To the repugnant, horrendous, disgusting jerk who seduced me with a revenge plot,

I hate you. It didn’t start off this way. It was fun and playful until you had to take things seriously. It all began as a simple equation: boy and girl platonically agree to educate one another on the opposite gender to reach the outcome of relationship success. But then you added emotions into the equation. And that just brought drama, and tears, and far too much intimacy for my liking. You’re a jerk for doing that you know?

It began with evening out the score with your adulterous ex-girlfriend. Of course, I said yes because who could resist the opportunity at watching the cheerleader fall from grace at the top of the pyramid? So I taught you everything you needed to know about the species dictated by the XX chromosome and boy did you need it. Before me, you were actually quite the ignorant behemoth. No manners, no etiquette, no sense of romance. With me you flourished into a Casanova, and you’re welcome.

I actually enjoyed the first days with all of the formalities and the blatant disgust for one another. You drove me insane with your egotistical comments and your boyish disregard. The only way I could cure that was with a cold bucket of water thrown over your head that I’d like to call reality (and consistent punches to the bicep for extra reinforcement).

You were a good first pupil. After you actually began to concentrate, you could recognise jealousy in a girl and the proper body language that would indicate interest. You used to call me senpai which drove me nuts because firstly, you didn’t even speak Japanese and secondly, I was more of a sensei. But you were my grasshopper, my pride and joy. And watching you stride confidently up to Bae Suzy and suavely breaking her heart was one of the greatest moments of my entire university career. I remember you running up to me afterwards and just whisking me up with excitement because you actually stood your ground against her. The girl who had dug her clutches into you and pulled your strings until your arms went numb. You did it.

And then you kissed me. You weren’t supposed to do that. I was like your teacher, your contractual supervisor, I was the one person who would be the most inappropriate to have a relationship with. But you did it. I didn’t kiss back of course, but I guess all of my teaching hadn’t instructed you on when to stop. You just held your lips there for two minutes, and upen release you were grinning. I slapped you and ran off.

I wish I physically talked to you about this instead of just writing this measly letter that you won’t even receive. You need to hear it from the horse’s mouth right? Well, what you did was wrong. I still felt all of the disdain from the early stages of our encounters and the association of it with proper feelings was just wrong. I liked you as a person, of course I did. You were hilarious in the dry, dad-joke way and I guess you weren’t too hard on the eyes. But at the time, the only thing I knew was that I wanted to be friends with you above being lovers.

It’s been a year now since then and you have no idea what is happening to me. I see you on campus sometimes. You have your new girlfriend there dangling off your arm like some shiny new key ring. And I can tell she enjoys it. Do you though?

I lied when I said I hated you. I was repulsed by you and still slightly am. But as the days pass by your irritating little voice still lingers in my head. And then I can remember all of the absolute joy I felt with you. And neither of us noticed when my feisty punches turned into appreciative holds. When I would purposely brush my hand against yours when you handed me things. At the time, it was as if my body had disconnected from my head and was moving by instinct. I didn’t know then that I liked you. Maybe you did notice these little, insignificant things. Maybe that’s why you kissed me.

If I had known back then that I had feelings for you I wouldn’t have isolated myself from the equation. Yes you seduced me with your charm but I was too snobby to realise. And now I guess I’ve missed my chance. And doesn’t that set everything back into place now Howon? You were a brute but for a time, you were my brute. I had your heart and I didn’t even know it before I broke it right?

And I know you are curious about this and, yes I did cry over you. I didn't cry directly over the fact that you wouldn't love me again as much as I was disoriented by the fact that I didn't know how I felt. I did want to kiss you again but if there was a do-over, a repeat, I still would've slapped you. It was in my nature to naturallly oppose you and it was the right move to reject you. But when you weren't around anymore, I was lonely. I only cried after a couple of shots of soju though. Only the power of alcohol could coerce me to relax my shoulders and admit the emotions that I rejected with a clear-headed righteousness.

It all doesn’t matter now. I don’t know if you know this but I’ve changed my name. I am Eunji now. And Eunji doesn’t know Howon. But Jung Hyerim misses her friend. And she misses the fact that it wasn’t Suzy who had denied her love but herself. I may be Eunji now, but Hyerim is still the same. She still thinks you’re a jerk, but you’re a bit too special to forget.

- Eunji.