A Pinch of Pride

~*~

Through the persistent phone calls and texts, Kim Jongin finally gave in. On a cool Friday afternoon, the brunet found himself packing some belongings into a duffel bag. He grumbled under his breath as he trudged out the bedroom. "Call the police if I'm not back by Monday."

Jongin's roommate chuckled from the futon as he flipped through the TV channels, "You're literally just heading to the opposite end of the complex."

"That's where Taemin lurks," Jongin slipped his shoes on before stepping into the outside world. "Don't have too much fun without me," Jongin added before shutting the door. He could hear his roommate's laughter echo in his mind as he begrudgingly walked to his old apartment building.

Not two months ago it was that Jongin moved out to his current residence. He and Taemin never expected the arguments that exploded, the constant nagging about the dishes, the bills, food, everything. The two best friends didn't take the advice to avoid living with your best friend after high school. Jongin and Taemin lasted a semester before Jongin called it quits and moved out.

Upon his arrival, Jongin inserted the key Taemin made him keep in case of emergencies. Jongin heard his name before he saw the face peeking out from the sky-themed blanket in the center of the living room. Taemin's bright smile matched the puffy white clouds that decorated the soft blue sky.

"Hey," Jongin set his bag down on the floor. Stepping into the apartment caused a rush of nostalgia and though he didn't want to admit it, Jongin missed living there. But did he really? Was it the place or the memories he shared with his best friend? Or just Taemin?

"Come here, I have a surprise for you," Taemin grinned widely. "I would say it'll blow your socks off but you're not wearing any."

"I have a pair in my bag if you want."

Taemin laughed and excitedly bounced up and down from the floor, "Are you ready?"

Jongin slowly sat down and crossed his legs, "Tell me you're not under there."

"I'm not under here."

"But you're not really, are you?"

"Does it matter we've seen each other before." Taemin lightly kicked Jongin's knee before unveiling the surprise.

Jongin gaped at his best friend's platinum blonde hair and ear studs. Jongin's automatically reached out to feel Taemin's hair between his fingers, tugging it to ensure it's authenticity. "Oh my god, it's real."

Taemin gasped through his teeth as he slapped Jongin's hand away, "Oww! Of course it's real, ! Don't you know me?"

"And your piercings," Jongin reached out once more and checked both of Taemin's ears. He sat back, eyes stills wide, "Your hair is... white. White. You have piercings on your ears, both ears! You are sick aren't you?"

"Is dying my hair blonde and getting ear piercings a sin? Is it because I'm a boy? What is your reasoning?" Taemin inquired light-heartedly. From the bowl cut to the extensions to the blonde hair... Jongin was always the critic. Taemin knew all Jongin required was a couple of days for the change to sink in.

A couple of days...

"No, it's just... sudden." Jongin began to wonder if Taemin was feeling all right. Perhaps Taemin was homesick. Jongin had his share of homesickness and a phone call home temporarily eased his pain. Jongin sighed and took out a mini notepad and pen, "So Mr. Lee. I hear you're feeling ill. May I know your symptoms?"

"Symptoms?"

"Symptoms. Headaches, vomitting, diar--"

"Yes to the headaches," Taemin interrupted before Jongin could go further into the list of symptoms. "No diarrhea or vomitting. I don't how I feel Jongin, honestly. I get these intense headaches... some serious chest pains, loss of appetite."

Is he homesick? Depressed?

Jongin frowned as he lowered his notebook, "No sore throat? Coughs? Runny or stuffy nose? What about an increase in phlegm?" Everything Jongin said made Taemin want to puke. Taemin understood the brunet was just being helpful but casually listing out all those disgusting things that Taemin didn't wish to picture as he was going to ask for help on dinner didn't sound appealing whatsoever.

"I'm hungry but you're gross," Taemin whined as he stood up. "Can you make your popcorn chicken? Everything's in the kitchen."

Jongin stared at Taemin's back as the older boy left him. Jongin scoffed and followed after Taemin, "Is that the only reason you called me here?"

