AN: It’s a double update! Be sure to read chapter 9 first! Also, I’m gonna put a little warning because there’s some dark themes but not a lot!

WARNING (highlight to read!): Mentions of past suicidal actions and self harming

Jongin knocked on Sehun's door. When the door swung open, Luhan appeared and smiled.

“Lookin' good.” The older complimented.

“Thanks. I tried.”

“Minseok is getting your beloved.” Luhan winked and let Jongin in.

The younger laughed and stepped into the house. It was Jongin's and Sehun's one year anniversary and Jongin wanted to make it special. Their anniversary was actually a few days ago. However, it was during a school day so the two decided to do something in the following weekend. He talked with Minseok and Luhan about it and they created a plan. Jongin was nervous but he knew that no matter what happened, they were going to have a good time. Besides, it couldn’t have been as bad as some of their previous dates.

Minseok came into view with Sehun following close behind him. The blind boy had a happy smile, already reaching out to grab onto Jongin's arm. Jongin grinned and pulled Sehun in for a kiss, making Luhan sigh and Minseok laugh.

“We'll be on our way!” Sehun announced when Jongin was leading them out.

Luhan called out to stay safe while Minseok said to have fun. Jongin took Sehun's hand and they walked just outside of Sehun's property. Jongin picked up a helmet and placed it on Sehun's head, who squeaked in surprised. The older gently secured the helmet before he put one on his head. He usually doesn't wear them but Luhan threatened him to. Not out loud, though.

“Jongin? What are you doing?”

The tan boy laughed and helped Sehun sit on the bike. Jongin then followed suit and sat on the main seat.

“I'm going to take you somewhere special.” He said. “Just hold on to me and keep your legs still. I'll do all the work, alright?”

“Okay.”

Jongin could feel Sehun's hands on his back and tracing down to wrap his arms around his waist. Sehun rested his head between Jongin's shoulder blades and snuggled close. Jongin smiled and started pedaling off the street.

“We're on a bike, right?”

“Yes we are.”

The rest of the ride was in silence. Jongin pedaled past the city and out to a grassy plain. He kept going, up and down hills and passed forests and towns. It took an hour or so before he reached where he wanted to go.

“We're here.”

Jongin helped Sehun get off the bike and let Sehun stand near him as he locked it in the bike stand. He stood up and brushed himself off before he took a hold of Sehun's hand. He started leading Sehun down to the bustling boardwalk to the crowded streets of shops and restaurants. Sehun had a surprised and excited look on his face and he whipped his head around to take in all the noises in different angles.

“Jongin! Where are we? I smell food everywhere. I can hear and feel so many people here and the music! There's so much music playing! Is that the ocean, too?” Sehun started babbling excitedly.

The older couldn't help but chuckle at the younger's excitement. He had decided to take Sehun to the beach. Even though Sehun couldn't see the ocean or anything, the atmosphere would be nice to just go through. Over the year he had been dating Sehun, Jongin learned that you didn't need to see in order to enjoy events like movies. Jongin realized how much he liked to describe things to Sehun because it helped him see more details in the world. The tan boy started to notice the smaller things.

Jongin felt Sehun have a tight grip on his hand in order to not get lost in the crowd. He happily described the lights and the buildings, the shops and the food, anything and everything. The two shopped and got matching bracelets with seashells on them. Afterward, they wandered to random stands and bought random snacks. Sehun would always make the cutest noises when he tried the food.

The two shopped until the sun started to set. That was when Jongin started to take them down to the beach. He helped Sehun out of his shoes and he took off his sandals. Sehun yelped when his feet touched sand and he wiggled his toes around.

“It feels so weird.”

Jongin laughed. “It does, doesn't it? Don't worry, it'll feel better when we walk along the shore line. Be careful! There are shell pieces here. It'll hurt a little but it'll be fine.”

The two slowly made their way down the beach, the sand still warm and cooling the closer they went to the shore. Other people gazed at them with warm eyes, knowing well that it must have been Sehun's first time to a beach. As they both stepped onto wet sand, the water lightly slipped onto their feet and in between their toes. Sehun gasped and held onto Jongin's arm tightly but he giggled soon after.

“It's so cold but it feels so... Nice.”

“That's good.” Jongin smiled and wrapped an arm around Sehun's waist to direct them to walk toward the setting sun. “Before I planned all this, I was worried that you didn't want to be here.”

Sehun turned his head towards Jongin. Sehun's aim has gotten more accurate over the year that they had been dating. Jongin glanced over at the confused expression that Sehun had. He knew how Sehun's eyes were slightly squinted behind the opaque glasses he wore. Jongin smiled and gave Sehun a light peck.

