Baekhyun woke up with his cheeks stained with dried tears. He doesn’t dream about it, but he knows it’s the reason for his tears. It’s such a sweet pain remembering but he wouldn’t forgive himself if he forgets. Everytime, the pain eats him up whole but he doesn’t want to complain. He deserves it.

“Baek?” came a low voice. It was Chanyeol. “Are you awake yet?”

“Hm,” he replied. “I’ll get up in a minute.”

“Baek,” Chanyeol almost whispered. He knows what’s coming next. “You don’t have to punish yourself.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes and saw her. I have to. “I’m not, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun heard the door to their shared room close. If only it were her smiling face he sees everytime he closes his eyes. He might not punish himself like this. Still, the pain is real as if it was just yesterday. Still, he does not want to forget the pain for her pain is far greater than his.

If only he were strong enough. If only he gave her more importance then. But it was too late, and he was in too deep.

She debuted a year before EXO and was already making a name. She was known simply as Karin. She wasn’t a superstar, nor was she a flop. Other girl idols are far more beautiful than her. She wasn’t special in any way. Or so Baekhyun thought.

They first met at Hello! Counselor during Growl promotions. It was very conventional, actually. They were introduced formally by a mutual friend who was also a guest of the show. They smiled and bowed at each other, but was awkward afterwards.

It was more awkward when they were assigned to seat beside each other. Baekhyun was not really conscious of her, but since she’s a new acquaintance he wasn’t sure how to interact. This made it awkward between the two of them which in turn made the host to notice and tease them. Karin brushed it off politely by smiling. Baekhyun did the same thing.

When the show ended, Baekhyun found himself with an apologizing Karin in front of him. He was confused because it was unnecessary but he apologized too anyway. It should have been over then, but Karin smiled and Baekhyun was taken aback. It wasn’t the awkward smile earlier nor was it a pretentious smile he was used to seeing from others. It was so genuine. So genuine that he could feel that Karin was really happy for her apology to be accepted.

“Baekhyun?” Minseok asked, he was also a guest from the said show. Right now, they are headed back to SMent for practice. It was hectic but they were getting used to it.

“Yep?” Baekhyun replied, a second too late.

“Why are you spacing out?” Minseok asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Am I? Sorry.” Baekhyun said, obviously trying to get the attention away from him. Minseok didn’t press him which he was very thankful of.

They met again at an awards night. Karin was chosen as one of the MCs while EXO was going to receive an award. He had almost forgotten about her then, but seeing her standing there in all her glory. Wearing a white floral dress, she had stunned more than a handful of idols that night. Including Baekhyun. Especially Baekhyun.

“Man, I thought Karin was one of those simple looking celebrities…” Jongdae started, which caught Baekhyun’s attention. “Look at her now, she looks like a flower nymph.”

Baekhyun half-heartedly agreed, wanting to brag that they were together on a program three months ago but realized that Minseok was also in that program. He was in no place to brag. He remembered the time where Karin smiled genuinely at him. He thought that he misses it somehow.

Baekhyun looked at Karin once again as she talks with Minho, also an MC that night. Baekhyun faintly wished that he was in Minho’s place.

Third time’s a charm, they say. Well, maybe. Two months after the awards night, Baekhyun and Karin met again. This time at a restaurant with surprisingly mutual friends. It turns out, Karin was a highschool friend of Joonmyun. The bastard didn’t even say a word until now. He couldn’t blame him more though, Baekhyun wasn’t really talking about his small interest in Karin.

Karin smiled at him, suddenly, which made him squirm in his seat. He was suddenly uncomfortable with her sitting just in front of him. Baekhyun tried his best to smile, though. He doesn’t want her to think differently.

Karin started a conversation with him. She was an active talker. She talks a lot but also listens well. What Baekhyun noticed was that Karin wants him to be comfortable with her. She does not direct the topic about what interests her, rather towards him. She talks about herself when asked, but most of the time lets him talk about himself. Baekhyun found it refreshing. He was tempted to ask for her phone number. Tempted. But he never did.

They met that night as awkward acquaintances and parted as communication-less friends which Baekhyun hated.

