UN-BETAED

Jonghyun and Jinki have been friends since they were eight. Jonghyun had always been hard to predict, and Jinki had always been tolerant. However, Jinki couldn’t help but feel doubtful about their friendship.

He always believed it was how Jonghyun was, but there really were times that he couldn’t help but feel that as if Jonghyun hated him, hated him being around.

“Why do you hate me?” it surprised even him when the words came out from his mouth.

They were at their usual place at break time. Jonghyun was writing something on his notepad and Jinki was contemplating on the things he could have done to make Jonghyun hate him. When suddenly, his mouth started moving, the words flowing out of it like it had a mind of its own.

The silence that followed was deafening. Jinki stared at the other row of benches in front him. Avoiding what might be a confused or annoyed look by Jonghyun.

Jonghyun’s bark of laughter was what killed the deafening silence. “I don’t hate you,” he said “you’re just really annoying sometimes… and an idiot”

Jinki thought he should feel offended and should get mad, but he felt relieved. He didn’t know why, but he smiled “Does that mean we’re still best friends?” he asked, looking at Jonghyun expectantly.

Jonghyun looked back at him, then nodded reassuringly “Always”

~~~
 

Jinki was 13 when he realized he was gay for Jonghyun, and it was also at that age that he confessed his feelings to said friend.

“I like you,” he said when they were studying in his bedroom one day.

Jonghyun froze in his spot. The gummy bear that he was about to shove into his mouth, stopped midway after hearing the confession. He watched as Jinki nervously eyed the floor. He paused for a while, thinking of what he must feel about the confession and decided, he didn’t know what to feel and that he really didn’t care.

He shrugged. “Okay” was his reply.

Jinki abruptly turned his head to him “N-no, I mean I like you, like, I really, really like you... In a way-“

“I said okay Jinki” Jonghyun cuts him off.

“Oh,” said Jinki, as if he understood, however, he was utterly confused.

After a few minutes of silence, Jinki couldn’t take it anymore. “Does that mean you like me too?” he asked, eyeing Jonghyun expectantly “the way I do, to you? I mean?” he added.

“No”

Jinki deflated after hearing the bored tone of the other “then, do you hate me now?” he asked anxiously.

“No,” he frowned at the answer, not understanding Jonghyun. “Then what are trying to-“ he said, trying to hide the irritation in his voice but failed.

“It means I don’t care Jinki.” Jonghyun cuts him off yet again, not taking his eyes off the book he was reading. Jinki only pouted at him “Meanie” he muttered, completely disappointed that his confession was not taken seriously.

~~~

 
To be honest Jinki had no idea whether Jonghyun took his confession seriously or not, but they went on to high school with a one sided relationship. It was weird if you asked Jinki. He would tell and show Jonghyun how much he liked him and Jonghyun either ignored him, let him or beat him up if he went overboard. However, he liked the fact that Jonghyun still considers him as his best friend and is alright with his gay-for-Jonghyun issue. So he tolerated.

It was annoying if you ask Jonghyun, waking up early in the morning because Jinki was knocking on his door and it was killing him because it was an hour before the time he usually get up before he went to school.

Jinki stepped into his room without Jonghyun inviting him in. He wanted to beat the pulp out of his annoying friend, but was too sleepy to even get angry.

Luckily, Jinki made it to kitchen before Jonghyun could grab his neck and break his bones for coming in uninvited. It was easy, given that Jonghyun’s dorm was small. Jonghyun walked to his bedroom to escape his annoying friend and sleep a little more because he knew Jinki came to prepare his breakfast.

He woke up thirty minutes later and showered. When he came out of the bathroom, breakfast was already served. On his small dining table was a bowl of ramyeon he was sure Jinki bought somewhere. He eyed the food before eyeing Jinki who was standing beside the table with a goofy grin plastered on his face. Jonghyun rolled his eyes, but went for the meal anyway. Maybe it was annoying, but it was convenient at times. He didn’t need to prepare his own breakfast and he was happy about that.
 
