have you noticed a man with silver hair? He look like he’s under the same age like us and he has these lazy eyes.”

Yixing gave him a confused look before answering. “No… I mean none that I remember of. Why?”

“Nothing.” Lu Han just dropped the subject and heaved a deep sigh.

Lu Han doesn’t know what’s happening. It’s like he’s watching a movie.

A boy ran out of the house and a smile is pasted on the child’s face, he’s holding a kite and a small cap. Lu Han just knows that he isn’t the child. In fact, he doesn’t know who the child is. Then a man held the hand of the child, maybe it’s his father, he thought. They headed towards a car then a woman came out of the house. The woman locked the door and went towards the car. She gave a kiss to the man and the child. They looked happy, like a perfect family. Then the woman bent down and carried the child on her arms, planting kisses on the child’s face while the child is giggling.

Lu Han doesn’t know if he’s actually watching ‘cause he swore, he could feel the happiness of the family. He could feel the woman’s love to the child. It’s like he’s the child but he’s not.

The family finally got in the car. Maybe they’re heading for a picnic? He could hear their voices, the father’s jokes and the mother’s ‘I love the two of you’. They sang on the road until the child fell asleep on her mother’s arms. Silence enveloped the family, but it’s a comfortable one. The car stopped for gas and the woman left her child at the back. She made her bag as a pillow for the child and gave him a peck on the forehead before smiling. They arrived at their destination after a few more minutes.

The mother woke her child and the child smiled. He’s excited and Lu Han can feel the excitement himself. The child allowed himself to be scooped by the mother. He was greeted by a sight of kites, with different shapes and colors floating from above, flying freely, allowing the wind to take the lead. He was giddy. His father helped him fly his own kite and the child’s eyes are twinkling as his kite soared through the sky.

The day is filled with happiness. The sight is too perfect for Lu Han. He felt a bit envious. He recalled his childhood in the white room of the hospital, being surrounded by doctors, nurses and a tired mother. Hospital became Lu Han’s second home. It isn’t his fault that he’s always sick, not to mention the fact that he started having seizures.

But as they said, good things always come to an end.

The family is on their way home when the skies suddenly got dark. The child is sleeping at the back. The drizzle came, and soon the silence in the car was changed by the sound of the pitter-patter of the rain.

Bullets of water continued to flow, as if the clouds are crying. The wind roared and some trees fell. The night and the lack of light aggravated their situation. The road is slippery and all the family wanted is to head back home safely.

The scenes are too fast and Lu Han wasn’t able to process what happened because the next thing he knew,

the car crashed on a fallen tree.

He wanted to shout. He wanted to scream for help. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. Lu Han felt the pain, not just the pain that gnawed on his chest, but a physical pain. It feels like his body is smashed into pieces. He couldn’t move his body but he knows he’s alive.

“Lu Han!” He could hear his name. He wanted to respond, but his mouth won’t open.

“Lu Han!... Lu Han!” The sounds are becoming fainter until everything goes black.

“Lu Han, wake up! You’re having a nightmare… Lu! Wake up!”

Lu Han could feel someone shaking him. He opened his bleary eyes and saw the worried face of Yixing and… Jongin? Lu Han abruptly checked for any injuries, he tried to move his right arm, only to be reminded that it’s paralyzed. He scanned his legs and tried to check his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asked, concern painted his face.

Lu Han just heaved a sigh of relief and nodded.

Jongin smiled at him.

“Don’t worry Lu, I think you’re just having a nightmare…”

“Yeah? I fell asleep again. When did you come here Jongin?”

The latter just shrugged and sat at the chair Yixing occupied. “A while ago… how are you feeling?”

“umm.. Great? The right part of my body feels numb and I couldn’t move it, plus, I have a headache.”

Jongin chuckled. “Doesn’t sound ‘great’ to me though.”

Lu Han’s almost sure that he felt something that he shouldn’t.

He had that dream again… the family who had an accident. He forced his eyes to open, only to be greeted by the sun. He forgot to tell his mom to close the curtains last night, and when Lu Han tried to get up (which he did successfully), he almost forgot that the other side of his body is paralyzed, only to be reminded after a short while when he tried to stand up. Oh, of course. He almost wanted to roll his eyes for forgetting such. It’s been a week since he’s been discharged from the hospital, and it’s weird because Yixing cried again. It’s not like his fault why Lu Han is in a hospital… or maybe he’s just emotional? Lu Han could still remember how his mom gave him the softest smile she could give. It’s a surprise when he saw his mom in the hospital.

