Chapter Seven 

     Lu Han sat pressed against his bedroom wall, his thin legs pulled up to his chest and his forehead leaning against his knees.  His cell phone long since forgotten, discarded on the other side of his mattress.  Why did he have to do this now?  With everything else going on, why did he have to do this?  Why couldn't he, for once, listen to that little voice in the back of his head telling him not to do something.  Lu Han was fairly certain that the voice was there on the night he decided to get drunk and sleep with one of his closest friends.  And now?  Now he was dealing with the consequences.

  "Lu! Sehunnie's here!" His mother shouted from downstairs, undoubtedly just finishing up her nursing shift at the hospital and getting ready to make dinner for herself and Lu Han.  It was just the two of them, had been ever since Lu Han was born.  He hated that his mom had to work so hard for them all the time, but there was no chance she'd ever let him help, let alone admit that she needed the help.

     A small, almost shy knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts.  Lu Han knew exactly who it was, and for once, he wasn't happy about it.  Reluctantly, Lu Han stood and made his way towards the door, stopping as soon as his clammy hand touched the doorknob.  He sighed, pressing his face lightly against the wood.  What in the hell was he going to say?

  "Lu Han Hyung," Sehun said from the other side of the door, his voice soft enough as if to not scare the older away.

     He knew of course why Lu Han was hesitating, but they still needed to talk.  Sehun wanted to talk.  But above everything else, he just wanted his hyung back.  This was the first time that Sehun and Lu Han had ever even gone two days without talking, and it didn't sit well with him.  Sehun knew that it was childish; selfish even that he refused to give Lu Han his space, but the older had never ignored him before.

     When it came to Lu Han, Sehun was like a spoiled child.  No, he was a spoiled child.  Growing up, Lu Han had always given the younger whatever he wanted, however much attention he deemed necessary.  He never told him no, which Lu Han was greatly regretting by now.  Because, even now, he wasn't sure if he could deny Sehun.

  "Please.  I know you're there."  Sehun sighed.  He really didn't know how much longer he could take Lu Han's silence.

  "No I'm not," Lu Han whimpered cutely against the other side of the door.  He didn't know what he was accomplishing by hiding inside his bedroom like a coward, but he couldn't help it.  He couldn't bring himself to face Sehun.

  "Lu Han Hyung.  Lu.  Just please let me in," Sehun whispered desperately from outside the room, his hand coming up to rest against the door frame.  "Please."  The pain was evident is his voice, and something about it broke a part of Lu Han.  It was only proof, in his eyes, that he had hurt Sehun, was hurting him.  This is what Lu Han did.  This is why they couldn't be together.

     Lu Han didn't even notice that he was crying until he felt the tears falling, gathering on his bare feet from where his head was tipped forward.  He choked back a sob, his palms coming up to drag across his cheeks.  How could he be such a crybaby, he thought bitterly.  Sehun shouldn't have to see him like that.

     He in a quick breath and held it, slowly releasing it after a moment to calm down.  He made sure to wipe the rest of the tear tracks down his face with the hem of his light cotton t-shirt.  Not that it would make too much of a difference.  He knew that his face would still be puffy.  His eyes would still be red and swollen like he was having some kind of life threatening allergy attack.

     Setting his hand back on the knob, Lu Han gingerly pried the door open, keeping his eyes down as to not look at Sehun.  He had no idea how Sehun was feeling.  Upset, frustrated, angry.  Yeah, probably angry.  He couldn't blame him, after all.  Lu Han listened as Sehun let out a small, almost exasperated sigh.

     Here it is, he thought.  He's got to be mad.  Lu Han deserved it for what he did, though.  Why did he have to do it?  Why did he-

     Despite the battle Lu Han was having with himself, he could still feel it when Sehun wrapped his arms around his small frame comfortingly, pulling him in so that Lu Han's face rested against his toned chest.  He could still feel the shudder that rushed down his spine when they touched.  But Lu Han didn't pull away.  Even though he knew he should, he didn't resist, instead choosing to let the younger embrace him.  For one fleeting moment, Lu Han wanted to be selfish.  He knew what needed to be done now, so for just one more second, he wanted Sehun to hold him like this.  Like he was the only person in the world.  Like he was the only person that Sehun would ever care about.

