Jiyong loved the sound of Youngbae's laughter. 

He loved how carelessly his melodic voice roared in the small restaurant, as if Youngbae was not a member of Korea's top group, as if he wasn't a celebrity who had to try and be as discreet as possible when out in public. No, in that very moment in which the man was laughing, he was not Taeyang. He was just Dong Youngbae, a guy like any other who had come to eat roasted pork belly with his friends.

The evening was nostalgic. The smell of the cheap grilled meat, the five of them gathered around a table like this - it reminded him a lot of their trainee days, when all they could afford was exactly this, nothing more and nothing less. Indeed, those times had been hard. Beautiful in a way, but oh so hard. Jiyong still remembered clearly how he and Youngbae had cried over a snack they had found in their manager's room, remembered how mad the 'mum' of their group had been when Daesung had ordered expensive Chinese food, how the smiling angel and Hyunseung had planned confronting the lazy maknae for leaning back while the two of them had to grill meat for the older members without rest. They had shed a lot of tears back then and they still did now, when they talked about those times, the only difference being that today's tears were shed while laughing.  It was fortunate that their lives had turned to the better.

Jiyong leaned his head on Youngbae's shoulder and smiled dreamily. It was times like this when he felt the most blessed. It was when he spent time with his bandmates, his friends, his brothers, when he could just look at one particular of them with eyes full of unhidden affection, knowing that he belonged to him - those were the little but precious moments that Jiyong cherrished most.

As content as he was though, there was one thing that prevented the leader from being absolutely happy: It was the undivided attention Youngbae gave to their maknae nowadays, the kind of affection and care that Jiyong so desperately wanted a piece from. It was making him crazy, it was making him feel deprived of his boyfriend's love. The feeling of missing Youngbae when he was right next to him was worse than being months apart during solo-activities. Jiyong snuggled a bit more into the man's strong body, hoping that he would understand his pain, hoping that he could read his mind and just grab his hand, his thigh or anywhere else just to show him that he noticed him, that he appreciated Jiyong's presence just as much as the said man appreciated his. 

But there was nothing. 

Instead, Youngbae's smiling eyes were once again glued to the maknae, who was complaining about his hyung's embarrassing Instagram posts.

"Hyung!", Seungri whined, putting his phone away, "You cannot just take pictures of me sleeping! It's ruining my coolness!"

"Coolness? What coolness?", Youngbae teased 

"Hyung! Do you know how much time I spent to perfect my selfies?", the maknae whined, pointing a finger at the oldest member, "Besides, I have already had a hard time since Top hyung has joined Instagram. The fans are going crazy about his updates although they only consist of pictures of weird arts and some poorly taken selfies. It's so hard to compete against his unmatched beauty!"

"Yah, you wanna die?", Seunghyun threatened, raising his fist, surpressing the urge to hit the maknae who immediately winced at the menace.

"So basically, he is saying that Jiyong hyung and Youngbae hyung have never been a danger to him in terms of looks.", Daesung joked, "That's it guys. I have made up my mind: I won't ever join social networks. They destroy our relationship with each other or should I say Seungri's relationship with us?"

"Hyung!"

It was there again, Youngbae's melodic laughter. The older man wrapped his arm around the maknae's shoulder in a comforting manner, leaning towards him while unconsciously shoving Jiyong's head away in the process. The leader frowned and sat up straight, crossing his arms. He watched with annoyance in his eyes as the two 'lovebirds' interacted with each other.

"Wasn't it you who recently told me that I had become more handsome? You liar.", Youngbae accused the maknae, hitting him playfully. 

"But I wasn't lying hyung! You have really become more handsome.", Seungri said honestly, trying to protect himself from getting attacked again.

"He has always been handsome, okay?", Jiyong grumbled, as if stating the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes, of course.", Seungri agreed, nodding his head, "But it's no match to how he looks nowadays. Especially now that I see him up close like this, wow!"

Upon hearing that, Big Seunghyun stepped on the maknae's foot, making the younger boy shriek. That chatty mouth of his had often caused them trouble but this situation was even worse because judging from the gloomy look on Jiyong's face, the panda had just overstepped his limits.

