It has to be her.

That's all Mark knew. The one he wanted to spend his life had to be Park Saemi. To him, no one else is as interesting. No one else makes him laugh, makes him feel. He wants her to depend on him. He wants to be the closest person to her. That's all he knew.

The Saemi that gave her life to save him, the Saemi that fought for his second chance. There was no way she had been erased so easily. He knew that when he finally met eyes with her. Her words were cold, but her eyes weren't.

She had looked so scared.

In the back of her mind, she must know that the two of them must've had a past connection. That's why he has to work harder. He's already way behind her. He has to catch up as soon as possible. Why is it that she's moved on, but he's stuck in the past?

Class had resumed, and he caught himself stealing a glance at her. At least she's perfectly healthy. At least she's no longer in pain. At least she can smile once again for him. At least she's not dead.

That was his biggest fear.

He almost laughs. He remembers how independent he was before meeting this girl. He remembers how he couldn't care less about the world. He could do anything he wanted because he was Mark Tuan. He was the boy too perfect to make mistakes.

And then Saemi came into his life. Sometimes he felt uneasy and incapable of keeping his calm, collected self around her. A gentle touch from her, a warm smile from her, they were all able to make him lose control of himself.

Lose control of that mask of his, that is.

In front of Park Saemi, he was finally beginning to act like himself. He was beginning to act like the imperfect Mark Tuan that no one knew. He was beginning to act like the broken Mark Tuan that his family rejected.

And yet, Saemi accepted him as he is.

He was loved by her, and that was all that he ever wanted. He leans back in his chair, resting one forearm over his eyes. His heart thudded against his chest. His pulse raced. How he yearned for her, no one would ever be able to comprehend. Yet now, their past has been clouded. She doesn't remember his confession. She doesn't remember the time they spent together. She doesn't remember him.

She really is so problematic.

Yet he knows that no matter how tired he is chasing after her, he can't ever let her go.

***

Saemi had no idea how to act around the one known as Mark Tuan anymore. Ever since he had given her that embrace, her cold exterior had begun to chip away. For some reason, she had begun to grow aware of every single movement Mark makes.

All she wants to do is look ahead, move forward without having to worry about him or her past. She doesn't want him to see her in his piercing eyes.

She's afraid.

She isn't ashamed to admit that. She's okay with being a coward. She just doesn't want to face him. Not now, not ever. The warmer he is, the more she wants to disappear. She wants to go somewhere far away where she can return to her nonchalant ways.

Her family and friends have abandoned her for so long, so why should things change now? How does she know that she can trust Mark?

But somewhere deep within her heart, she doesn't understand why a part of her believes that no matter where she goes, no matter if the sun has risen or set, Mark would keep following her. Somewhere deep within her heart, she knows that Mark won't leave her behind.

She just wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

Saemi quickly shook her head to clear these strange thoughts. This was unlike her. All this nonsense must've been because Mark had to go do something strange earlier. Who is he to hug her?

Yes, this was all just a troublesome phase.

But her thoughts were all interrupted by the loud knock at her front door. Her neighbor's voice followed, somewhat distressed. As soon as she opened the door, she noticed that the boy looked as if he was in some trouble. His shoes were covered in mud, his hair was in a mess. But what really gave it away was his eyes.

Eyes that were mixed with the fear of losing someone he cared about.

She's seen those eyes before, but she can't quite remember when. Those eyes that would trade a life for another without a moment of doubt, a moment of hesitation. Someone has once looked at her with those eyes, someone has once placed her before themselves.

But who?

His reddish brown hair with prominent black roots was replaced with a beautiful blonde that shone brilliantly even when tussled. The day she met this boy, the sun was also hanging bright in the sky. She remembers how he had insisted on becoming acquainted. His laugh when she made fun of his name, Bambam. It really was such a ridiculous name, even as she looked back upon it, but he was also a ridiculous character.

How funny it was when he had proudly told her that he was actually quite popular with this strange name.

But at the same time, if she recalls correctly, this boy lived with a friend. They had both been without parents for a long time. They had both seemed to know some shady characters. There had been more than a few times when Saemi noticed men dressed in black come by their place. They were men with a dangerous aura that hung above them, men that she was afraid to make eye contact with.

"I-I can't find JR," Bambam stutters, his eyes darting back and forth, "We tried to get out of some trouble, we tried to start over. We just wanted a fresh beginning. I- JR decided to handle it all by himself this morning and- I- I still can't find him!"

It wasn't weird for Bambam to come to her for trouble, especially in circumstances like this. She knew that the boy could only freely open up to her. Out of everyone who lived in that neighborhood, she was the only one who didn't care what other people involved themselves with.

By not caring about anyone, she somehow became known as the least judgmental. The strange reputation made it so many people felt some degree of ease when revealing some of the darker mistakes they have made.