  "When did we get like this, Hyung?"   This time, Lu Han couldn't ignore the pain in Sehun's voice.  It was there, clear as day.  It was desperate, and Lu Han was the cause of it.  He knew that he was.

  "I'm sorry, Sehunnie.  I'm so sorry."  Lu Han whimpered, a choked sob escaping his throat as a fresh set of tears dampened Sehun's shirt.  He buried his face deeper, not wanting the younger to see him in this kind of state.  Lu Han could count on one hand the number of times that Sehun had seen him cry since they were small children.  Except, this wasn't just crying.  This was full on sobbing, and Lu Han would be willing to bet just about anything that he was an ugly crier.  Sehun cupped one of his hands on Lu Han's cheek, gently tilting his face up in the process.  A look of confusion flashed across Sehun's features as he watched a stream of fresh tears race down Lu Han's flawless skin.  "Hyung, why are you sorry?"

     Lu Han bit into his trembling lip, his eyes glancing up at Sehun's cautiously.  Did he seriously not know?  Sehun watched as the boy looked up at him, guilt written all over his face.  Only, Sehun had no idea why.

  "Lu?"

     Lu Han took another deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.  He was probably just freaking Sehun out with all of the crying.  Since when did he cry so much, anyways?  Frustrated, Lu Han brought his hands up to his face, rubbing furiously at the tear tracks on his cheeks.

  "Stop.  You're going to hurt yourself like that," Sehun mumbled, the concern in his voice distinct.  Ignoring the younger, Lu Han continued, avoiding the other's eyes.

  "Stop."   This time, Sehun caught ahold of Lu Han's wrists and pushed them down to his sides.  He quickly replaced Lu Han's hands with his own, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears.

  "That's better," Sehun whispered, a small smile on his lips.  "Now, can you please tell me why you're so upset, Hyung?"  Sehun slid his hands down slightly to Lu Han's jawline, hooking his fingers behind the boy's ears.

  "Is this about Friday night?  Did I... hurt you?"  Sehun asked softly, worriedly.  In all honesty, he was afraid that he could hurt Lu Han from the beginning.  He vaguely remembered Lu Han telling him that it wouldn't hurt, that he was okay.  Sehun also kind of figured that the alcohol helped numb everything, but he really couldn't be sure.  Not only was Sehun a on Friday night, he was a drunk .  And Lu Han wasn't all that much of a help, since the idea of pain didn't even seem to faze him.

     Lu Han stared at Sehun incredulously, his grip on the younger's shirt loosening.  "N-no, you didn't.  You were so gentle and caring, but... we shouldn't have done it... I shouldn't have-" Lu Han's voice was so soft that he wasn't entirely sure that Sehun would be able to hear him.

     When Sehun finally registered what Lu Han had said, he looked slightly... startled.  Whatever Sehun had expected him to say, whatever the reason for Lu Han to be upset and crying alone in his room, it wasn't that.  He wasn't even sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't to be rejected like that.  He couldn't help but feel hurt by it.  Was he not good enough for Lu Han?  Did he like someone else?

  "We shouldn't have.  We can't be together.  I'm so sorry, Sehunnie.  We just can't."  Lu Han looked down at his feet, holding back anymore tears that were threatening to spill over.  Sehun pulled back slightly, as they were still in each other's arms.

  "Why can't we?" Sehun questioned, a bratty tone evident in his voice.  He heard it, just as he was sure that Lu Han had heard it.  But Sehun was a brat.  He wanted what he wanted, and he had waited long enough already.  Years, actually.

  "Because you're a first year, because we've been friends since we were toddlers, because I'm already looking at colleges, and because-"

  "Because?"

  "Because I'll ruin you."  Lu Han was shocked at himself, shocked that he was actually able to voice his thoughts, his inner fears, but what was done was done.  And he had no intention of stopping while he still had the courage.