 
 
 
 
On that same day

On their way to school Jinki asked Jonghyun out on a date.

“Are you out of your mind?” Jonghyun said after he’s been asked “like I would go on a date with you” he added.

Jinki frowned, offended “Fine, not a date. Let’s just go out, watch a movie or something,” he offered expectantly. However, he was rejected again “Go find someone else” Jonghyun said

Their walk to school went on like that, with Jinki who came up with more options and asked jonghyun again and again, and Jonghyun who rejected his offer again and again, until Jonghyun shoved his face hard and Jinki stumbled backwards. When he was upright, Jonghyun had been already far away from him, he whined disapprovingly but followed his friend anyway.

 
 
It was in high school that their first fight happened. They’ve had numerous fights, Most of them were because of an annoyed Jonghyun and really, just an annoying Jinki. But this fight was nothing like before.

Jinki was doing his daily routine. He went to Jonghyun’s place early in the morning to bring him breakfast. However, what awaited for him on the other side of the door was not what he was expecting. It was a girl and she was wearing super short shorts and what Jinki was sure was Jonghyun’s shirt. He knew because he went through all of Jonghyun’s clothes whenever he did his laundry for him on weekends.

He remembered that Jonghyun said he was busy the night before. He said he had something he needed to do. Was this what he meant by something? Maybe he meant he needed to do someone. It as a pun that he thought of at the moment, because Jinki was funny like that, however, Jinki wasn’t laughing. The idea of Jonghyun sleeping with girls terrified him. It terrified him because seeing this one girl, dressed in one of Jonghyun’s shirts was hurting his poor heart to the core, he was terrified of what would become of him if he’d see more, he couldn’t bear to look at more. He would die.

“Can I help you?” the girl asked, eyeing him and the plastic bag he was carrying curiously.

Jinki was frozen for a minute and the girl grew more suspicious. “Sorry…” Jinki said when he finally found his voice. He held back the tears that were threatening to fall, if Jonghyun liked girls so much that he slept with them, he should have told Jinki. Was it fun to watch him fall and act like a slave for Jonghyun when Jonghyun clearly knew he was straight and that Jinki never really had a slight chance to be with him?

The thought of his best friend thinking that, it was unbearable. He gagged on his own saliva as he held back his tears, “I- I think I have the wrong room” he said before turning to walk away.
 
The girl watched him walk away. Jonghyun then appeared behind her.

“Who was that?” Jonghyun asked, oblivious.

“dunno, some guy” the girl said before closing the door, “he said he’s got the wrong room, ” she finished before going to Jonghyun’s bedroom. Jonghyun shrugged and went to the kitchen for a drink.
 

 
At school when Jonghyun approached Jinki, he knew something was not right about the other.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked after noticing that Jinki hadn’t bother to say hi or greet him and just turned away to leave. When Jinki ignored him, he grabbed at his wrist to turn him around, but Jinki tugged his arm out of his hold.

“Leave me alone” Jinki hissed and left hastily.

Jonghyun was left dumbfounded.
 

 
All throughout the day he eyed Jinki, watched him from the corner of his eyes. In class, Jinki kept his head low. When class ended he hastily stuffed his things inside his bag and went straight for the door.
 
Jonghyun left him alone for a day, this was Jinki anyway. He’d come running to Jonghyun, smiling that idiotic smile of his in no time. That was what Jonghyun thought. However, when three days had passed and Jinki was still acting the same, Jonghyun was extremely pissed, at what, he didn’t know. Maybe at himself for not knowing what he did wrong or maybe at Jinki for not telling him what he did wrong. But if Jinki had a problem with him he should just tell him, he didn’t like Jinki like this, this wasn’t the Jinki he knew, or maybe he didn’t know Jinki that well. He thought maybe he didn’t really give it a thought to know Jinki even more. All he knew was that Jinki was annoying, but he still hangs out with him and that he liked Jonghyun very much that he wanted to go out on a date with him- wait- a date. Was that it?  Maybe it was because he rejected Jinki’s request to go out on a date. Jonghyun smiled in triumph, he’d have Jinki talked to him in no time then.
 