For someone who had lost his parents, Saemi had became an important figure in his life. Whether it had been instinct or a well thought out idea, Bambam had somehow decided that there was something about her that allowed him to completely place his trust in her.

How strange the world is.

Her neighbors found comfort in this girl without a family, without a background. Her neighbors believed that she was someone deemed to be trustworthy, and yet, her entire school despised her for being a manipulative girl who stole their spotlight by talking to two people.

It made no sense.

Nevertheless, she knew that she had to resolve the problem in her hands first, "Did you call the police?"

"No," Bambam grabs her hand reflexively, "You can't call the police. Those people- they'll hurt him if we do something like that. I can't risk JR's life!"

The boy in front of her was hanging onto that last percent of chance that his friend might still be alive. The boy in front of her was refusing to ever let go of that small glimmer of hope that his friend is still well. The boy in front of her was looking for help from a girl that had no connections to him. The boy in front of her was just desperate.

And Saemi knew it all too well, but before she could assure him that she will help him to the best of her abilities, she was interrupted by the one she wanted to never see again.

"But you are willing to risk her life?"

The sudden voice was all too familiar. At first, she didn't want to believe it. How did he find out where she lived? Had he been following her? Was he watching her every move? But that couldn't be. He didn't have a reason to follow her. In his mind, she wasn't in danger. She wasn't in any trouble. She was just going home.

But the voice was unmistakable.

It belonged to the same person she had been thinking about all day. It belonged to the same person who seemed to have strong emotional responses towards. It belonged to the same person who shook her simple life. It belonged to Mark Tuan.

Saemi's body stiffened as her eyes fell upon the figure behind Bambam, "What are you doing here?"

Mark wants to tell her that she's the one who he's been thinking about in the past year while she was in the hospital. Mark wants to tell her that she's the one he's changed for. Mark wants to tell her that he was the one who she spent her life protecting. Mark wants her to know that now it was his turn.

But Mark doesn't reply. He can't. She would never believe him. She doesn't want to believe him. She's been rejecting him since the first moment their paths have crossed. She's been refusing to believe him since the first second.

She never gave him a chance.

So what can he do? He can't forcibly bring her memories back. He can't make her remember the past she doesn't want to remember. But he also knows that he wants to be by her side. He also knows that he wants her to remember him. He also knows that he wants her to trust him.

But how?

Maybe it was silly to other people. Maybe it was a childish thing to do. Maybe no one would reassure him that he was making the right choice, but it was the only thing he knew how to do. He had to be there for her. He had to show her. He had to protect her.

His gaze shifts over at her neighbor, "If you're going to go find this JR kid, I'm coming with you."

She's rendered speechless by his declaration. She doesn't understand why he was so persistent. She doesn't want him to be by his side. She was sure she had told him to leave her alone. Had she not made it clear enough? Why was he trying to follow her outside of school too?

"You're not coming with me."

"Bambam, let's go," Saemi pushes by Mark without a moment to spare, taking the other boy's arm, leading him away, "We don't need to concern ourselves with this psychopath."

As if she had finally pulled the trigger at him, Mark immediately turns around and pulls her back. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to.

He knew when their eyes met.

The Park Saemi he knows was still inside the girl somewhere, suppressed. It was in her eyes. There was a sort of unsettling alarm that flashed across her gaze when she uttered that one word. It was as if that word meant a great deal to her, even if she couldn't remember why it was so important.

Awkward, uncool, and lacking self confidence. That's how Mark felt like he acted in front of her. He's always able to flawlessly put on a mask before others. He's always able to act so perfect. So why is it just her?

Why is he such a trainwreck before her?

When he's in front of her, everything that makes him Mark Tuan disappears, and he doesn't know how to stop it. Seeing her with these new people made him anxious: Jackson, Yugyeom, Bambam.

She's leaving him behind.

He used to be the only one she talked to. He used to be the only one she cared about. He used to be so close to her that he forgot that she can befriend others that aren't him. He's just one of the many people she comes across in her life. To him, she's the only one. To her, he's just one of many.

For the first time, Mark feels like he's alone.

The tightness in his chest is excruciating. He's done countless of unspeakable things in the past. He's hurt Seura by throwing her off a building. He's indirectly scared his mother to her death. He killed his father. But somehow, he's never felt anything like this before.

"Wouldn't it be better to just focus on what's in front of you?"

But as soon as he finishes talking, Saemi pulls her arm from his grip, creating that painful space between the two of them. Mark knows that the Saemi he knows is in front of him. Mark knows that the Saemi he knows is still alive somewhere. Mark also knows that while the memory loss isn't Saemi's fault, it still pains him to see her act this way.

He just wants her to acknowledge him.