"Don't be silly," Taemin dug through the fridge for the large bag of boneless chicken s. Taemin it to Jongin, "Here's the chicken."

"But you know how to make it. I've watched you, I taught you," Jongin set the chicken down on the counter. "Why do I have to make it?"

It's a different feeling.

"Just do it!" Taemin groaned in frustration. He took out a large ceramic bowl and a skillet. "You're the one who is capable of making it fit for royalty." Jongin's ears turned hot in embarrassment. He grumbled under his breath and tore open the bag. Jongin didn't need Taemin to remind him of the prideful words uttered by thirteen-year-old Kim Jongin.

Taemin's stomach flipped in excitement as he watched Jongin set to work. It was true, no matter how he made the chicken it didn't taste the same. After Jongin left, the only way to get a taste of those delectable popcorn chicken was to make it himself. Due to his budget and lack of experience, Taemin could not get the taste right. It was always better when Jongin did it.

Despite being occupied by the task at hand, Jongin noted the silence between them. Stealing glances at Taemin, Jongin found the blond smiling at him. A genuine, warm, one-of-a-kind Taemin smile. Jongin ate a test piece before handing the small bowl out to Taemin. The blonde moaned in delight, "Oh yes, this is the best."

Jongin smiled and rolled his eyes, "You always say that."

"Then it's obviously not a lie," Taemin opened the fridge. He clicked his tongue as he peered into the void, "Are you thirsty? I have... water, chocolate milk, coconut juice."

"Water's fine."

Taemin placed a water bottle on the counter within Jongin's reach. "Can I have another piece?"

"Umm, yeah. Why not?"

Why is he asking me for permission?

Jongin suddenly felt uneasy about Taemin. Why was Taemin acting so... odd? Jongin's thoughts immediately dived into depression and suicide. Jongin understood how much stress college freshman endure that led to anxiety and such dark matters. However, Jongin decided against simply ignoring the possibility. "What are we doing after this?"

Taemin shrugged as he enjoyed his snack. He his fingers and smacked his lips together, "We can watch TV, read a book, play board games, tell stories, sleep. Anything you want."

"How about I go back--"

"Except that. You're staying here until I feel better or until Sunday night," Taemin hastily said before taking a hold of Jongin's arm.

Always interrupting me.

Jongin sighed, shoulders sagging. "Fine. Whatever. We can watch TV." After finishing up the remaining pieces of chicken, the two young men settled onto the floor in the living room. Jongin felt the cold air blowing through his clothes and seeping into his skin. He asked with a shiver, "Why are you blasting up the air conditioning?"

"Because I needed to bury myself in the blanket earlier, remember?" Taemin laughed before shutting it off. The blond made himself comfortable on the opposite side of the bowl of chickens. After a second thought, Taemin picked up the bowl and set it on Jongin's lap in order to sit closer together. Jongin didn't comment, didn't even think much of it.

The excitement that built up within Taemin's body, however, put a pause on his dinner. It would be wise to avoid throwing up on his best friend and his food. Taemin rested his head against the wall as a sudden rush of nostalgia decided to kick in. Without moving his posture, Taemin asked, "So how is the new place? Is Sehun a better roommate than me? Probably is."

"He's quiet when we're alone at home," Jongin sighed. He would have continued if Taemin hadn't interrupted him.

"And you're complaining about that?"

"Does it sound like I'm complaining?"

"I've known you long enough to know your sighing habits." Taemin lowered the volume of the TV before explaining. "You sigh when you're frustrated."

Jongin rolled his eyes. Look at Taemin trying to sound smart when everyone sighed because of frustration. Without realization another sigh escaped his lips. "Yeah, it bothers me a bit. Am I not easy to talk to?"

"You miss me don't you?" Taemin joked as he threw an arm around Jongin's waist and placed his head in the crook of Jongin's neck. "It's okay, Kim Jongin. Just give it time. Before you know it Sehun will be the next biggest loudmouth and you'll want to move again."

"What about you? How's it like?"