Lu Han tried to get up using his left, he stood up for seconds and took a sit again on the side of his bed. He ran his hand through his hair before heaving a frustrated sigh. He didn’t notice the knock on his door and was surprised when his mom came in.

“Oh you’re awake!”

Lu Han just nodded, trying to hide his frustration. It’s only been a week and here he is, feeling depressed about his condition. His mom sat down beside him and rested her hands on his shoulder.

“What would you like to eat? Hm? I’ve made French toast and bacon and cheese-”

“I don’t feel like eating mom…”

Her mom heaved a defeated sigh before smiling again. She should be strong for her son. “Lulu, you know you won’t recover that easily when you don’t like to eat. Dr. Kim said that you’ll recover quickly when you help yourself. You’re not helping yourself Lulu.” She gently caressed her son’s hair before her hands rested on his cheek. “You’re scrawny my dear! Come on, tell mommy what you want to eat.” Lu Han suddenly smiled. He hates it when his mom babies him, but at the same time his mom’s smile is absolutely contagious.

“Fine. I’ll eat… only when you stop spoiling me and treating me like a baby, mom.” Her mother chuckled before helping him get on his feet then walk.

When he’s finally settled on his chair, Lu Han suddenly felt the he’s hungry, and the delicious aroma of toast made his stomach churn. His mom placed a plate of French toast and a hot chocolate, and he started digging in slowly. He doesn’t like his mom to feel that he’s actually hungry. He didn’t notice his mom sitting in front of him, watching him happily as he eats.

“So you’re hungry…”

“…am not.” He answered curtly, not taking a glance on his mom. She watched her son eat and rested her chin on her hand.

“Say Lulu, would you like to take the therapy? Mr. Kim said that you’ll recover more quickly if you do…”

Lu Han suddenly stopped and took a glance on his mom. Her happy face is now replaced by a worried look and he sighed before placing his fork at the side of his plate.

“Mom… I don’t want, okay? Besides, I know I can recover without it…”

“But honey-“

“Mom, please?”

“Look, I know you’re having a hard time Lu… it’s worth a try, don’t you think?”

He paused for a while before sighing. How could he say ‘no’ to his mother? “Okay then…”

Her mom smiled at him, and he just resumed eating. Getting therapy isn’t that bad, right?

Having a body that’s paralyzed on the other side is not a joke. Lu Han’s starting to feel uncomfortable every time he tries to move his right side and the feeling of numbness makes him more frustrated. Three months. That’s what Mr. Kim said to him. Three months before his right side of brain would be able to learn to control his right side, not to mention the therapy he needs to undergo. Lu Han’s mom is persistent on having his son receive therapy despite Lu Han’s protests. He knows that he can recover even without it. That’s true, though it’ll take more time before he can fully recover and the discomfort he’s experiencing made him agree with his mom without further discussion.

Eating using his left hand became hard, unfortunately for Lu Han, he’s not a left-handed person. Grasping things are also hard. Crutches are not an option if he’d like to take a walk, because how could he? His right arm can’t even move to support himself, his right leg can’t walk. That isn’t the worst part though. Bathing. Taking a bath is the hardest. He learned to keep his underwear when bathing, because there’s his mom, just on the other side, ready to assist him.

Lu Han and his mother visited the doctor to ask Mr. Kim about his condition, and for the application for the therapy. Oddly enough, he feels calm taking the therapy. In the first place, he doesn’t know what kept him from agreeing to his mom immediately.

The two of them was greeted by Mr. Kim, with his usual signature smile (which, he thinks, became already monotonous because heck, when did Mr. Kim ever frowned? Lu Han hasn’t seen him for once.) Mr. Kim bowed at the two of them and beckoned them to sit on the chairs in front of his table. It’s Lu Han’s first time to actually see Dr. Kim’s office. His books are neatly tacked on the shelf in one corner, dark blue carpet covering the floor, white painted walls… typical workplace of a doctor. He’s cut off from his reverie when Dr. Kim asked him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

Mr. Kim nodded and wrote something on his record. “So, what seems to be the problem Mrs. Lu?”

His mother smiled at Dr. Kim. “I want Lu Han to take the therapy, Dr. Kim.”

