Jiyong sighs as he starts to feel himself awake. He slowly opens his eyes to a very dim door and a weak feeling body. The man rolls a bit but then feels that he is not on his King sized bed. 

"If you roll anymore you will fall to the ground." 

Jiyong groans. "Don't tell me I slept all night here?" 

"You did." says Gummy short and to the point as she goes to look at the vitals on the monitors.

Jiyong slowly sits up on the bed with a wince. "What is this feeling in my stomach." 

"Your uterus is contracting for the baby." 

Jiyong is still getting use to this whole pregnancy. "Why me..." Groans the man melting more into his reality. "Why do you care so much for me and this damn baby." 

"I don't care about you..." says the woman taking off her glasses. She then points at the man's stomach. "That thing in there deserves life...even though you are scum." says the woman going back to her chart. 

"Oh please don't hold back the truth...." Says Jiyong with rolled eyes to the comments. "I need to get to work." 

"Since when do you care about work?" 

"Why the do you care. I think that I have done my time here...." says Jiyong taking the needles out of his arms making Gummy pissed. 

"Why are you so stubborn..." growls the lady trying to collect the now contaminated needles. 

Jiyong stands to his feet and adjust his clothing that is wrinkled from the night before. Jiyong turns to the woman with a frown. "Look at me. I"m a man and the past 72 hours I have learned that I'm indeed carrying a alien...You ask why I'm stubborn...." Jiyong sighs again. "I need to just leave this place. Maybe I can forget away this thing in my body. Maybe I might fall and it will die." 

"You are really a sad person." 

Jiyong laughs to himself. "You and everyone else already pities me and my very existence. It's funny how just my face and my voice keeps this place running. I'm the one that is giving you a paycheck...I think that you all are selfish." says Jiyong as he goes towards the door. Gummy who is seeing a rare sighting of a sober Jiyong is speaking truth but it's still non sense. 

"Go on..." 

"I didn't ask for permission." 

/////////////////Studio///////////////////////

"For s sakes. Just do it again..." says Youngbae about done with Jiyong. Normally the man can do his verses with in a couple of tries.. "Wrong WRONG WRONG!" The man screams into the booth to a Jiyong who is unamused to the yelling man. "Are you here at all Junkie!?"

Jiyong looks the man in the eyes with a crooked smile. "40 percent... good enough." 

Youngbae then takes his notebook and throws it across the room startling Seungri and Seunghyun who are use to the two arguing. "What's wrong Hyung?" says Seungri. 

Youngbae looks at the two and then sighs walking out of the room angry. Seunghyun then stands to look Jiyong in the eyes with the two making contact. Seunghyun then shakes his head and goes out to support his fellow band mate. "Hey man..." says Seunghyun trying to come to a calming aid.

Bae leaning against the wall. "Why do we have to put up with him..." It's a question that is asked at least once a day. They all know the answer...but that answer doesn't justify their sanity. "We go through this every day. Ever since we have started the Made promotions Jiyong is worse and worse. I just don't know what to do anymore Hyung...." 

Meanwhile in the studio Jiyong makes his way out of the booth. Seungri of course is not happy with Jiyong's behavior is getting close to being done too. "Do you only think of yourself...." says Seungri looking the man in the eyes. Jiyong looks at the man and smiles. "Ne..." 

"Why are you even here if you don't even care?" 

"Oh Ri you know the answer to that...."

"Drugs...parties...do you think that that lifestyle will not catch up with you...." 

Jiyong laughs as he flops into a black leather sofa. "Who are you...my parent...." 

"We just don't want to wake up one morning having to do funeral arrangements instead of promotions." 

"When you say we...you mean everyone except me right?" Jiyong looks at Seungri's expression. "Aaah yeah that's what you mean right. So you basically need my body to keep you alive right...so you can get more money right...so you can use me?" 

Seungri then makes a guilty expression. "That's not what I meant...." 

"It is what you meant...I have my drugs, my parties, and my friends at the club...but what do I have here...nothing but people who don't give a damn." 

Seungri shakes his head. "Don't' you dare put this guilt on us. What you are is your own doing and what you live...may be your death. Don't bring us in your darkness....you are the one who let us take over...you are the one who stopped caring...what else are we to think Junkie." 

Jiyong looks at the younger who has a expression that is still that look of a loss of respect. Seungri doesn't even speak formally to the man....just calls him junkie like the rest. It's hard to believe that in the beginning of bigbang...they all use to be really close. Jiyong then stands from the sofa. "Well I think that I have been lectured enough by some one younger than me." 