  "Because you had never been kissed, never even had a girlfriend, and I'm... just a -"

  "You're not a , Hyung."

  "Because I'll end up hurting you and losing one of my best friends in the whole world.  Just... because.  There are so many reasons.  God, there are so many reasons, Sehun."  Lu Han stared into Sehun's eyes, silently pleading for him to understand.

  "None of that matters.  You're not a or anything less than perfect.  That's how I see you, and I have since we were little kids.  You're perfect, and no matter what happens, you're not going to lose me.  Please, give me a chance."  Sehun begged, pulling Lu Han in for another hug.  He just wanted Lu Han to be his.

  "Sehun, I can't.  Maybe someday.  Maybe after we graduate.  But I can't.  Not right now.  Please, can we just go back to how we were before?"

     Sehun let out a tired breath of air and pressed his forehead against Lu Han's, tracing soothing circles into his cheek.  "How am I supposed to act?  When we're watching movies together on the weekends, when I see you at school... when I see you with other guys?"  Sehun whispered.

  "Sehun. I'm so sorry."

  "I know... me too."

  "Alright.  So, the flights are booked, the hotel rooms are reserved, we have our list of teacher chaperones, and our day trips are all planned in advance.  As for the rest of the expenses, we can take care of them at the meeting tomorrow due to our new budget reports.  Thank you, Kyungsoo."  Baekhyun stopped to offer the doe-eyed boy across the table a large rectangular smile.

  "This just leaves," he stopped and took a glance down at the thoroughly organized stack of papers, all piled directly in front of him.  "Room assignments, which Mr. Jang will be doing," Baekhyun supplied.

  "Because the teachers don't trust us," Lu Han muttered bitterly, twirling a pen between his fingers absently.  Yet another Monday morning wasted doing what the teachers were supposed to on their own, and despite this, the teachers still didn't have enough faith in them to do something as simple as assign roommates for the trip.

     Sure, Kyungsoo would probably assign himself to be Jongin's roommate, but it's not like they weren't going to have now that they were in the different rooms.  They could switch rooms when they got there or just find somewhere else to do it, which, God forbid, would probably be somewhere public.  In all honesty, it would probably just be better to let them room together.  And besides, if they could do it, then so could anyone else.  Mr. Jang's system of careful consideration was really pointless in any case.

  "Exactly, Lu Han," Baekhyun added, his smile never faltering.  "Now, there will be the normal two-person rooms, as well as four-person suites for the overflow students.  The principal wants to keep us all in one hotel."

  "How are they arranging us in the rooms?" Vice-President Junmyeon questioned, attentively taking notes in his binder.

  "They're keeping the student council together, for the most part.  As for everyone else, they're mostly being arranged by grade.  We could end up sharing rooms with a few of our classmates."

  "When are we supposed to be announcing the destination, Hyung?  The other students are starting to get whiny about it.  I can't even tell my friends yet, and I promised Kibum Hyung that I would tell him as soon as I could."  A blonde-haired boy by the name of Lee Taemin muttered cutely from the end.  And if you asked Lu Han, the kid had way too much aegyo for a sixteen-year-old.  Why did they even have first years on the council?  Not that Lu Han had anything against first years or Lee Taemin and Choi Minho in particular, but neither one of them were much help when it came to budgets and event planning.  Half of the time, Lu Han was almost certain that the two spent the student council meetings playing footsie under the table.

  "We'll announce in a few days when Mr. Jang gives us the room assignments.  The office will send information packets home."  At this point, Baekhyun's smile was definitely beginning to freak the others out.  In general, Baekhyun was a perfectly pleasant person, but his smiles were usually small, respectful in reason.  Not like a creepy stalker and certainly not like a freaking ray of sunshine.  "Are there any more questions?" Baekhyun added cheerfully.

  "Yeah, why are you so chipper today?" Park Choa asked, her glossy lips quirked, seeming to test her luck with his new attitude.  She assumed he only ever shared personal information with Lu Han - and she could only guess why he was so happy - but she could try, couldn't she?