“That’s great.” Dr. Kim said enthusiastically while pulling out some papers from his desk. He placed the papers in front of Mrs. Lu and gave her a pen. “You just need to sign those up… about the doctor in charge.. I’ve known someone who can monitor and guide Mr. Lu for his progress. After that, you could proceed on the reception hall then give those papers, they’ll be the one to have a schedule for Mr. Lu.”

Lu Han wanted to ask Mr. Kim about the dreams, but that’s stupid because Mr. Kim is a doctor and he thinks that it’s totally inappropriate to ask him about this. Mr. Kim may be a neurosurgeon, but he isn’t a psychiatrist. Anyway, those are just dreams, right? Dreams won’t harm him, except for his sleep, that is. He could endure that, though. Maybe it’s just because he’s newly operated. He decided to keep those dreams for a while and just ask Dr. Kim later about it.

After signing the papers, Mrs. Lu and Lu Han bade their good-byes to Dr. Kim and proceeded on the reception hall. The journey tired him immediately, having an elevator wasn’t really a help, but he refused to take the wheelchair. So this is how the handicaps feel, huh? He thought.

His mother gave the papers and the payment on the nurse in charge, and they waited for a few minutes for Lu Han’s schedule.

“Mrs. Lu?” The nurse called after a few minutes.

“Yes!”

“This is Lu Han’s schedule for the entire session. If we want Lu Han to recover quickly, we’d like to ask for full cooperation.” The nurse said courteously.

“Yes, we understand… so Lu Han’s already going to start tomorrow. Okay, I guess we’ll just see you around then?”

The nurse gave his mom a nod before the two of them worked their way outside the hospital. Now, Lu Han knows that tomorrow would be a big day.

He felt pain. Again. He could feel the pitter patter of the rain, drenching every corner of his body. He wants to scream, but no voice ever comes from his mouth. He can see the crimson liquid flowing out from the woman’s head inside the car, and he can’t do anything about it. The child! Lu Han thought of the child. Oh no, no not the child. He’s too young. He wasn’t aware of the tears flowing from his eyes, he wasn’t able to notice the coldness of the atmosphere. All he knew is that the smell of death was reeking and he couldn’t do anything about it. He tried to call for help, but nobody came.

Lu Han just cried, his knees are wobbly and he can’t stand up, his limbs suddenly became heavy and he couldn’t do anything about it. Lu Han. Someone’s voice called his name, and its sweet, just like the voice of his mom. Darling, wake up. The voice demanded. Lulu, wake up dear.

He opened his eyes, and the worried face of his mom greeted him. He immediately got up and hugged his mom, he noticed that he’s drenched with sweat.

“Lu, are you okay?” His mom asked, worry filled her voice.

Lu Han took a deep breath before nodding. “It’s just a nightmare, okay? You sure you want to have the therapy today? I could just call the hospital if you’re not feeling well.”

He shook his head and gave his mom a weak smile. “I’m fine mom… I’ll do it.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” He answered with a smile that didn’t reached his mom’s eyes.

“Okay then, get yourself ready… call me if you needed help, okay? I’ve already prepared your bath.”

“Okay… just… don’t come inside the bathroom, mom… I can do it myself.” Lu Han’s mom chuckled before she went outside his room.

“I’ll give you thirty minutes then, we don’t want to be late”

“Okay.”

Lu Han lingered a little bit on his bed before he started moving. He noticed he could already move the fingers on his right hand. He smiled at himself: this is going to be a long day.

When they arrived at the venue, Lu Han’s mom left him a bit to talk to his instructor. He suddenly became wary when he felt that others are looking at him. He looked around, and found out that he’s probably the youngest among other patients. Suddenly, a girl approached him and gave him a smile. The girl looks like she’s 27, a little short, with wavy black hair tied neatly.

“Hi, you must be Lu Han? I’m Rita, and I’m going to be your instructor in your therapy sessions… I hope you can recover quickly… Nice to meet you.” She offered her left hand and Lu Han gladly took it.

“Yes, I’m Lu Han, nice to meet you too Rita-ssi.”

“I’ll leave you here, son. Just call when I need to pick you up, okay?”

Lu Han just nodded and gave his mom a smile. Rita asked him to sit for a while before proceeding for his training. He noticed other people struggling to walk, with their instructors by their sides. Some are stiffly walking, like a child learning how to walk for the first time, with their hands tightly grasping the metal rail. He could hear words of encouragement from everywhere, and the instructors have smiles pasted on their lips. Lu Han wondered how these people are able to smile the whole day. It’s not that he’s depressed or anything, but keeping those smiles is sort of tiring.

