I’m not nervous, Jinwook thinks but his palms are sweating and his heart speeds up just the tiniest bit.  It doesn’t help that Chanyoung is looking at him, expectant, smile faint because he knows, he knows Jinwook is nervous about what he’s going to ask.

“So,” he his lips, “tomorrow is mine and Dojin’s anniversary,” he pauses watching the way Chanyoung’s smile widens.

“Ok,” Chanyoung says, “and?” Chanyoung knows what Jinwook will say, but lets him continue to make sure there is no confusion.

Jinwook squints his eyes, his nervousness edging away to a little irritation at himself.

“Byulha seems to really like you,” Jinwook starts again, “and I don’t think he’ll really want to hang around for our anniversary.  He’ll just make faces all the time.  So…”

“So you want me to look after him,” Chanyoung confirms, “because you’re afraid he’ll destroy everything in his way.”

Jinwook feels a small smile on his lips, “He’s a good kid,” he says, “and we love him to death but he doesn’t have the best track record, does he?”

Jinwook is all too aware of Byulha’s lack of judgment, the way he breezes through life as if he’s not made out of skin and bones.  He gives Dojin way too many scares, coming home with bruises, scrapes, and even a tattoo.  

“He’s not that bad,” Chanyoung laughs, “you two are just too old.”

Jinwook raises an eyebrows, mouth opening to say something before the door from their apartment opens completely and he nearly has a heart attack thinking it’s Dojin before Byulha saddles up next to him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks.

His hair is fading out from the red he had dyed it, looking like the color of rust, dark roots showing. Jinwook thinks about how upset Dojin had been about it.

“You’re gonna stay with Chanyoung this Saturday,” Jinwook says, “Your dad and I are gonna go out.”

Byulha crinkles his nose, pulling a displeased face, “I don’t need a babysitter, I’m not two years old.”

Jinwook sighs, “You and I both know your dad won’t be happy if we leave you alone.”
 

“Yeah well,” Byulha says, crosses his arms and walks away.

The door slams close and Jinwook pats his pants’ pocket to make sure he has his keys.

“So this Saturday?” Chanyoung asks.

“Yes, please,” Jinwook says.

“What are you going to do anyway?”

-

He hasn’t really been planning it as best as he could.  His days filled with work and just too many things that are not Dojin.  Now he doesn’t feel like it’s enough.  When he goes back inside and Dojin looks up at him, his eyes sleepy but still happy as if Jinwook makes him as happy as Dojin makes Jinwook.

“What were you doing?” he asks, “Byulha came in stomping and muttering something about not needing to be babied?”

Jinwook stops, his hands go up to touch Dojin, uncontrollable as they settle on his hip.  His heart feels like it's trying to run out of his body, he still can’t believe it’s been this long and it still feels like the first day he saw Dojin. Like he's going to talk to Dojin for the first time again.

“Tomorrow is our anniversary,” he says, his smile is too forced out, he pushes through, “I thought we could go out and celebrate.”

Dojin steps closer, says softly, “We don’t have to do anything.”

This is what Jinwook knew was going to happen so he lets his hand drop from Dojin’s hip, finding its way to Dojin’s warm hand, “But we do,” he says, lacing their fingers together, “it would mean a lot to me.”

He knows (and it still baffles him) that Dojin would do anything for him, he watches as Dojin’s face changes with his thoughts, before it breaks into a smile again, he shrugs.

“Ok,” he says, “as long as Byulha is ok then I'm ok.”

-

It’s cloudy the next day, Jinwook wakes up and the room is dim, unlike other mornings when the sun shines brightly.  

Dojin’s arms are still wrapped around him, face pressed to the side of his neck.  It’s chillier than usual so he lets himself stay in bed, closing his eyes again for a second before the door to their room opens, the light from the hallway creeping in.

“If Chanyoung wakes me up this early to go with him, then you two better be up too,” Byulha grumbles, turning on the light and walking out.

Jinwook can hear Chanyoung in the kitchen, his words muffled but cheery.

“But the sun isn’t out yet,” Dojin says sleepily.

Jinwook laughs, ducking down to kiss the side of his head, fingers pushing back Dojin’s hair.

“We should get up,” Jinwook says after a while, “we need to beat traffic anyway.”

Dojin grumbles, arms holding on tighter when Jinwook tries to get up, “In a bit,” he says quietly.