Seungri then sneers. "Then act your age and take responsibility." 

"Thanks for the advice." Jiyong walks out of the room with the glass sliding open and then closed. He sees not too far down the hallway Seunghyun and Youngbae in a deep discussion. "You can kick me out of the group if you want." says Jiyong with a laugh as he goes to the elevator. 

"Go ahead" says Bae with a tone and Seunghyun's cold stare. The elevator doors close and Seunghyun's eyes are always haunting. Jiyong then pulls out his phone and calls an assistant. "Get me some fun..." 

Hours later and Jiyong is throwing a huge party. There are some people from the club and other people from the drug scene.Jiyong can't handle being sober. In fact. He was completely sober in the recording booth. It's just that Jiyong can't think with a baby growing in his stomach and in fact that he is a man. To think that such things were possible. The thing that Jiyong fears the most is that the outside world will not see him as the perfect idol. He will turn into a freak show as the months go on. The fans are the people who help him to escape on tour and when they do TV appearances. He can't handle all of this at once. 

"Pour me another." says Jiyong taking another shot that barley makes it to his mouth. The man is wearing tight black jeans a blue striped shirt and a gold jacket. The Jacket is Chanel and it reeks of alcohol and  cigarette smoke. Most of the people at the party are close to their limit as they dance oddly in the middle of his massive living room. 

Jiyong takes his eyes on a smaller man across the room who has been looking at him all night. The man makes his way over. "Thanks for having me over.." Says the man with a smile. Jiyong laughs a bit. "You were not invited...." 

The smaller man then takes a baggy out of his pocket. Jiyong then smiles. "Well at least you bring me gifts." The smaller man moves the bag away. "I'm not sharing unless you are willing to share..." says the man looking Jiyong over. 

Jiyong then gets close to the man and then whispers in his ear. "You speak very well." He then punches the man in the stomach making the man tumble over. "But I'm not cheap. Get him out of here!" The man is thrown out of the party of course signing a waver to never speak. Jiyong then goes to his sofa and sits by himself he looks around  at the party and then people that he barley knows. The room is slightly blurry but thankfully he knows what is kind of going on. This is what life is right now. Just a party full of people that you don't know and are only here for the drugs and booze.

Glass crashes to the ground followed by laughter. Of course it's another expensive item being ruined by some dumb girl. Jiyong is use to this and it doesn't even phase him. He is so use to parties this type of behavior doesn't bother him any more. These people bring him comfort. In a odd way it makes him feel normal. They all like what he likes and they are all rich. Not as rich as him...but close enough. Don't even bother asking him to say their names he doesn't know....barley even recognizes them in the day time. 

Jiyong grabs his stomach as a pain shoots down his back. "Ach..." says the man standing up to hobble to the nearest bathroom. He opens the door and sees people ing by the sink. "Get out..." Grumbles the man and the couple does as told as the woman doesn't even pick up her . The door is closed and Jiyong locks the door. The music is still bombing in the background and more things crashing. Jiyong looks at himself with his black rimmed eyes and messy hair he then starts to carefully look down. Here he is again looking at his stomach...

"Just die...." says the man punching him self in the stomach making him cough a bit. "JUST DIE!" says Jiyong again punching again and again even harder than the last. The man then finds himself by the toilet again tossing up most of the night. The man heaves dryly with watery eyes of exhaustion. "Just die..." He whispers to himself. He then stands to his feet and slowly walks to the door. 

He walks into his living room and says quietly. "Get out...." The man looks around the room and no one of course moves to the low voice. "GET OUT!!!" Screams the man louder and people don't even move. Some people are so high they don't even know what planet this is. Heechul comes over and puts a arm around the man. Jiyong throws off the arm. "GEt out of here...." says Jiyong with a low growl. He goes over to the music and pushes off the music. The room is now just full of party voices. "GET THE OUT!" screams the man at every one. He then  grabs a art piece and starts to smash it in the ground. "GET OUT GET OUT GET OOOOOOOUTTTTT!" Jiyong has gone crazy. Completely mental.

Party is over.

People who are not use to this side of Jiyong quickly leave the place. The ones who are not too sober others help them out. It's minutes later the door finally closes and it's just Heechul and Jiyong. "What was that back there man." 