He flinched when a hand tapped him on his shoulder, interrupting his train of thoughts.

“Oops, did I scare you?”

“Oh… no.”

Rita just chuckled before guiding Lu Han inside the therapist room. “You seemed to be in a deep thought, Lulu…”

Lu Han’s surprised. Did Rita just called him ‘Lulu’? “H-How did you know my nickname…?”

“Your mother called you that when she talked to me…” Rita chuckled while guiding Lu Han’s right arm to hold the metal rail.

Of course, it has to be mom… He sighed at the thought.

“…You don’t need to be embarrassed about it. I’ll just call you that when it’s just the two of us… okay?”

Lu Han heaved a sigh of relief before concentrating on the metal rail. He tried to grasp the rail, but his fingers are shaking miserably. He bit his bottom lip, and tried doing it again. Rita seemed to sense Lu Han’s discomfort.

“I didn’t know you could already move your fingers… I think three months is too long for you. Don’t worry about those shaking fingers, that’ll improve over the next sessions… just try what you can do right now, there’s no need to push yourself to it.” Rita said encouragingly.

Lu Han nodded. He could already feel a sheen of sweat on his forehead. He tried controlling his fingers again, lips bitten in concentration. He could already feel the coldness of the metal, so what’s the use of giving up now? He slowly moved his middle and ring finger, followed by the small finger. He didn’t thought that grasping things would exhaust him. After wrapping his fingers on the metal rail, he tried to grasp it hardly before trying to make a step.

“That’s it… That’s it. Now slowly, move your right arm while grasping the metal rail tightly…”

“Okay.” Lu Han mouthed and tried to do what Rita said earlier. He tried to slide his right arm, but he couldn’t move it. He let go of the rail and took a deep breath. He tried doing it all over again, wrapping his fingers on the metal rail, and holding it tightly. He closed his and bit his bottom lip again. He tried moving his arms… and it moved. It’s a little movement, but at least it moved, right?

Rita patted his left shoulder. “You’re doing good. Here, drink water first. I’ll give you a three-minute break, okay? Then we’ll continue what you’re doing.”

He smiled at her, and drank his water. Who would’ve thought that grasping, or even holding things would require this copious amount of effort? After drinking, he tried to hold the rail again. He’s a little confident that his arms are going to move. He wrapped his fingers, and grasped the rail tightly. When he moved his head on the right direction, silver hair caught up his eye. He followed the guy with his eyes. The man stopped in front of the nurse in the therapy room. He couldn’t get a glimpse of the man’s face, but something’s telling him that he has met this guy… or maybe not?

The man finally turned around, and their eyes met. Lu Han, definitely knew that man. How could he forget those lazy eyes and pink lips? He turned his gaze on his hands, and confusion filled up his throat. He thought that the man is almost the same age as his… Well, looks can be deceiving.

Rita came back, holding a pair of dumbbell. He didn’t notice Rita’s presence until she patted his back. She gave him a questioning look. “You’re at it already, enthusiastic are we?” Rita chuckled. "Anyway, have you moved your arm more this time?”

He didn’t seem to comprehend what Rita said. “Huh?”

“I said… have you moved your arm more this time?” She repeated herself, patiently. She waited for Lu Han’s answer before proceeding to the nurse the silver-haired man was talking to. Rita handed the dumbbells to her, and went back to Lu Han again. The silver-haired man passed him, without giving him a glance.

“Say, Rita-ssi… does having colored hair allowed in this hospital?” Rita seemed to buy the question and chuckled. “I guess so…Why?”

“Is there anyone in this hospital have a silver hair?” He asked, head falling in one side.

“uhmm, yeah.”

“Oh…” He dismissed the man earlier from his mind and concentrated on his hold on the rail. He just felt lucky that Rita didn’t question him more. He tried to slide his arm against the rail, teeth now gritted as he forces his arm to move. His arm slid and Lu Han couldn’t have been happier.

“That’s nice Lu Han! You’re already making a progress… and it’s just the start of our session!”

Lu Han spent the rest of the day practicing on moving his arms. Rita said that he shouldn’t overdo it, but the thought of doing things for himself strongly motivates him. Tomorrow will be a massaging session, so he doesn’t really have more time to practice his movements. He called his mom immediately to pick him up. He realized that he missed the moments when his parents fetch him from school.

That night, sleep came easily on him, and surprisingly, he fell on a deep dreamless slumber.

