Seungri alway comes back.

It’s the thought that calms Kwon Jiyong down when he thinks - when he knows - he’s gone too far. When his voice goes two decibels higher than intended and Seungri cringes away. Jiyong sits at his desk, tapping the end of his pen on the empty page of his notebook. He’s been sitting in the same spot for what seemed like forever, just hoping for the door to swing open. He hopes for a laugh that’s too loud to echo throughout his room. The ticks of the clock on the wall seem to get louder as he realizes that it’s been almost an hour since Seungri left.

His door opens and Jiyong swings around, hopeful, but is disappointed by the face he sees in his doorway. “Come out here.” Youngbae’s head peeks out from behind the door with raised eyebrows. Jiyong sighs and manages to leave his chair, reluctantly leaving the room. Everyone is gathered around the couch outside, hovering over Youngbae’s phone that’s on speaker. Even before he joins everyone, he can hear the anger of manager yang, almost reaching through the phone speakers trying to strangle each member.

“What’s wrong with you guys? Where’s Seungri? I’ve been calling him for an hour and he hasn’t picked up.” Everyone is silent, unsure if they should tell the truth or not. “Well? Is someone going to answer me?”

“Hyung.” Jiyong hesitates for a second before breathing in deeply through his mouth. “Seungri just went out for a little while.”

“He doesn’t have his phone?”

“Ah, he left it here at the apartment.” Of course it’s a lie. Jiyong clearly saw Seungri take his phone when he left. Youngbae stares at him for a few seconds before looking back down at his phone.

“Go look for him. Do you think it’s good that neither I nor you can get a hold of Seungri”’ Jiyong thinks about it. “Hurry.” The silence that follows after the phone disconnects stays suspended in the air and gradually dissipates out of the room until Daesung decides to say something.

“I’ll go look for him. I have a few ideas of where he meet be.” Seunghyun says he’ll accompany daesung and they both get up and start toward the front door.

“No. I’ll go.”

As Jiyong slips his jacket and shoes on he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He looks back into Youngbae’s eyes that try to tell him something but he’s never been that good at reading people. He shrugs off the hand and leaves the room as quickly as he can. When he gets outside and the cold January air hits him he is still for a minute or two though it could be longer then begins to walk.

He knows exactly where Seungri is.

*

The lights of the practice room are on and illuminate the dark, empty hallway. The music that’s being played is so loud Jiyong can feel it in his body. When he looks through the small crack in the door, inside he sees exactly what he was hoping not to. Seungri repeating their dance over and over again. Even when the song ends, he doesn’t stop though he looks like he’s going to pass out any second.

It’s this scene that makes Jiyong ache. The perfection Seungri tries to achieve when he doesn’t think he’s done well and that he’ll nearly harm himself to reach. While he watches him repeat one move over and over, letting out a loud sigh when he doesn’t get it quite right, Jiyong opens the door wider and hesitantly walks inside. Seungri looks up at the same exact moment, almost like he was expecting him to be there. That’s what always mystified Jiyong. The fact that Seungri always seemed to know when Jiyong was missing from a room or when he appeared, no matter what was going on.

“Hi hyung.”

Seungri sits down on the floor, his chest heaving up and down. He does his best to look at anything but Jiyong and fails. Jiyong notes that Seungri’s eyes are darker than usual and he wants nothing more than to reach out and make them go away. Instead he sits down next to Seungri who noticeably shifts away from him.

“You know we all got in trouble because you wouldn’t pick up your phone.” Jiyong tries to make the atmosphere lighter but it doesn’t work. Seungri only takes out his phone and realizes that it’s been turned off.

“I didn’t know. It won’t happen again.”

“Why did you come here?” Jiyong’s quiet question comes out in a stern tone, almost angry. It’s because Seungri shouldn’t be here. He should be at the apartment with everyone else. He should be with Jiyong.

“I had to, hyung. I had to fix my mistakes.”

