"You had everything..." his words rang in my head, "you were the one with everything..."

I woke up in my bed, extremely tired even after sleeping for such a long time. I could only be happy that it was the weekend. My body rolled over onto it's side, and I looked at the plain white wall in front of me. It was blank, nothing there-- empty. Everything about me was empty. I didn't understand how so much pain and sadness could make me feel so empty. 

     I thought about Sujeong, Seungcheol, Mingyu, and Hansol, and how it seemed like they were already past everything that happened in high school. Well, not totally, but they seemed to be in a better spot than I was currently in. It then struck me that I was missing one person: Wonwoo. 

     Jeon Wonwoo. Where did he go? I actually did wonder. I saw everyone else, but him. I was curious.

     So curious, that I pulled up my laptop and googled him. Nothing important really came up, so I looked on Facebook. Sure enough, after a few other Jeon Wonwoos, I found him.

     He looked the same, just a bit older, but still him nonetheless.

     His profile picture was just him and another girl. A pretty girl to be frank-- his wife.

     He had gotten married and had a job at an electrical company. He had recently went on a vacation with his wife to Jeju. They looked happy, no complaints, no worries. There was nothing that told me he had worried about the past. It was all carefree.

     I was still curious. I looked up Choi Seungcheol.

     His profile was very clean and looked like some PR person was watching it daily, but it was filled of photos of him and friends and other rich politicians at urbane parties and dinners. There was one photo that was posted only a few days ago, and it was a picture of him and Sujeong. They were both smiling genuinely. I saw Sujeong's eyes curve into crescent moons. She looked genuinely happy. There was only one emoji in his caption. It was a diamond ring. 

     I looked up Mingyu last, and his was on private, but I could still see a few pictures in a public album. He had his instagram connected, and it was public. As far as I could tell, he seemed to be in an on-and-off relationship with some girl, but in all their photos together, they were smiling. In fact, in every photo of him that wasn't of food or his pet dog, he was smiling. 

     I'm totally aware of how social media doesn't portray everything, and that they could all be suffering inside, but what made me shake was the fact that they were all living their lives as they're supposed to. Relationships, trips, vacations, friends, food-- things that initiated happiness and gave purpose.

     There was me, who lived a very empty life. I didn't feel as if I had a purpose, because I never made one. I closed off everything. Even when I tried to open myself up, I could only shut everything down once again. I did this all to myself.

     I hardly ever tried talking to people on my own. I avoided confrontation most of the time. I didn't take opportunities. I hardly ever told the people I love most that I love them. 

     I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted someone to accept me again. But I didn't think I could ever get there.

     With the click of my laptop as I closed it, I picked up my cellphone. I dialed my mother's phone, and with three rings, she picked up.

     I didn't tell my mother about how much I was going through. I didn't want her to worry about trivial matters. Instead, I told her about my internship and my job and my studies. She was proud of me. I told her about my friends and what I ate for dinner. She said she loved me and always will. 

     I dialed Junghan's number, and he picked up immediately.

     "Josh? What's up?" he asked, concern in his voice.

     "Nothing. Just wanted to say hi," I replied.

     "Oh? Okay! I appreciate it. How's life Mr. Hong?" he laughed, and I could just imagine his smile, his friendly smile that was only ever nice to me. 

     We talked for almost an hour, just about work and people and normal guy things. I was thankful I had him. I appreciated him very much and I told him that. 

     I folded my hands in my lap as I sat in my bed. I looked at my phone and saw the time. 

     Yein was probably home still. I wanted to apologize to her, Yesung, and Hansol.

     Yes, Hansol. I wanted to say sorry for everything.

     I wanted to forgive and forget, because again I realized, it seemed like everyone was moving forward while I was standing in the same place. I wanted to have a purpose.

     I knocked on her door and waited on the porch, a bouquet of flowers in my hand. I hope no one was allergic, and that flowers made for a good apology. I really didn't know what else to give.

     It didn't take long for someone to answer the door, and of course it was Yein, and when she saw me, her face brightened into a beaming smile of relief, "Come in!" 

     I sat down at their couch, awkwardly shuffling with the flowers until Yein saw them, "Aw, Joshua! You're too sweet," she smiled as I handed them to her, and she fixed the petals gingerly, "These are cute carnations. I hope Hansol likes them."

     "Yeah, that's the thing," I twiddled my thumbs a bit, "I just came by to say sorry to all of you, because of yesterday."

     Yein looked at me with shock, but nodded her head, a sad but appreciative smile forming on her face, "Josh," she pouted, "It's alright. I understand why you feel the way you do, and why you acted like you did," her smile turned to a slight frown as she looked to the ground, "Well, I don't exactly understand, Hansol hasn't ever really explained the entire thing to me-- I just picked up what I could-- but he's a big jerk sometimes. I get why you're upset."

     I wondered if she had any idea about what he put me through, or about Sujeong and Seungcheol and Mingyu and Wonwoo. I mean, I w