Everything seems to be idyllic, except for the dreams that Lu Han always had. He almost thought that those dreams will finally stop, but he’s absolutely wrong. It’s like ‘calm before the storm’. He was able to sleep well after a week of his therapy and he thought that everything is going back to normal, but the next events that came proved him otherwise. He felt that these recurring dreams aren’t just dreams anymore. The scene of the crushed car haunted him, not only on his sleep, but also when he’s awake. He can feel pain every time the dream plays, and those pain can’t be just ignored.

Lu Han found himself sitting on the stairs in the porch of a white house. He doesn’t know whose house is that. All he knows is that it’s drizzling and everything around him is gloomy: the skies are dark and there’s nothing that anyone can hear. The lively birds are not around to sing their joyous songs, and everything around him is bland, like a faded picture that no else would waste their time seeing, but here he is… sitting in front of a seemingly familiar house. The dreary house in front of him sent him emotions he can’t fathom. The lawn across the porch is left uncut, windows are covered with dust, and Lu Han thinks that even the sun can’t penetrate through those windows.

But if Lu Han just squinted hard enough, he would see a child watching how the morning dew would slip from the green leaves, how those sad eyes are trying to find joy with the darkened skies above, how that child is silently praying to God to bring his parents back in life.

A van stopped right in front of the house, and a woman, wearing a blue scrub suit with a nameplate stepped out, followed by two other women wearing the same uniform with toys on their hands. He thought that they looked kind, but he can’t decipher what’s wrong in the picture. They stepped in front of the door and knocked three times. No one answered.

The woman, who stepped out from the car first, turned the knob. She looked at the woman beside her and the two of the nodded, just like a cue. The women entered the house, and Lu Han doesn’t know what to do. Judging from their movements, they aren’t the owner of the house and he’s supposed tell others that some strangers just barged in other people’s house, but curiosity got the best of him. He will wait until all the scenes will unfold before his eyes. Lu Han noticed a movement from the window above, but decided to dismiss it.

He didn’t notice that he’s holding his breath until the women came out of the house. They seemed to be happy. The last woman who came out of the house has a scrawny child, holding her hand gently. The child has a teddy bear tucked safely on his other arm. He wasn’t able to notice that a group of people is forming outside the house, until one of the women approached a guy still in pyjamas. He’s not sure what they’re talking about but he heard words like “poor kid…”, “died… accident… few years”. He’s about to go near the van when the child and him locked eyes before he went inside the van. He thought that those eyes are familiar, those sad eyes screaming for ‘help me’ are familiar.

Lu Han felt something heavy on his chest, and he knows that he shouldn’t be feeling that way because he doesn’t even know who that child is. It left a hole through his heart, and a dreary feeling clawing his chest. A tear fell from his eye and everything turned black.

He suddenly woke up, lungs screaming for air. Lu Han didn’t notice the sheen of sweat that formed on his forehead. He clutched his chest and closed his eyes for a while, making himself calm. He breathed in and out, in and out, until his breath has finally evened out. When he touched his face, he felt that his cheeks are wet, he cried while sleeping. A knock interrupted his train of thoughts. It’s his mom. He quickly brushed away the tears before he let his mom enter his room.

“Oh you’re awake.”

He simply nodded before lying on his bed, again. His mom sat at the edge of the bed.

“You okay?” his mom asked, voice laced with worry.

He nodded again before closing his eyes. “Tell mom… am I an adopted child?” He doesn’t even know why he asked that, though he already knew the answer. There’s no way he could be an orphan, but who knew, right?

“What?” her mom suddenly chuckled. “So, are you now interested with the dramas on TV? Gosh, Lulu, I didn’t know you’re currently in dramas!”

“Mom, I’m serious!”

Her mom cleared before reaching for her son’s face. “Of course not! You look like your dad and I, and you always have those baby pictures… even in bathing! You even have a picture of your grandmama carrying you.” Her mom said calmly while caressing his hair. “Why’d you ask? … Had a bad dream about it? That you’re an orphan?”

He sat and shook his head gently. “No… I just thought of it…”

His mom chuckled again before proceeding to the door. “Fix yourself now, or you’re going to be late.”

Lu Han’s not himself that day. He doesn’t like to go on his therapy session and he opted to just rest at home. The odd feeling at his chest hasn’t disappeared yet and he thinks that he needs to sleep again, hoping that the hole on his chest will disappear. He found himself staring at the metal rail, as if it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, when Rita flicked her fingers on his face.