“I actually got Minseok and Luhan to help me with this. I wanted to make this special.” Jongin said as they kept walking. “I was at a lost because I practically took you everywhere in town. They suggested something out of town. I didn't know where to go until Luhan suggested a beach. I didn't know if you wanted to come here because... Because of what happened back then but he insisted that you will appreciate it...”

Sehun didn't say anything for a while but let out a light laugh. “You're so kind to think of me like that.” Sehun mumbled with a smile. “But you have nothing to worry about. I'm still upset about everything back then but I learned to accept it. It's just how life works and how unfair it is. My parents wouldn't want me to be weighing myself down, right?” The blind boy tightened his hold on Jongin's arm. “You... Taught me that. I'm learning to appreciate myself more.” Sehun stopped moving.

“Jongin... There have been some things I haven't told you but I wanted to tell you now. I was worried that you would be worried and... I was also scared that you were going to see me as a freak and you would stop dating me… But I know better now and I regret having those thoughts. You mean a whole lot to me and I know you’re a kind person who wouldn’t be like that.”

The blind boy stood still, Jongin right next to him. Sehun didn't say anything for a while. Jongin watched Sehun closely, the setting sun's orange hue covered Sehun's outline and a light breezing caused his hair to flow lightly. Sehun took a deep breath.

“Back when I was still in China, I would hurt myself a lot. I didn't cut or anything because a blind kid cutting himself? I don't even want to think about it. I would hurt myself in different ways like sitting under the shower with the water on the hottest setting or purposely running myself in furniture. No one really knew about it because I always use my blindness as an excuse and no one is there to see me in the bathroom. That is, until Luhan noticed how I would bump into things even though I thoroughly memorized the house. He even barged into the bathroom once when I was sitting under the shower. He probably knew because of the steam and he hauled me out and into my room.” Sehun smiled sadly. “Remember when I said I'm used to burns? Well, that’s mainly why…”

Jongin didn’t say a word. He pulled Sehun into a hug. There was so much in his mind because he suddenly felt so sad yet so angry just listening to Sehun talk about how he used to hurt himself. But Jongin knew Sehun had more to say so he only held the younger close and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

“Luhan started to be really watchful over me after that. That’s one reason why he’s so overprotective of me. But there’s an even bigger reason why.” Sehun sighed. “I know I told you that I was too scared to die but I actually did attempt to once when I moved here. I suddenly had dark thoughts. I thought I was doing so well trying to pretend and lie to myself but I guess it backfired. I started feeling guilty again and my emotions weren’t working right. I kept thinking about how much I was a burden because Luhan is taking up so much of his time and effort to bring me with him. I was interrupting their time together, Luhan and Minseok. I felt so bad for just barging into their life… They couldn’t go out because someone had to take care of me…

“My mind was numb and hazy, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I did this but I had medication for my depression and for my leg and I took them and I swallowed them by the handfuls.

“Luhan was actually coming upstairs to call me down for dinner. He came in right when I was going to shove my third handful into my mouth. The medication in my system made everything more unclear for me. Luhan said he stopped me from swallowing the rest of the pills and took me straight to the hospital. He was so scared that it might have been too late but I knew that would have been impossible. I didn’t even finish downing the pills so there so no way I would have died.

“I woke up in the hospital feeling very heavy like there was something sitting on me. I just felt so tired and I wanted to sleep forever. But Luhan was sitting next to me. He said something but I couldn’t register anything because my mind was blank and I didn’t take everything in. Apparently, when we reached the hospital, my body was rejecting the pills so I threw them all up. I didn’t exactly register it and I passed out soon after.

“He took me to a therapist after I was given permission to leave. I knew he was trying to help me but I hated going to the therapist. They make it seem like they’re trying to help you but it’s the same thing over and over. They keep asking the same questions and it really doesn’t help. I never felt like they were helping me. I just felt worse and worse trying to talk about it but I couldn’t!” Sehun took a deep breath. Jongin realized that Sehun had his fist clenched, turning his knuckles white and leaving nail marks on his palm. Sehun tried to calm himself down. When his breathing was calmer and his fists loosened up, he continued.

“Between hospital checkups and therapy sessions, that’s another reason why I didn’t come into the school year right way. Luhan and I had many arguments during this time because I felt like I was being a useless being for making Luhan use up money like this to try and help me. But it wasn’t working! I felt worse than ever…

“Minseok helped a lot during this time. I kept everything to myself but Minseok came to me first. He told me that if I needed someone, try to talk to him. I didn’t do that right away. I kept avoiding everyone for days after that. It was right before I was going to shower myself in burning water again when I remembered what Minseok told me. I walked into the living room a few days after that when I knew Luhan wasn’t around. He sat me down and I told him everything on my mind. Well, some of it… It took a little coaxing but I did it.” Sehun sighed. “It only helped a little but I guess that helped me start opening up.”