Jinwook lays back down, listens to Byulha and Chanyoung talk in the kitchen, the door closing and then silence.  

-

He watches Dojin fiddle with the car radio, tapping his foot to the song.

He hopes he doesn’t know where they’re going yet.  He knows making him wear comfortable clothes narrows down the possibilities but Jinwook hopes Dojin didn’t put much thought to it.  

“How long?” Dojin asks once they’ve been in the car for ten minutes.

“Not much” Jinwook says, “depends on traffic.”

He turns to look at Dojin once they hit a red light, Dojin smiles knowingly.  Jinwook didn’t really expect it to be a surprise, it’s not like Dojin isn’t going to recognize his way home.  

He turns back in time to see the light change to green, takes a deep breath and starts driving.

By the time they get to Gyeonggi-do Dojin is practically vibrating out of his seat, eyes wide as if he’s trying to see it all, like he’ll never come back again.

It’s been a long time since they’ve been around here, Jinwook realizes that growing up and starting a family has really taken a lot of time.  

“What are we doing here,” Dojin says, as if to humor Jinwook.

Jinwook pretends to be interested on the road, eyes unwavering from the car in front of him as he says, “Our first date, do you remember it?”

He can feel himself blush with the way Dojin keeps looking at him, how his smile just keeps getting bigger.

“Of course I do,” he says, “you had already made the reservations before you even asked me,” he laughs, “even though you really thought I was going to say no.”

Jinwook’s blush grows darker, “I was fully prepared to go alone, honestly. I didn’t expect you to say yes.”

“I don’t think you ever realized that I looked at you as much as you looked at me,” Dojin says, “I would have said yes to you a million times.”

They grow quiet after that, Jinwook can almost see the way Dojin is remembering his confession, the way the sun had been setting and Dojin had been looking at him expectantly, hands clasping around the strap of his book bag.

“You were in a band,” Jinwook says, “I wasn’t nearly as cool to get a yes from you.”

Dojin laughs, loud and bright, his eyes shine with amusement, “Don’t be silly,” he wheezes, “you were so good looking I thought it was joke when I kept catching you looking at me.”

Jinwook shifts in his seat, even after all this time he can’t understand why Dojin doesn’t see how attractive he is.

“You were way out of my league,” Jinwook says as they pull into the parking lot, “I was so nervous…the night before I couldn’t sleep at all.”

-

They wait in line for a couple of minutes. Dojin keeps trying to look over the crowd, standing on his toes and stretching his neck out.

Jinwook tugs at the hem of his shirt making sure Dojin moves along with him.  

When they finally make it in Jinwook doesn’t know what to do with himself.  The lushness of the trees and plants is breathtaking, the bright greens and the bold colors of flowers.

Dojin’s hand finds its way into his, “It’s just as pretty as the first time,” he breathes.

Jinwook nods, his feet starting to walk the same way they had walked many years ago.  

The lake is as clear as ever, Jinwook guides Dojin to the the banks of it, careful not to get too close.  

The sun glints off the water, pushing past trees and shining bright.  Dojin sits on the blankets they’ve brought in, careful not to make too much noise, trying to stay away from the packs of people still making their way through the entrance.

It’s quiet for a moment, the birds overhead break the silence in sporadic moments.  Jinwook lets himself get pulled closer to Dojin, lets him wrap his arm around his, lay his head on his shoulder.

“The first time we were here,” Dojin says, “I kept waiting for you to kiss me,” he tilts his head up then, catching Jinwook’s gaze, “but you were so shy, you nearly ran away when the museum closed.”

Jinwook shakes his head, “I was afraid I would be overstepping boundaries, I kept thinking you thought it was a day out with a friend.”

“Then you’re horrible at reading the mood,” Dojin moves closer, “because I keep thinking you should kiss me now but you aren’t.”

Even after all this time, Jinwook blushes, the way Dojin’s dark eyes keep looking at him, eyelashes curling up as if trying to reach the clouds.  His palms get sweaty, his throat is dry.  He leans down, but he only manages to bump his nose to the hard edge of Dojin’s jaw, earning a laugh and pain flooding across his reddened face.

“Ah, let me try again,” he says, keeping his eyes opened until he’s sure his lips are on Dojin’s, enjoying the hot pressure of his lips against his own.  There’s a hand cupping the back of his neck, the warmness bleeding through his clothes where he and Dojin meet.