“+8229477239…” Baekhyun heard Joonmyun mumble beside him on the way back home.

“What?” Baekhyun asked, confused. “Is that an account number?”

“Nope.” Joonmyun answered, letting the ‘p’ sound pop. “Phone number.”

“Yours?” Baekhyun asked again, fishing for his phone inside his pocket to save the number. “I didn’t know you changed.”

“Not mine.” Baekhyun looked at Joonmyun, more confused. Joonmyun looked back a Baekhyun and smiled. “Minjeon’s… or should I say, Karin.”

Baekhyun didn’t know Minjeon was Karin’s real name. He furrowed his brows at Joonmyun.

Joonmyun chuckled. “You look like you want to talk to her more, so I’m giving you her phone number.”

Baekhyun stayed quiet. “What? Take it or leave it.”

“Say it again, ahjussi.” Baekhyun playfully said, which earned him a smack.

It started with simple hellos and his. Then to snide remarks about each other. Then to coffee dates in some suburban café. But if asked, they are just friends which was cool with the both of them. Or that’s what Baekhyun thinks anyway.

“I’m getting really stressed with work,” Baekhyun complained lightly. “I can’t even read the latest chapters for Noblesse.”

Karin snorted. “Tell me about it. The last Naruto episode I watched was Itachi dying.”

“You watch Naruto?” Baekhyun exclaimed. “Why didn’t I know this blunder?”

“Well,” Karin smiled at Baekhyun guiltily. “It wasn’t really something I’m so proud of. It’s my guilty pleasure.”

Baekhyun judgingly eyed Karin and scoffed. “I’m not treating you any red velvet cake today. You never told me!”

Karin groaned. “I’m sorry. We never really talked about it? Forgive me?” Karin apologized half-heartedly, as she knew Baekhyun was just joking. She’ll still have her cake, eventually.

“Minjeon, why don’t I know a lot of things about you? We’ve been this close for months and I don’t even know your favourite color.” Baekhyun uttered seriously, gaining Karin’s attention. “You never talk about yourself that much. It worries me.”

Baekhyun watched Karin go mute. He observed how Karin was suddenly speechless. “It’s fine,”” he finally said. “Maybe we’re not really close.”

“My favourite color is white. It goes well with everything.” Karin suddenly started as she looked at Baekhyun with a cute smile. “I’m an only child. Oh wait, I think I already told you that.”

Baekhyun leaned into her, suddenly very aware of her features. Baekhyun noticed a small mole just under her left eye. It was very small and faint. He observed the way she would tuck her hair in her ear when she’s talking about something more personal. He observed how she looks at him intently when asking for confirmation. He can’t take his eyes off his suddenly beautiful lips, lips that all the time. He doesn’t want to miss Karin opening up to him, but he was very distracted. Oh so distracted. By the time, Karin was done talking about herself, Baekhyun barely digested anything.

“Okay.” He said quietly.

“Satisfied now? Mr. Byun?” She said playfully.

“Yes, very much so. Ms. Byun.”Baekhyun replied nonchalantly. It was too late when he realized his mistake. Karin was already blushing to her ears. “Oh, god. I’m sorry!”

Karin played it off with a smile. “Do I look like a younger sister to you?” She said teasingly.

“Well, you look like a baby.” Baekhyun replied coolly, which is the exact opposite of how his heart is pounding loudly inside his chest. That was close.

They were friends. Just that.

It was a week after that that Baekhyun finds himself beside the girl of his dreams: Taeyeon. He had always liked Taeyeon. She’d been a good sunbae to him, and was really helpful about a lot of things. Night before though, Taeyeon had asked if he were busy. He wasn’t, thankfully. Now, they are drinking tea at a secluded tea shop just outside the outskirts of Cheondong.

Baekhyun is far from nervous. He was beyond that. He was so afraid to talk since he is such a blabbermouth and anything he say might turn Taeyeon off. God, was it so unnerving.

“Baekhyun-ah? Don’t be afrain.” Taeyeon smiled that smile of hers, and he was lost. “I’m not going to bite.”