"It's quiet. I have more space to myself."

Jongin gestured to the blankets and pillows around them, "Did you move out in the living room or something?"

"No, silly. It's just for this weekend while you're here."

Jongin couldn't resist a smile. He had missed Taemin. The easy conversations they held, the crazy food recipes they created. Jongin and Taemin could sit on the living room floor and not exchange a word, yet everything would be perfectly all right. The wonderful experiences Jongin gave up when he moved out, at times he regretted his decision. Sitting there with Taemin holding onto him... Jongin wanted to stay still for just a while longer. Unfortunately nature decided against his wishes and Jongin excused himself.

Temporarily alone, Taemin began gorging on the chicken before it got cold. He found it difficult to swallow at times with the uncomfortable lump in his throat. His stupid eyes stung with oncoming tears and he hastily wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. He couldn't let those emotions get the better of him, not when he finally had Kim Jongin.

Realizing only two pieces of chicken remained, Taemin ceased eating. He was full anyway, or at least he thought he was. The blond stood up and stretched his back before tidying up the kitchen. Although Jongin had only stepped away into the bathroom for a brief moment, it felt as if Taemin were alone again. The empty silence -- save the sounds of the fridge humming and the TV playing in the background -- made Taemin feel small and lonely.

Yes, Taemin felt lonely after Jongin left. Yes, Taemin missed his best friend. Yes, Taemin wished Jongin would just move back in with him. But no, Taemin wasn't going to allow himself to reveal his feelings to Jongin. Taemin needed to be strong and not so dependent on another person. Still...

"Is something wrong?"

Taemin snapped back to reality, quickly blinking back his tears of sorrow. He forced a smile, "No why?"

"Well you were just standing there staring at the sink holding the skillet."

"Ahh, right." Taemin hastily dropped the skillet in the sink before turning on the faucet. "I was just cleaning up when... I-- uh realized something."

"What?"

Taemin gestured to the sink, "That's your skillet, isn't it?"

Jongin scoffed before turning off the faucet and guiding Taemin back to the living room, "No, I take the kettle and you take the skillet, remember?"

"I guess," Taemin muttered. "Oh, I saved you the last two pieces."

"What did you do to them?" Jongin immediately inquired. It was unlike Taemin to leave leftover food for Jongin.

"Nothing, what's your problem?" Taemin took Jongin's hand and placed it against his stomach, "Can you feel it? The number of chicken s that lost their lives." Jongin retracted his hand before taking the bowl with him to the kitchen, leaving Taemin's side once more. Taemin exhaled sharply, blowing stands of his blond hair away from his face.

He waited for Jongin to return before suggesting another activity. Taemin honestly would have liked to just listen to Jongin talk, and that's what happened. Jongin began blabbering about his classes, his professors, his dance group. Taemin would nod every once in a while to show Jongin that he was paying attention. Eventually, Jongin stopped and stared at the blond in mild confusion.

"Are you really listening or are you just nodding?"

"I am listening," Taemin said rather defensively. "I'm intrigued by your stories. Continue on about your sociology's professor adventure in Germany."

"No. Enough about me, what about you?"

"Nothing worth talking about."

Jongin frowned at the change in Taemin's voice and shifted eyes. Jongin asked in a soft whisper, "Did something happen?"

"No."

That was when Jongin knew something bothered Taemin. Taemin's response should have been something along the lines of a lot of things happen, Jongin. Duh. The flatout no obviously meant Taemin was covering something up and as Taemin's best friend -- as well as nurse for the moment -- Jongin's mission was to uncover the truth and become Taemin's shield.

Jongin took Taemin's hand, "I'm here for you Tae. What is it?"

I'm here for you.

Tears suddenly sprang from Taemin's eyes, forcing him to turn his head in the opposite direction of where Jongin sat. How tempting it was to throw himself into Jongin's arms but Taemin would not allow himself. He'd been caught and all that is left to do was find a way out.