 

He waited for the bell to ring. His things were already in his bag. When the bell rung, he stood up and dashed to Jinki’s seat. It was like an Olympic race on who gets to Jinki’s table fast without causing a scene.

The other was still putting his things into his bag when a hand held his wrist, stopping his movements. He looked up to see Jonghyun looking down at him. He averted his eyes right away. They stayed like that until everyone was out of the room, some students eyed them curiously before stepping out.

There was a silence before Jonghyun said, “I’ll go out with you” Jinki snapped his head up, his eyes wide.

“W-what?”

“I’ll watch a movie with you or something. That’s what this is about right?” Jonghyun said

The look Jinki gave him stunned Jonghyun, his grip on Jinki’s wrist loosening a little. Jinki pulled his hand away, his wrist slipping out easily and he left. Jonghyun was taken aback. He’d never seen Jinki give him a look so disappointed, so hurt.

It pissed him even more that he didn’t know what he had done to have Jinki acting that way.
 

 
It had been a week since the incident in the classroom and Jonghyun had given up, thinking that Jinki might really hate him now. He wouldn’t blame him; Jonghyun admitted that he should have been nicer to his friend and…

“Oppa, I borrowed your laptop and there’s this picture of you and a guy. The strange thing is that he was the guy who came here the other morning, he said he got the wrong room and left, turns out you know him, maybe he wasn’t wrong about the room oppa, I think he was a friend of yours” his sister suddenly popped out of his bedroom and Jonghyun finally understood what was happening to Jinki. He decided, screw being nice to him, he was going to kill the stupid idiot when he sees him.
 
 

Jinki was surprised to see Jonghyun in their living room when he woke up one Saturday morning. His mother was there, talking to him. Jonghyun noticed Jinki first. He glared at him and Jinki frowned, confused. Then his mother turned to him.

“Jinki-ah, you’re awake. Jonghyun-ah’s been waiting for you, he said you were going out today?” his mother said

“We-we are?” Jinki asked dumbfounded.

Eventually his mother had taken Jonghyun’s side, saying that Jinki had been staying in the house for days, and that he needed to get out, because vitamin D is good for your skin.

“So how are you?” Jinki asked first, breaking the awkward silence as they walked their way somewhere. They haven’t decided where to go yet; no one’s been talking since they got out of Jinki’s house.

Jonghyun didn’t answer his question; instead he said “Did you know that my sister’s staying with me for a month?” Jinki’s head turned at him fast, “Your sister?” he asked. The surprise look on his face told Jonghyun he was right about his assumption.

“Yes,” Jonghyun answered, a smug smirk plastered on his face “she’s been staying at my dorm since last week”

Jinki stopped in his tracks to look at the ground, Jonghyun stopped to watch him, waiting for his reaction. He was half expecting him to drop down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. But instead he told him; “You’re really an idiot Lee Jinki, didn’t you even notice that we looked alike?” Jinki now understood where this was going. He hadn’t noticed, his eyes were too blurry that time, covered with the tears he didn’t let fall.

What happened next surprised Jonghyun, Jinki was laughing and he was laughing hard. So hard, that he was clutching his knees to prevent him from falling and rolling on the ground.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jonghyun asked, pissed that he’s not being taken seriously

“No, no,” Jinki wheezed, wiping a tear, he hadn’t had a good laugh in weeks “It’s just… It’s just that you’re right. I am an idiot” then he laughed again.

“Idiot” Jonghyun muttered, turning to leave his madman of a friend behind. However, he had to admit that he was glad to see Jinki smile again, and he completely forgot about his plan on killing Jinki.

Jonghyun only then realized that for the past few weeks, all he had thought of was to see Jinki smile again. He ignored the strange feeling in his gut and continued to walk away from the scene.

Jinki who stopped laughing followed after him, and just like that they were okay again.