And Baekhyun thought he fell.

One date with Taeyeon turned into many more. Baekhyun had noticed a lot of new things about Taeyeon. She worries about a lot of things. Her future. Her career. Her fans. Her friends. This made Baekhyun worry about her too. He thought, maybe he can protect Taeyeon from those. He likes her, anyway. Right?

“Hey, you going out?” Baekhyun heard Joonmyun as he was putting his shoes.

“Yep,” Baekhyun answered.

“Oh, yeah, right. Pluie Café, right?” Joonmyun stated with a smile.

“Uh, no.” Baekhyun hesitantly answered.

“Did you guys change place then? I’m sure Minjeon told me last night?”

“Uhm, I have to cancel that. Taeyeon noona asked me to meet earlier. She has a problem.” Baekhyun said quietly, feeling guilty about hanging Karin up.

“Did you tell Karin?” Joonmyun asked.

“Yeah.”

“About Taeyeon?”

Baekhyun fell silent. Somehow, he couldn’t bring up the topic to Karin. He couldn’t tell her that he’s going out with Taeyeon for almost two months now.

“I though you liked Karin?” Joonmyun pressed.

“What are you talking about, hyung?” Baekhyun laughed, albeit nervously. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh, okay. Well, good luck on your date.” Joonmyun said with a small smile as he exited Baekhyun’s room.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun mumbled to himself.

Two weeks passed by. Baekhyun wasn’t able to take Karin out. He was thankful that Karin understands. She even playfully told him that it would cost him a dozen red velvet cake which Baekhyun agreed to. Right now, Baekhyun was busy with promotions. They were promoting a new album. It is hectic, but he finds time to message Karin every now and then. She’s also preparing for a comeback the next week, so they can’t really see each other.

Baekhyun finds time for the girl he likes, though, Taeyeon. He noticed that Taeyeon was quite down than usual. Everytime, Baekhyun tries to soothe her feelings by listening to her problems and somehow, looking for a way to cheer her up. He doesn’t know, if they are really dating. But maybe? They’ve gone out a lot of times? Taeyeon said she likes him, and obviously, Baekhyun likes Taeyeon too.

Karin: Baek Baek~~

Baekhyun: HEY!

Karin: r u alright?

Baekhyun: m fine. tired though

Karin: oh, take a rest then. I’ll disturb u some other time :)

Baekhyun: aw wen were u dis sweet?

Karin: just for u :) hahahah kidding baek?

Baekhyun: yep?

Karin: take care of urself, ok? Im worried

Baekhyun paused before replying. How long has it been since they texted like this? It was always hi and then “I’m busy maybe next time.” He missed this. Although it was partially his fault for losing time for Karin. He missed it. He missed Karin worrying about him.

Baekhyun: tnx I appreciate it. maybe a frappe would cut it

Karin: J sure thing, have a rest now xo

Baekhyun only noticed that he was smiling all throughout the conversation after he closes his phone.

It was two days after that that the news about Baekhyun and Taeyeon dating broke out. The news shook the whole country and fandom. Baekhyun was left speechless at the news. He didn’t expect it to be discovered this early. Kris had just left the group then, but now this. This is certainly going to be a major blow to their groups.

He didn’t expect that the first message he would receive was from Karin, asking if he was okay. Baekhyun couldn’t reply that time, instead he looked for Taeyeon’s number and message her the same thing. If she was fine. He didn’t receive any reply, perhaps, Taeyeon doesn’t like her now. He doesn’t know.

He constantly checks for his phone if Taeyeon replied, but all the time, it was Karin, asking if he was okay, or if he has eaten dinner yet, or if he is taking it well, or if it’s true. He can’t reply to her, not right now, she is more worried with Taeyeon.

Karin: can we talk?

Baekhyun: idk K. u know my situation

Karin: just for a while? Same place?

Baekhyun almost groaned at Karin’s insisting. But he sighed, he hadn’t seen the girl and she was really worried about him.

Baekhyun: cant be out long though

Karin: :) I understand. I wont take much time, I swear tnx c u

Baekhyun: ok

Baekhyun texted Taeyeon once before he went out.