Sehun smiled. “I kept talking to Minseok about what had been on my mind, things I haven't really been telling my therapist and things that were bothering me and I only had a few more emotional breakdowns after that. I tried to stop the urge to hurt myself and I didn’t attempt to take my life again.” Sehun chuckled but there wasn’t any humor in it. “Sorry. I started rambling again. I thought you should know… Wow, sorry… I made our anniversary so depressing…”

Jongin sighed and pulled Sehun out to have a good look at Sehun’s face. He reached up and slowly took Sehun’s glasses off. The blind boy stood still, waiting for a reaction. Jongin leaned in and gave the younger a kiss. It was a slow and innocent kiss, one filled with love. Jongin was trying to give the same kiss he gave Sehun back in the winter. When he pulled away, he could see a light dust on pink on Sehun’s face but he looked more relaxed.

“I understand, Sehun. You shouldn’t apologize. You can tell me anything at any time, no matter what it is.” Jongin whispered and brushed strands of hair out of Sehun’s face. “I know you must have been through such hard times and to hear this… It hurts to know that you hurt yourself but I’m glad you’re getting better and thank you for telling me.” Jongin smiled. “Thank you for trusting me.”

The younger smiled slightly. “I would trust you with everything. Thank you for being here with me, for supporting me, for helping me…”

Jongin leaned over to kiss Sehun again. “I would always be here for you. We made a promise, remember?”

“I would never forget.”

~*~

 It was dark out when the two decided to cycle home. Jongin was smiling. They had continued to walk down the beach after Sehun had confessed his past actions. After the sun was nearing its disappearance behind the ocean, Jongin lead Sehun into a seafood restaurant. The older had taken the initiative to feed the younger the scallops and cracked open crabs and lobsters for both of them. Jongin wouldn’t have had enough money to pay for most of the food if it wasn’t for Minseok and Luhan helping with finances.

“We want to help!” They had said. Jongin chuckled at the memory.

“Hey Jongin…” Sehun mumbled.

“Yeah?”

“When you drop me off, can you stay for a little while? I want to show you something.”

Jongin glanced back quickly before he gave the road his attention again. “Sure thing. Anything for you.”

It took another half an hour for them to reach the front of Sehun’s house. Jongin watched as Sehun unlocked the front door and stepped in. As the two walked into the house, the tan boy saw Minseok and Luhan fast asleep in the living room with the television on. Jongin smiled at the sight before he continued following Sehun.

The blind boy led Jongin down the hall after they arrived on the upper level. Sehun stopped in front of the last door.

“This room is very special to me. I usually don’t let anyone in here because this room was used to help me. My therapist was helpful for once and suggested that I take on a hobby to get myself better. I didn’t know what to do until she recommended doodling. At first I was frustrated that she would suggest a thing because I’m blind but I tried. I did it to humor her but it turned into an actual hobby.” Sehun smiled.

“I carry around sketchbooks to doodle around in in public but I really like to paint. I find it amazing how the feel of the brush seemed so smooth and natural and…” Sehun sighed. “I’m doing it again. Babbling.”

Jongin chuckled. “I enjoy listening to you.”

Sehun laughed. “The point is, you’ve became my muse for the past few months, you and our friends. I never showed you this earlier because I didn’t think it was good enough and... It was really embarrassing. Now… I want to show it to you, one painting in particular.”

The older was confused but he didn’t say anything. Sehun opened the door and stepped in. Jongin took barely entered and gasped.

The walls were covered in drawings and water color paintings of landscapes and people. The ones closer to the middle of the walls seemed recent because some of the people that were drawn or painted looked very similar to their friends. Jongin slowly stepped around to each wall, admiring the art up close. He smiled at some drawings of their group of friends.

There were plenty of memories all over the walls; Jongin's and Sehun's first meeting, the group being introduced, Jongdae’s birthday party, their first date, their winter holiday adventures… They weren’t exact but Jongin was happy to know that Sehun was trying to see events. He turned around to find Sehun standing near the middle of the room, next to an easel. There was a large piece of cloth covering a canvas.

“What’s underneath that…? Is it that painting you were telling me earlier?” Jongin asked when he stood right in front of it.

Sehun only smiled before he gently pulled the fabric off.

Jongin’s eyes widen when his reflection greeted him back. Even though he saw his face on Sehun’s other drawings, this one was complete with plenty of details. He stared at his own closed eyelids and slightly smiling lips. His skin color was slightly off but he could still recognize himself. Even his hairstyle was on point, being messy as if the wind played with it. Jongin was in absolute awe, blinking several times to make sure he was seeing correctly.

“… Wow…”

“Does it look like you?” Sehun asked, shyly.

The older grinned and pressed his lips against the younger’s. Sehun squeaked in surprise but happily kissed back. When they pulled away, Jongin rested his forehead against Sehun’s.