"I don't even want to see you..." says Jiyong walking over glass. "GET out" 

The older laughs a bit. "I told you the drugs were good to night....got you going crazy man. See you later." Drugs...that's all he thinks about too. Jiyong hears the door beep shut and he goes over to the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka. He swigs back a couple of gulps and makes his way to his bedroom. The whole place is a mess as he tries to make his way to his bed. The man lays down and curls up. "I'm not pregnant..." says the man to himself. A pain rushes again. "Arrrrgggg" screams the man throwing the bottle of vodka across the room as he stands up again running to a toilet. He is high and sick and can't take this pain any longer. 

//////////////////////////YG

It's early and Jiyong is awake in the gym. He doesn't want to get fat. His thoughts are if he works out a lot and starves himself he will get rid of the baby. He has done four lines of coke and is going  like crazy in the gym. When he woke up this morning the party and the baby got back at him. He couldn't handle seeing his stomach even slightly bloated due to the liquids he consumed most of the night. He just can't do it. 

The man has music blasting in the gym and is already on his sixth mile. His legs are burning and sweat is now coating the treadmill. He doesn't care. He must get rid of this...he doesn't want this...not right now. Jiyong slips a bit and has enough sense to get off the machine. 

Covered in sweat the man catches up with his breath. He goes over to the mirror and looks at himself. His high is making him look at things not normal and the drug is already taking over his brain again as he looks at himself again. 

"Fat...." says the man to himself. "Pathetic....pregnant?" says Jiyong punching his stomach over and over again growling. He looks at himself and then hallucinates that his stomach is much larger. "No...no no no no no....." says Jiyong in fear as he looks at his imaginary stomach. "I can't live with this...die...." Jiyong looks at himself again. "You need to die...." 

Jiyong then starts to storm out of the room. He goes down a long hallway and makes it over to the stairs. The man then starts to climb like crazy. The high energy is a common effect of the drug and since Jiyong pretty much over did things as usual his body is going above and beyond. He climbs and climbs until his makes it to the very top. The roof top that his. 

He opens the door and squints his eyes to the bright sun. The man looks around the grey area and then goes over to the edge leaning over the side to look down. Jiyong takes in air through his lungs and looks down at the people passing by again. His brain picks apart everything that is going on and processes another thing he can do while he is up here. 

Jiyong looks over the side one more time and then starts to take off his shoes. He doesn't know why but he does. He then stands and with two hands brings himself on the edge that he was leaning over. It's windy as Jiyong carefully stands at the top of the building using his two hands to steady himself  who is completely high. 

Small is what Jiyong could describe how things look from his point of view. Small is what all he sees in the world. He use to see things a lot bigger. It was years ago when that one party a friend got him to try drugs. When he was the one who told people not to do it...he ended up being the person he looked down on. He ended up being the loser. The man who doesn't know who he slept with to create this baby...

Jiyong takes out the picture of the ultrasound(the picture of the baby) and holds the picture between his fingers to then seeing one of the copies flying through the air and flopping it's way through the sky. "Shall I be free too..." Jiyong  closes his eyes and feels the air between his fingers. He lifts his hands and then "NO!!!!" Screams a man grabbing Jiyong by the waist making them crash to the ground. The man is breathing crazily and cradling Jiyong in his arms. Jiyong was going to jump, but then things just ended in a crash just like his life. 

"Are you crazy!?" says the men still on the ground. Jiyong takes a second to register who the voice is the man then looks up at the older with black eyes. "What were you thinking!?" says Seunghyun again still panicked. Jiyong is pissed. "Why....why did you stop me...why didn't you just let me die..." 

"Because it's not time for you to die. How could you think of something so selfish." 

Jiyong doesn't know why but he then starts to cry. "Just let me die!" Jiyong then struggles to try to get out of the grips of the older but Seunghyun who is much stronger doesn't let the man off the ground as they both drag each other causing scratches on each other's skin. "JIYONG STOP!!!" screams the older in now a cry. He doesn't want to see this side of Jiyong...who wants to see a person who is so done with life they just want to die. With the younger still in a grip pressed to him. "Talk to me...tell me what is wrong. Tell me so that we can fix it." 

"You can't fix this..." 

"The baby?" says Seunghyun looking at Jiyong's widened eyes. "I thought that you were going to fix it. Is the girl threatening you?" 

Jiyong shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about things...just leave me...please..." says the man defeated. He knows that Seunghyun is not leaving him. He will not let the man out of his sight. 

"You may be a Junkie....but you are still my friend. I still care about you Jiyong...we all do" says the dark eyes looking into the younger's. "Please walk down with me. Let's start your new life." 

"What are you a life coach...." says Jiyong looking off to the side. "I don't need your help...." 