Seungri knew exactly what that cold glare meant and finally tried to back away from Youngbae, afraid of getting his kicked by the leader. Everyone at the table knew how possessive Jiyong could be about his lover and how little mercy he had with those who dared to get too close to him. Actually, it was a wonder that Seungri was still alive with all those 'SunTori' moments nowadays, calling Youngbae 'Oppa' on his birthday and such. The maknae assumed that Jiyong probably didn't say anything because his boyfriend himself had initiated a lot of these moments eg. by posting pictures of them together, even calling him 'his love'. Plus, the leader normally held a strong affection towards the youngest member himself, which was why he was a bit more gracious towards him than towards other people who dared to flirt with his Youngbae. 

However, the latter, oblivious as he was, didn't seem to notice silent warning of his jealous boyfriend: He pulled the maknae towards him again and kept teasing him for the rest of the evening, grilling a piece meat for him in order to apologize for hitting him earlier, not once turning his attention to his sulking boyfriend who was eyeing them with envy and sadness in his eyes.

Being the observant person that he was, Daesung quickly figured what was happening between s and decided to save the relationship and his fellow member's life: "Ugh, we have been sitting here for a while!", he said extra loudly, followed by an artificial laugh to make his intentions clear. "What do you think, shouldn't we head home?" 

Jiyong couldn't be more grateful towards the smiling angel in that moment, thanking the heavens for blessing Daesung with such a considerate character.

"Jiyong, have you seen my shirt somewhere? I think I left it here last time I was here."

"Should be in the laundry. You can wear one of my shirts though."

"Nah, it's alright.", Youngbae said, slipping into a pair of fresh boxers before climbing into bed, "It's hot anyway, so I can just sleep like this."

Jiyong loudly closed the random book in his hands and put it on his nightstand. Great. Not even his clothes were allowed to be close to Youngbae now. Was he that disgusted by him? The leader huffed and turned to his side, deciding to avoid his lover. He started wondering since when Youngbae had become so inattentive. Jiyong missed how Youngbae used to read him like an open book, how he used to know his feelings better than he did, how he used to listen to him and comfort him when he wasn't feeling well. Since when had he become so oblivious? Or did he simply not care anymore?

Unhealthy thoughts popped up in Jiyong's mind. Did Youngbae not love him anymore? Did he find him unattractive? He had to admit that Seungri looked quite stunning with his newly dyed blonde hair. He wouldn't be surprised if Youngbae had noticed that, too. The leader's eyes became slightly watery but he quickly blinked those tears away the moment he felt a strong arm around his waist and Youngbae's breath on his ear.

"What, are you already sleeping? That's not like you at all."

"I am tired." 

"Hm, so tired that you can't give me a goodnight kiss?", the older man asked sweetly.

Jiyong gulped. "Yes." 

"Hey", Youngbae cooed sofly, his arm. "Are you mad at me?"

The leader shrugged. Youngbae frowned. He grabbed the younger man on his shoulders and turned his body over, so that he was forced to lie on his back. 

"What are you doing?", Jiyong asked, struggling when Youngbae suddenly hovered above him. "Let me sleep, I am tired."

"I am not letting you sleep until you tell me what's bothering you."

"Why are you suddenly so interested in my feelings? Get off!", Jiyong commanded.

"What? Jiyong, what are you talking about? What did I do?", Youngbae asked confusedly, trapping his boyfriend between his arms so he couldn't turn over and avoid him. 

"Well, I could ask you the same question; What did I do? Why are you ignoring me?"

"Ignoring you? Why would I ignore you?", Youngbae asked worriedly. He wanted to Jiyong's cheek but the other man just slapped his hand away. 

"How should I know?", the younger man exclaimed with cracking voice, "How should I know why you are doing this? You tell me! Why are you paying so much attention to Seungri nowadays? Have you become infatuated with him?"

"What?", Youngae asked, completely flabbergasted. "That's ridicilous! Why would - "

"If it's so ridicilous then what's with all those lovey-dovey moments between you two? You never even hug me in public but actually go and fling your arms around maknae's neck and that on a ing national music program! Do you know how hurt I was when you ripped yourself away from my arms like that? And what's with those instagram captions, huh? 'Seungri my love'. Tell me, what am I supposed to think when you write things like that? You never post pictures of us together, it's always me! I am always the fool who holds on to you like my life depended on it and the worst thing is that it is true, that I really cannot live without you.", Jiyong gasped, covering his eyes as he went on, "I hate how it's always me and never you. I hate how you don't see me when Seungri is around. I want your attention, Youngbae. I want to be looked at with those sparkly eyes. I want to feel your arms around me. You are being so distant and it's hurting me. I keep thinking that you have stopped caring about me, that you have stopped loving me. It makes me so anxious, Youngbae-ya.", the younger man sobbed softly, hating himself for being so emotional. He must have sounded so pathetic. 