Jiyong looks in the mirror across from them and watches as Seungri brings his knees to his chin and wraps his arms around them and he has never looked so helpless. He has to keep himself from reaching out and touching Seungri’s face.

“I’m sorry, maknae. I was really tired and stressed. I didn’t mean to say those things.”

Suddenly everything is happening all over again and Jiyong visibly cringes at the memory.

*

When Seungri comes to the apartment he is laughing so loud everyone looks in his direction. Seunghyun chuckles a bit, Daesung keeps in a small smile and Youngbae can only sigh. He’s seen this scene twice in the last week and glances over at Jiyong’s room, unsure of whether or not he can hear.

“Hyung.” He makes his way to Youngbae and throws an arm over his shoulders. “I’m so hungry, really. Let’s order some food. Please.”

“Maknae get yourself together.” When Youngbae starts to bring Seungri to his feet, he is stopped by another voice.

“Leave him.”

Seungri looks up and instantly a smile lights up his face. “Jiyong hyung. I haven’t seen you in so long.” He stumbles over to him and nearly falls over when Jiyong grabs his arm to keep him straight.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy? You’re out getting drunk and having fun when you haven’t been doing anything right?”

Youngbae walks up and tries to lead Seungri away. ‘Jiyong, just stop.’ Seungri seems to have sobered up as he is silent and looks only at Jiyong now.

“Why should I? As maknae you should be working two, three, four times harder than any of us. You’re far from perfect and on stage everyone will see that, especially if you don’t keep practicing. This afternoon, what were you doing? Do you think that was dancing? Get your head on straight. Don’t forget you weren’t always a definite member of this group.”

“Jiyong.” It’s all Youngbae can say and the rest of the room has gone silent, the last sentence lingering in the air.

When Jiyong lets go of his arm, Seungri doesn’t look at anything but the floor, standing still for a few minutes before finally turning around. He picks up his phone and slips into his shoes, forgetting his jacket and quietly shuts the door. It’s just as loud as the sound of him slamming it.

*

'Everything you said was right.’ Seungri glances at Jiyong. 'Everything.’

Jiyong in a breath and decides that it isn’t right to make Seungri feel like this any longer. He shifts body toward Seungri and brings himself closer to him. When Seungri looks up, they are so close that their noses almost touch. Jiyong ignores the way his heart is racing too fast when he stares at Seungri. They whisper now.

“I wasn’t right. Not at all. I wasn’t right.” His voice is pleading, trying to get Seungri to believe him.

“Stop it hyung.”

“I can’t. Just listen to me. You know I didn’t mean any of the things I said.”

“Maybe you did. You’re right that I was never part of this group to begin with. It hurts but it’s true. What you said woke me up, hyung. I have to work even harder. I have to prove myself. I’m sorry I wasn’t working hard enough. I’ll do my best from now on, I promise.”

The words make Jiyong hurt. That Seungri thinks he’s less than what he truly is isn’t what Jiyong wants to hear because of course Seungri doesn’t need to prove himself. He already has, that night during the final evaluation and every day since. Jiyong reaches his hand out and gently holds Seungri’s face. He leans into Jiyong’s palm slightly and looks up at him and something that Jiyong can’t make sense of passes over his face.

Seungri lets his head hang down and scoots away from Jiyong. “Hyung I’m going to practice more.” The statement is just another way to tell Jiyong to leave.

“Are you coming back home?” Really, the question is ‘Will you forgive me?’ and Seungri only nods

“Don’t I always?”

Jiyong stands up, his shoulders drooping. “Don’t wear yourself out maknae.” Seungri doesn’t hear him though because the song is blasting again and he’s immersed in the dance barely sparing another glance at Jiyong who stays there for a few seconds longer than intended.

When he finally decides to leave, he lays his jacket over a chair near the door. He gets a call from Youngbae ten minutes after he’s left.

“Is he okay?“

"He’ll come back.”