Seunghyun then growls. "So you standing on the ledge was your way of saying you don't need help...me having all of these scratches because of you makes me think that you are ok?...forget it..." says Seunghyun with a firm voice. "I'm not trying to tell you to what to do. I'm just trying to help a friend." 

"Stop calling me your friend...it's sickening..." 

"I'm your friend...and I care about you." He pulls Jiyong into a hug and starts to cry a bit. "I don't know what I would do if you left me..." The words resonate in Jiyong's body as the man who saved him is clearly scared because of his decision. Jiyong didn't think that he would affect people like this...he thought that they didn't care...but maybe the cloud of drugs really did cloud his judgment. 

Seunghyun releases the hug. "Let's clean you up ne?" Jiyong does nothing but nod in response as he is lead from the roof top all the way down to the gym again. The treadmill is still running and the music is still blasting. Seunghyun sits Jiyong down and quickly turns off everything still keeping a close eye on the younger. 

Jiyong has a scratched up knee due to he struggle and some scratches on his arms. Seunghyun pulls out a mini medical kit. "Now sit here while hyung cleans you up." says the older determined to make his friend better. Seunghyun is still scared and he didn't think that Jiyong would actually do something like this one day. Seunghyun heard about the crazy party and how Jiyong went crazy on everyone. He was planning on going to see how Jiyong was doing but he didn't expect to not see him home. When he got to YG and saw a treadmill going at top speed, drugs scattered, and blasting music...he thought the worst. The only thing he could think of was the roof. 

Walking out and seeing Jiyong standing there. His only instinct was to grab him. He was scared, mad, and sad at the same time. Seeing one of your child hood friends almost kill himself is probably something that will take time for him to erase from his mind. Jiyong is finally at his low. Even though Jiyong will never admit it...things are not going good. 

Jiyong snatches a band aid and puts it on his knee. "I'm fine." says the younger standing up to clean up the mess before killing himself. He takes his bag and starts to put things back in it. 

"So you are just going to act like nothing happened." 

"I'm high...why does it matter" says Jiyong in a laugh. 

"That laugh...it only shows your weakness..." says Seunghyun staring the man down. "I was once in your shoes remember. I remember when things started to get out of control...so bad I didn't even know what I was doing my self..." 

Jiyong looks at the man. "Are you trying to relate with me with your pitiful story." 

"I never tried to kill myself. I'm not that pitiful." says Seunghyun with a bite. "Why do you carry around these pictures if you want to take care of your problem....you obviously want to take responsibility." says the older picking up a picture off the ground. Jiyong rolls his eyes. "Stay out of my life." 

"I just pulled you from a ledge. I have the right to be in your life right now." 

Jiyong goes over to the man and takes the picture with a snatch. Seunghyun shakes his head and laughs a bit. "You know a normal person would be crying right now...showing emotion to what just happened." Jiyong doesn't respond but falls to the floor as his stomach goes into a sudden pain. The trauma of Seunghyun saving Jiyong finally caught up to the human growing inside of him. 

"What....what is it?" says Seunghyun coming to Jiyong's side. The younger doesn't want him here..." I"m fine...leave.." 

"What do you mean you are fine. You must get checked out...." 

"No...." says Jiyong again in pain as it shoots through his whole body this time. "Aaaarrrr" screams the man. Seunghyun doesn't listen to Jiyong this time as he takes the man in his arms and rushes him down the hall to the mini hospital. "Help!" screams Seunghyun. 

Gummy comes running over and looks at Jiyong. "What happen to him?" as she looks the man over. "Jiyong....had a fall" 

"A fall..." she looks the man over...his knee to the scratches to then Seunghyun with scratches as well. She then makes a shocked look. "Jiyong...." she looks the man in the eyes but Jiyong turns his head away with a tear. She didn't think that Jiyong would do it. 

She then looks at Seunghyun. "I got it from here..." 

"I'm not leaving him....I can't...." 

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR" Jiyong screams again. Gummy then pulls out her ultra sound  making Jiyong's eyes widen. "No don't....aaarrr...." says the man in pain. "You need to leave here...wait in the front..." she looks at Seunghyun but the older still refuses. 

Jiyong looks nervously at the machine as it is cut on. "They will find out one day Jiyong...." The younger squirms in pain. "No.....no......" It's too late as Gummy places the ultra sound on Jiyong's tummy with heartbeats surrounding the room. Jiyong stops squirming and listens to the strong sound as a tear escapes his eye. 