“Lu, are you alright? You’ve been staring at the rail! If your eyes have laser beams on them, that rail will surely melt…”

He blinked his eyes a few times, being reminded of where he is. “Uh… yeah, of course.”

Rita pulled out a chair and made him sit. She handed him a water before sitting across him, folding her arms on her chest.

“So what’s the problem?” she asked gently.

Lu Han can’t directly look on her questioning eyes. He contemplated of telling his weird dreams to Rita, but she seemed to be a trustworthy person, so in the end, he decided to tell them to her… not in full details though.

“Have you experienced having weird dreams… in which you actually feel pain? Physical and emotional…” he looked directly on her eyes.

Rita tapped her chin and looked at him in confusion. “Well, we all have weird dreams, right? Emotional pain… yeah. Physical-no. Why?”

He still doesn’t know if he’s supposed to tell what he’s experiencing to anyone, but he knows that he needs to tell it to somebody. Keeping things inside is easier said than done.

“You know, I’m having these weird dreams lately, and it’s like I can feel some things that I should not, like if someone’s been on an accident on your dream, you’ll wake up without pain… right? It’s the opposite on me, though.” Lu Han thought that Rita would laugh at him, so he’s quite surprised when Rita just gave him a confused look with a hint of concern.

“Maybe it’s a side effect of your surgery? Maybe it’s best if you should tell this to Dr. Kim?”

Lu Han just nodded and smiled at her. “Yeah”

He continued his training, and this time, the progress he’s making helped him take his mind off from his weird dreams.

While waiting for his mom to pick him up, he found himself fiddling with his phone. He forgot to bring his earphones, and now he’s bored as hell. The thought of having a ride for 45 minutes made him sigh in exasperation, not to mention that his mom’s probably still at work. He didn’t expect that his therapy would end early. It’s been three weeks, and Lu Han could already make little steps with his right leg.

He didn’t notice that Rita sat beside her. “Still waiting for your mom?”

Lu Han flinched a little and smiled when he faced Rita. “Yeah. I didn’t know that we’d end up early.”

“It’s because you’re doing an immense progress, Lulu…”

He chuckled at the thought. Soon, he’s going to move normally again. Honestly, he missed Yixing and the others. He missed running, though it’s not really his thing. Suddenly, his thought shifted to the silver-haired doctor. He can still picture those eyes that looked at him intensely.

“Rita-ssi… you said that there’s a doctor with a silver hair, right?”

“Uhmm, yeah? Yes. Why?” Lu Han can see a blush forming on Rita’s face. She suddenly became squirmy. And oh! He already got it. He chuckled at the sight.

“Why are you squirmy all of a sudden?” Lu Han smirked at her and Rita blushed even more.

“Dr. Oh is hot, you know? He’s often the topic of people here. He’s quite young, though. And to be honest, I think that he should still be studying in college.”

“Is he a good doctor?”

She nodded while smiling. “He’s a very good doctor, you know? Though he has this…”

Her voice almost became a whisper, and her smiling eyes suddenly became sad.

He looked at her with questioning eyes. “Dr. Oh is always grumpy… I’ve never seen him smile… not even once. Some patients are actually afraid of him. If I would be honest, I think he’ll not have any patients if not for his skills.

“How’d you know?” he asked, curious.

“we’ve never seen him hang out with fellow doctors… never greeted his patients with a smile… heck, he never even said ‘good morning’ to staff.”

“Maybe he’s just like that?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head softly.

Lu Han has woken up. He’s drenched in sweat again, hands tightly clutching his chest. The recurring dreams have become worse. The accident became like a video in loop, and he couldn’t stop it. His eye bags have darkened, and he became even paler as days passed. He checked for any signs of injury but he found none. Pain still lingered on his limbs, and it’s funny because he’s not supposed to feel anything with the right side of his body. He doesn’t know if he should be happy that the right side of his body could feel already.

Lu Han can now move his right arm perfectly. He’s been doing his therapy exactly for one month and one week already. His right foot could already feel the coldness of their floor whenever he steps on it without slippers. Once he accidentally stepped on little pebble that littered on their porch, and he hissed in pain, not noticing that his right foot could already feel. His walk improved, he could already step wider than the previous weeks.

Lu Han’s condition improved, though his nightmares became worse. Sometimes he could hear voices, he could hear them calling for someone. Someone who’s name is Sehun.