Taemin swiped his eyes with his free hand and cleared his throat, "It's just teachers. I have dickhead for a professor in English. The way he smirks whenever someone's pronounciation is off. And my vocal instructor doesn't have the slightest faith in me." Taemin released a shuddering sigh, hoping Jongin would stop there.

But Jongin didn't. "What else is there? You can tell me anything, Taemin.

I miss you.

Taemin's lower lip quivered as his tears found their way again. He forcefully withdrew his hand from Jongin and said in a tearful voice, "If you keep asking me then just go back home. I don't want to talk about me."

Maybe calling him over was a mistake.

"Tell me what--"

"No!" Taemin sprang up and stormed into his bedroom. But it wasn't really his bedroom. Jongin's words had rung true -- Taemin had moved out to the living room. He didn't like being reminded of Jongin's absence every night so about a week after Jongin left, Taemin gathered everything and made himself a bed in the living room. The floor may have hurt his back and caused him aching and sore body parts in the morning at times, but the amount of open space the living room provided outweighed the suffocation of the bedroom.

Taemin thought he could be happy for a while longer if he spent some time with Jongin. Instead he felt like dying. He didn't want Jongin to worry about him. Lee Taemin was an independent man that didn't need to rely on his best friend for everything.

I need him so much though.

"Just tell me what's wrong! How hard is it?" Jongin said from the other side of the wooden door. "Please. I just want to help. You've let me helped you before, why stop now?"

"You don't live here anymore!" Taemin shouted. "You don't get that privilege!"

"Privilege to help you?" Jongin scoffed before lightly kicking the door. "Your logic is as poor as your budget skills. You demanded me over to be your nurse but you're running away."

Don't give in. Don't give in.

"Open the damn door."

Taemin burst into tears, doing his best to keep silent. Jongin mustn't know how weak Taemin was.

"I'm not leaving until you let me in." Jongin pressed his ear to the door when he received no response. He could faintly hear sniffles and heavy, uneven breathing. Jongin chewed his lip nervously. "Are you mad because I didn't text you back? Or because we never made time to meet up?"

"You don't live here anymore!"

"Is it because I moved out? When did you dye hair and get your piercings, huh? It was after I moved out, wasn't it? I know you, Taemin. You go to great lengths to change when something drastic happens in your life."

"Why do you think it's you?" Taemin snapped. "For all you know I could have had a family death around the same time you moved. Or-- or maybe I failed my driving test. Again."

"...around the same time you moved."

Jongin shut his eyes as everything connected together. Taemin did miss him. "Why is it so hard to admit that you miss me? Your pride is--"

"I don't. I hate you. I like living by myself."

"I miss you too, Taemin. I miss you a lot. You know, every time I look at Sehun I think of you and it drives me insane." Jongin sat down beside the door, arms folded across his chest. "Sometimes I wonder: what if Taemin found a better roommate? What if that's why he doesn't text me first? Or make plans to meet up? What if I had been replaced as Taemin's best friend? I mean, it would be nice if Taemin had someone he could get along with, but then that would mean I wouldn't be able to move back if there was someone else."

Taemin froze, eyes staring into the empty darkness. "M-Move back?"

"Would you like that?" Jongin smiled from the other side. "If I moved back in? Would it even work out because I came here for the weekend and you've already locked me out the bedroom and it's only been three or four hours since I got here."

"I don't mind," Taemin said quietly, swiping at his runaway tears. "I'm willing to break old habits... just know it'll take awhile."

"So you defininately miss me then?"

"I... do."

"You do what?"

"You... you--."

"Me? You'll do me? Wow Taemin... I don't know if I want to move back now."

Taemin burst into laughter, sobbing at the same time, "Shut your face, Kim Jongin." He could hear Jongin laughing from the other side and it brought a smile to his lips. Taemin whispered in a soft voice in hopes that Jongin couldn't hear him over the brunet's laughter, "I missed you."

Jongin didn't hear. He stood up and sighed, arms across his chest as he waited expectantly, "Well, are you going to open the door now?"

"No. I'm ugly."

"You're always ugly."

"Thanks, you too."