There was a little pause until Jiyong felt Youngbae's warm hands prying his own away from his face. The leader couldn't look at him, so he closed his eyes. He was too afraid of what was coming, afraid of him admitting that everything he had just said was true, that he really stopped loving him. The awkward silence between them was only making him more nervous. 

"Jiyong, look at me."

However, the leader didn't react, too embarrassed and scared to face his lover. His fears slowly faded away though the moment Youngbae pinned his wrists above his head and started kissing him vigorously, on his lips and begging for entrance. Jiyong felt weak whenever his lover kissed him like this, he couldn't resist the temptation even if a small part of him really wanted to. He gladly welcomed Youngbae, because he couldn't push him away. He couldn't say 'no' to him, couldn't let him go even if he went away from him. Jiyong was addicted to him. 

When Youngbae finally pulled away, both of them were breathless. The singer cupped his lover's face and stared deeply into those light brown eyes, not tearing his gaze away for a second. This made Jiyong blush. 

"What are you doing?", he asked meekly. 

"I am looking at you.", Youngbae answered, a small smile forming on his mouth as he scanned the leader's facial features with eyes full of appreciation. "You are so beautiful. It is impossible not to notice you."

"Youngbae.", Jiyong said adoringly, a warm feeling spreading in his cold body all of a sudden. 

Youngbae started carressing his face, sighing. "I must have really neglected you. I am so sorry. I really had no idea that you were feeling this way. I didn't think that you would take those things between me and Seungri seriously.", he said, chuckling. 

"S-So you are not in love with Seungri, right?", Jiyong asked, just to be sure, evoking that wonderful, melodic laughter from Youngbae. The latter rolled over and pulled the leader with him, hugging him tightly against his chest. 

"Let's make one thing clear. Seungri is our maknae, he is like my little brother. I could never look at him that way and I am pretty sure he wouldn't look at me like that either. We are just fooling around with each other. I promise that there is nothing more going on between us than a brotherly relationship. Besides, I know fully well that you, too have a soft spot in your heart for him, hence all those nyongtori moments.", Youngbae said, laughing and kissing Jiyong's head. "Yah, I am not too happy with them, just so you know. I will definitely have to tell that panda to back away from my boy.", he added jokingly, although there was a hint of seriousness in his voice.

Jiyong chuckled against his chest, secretly loving the way his lover had claimed him as 'his boy'. "What? You can be jealous, too?", he asked surprisedly. Youngbae had never really been the possessive type.

"Of course.", the singer said, "I am not giving you away, Jiyong." He pulled the rapper up so he could look into his face. "I know I don't show it often, but you are so important to me. Nothing is more worth than having you around me all the time. The reason why I am so distant in public is that I don't want anyone to find out about us. Not because I am ashamed, but because I don't want them to harm you any more than they already have in the past.", Youngbae said, referring to his boyfriend's 'scandals'. "I won't let them hurt you." 

"You are talking as if it wouldn't affect you. You are a celebrity, too, moron.", Jiyong pointed out, kissing his cheek. 

"I don't care about that.", the older man said smiling, brushing a strand of hair away from the leader's face. "Only you matter to me, Jiyong. As long as you are happy, I will be happy."

Jiyong looked into Youngbae's eyes, the incredible amount of love in them overwhelming him. He had missed this so much, that look. "I can't believe I even had doubts in you.", he sighed, burrying his face in the crook of the singer's neck. "Can you forgive me?"

"No, it's my fault. I should be the one to ask for forgiveness.", Youngbae apologized, the rapper's hair, "I will make it up to you. You'll see, I won't let you out of my sight, baby. Ever. Don't you worry." 

Jiyong lifted his head and stared at his boyfriend's handsome face. "Ever?", he asked teasingly.

"Ever.", Youngbae responded before pulling his dragon in for a kiss, smirking.

He would definitely give Jiyong his attention tonight.