Baekhyun walked into the familiar scent of Pluie Café. It was the café that Karin introduced to him. He was actually very thankful to know this place. It promises privacy and is very cosy. Baekhyun could spend his time here all day and he wouldn’t regret it.

“Baek!” Karin called from their usual spot. She was waving happily at Baekhyun, happy to finally see him personally after a few weeks. Baekhyun looked at her and was taken aback at how huge her smile was, suddenly realizing how much he missed it.

“Hey,” he said quietly with a small smile. “Haven’t you for so long.” Baekhyun sat down opposite Karin and pinched her cheeks.

“That hurts,” Karin tried not to pout, but she failed. Baekhyun laughed at this. “Oh, remember my dozen red velvet cake?”

“Can’t remember anything like that.” Baekhyun playfully said.

“Aw.” Karin smiled.

There was an uncomfortable silence which Baekhyun wasn’t used to when it comes to Karin.

“Baek,” Karin started. “How are you… and Taeyeon?”

Suddenly, Baekhyun was out of words to say. “Uhm…”

“I.. I’m sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable?” Karin asked worriedly.

“No. Don’t apologize.” Baekhyun gulped. “Uh, I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“No, I perfectly understand.” Karin said, bowing slightly. Baekhyun couldn’t look at her straight, so he opt to concentrate on the displays around them. “I understand that you’re not comfortable about telling me because I’m a girl… and we’ve only known each other for a few months.” Karin smiled vaguely.

Baekhyun wanted to tell her that it wasn’t that, but somehow, if Karin asks, he can’t really answer her either. He wonders too, why can’t he tell her in the first place? What was the problem? She’s a close friend. They’ve always went out together. What’s holding him back from telling?

So, Baekhyun stayed quiet.

“I’m sorry. I told you I’d make it quick.” Karin said, distracted.

“No. No, it’s alright. I’m sorry for telling you that.” Baekhyun apologized, looking more concerned by the second. Karin never acted like this, so it was a first. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Karin answered, a little too soon. “Uhm, Can I tell you something Baekhyun? Promise me you would just stay quiet and listen?”

“What’s it about?”

“Promise.”

“Okay. Okay. I promise.” Baekhyun made a zipping motion over his lips.

Karin smiled curtly and cleared . “Byun Baekhyun. I… I like you.” Baekhyun suddenly looked up, he wanted to say something but didn’t know what to. Karin eyed him and he shut his mouth.

“I like you, Baek. Perhaps more than that.” Karin started, nervousness lacing her soft voice. “I… I know that to you, I’m no more than a friend… and I already proved that. But being your friend, took me to many heights. I’ve known you better. Your flaws and strengths. And I like every single one of them.”

By then, Baekhyun heard soft sniffing sounds from Karin. He didn’t understand it then. He didn’t understand how Karin came to like him. He didn’t understand the tears.

“But, Baek… this is too much pain. It hurts so much.” Baekhyun was frozen in his seat. He didn’t expect Karin to confess like this.  He wanted to speak, but words abandoned him. He didn’t know what to say. “Maybe, maybe this is a sign. It was delusional of me to even think that I’d be able to stay beside you. I was wrong. I’m sorry, Baek.”

Baekhyun’s mind was working overload. This is not what he expected at all. He was pull out of reverie when he saw Karin sliding a small box to him.

“Here, this is for you. Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself, Baek.” Karin said, wiping the flowing tears on her cheeks. “This is goodbye.”

The next day’s headline brought Baekhyun to tears.

SINGER KARIN TO NEVER SING AGAIN; REJECTS NEW CONTRACT FOR U.S.

“Joonmyun?” Baekhyun asked in between quiet sobs.

“I… I thought of telling you, but Minjeon told me she’d personally tell you. I am so so sorry.” Joonmyun apologized.

Baekhyun wanted to be mad. He wanted to be angry at someone, anyone, but in the end, he realized that there’s no one to blame but himself. He should’ve told Minjeon something. He shouldn’t have kept his mouth shut. He should have but he didn’t.