“Are you kidding…? I thought I was looking in a mirror for a moment.” Jongin murmured. “This is beautiful, Sehun.”

“So it really does look similar?”

“Truly.”

Sehun happily laughed. “I’m so glad… That means I can really see you, Jongin. Not literally but I can see you…”

Jongin felt hands on his cheeks and pulled his head away slightly to allow Sehun to touch his face. He realized Sehun had touched his face many times since the winter. The blind boy was probably trying to memorize it. The tan boy smiled when he felt the fingers reach his lips. Jongin closed his eyes. After the fingers slid down and Sehun’s arm wrapped around his neck, he felt a light peck on his lips. He smiled and leaned into the kiss, deepening it.

When Jongin pulled away for the second time, Sehun’s cheeks has turn a beautiful rosy shade. It made him look so ethereal and Jongin wanted to kiss him again, which he did.

“Stay the night?” Sehun whispered after their nth kiss of the night.

“Of course.” Jongin breathed, leaning in once again.

Jongin knew that their relationship wasn’t going to be perfect. He wasn’t sure how long they would last, when Sehun might have another relapse or fall back into depression, how they were going to keep going. However, some things he was sure of, they trust each other and that their feelings were sincere. Sehun needed someone and Jongin was going to be that person standing next to him the whole time, even if things were going to fall apart.

Sehun might still need some help trying to fully break out of his shell and stop his habits but Jongin was willing to put plenty of his time and effort on helping. He still needed to make sure Sehun knew how to love himself and care for himself. Jongin could only hope that everything would end well.

“I love you, Jongin.” Sehun decalred.

Jongin couldn’t help the grin that was threatening to split his face in half. “I love you too, Sehun”

It might take a while but I’m sure we can handle it. Jongin thought as Sehun started to lead him down the corridor. One small step at a time.

~*~

“Hey Sehun.”

“Hm?”

The two were lying on Sehun’s bed. The younger was curled up by Jongin’s side, his head resting comfortably on the older’s chest. Jongin had one arm wrapped around Sehun’s waist and the other playing with Sehun’s fingers. He would grin every time his thumb brushed over the ring that Sehun always wore ever since the start of the new year. Jongin never took his off either.

“You have to help me gang up against Kyungsoo.”

“How come?”

“He won’t tell me who his boyfriend is and I need to know because I’m his best friend.”

“Oh, that.” Sehun giggled. “I already know who he is.”

“Oh, reall- wait…. What?!”

“Yeah. Kyungsoo told me once.”

“Who is it?!”

“He also told me not to tell you.”

“But Sehun…!”

“Sorry, Jonginnie, I have to keep my promises!”

“… I feel so betrayed right now. My best friend and boyfriend… I feel so betrayed…!”

Sehun laughed and leaned up to give Jongin a kiss, missing his lips and ended up giving a peck to Jongin’s chin. The older couldn’t help but laugh and pulled Sehun up to pepper him with butterfly kisses all over his face, making Sehun squeal and giggle loudly. He grinned at Sehun’s happy face, making him swell with pride and joy.

Yeah… I’m sure everything will be alright. As long as we have each other…

“Sehun.”

“Hm…?”

“I know I told you so many times but I don’t think I will ever stop saying it.” Jongin smiled. “I love you. I love you so, so much.”

Sehun gave Jongin a toothy grin, his eyes turning into crescent moons. “I love you just as much. If not, even more.”

Jongin grinned and shifted their positions so his face was hovering over Sehun’s. He leaned down and gave Sehun a long, passionate kiss. The younger returned the kiss with just as much passion and full of love. When the two parted for air, Jongin stared deep into Sehun’s eyes.

Their future may be uncertain but at that moment, they were happy. That’s all that mattered.

AN: Aaaand… It’s finished! I bet you guys weren’t expecting a double update when I come back, right? Anyways, Small Steps is finally completed! Thank you to everyone who read, subscribed, upvoted, and commented! It really means a lot to me! Considering this is my first fanfic, I was absolutely surprised at all the positive feedback I have been receiving! Thank you so much for sticking with it to the end! However, don’t leave just yet!

I am writing different stories (mainly one-shots) based on this story! And I am accepting ideas! It can be about anything (i.e. events happening after this story, events happening during the timeline of this story, events from before this story, different point of views for certain scenes, etc)! You can either comment your idea or send me a message! I will be updating this whenever I write and post a new story! I hope you guys will enjoy them!

A huge special thanks to starlight-turtle and TadaChi for being huge supporters for me behind the scenes and in the comments! You guys should totally check out their stories too! They’re amazing authors so be sure to check them out!

Thank you to everyone again for supporting this story! You guys are all awesome and I hope to see you all in my new stories!