     Choa was one of Baekhyun's favorite members, he was willing to admit.  She was one of the only second year members, let alone one of the only females, and she was someone that Baekhyun wouldn't worry about passing the council down to after graduation.  She also happened to be a genuinely likeable person.

     Baekhyun turned his head towards Choa, offering her yet another blinding smile.  "What are you talking about?  I'm just in a good mood is all."  The beautiful boy grinned.  "Now if that's all of the questions, then I think we're done for today.  Great work, everyone."  Baekhyun, like the other members, stood slowly as he collected his personal items, along with his substantial heap of paperwork.

  "Oh.  Junmyeon and Lu Han, please don't forget.  There's a group of Chinese exchange students that we will be meeting tomorrow morning before school," Baekhyun added as some of the students made their way to the classroom door.

  "No problem, Baekhyun.  I'll see you guys later."  Junmyeon gave a short wave as he followed behind Taemin and Minho to the cafeteria.  For once, the council was actually able to dismiss early, and there was no way that Junmyeon, or any of the others, would waste his precious lunch time.  Hell, he might even order the messiest food possible just because he had the time to eat it and clean himself up afterwards.

     Once they were out of the room and out of earshot, Lu Han caught his best friend by the wrist, pulling him closer as the boy attempted to organize the papers in his backpack.

  "Okay.  What is going on with you?  I know for a fact that Hell would freeze over before you took drugs, and no one is just that happy for no reason.  Spill it.  Something happened."  Lu Han interrogated, ignoring the fact that Kyungsoo was at the other end of the table, blatantly, poorly trying to cover up the fact that he was eavesdropping.

     Kyungsoo was practically the queen of all things gossip related, but he was also a friend.  Lu Han knew that the most Kyungsoo would do was tell Jongin or Chanyeol what he heard, and in all honestly, Lu Han wasn't too concerned about those two.  Jongin really only gossiped in their close circle of friends, which mainly consisted of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, and of course Chanyeol was all too lovesick over Baekhyun to spread any rumors about him, anyways.  So Lu Han didn't see any harm in letting the boy in on whatever had Baekhyun so gleeful on a rainy Monday afternoon.

  "It's a beautiful day, Lulu."  Baekhyun beamed, using one of the few nicknames that he knew would automatically piss the other off.

  "Don't call me that, .  And what are you talking about?  It's a ing downpour outside," Lu Han replied, jerking his head towards the full-length windows lining the wall.  Baekhyun spared a short glance towards the glass before facing Lu Han again.

  "Yes, but there's no lightning."  Baekhyun grinned.  Almost immediately after the words left his mouth, a large crack of thunder resonated throughout the room along with a bright flash from the windows.  Irony at its best.

  "You were saying?" Lu Han smirked.

  "I've always liked lightning, anyways."  Baekhyun pouted slightly.  Though, they both knew that that wasn't true in the least.  If anything, Baekhyun had always been a bit unnerved by storms.

  "Just tell me already.  Wait... this has something to do with Chanyeol."  Lu Han inquired, lowering his voice slightly for Baekhyun's benefit, though he knew that Kyungsoo could still hear perfectly.

  "I have no idea what you're talking about," Baekhyun hummed, packing the rest of the papers into his bag.

  "Liar.  How long have we been friends?  I can tell when you're bullting me," Lu Han insisted, moving to grab his own backpack from the back of his chair.  "Just tell me.  Have you even talked to Chanyeol since Saturday?"

  "Yes, I may have."  Baekhyun grinned.

  "And..."

  "And nothing.  We texted.  Think what you want.  Meanwhile, I am going to go get lunch.  See you later, Lulu," Baekhyun chirped as he picked up his bag, practically skipping his way out the door.  Lu Han stood still as he watched his best friend leave, shaking his head without any real conviction.

  "Those two are so hopeless."  A deep, sarcastic voice sounded from the other side of the room.  Lu Han turned to watch as Kyungsoo flipped through a stack of papers with a tiny smile tugging at his plump lips.  Lu Han had almost forgotten about the boy.  He was sure that his clueless best friend certainly didn't notice Kyungsoo's presence.

  "Couldn't agree more."
 

(Edited July 23, 2017)