Seunghyun listens and can't believe what he is hearing. He looks at Jiyong who averts his eyes and then at Gummy. "What is this....what is going on...." 

Gummy ignores the man and injects Jiyong with some drugs and the stomach ache starts to stop. She puts a IV in his arm and nutrients start to stream through his body. Jiyong who is exhausted and full of meds now falls to sleep. Seunghyun looks at the woman. "Answer my question. Why is he like this? What was that noise from his stomach." 

"What do you think it is Seunghyun." 

"I don't know..." says Seunghyun 

She sighs. "You must not tell a soul....Jiyong...*sigh* He is pregnant." 

Seunghyun laughs a bit. "Don't lie to me..."

"It's not a lie. That noise is the sound of 2 months. He has been coming down here in secret trying to find ways to kill it...get rid of it...but his habits get in the way and he always just ends up taking care of it." 

Seunghyun doesn't know what he is hearing. "But he is a man." 

"It's possible. It's extremely rare and normally under the influence of drugs....no telling who the other father is..." 

Seunghyun now knows why Jiyong wanted to die which makes the man tear up a bit. "How hard it must have been for him." 

Gummy then sighs. "I didn't think that he would do it. He just seemed stronger than he looked." 

"It's all a lie. Drugs have pretty much taken over everything....now with a baby in the mix it's too much...." says Seunghyun. 

"I'm not going to abort it because it's too late. He needs to take care of himself." 

Seunghyun sighs. "Jiyong barely takes care of himself." 

The doctor picks up a picture. "Well this life in side that man's stomach deserves better." 

///////////////////////7am

Jiyong wakes up with a groan and a slight headache. The room is dim again and he knows where he is with the filling of needles in his veins. Jiyong slowly opens his eyes to hear a light snore not too far away. He sits up and notices Seunghyun sleeping uncomfortably in a chair. Jiyong sits up a bit and takes in his surroundings. His stomach feels better and feels a little soreness in his legs. 

Seunghyun then starts to wake with the sounds of tussling. "Oh you are awake. Did you sleep ok?" 

The tone of the older's voice is throwing Jiyong off. "Why do you care..." says the younger sitting back on the bed. 

Seunghyun stretches a bit. "That's not how you treat your friend." says the older coming over to Jiyong's bed side. "Did you sleep ok?" says the man again. Jiyong sighs. "Ne...just a little sore." 

"How's your stomach..." 

"It's fine..." says Jiyong really short. 

"I'm glad you are doing better..." says the older with a grin. The man truly looks happy that Jiyong is doing better. "I thought that I would lose you yesterday. Please don't do that again." say the man with eyes almost watering.

"Don't worry...I won't" says Jiyong feeling a little guilty. 

"You need to eat. Gummy prepared some rice cereal before she left." Seunghyun goes over to the fridge and takes out the food and prepares it. He then goes over to Jiyong. "Here..." He hands the younger the bowl. Jiyong looks down at the food but Seunghyun then says firmly. "Eat." 

Jiyong sighs and does as told. He takes a couple of bites. "Why are you acting like you don't know..." Jiyong knows that Gummy told him...the heartbeat before he went to sleep is something hard to cover. Seunghyun sighs. "How...are you sure?" 

Jiyong knows the man is confused. "I'm still try to  believe this myself. My stomach aches are the baby getting back at me..." 

"Why do you still do drugs there is a..baby..." 

"Because I simply don't want this..." says Jiyong pointing at his stomach. "Don't worry I'm not jumping off a roof." 

Seunghyun can't help but laugh a bit. "I know...maybe this baby will help you to get back to how things use to be." 

"I can't do this by myself..." says Jiyong in a worried tone. "How can I manage this lifestyle and a baby." 

"You have money...you can make that happen...and you are quitting drugs." 

Jiyong laughs. "Quit what? I don't think so..." 

"Give me 2 weeks...you will stay at my house...we are on break so we can do it. Just you focusing on getting better...ne?" 

"Rehab?" 

"No...not rehab...just you coming over to see how life can really be. After 2 weeks if you are not happy...I will not bother you again....what do you say?" 

Jiyong looks down at himself. "I don't think that I can control myself without drugs..." 

"I can help you...remember I went through the same struggle...Come one...do it for me...do it for you do it for the group...whatever motivates you..." 

Jiyong then shrugs his shoulders. "I can leave anytime right?" 

"So is that a yes?" 

"I guess so..." 

Hey happy summer! THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE UPVOTE AND COMMENT!

ELISECHOI^^