-

They spend most of their time huddled together, hidden away from the rest of the spectators.  Jinwook watches Dojin skip stones on the lake, the way the ripples never reach the edge.  

The stars start to fade in when the the museum is about to close.  They watch the way the sky bleeds its blue into reds and oranges and purples, the way the moon is faint.

Jinwook offers him his hand when they announce closing time, Dojin lets him wrap the blanket around him, pulling past the throng of people, until they make it outside to their car.

“It’s still early,” Jinwook says, “and we haven’t eaten.”

Dojin smiles when he opens the car door for him, “Where are we going to eat?”

-

After driving around, it’s clear that no restaurant is going to take last minute reservations.  Jinwook is about to pull his hair out, his head hurting with trying to figure out what to do.

“Let’s just go to the supermarket,” Dojin says, “and drive to a place where we can be alone.”

Jinwook pulls into the first supermarket he can find.  The doors slide open and a blast of chilled air hits them. Dojin picks up a basket, going directly to the snack section.

-

They end up parked at the outskirts of town, the stars are still faint but the sky has gotten darker.  Dojin watches the way airplanes streak across the sky, the way the lights of the buildings blink on and off.

Jinwook has a lot of things he wants to say, but he feels like he’s in high school again and Dojin is too good for him.  The way the lights from the city shine against Dojin make him look too sharp, something Jinwook should be afraid of touching.

But then there’s a hand in his again, the other offering him the bag full of snacks, “You have to eat too,” Dojin says.

Jinwook nods, opens his mouth to say something.

“Today was really relaxing,” Dojin says, “it’s been a long time since we’ve been alone for this long.  I miss it.”

Jinwook tries to say something but Dojin keeps going.

“Because I love you.”

Suddenly the metal of his car is too cold under him, he shivers, can’t believe he still reacts like this to his husband.

He leans in for a kiss, but Jinwook is so determine to say it back, even if he’s said it a billion times before.

He isn’t fast enough and he ends up pressing the words against Dojin’s mouth, turning the kiss into an awkward affair, he can feel Dojin’s laughter already rumbling against his chest.

“We have plenty of time to get it right,” Dojin says when he pulls back, “Forever, I’d say.”

~

“It’ll be just like any normal day, except you’ll be staying with me longer,” Chanyoung explains to the still somewhat annoyed Byulha.

“It’ll be fun then,” Byulha says somewhat sarcastically, but only to then smile. He walks into Chanyoung’s home with a small backpack in, following Chanyoung. Byulha closes the door and sees their dog come running.

“Watch out for Binnie,” Chanyoung says as he notices their dog coming in to tackle Byulha like it always does. Chanyoung sits down in the couch watching Byulha pet Binnie.

“You named it without me?” Byulha says slightly disappointed. He walked further inside and sat down next to Chanyoung, leaving room in the middle for the dog.

Chanyoung had turned the TV on, but Byulha now holds the remote.

“I didn’t want to wait till you thought of one, unlike you planned,” Chanyoung replies as he stares at the every changing channels. “Plus, I think Binnie is a cute name.”

“Ah, alright. You’re right,” Byulha says finally stopping on a channel; its playing a Disney movie.

“By the way, Dad gave me a popcorn bag to bring so I didn’t have to eat even more of your food,” Byulha says giggling.

“Dojin, right?” Chanyoung asks, watching Byulha take out the bag from his sleepover backpack.

“Of course,” Byulha replies, getting up to get the popcorn ready; Binnie follows.

-

“Byulha,” Chanyoung whispers to the head in his lap.

After ordering chicken, they watched another movie, but it was now getting late and somehow Byulha had ended up in Chanyoung’s lap.

Binnie had left them a while ago and had probably made its way to Chanyoung’s bed.

Byulha just mumbled in his sleep. Chanyoung slowly moved Byulha’s head off of him as he slowly stood up.

It’s happened before, Byulha sleeping on the couch, Chanyoung carrying Byulha over to his home; it was different now.

Chanyoung just had to carry him to his room, carry a boy who was ever growing.

After attempting to lift Byulha up and failing, Chanyoung whispers with a sad smile, “I guess you’re too grown up now.”

Chanyoung brings some blankets into the living room and they both sleep there, leaving Binnie as the only one with a bed.