Chapter 2

"Breathe, Hsu En," my coach advised quietly. I was standing next to the penalty box and facing the wall. My coach was quietly murmuring to me, glancing occasionally towards the ice rink at her other student, who was currently skating for the judge.

I tried to block out the jazzy music and the sound of skates crackling over ice and gulped frantically.

She continued, "It's just like practice. Take your time on the jumps and smile, ok?"

With effort, I weakly twitched the corners of my mouth upwards.

"Now deep breathe."

I awkwardly jerked in a lung-full of air.

"Ok, now slowly out."

I shakily let my breath out, noting the ending notes of the music and tried not to look too panicked. From the corner of my eyes, I observed the my teamate exit the ice. My coach nodded me toward the entrace and smiled encouragingly. And then it was my turn.

The second the music started, I forced myself to focus. The rythm of my instrumental piece, the tension in my knees, the feeling of my blades gliding.

I fell. On all my jumps except the the easiest one, my knees betrayed my the moment I finished my air rotation. I knew even before the music ended what result the judge would give me.

Sitting in the stalls in the girls bathroom minutes after my performance. I blinked furiously, trying to make sense of what had just happened. My mom was waiting to drive me home, but I just couldn't bear to leave my sanctuary just yet. I burried my face in my hands and just sat there.

That was the very first time I fa