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Because of that I actually decided to write something decent and very long, at least it is very long for me =)

I should warn you It is more of the angst which is taking a place somewhere around in 2009.

Jiyong confessed to confused maknae many times...

The first time Jiyong confessed to his underage maknae when he was dead drunk. He mumbled, “Ya-a-ah, lil’ , I ing love you!” sloppy kissed maknae in an eyebrow and passed out. Seungri spent whole night cleaning vomit of periodically throwing up leader, filling him with a water and ready to call the ambulance.

When slightly hungover Youngbae came back on the next morning, a dorm meet him with a smell of alcohol and vomit and extremely pale maknae curled on other side of the Jiyong’s bed and holding his phone tightly to the white knuckles. Youngbae thought if it were someone else that person would cry his stress, panic and relieve out. But it was maknae who rarely cried he just looked at him with his red tired eyes and lifelessly whispered:

“Hyung, I tried to call you for a whole night.”

Later on Youngbae found out that nobody showed up at dorm that night even after maknae sent messages asking them to came home because Jiyong was really sick and he didn’t want to YG to know it yet. But Youngbae was drunk sleeping at home while their underage terrified maknae took care of alcohol poisoned leader. Youngbae wished maknae would just cry, yell but Seungri quietly left the room trying to get at least an hour sleep before their next schedule.

Next few dozens of confessions were either loud fanservice phrases or drunken slurping murmur. Seungri never answered any of them but distanced himself. It came to the point that other members noticed his unusual behaviour and tried to confront him only to silent maknae more. It was not like Seungri didn’t want to share, quite opposite, but he had no idea what and how he should say that their leader was, their leader was, was what? He couldn’t even formulate it for himself let alone to admit.

It wasn’t actually that bad except these random confessions Seungri relationship with Jiyong almost stayed the same. They were still Tom and Jerry, push and pull, tease and admiration  but they didn’t spend time alone anymore. Seungri avoided the problem and smiled widely while clenching his fists. And never, never thought about Jiyong’s ‘I love yous’.

His system started to fail when lound fanservice confessions and drunk mumbling moved to the private whispering in his ears while sitting in the small company of close people. For the first time Seungri actually realised meaning of Jiyong words. He still remembered when he heard it for the first time at the private dinner party sitting on the couch near Jiyong whose hand loosely hugged him around shoulders. And how he stupidly blushed, how he struggled to get away from a suddenly firm grip and how his hopeless efforts followed by soft chuckle in his ear and intimate:

“You are not running away, maknae. Not anymore,” followed by a quick yet gentle kiss on his neck and repeated whisper, “I love you.”

Since that day he couldn't pass it for nothing. He started to think and it scared out of him. It confused him because Jiyong's soft sweet words and little too long touches didn't disgust him as they should. Sometimes, he found himself shivering under Jiyong hand caressing his knee, or his cheeks or hugging his waist. Jiyong reassuring whisper how good maknae was, how happy he was to have him made him pass through another rough day.

So, Seungri got himself a girlfriend.

Jiyong didn’t say anything but disappointment and hurt in his eyes said much more. Seungri tried to be a good boyfriend he was caring and affectionate. He tried to spent time with his girl on every opportunity he got. Jiyong seemed to accept it and limited his interaction with maknae to friends like never attempting to push it further. It somehow worked for them for awhile. Until one night when Jiyong came to maknae bed and hesitantly hugged him from behind and when Seungri was about to ask what was happening he quietly said:

“Shh, maknae, just for tonight. Let me stay with you just for tonight,” his hot hand palm moved on Seungri stomach stopping right above waistband, pressed harder and pulled him closer, “Please, Seunghyun-ah,” he whispered on the back of his neck and desperately hugged him even tighter. Seungri gripped sheets and let him be.

Yuri was a beautiful and sweet, she was understanding and affectionate but she wasn’t Jiyong. She was caring but not as Jiyong could be for him. She was understanding as any other person would but not as Jiyong who knew when he need to be forgiven or when he need to be scolded, pushed for his own good. She tried to say nice things when Jiyong only told him the truth no matter how hursh it was. She needed to be loved when Jiyong loved him. However, Seungri still tried.        

It took Jiyong three months to break down. They were at another dinner party celebrating first place at another music show. And everything was good, huzzy and following the bit of the music. Jiyong was drinking a bit too much but still kept an eye on maknae. Seungri was talking with people, socializing and having fun. While Jiyong was laughing with some people maknae went to answer a phone call in the quiet bathroom. He didn’t disappear for a long time but it was enough to trigger Jiyong.

Seungri just finished talking to Yuri regretting of picking up the phone call at the first place. His lack of interested and her way of being too understanding caused their relationship to drift apart. She didn’t even ask when they would see each other again,