Inspired by f(x)'s 'Shadow'

          “Jongin, I like you,” Kyungsoo meticulously shuffles his fingers between leaves of a tree he’s hiding behind. He whispers those words everyday like a mantra to a boy who’s probably never acknowledged his existence. His fine red hair dangles over his forehead. His pearly white skin glowing under the shade of the tree he sits under. The moist ground beneath him with his own blue lunchbox lay on his lap. Kyungsoo’s always hidden himself in his little fort not far from a boy he’s been harboring a little crush on for the past three years he’s been in high school.

          The said boy himself, Jongin, has possibly never had someone say such endearing words to him before. He’s a friend magnet during lunchtime; he sits, limbs stretched lazily on a bench in outside the school they both attend. A small group of people, boys mainly, all sit around him. The boys gathered around him talk amongst themselves, few light punches, and fits of laughter fill the group. But, it’s the one boy Kyungsoo has had his eye’s on since lunch began. Jongin pulls out a sandwich wrapped in a red tinted wrapper out of his school bag. The boy unfolds the delicate snack laughing at a joke through into the group, and his food nearly falling out of his mouth as a result.

          It brings a smile to Kyungsoo face and he’s soon blushing red watching the boy. The sweater Kyungsoo wears covers his affection. His long sleeves of his wool sweater cover all the way up to his fingertips. Once and awhile a loose thread will get caught on the rough bark of the tree, but the boy doesn’t mind. He picks up a piece of his own food, a chocolate chip cookie as he watches Jongin. Jongin’s blonde hair gracefully covers his soft face, his sharp curves on his face muses Kyungsoo. Jongin’s soft reddening lips slowly kissing the sandwiches as they, themselves, disappear into his mouth. Kyungsoo’s mimicking Jongin’s every movement imagining himself sitting with him.

          Kyungsoo’s been known not too have many friends said friends only being Baekhyun and Chanyeol, but that doesn’t bother him. The boy hides in the bushes, covered by a large tree overhead. The greenery is enough to hide the boy; he’s only a few feet away from the group, and Jongin. Only a sidewalk separates him from the boy, whom he longs for. Kyungsoo’s never stuck out to anyone he thought, but Jongin’s always stuck out to him.

          Jongin, the school’s nicest and one of the handsomest guys in school sits talking lightly to his friends, and throwing a few slaps of playfulness here and there. To Kyungsoo, he’s alone in the school’s garden, with only Jongin filling his sight. The lush greenery is all around Jongin too as he sits on the bench. The green vines covered in small flowers are overgrown and dangling over, creeping along the bench’s metal frame.

          Jongin is wearing a light t-shirt and blue jeans; it’s the middle of spring. The weather is fair, as clouds slowly drift overhead. For Kyungsoo it’s another day, where Jongin comes to join his friends during lunch. Jongin and his friend’s not so secret hiding spot, not from Kyungsoo anyways.

          Kyungsoo crosses his legs, his worn sneakers squeaking. A few splotches of mud covering them. He bits his lip as Jongin laughs, filling the air around Kyungsoo with joy. He wants to walk out from his hiding spot and ask, “Can I sit with you?”

          But Kyungsoo’s shyness gets the best of him as all his thoughts dangle in his mind. Inside it, Jongin doesn’t shake his head, nor does he answer him. Kyungsoo would sigh and walk to Jongin’s side and hop on the bench, and laugh along with the group of six boys around them.

          It’s the same every day, Kyungsoo hiding in the brush, his love sitting a few feet away, day dreaming about the day he can finally confess to him. Kyungsoo’s nervous, but he’s good at hiding it. He’s still playing with his fingers coated in dark markings from the bark of the tree.

          Kyungsoo can remember the first time Jongin wondered into this part of the school by mistake, he never knew what the boy was thinking as Kyungsoo was too busy reading a book in the very same bench. Their eyes only met for a brief second, but the seconds felt like hours as Kyungsoo got lost in those honey brown eyes. Still even on that day Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, and as the days went on and Jongin would come every day, sitting in the exact same spot, where Kyungsoo last sat.

          Kyungsoo hiding in the plants, now watches in content as Jongin offers a friend sitting next to him one of his snacks. Kyungsoo mimics the way Jongin speaks, “I brought some snacks do you want some? I brought enough so we can share.”

          Jongin says the same as another friend pushes the food away, too full to take another bite. Kyungsoo bits his lip, as his eyes drift to the food in Jongin’s hand. If it were him, he’d take it no questions asked.

          The boy and the rest of his friends stand up, the boy pulling his backpack on. His black backpack with a pink plushie dangling from one of the zippers, Kyungsoo tucked it in the boy’s locker a few weeks after this little ‘tailing’ began.

          Kyungsoo’s always wondered why Jongin would still have the brightly colored toy on the black bag. He gets lost in looking at the toy as clear colored sandwich baggies are tossed towards a trash can. He misses but instead runs to catch up to his friends, they leave.

          “It’s okay, I’ll throw it away for you,” Kyungsoo says as the silent air surrounds him. Kyungsoo looks at lost plastic; Jongin’s fingers were touching every inch of the bag. He peeks out from the brush; first looking at the group’s fleeting figures. They’re far enough, and then Kyungsoo turns his head to the other side. No one, Kyungsoo’s lips curve into a smile as he climbs out from the greenery. He quietly walks over to the bench and the trash can, he looks at the plastic. It’s contrasting against the grey sidewalk. He picks it up off the ground, he’s almost shivering.

          Jongin’s touch is soft in his head as his eyes light up. Kyungsoo is indeed in love with someone whom may never know it. He tucks the colorful plastic in his pocket. Today was going to be special, and Kyungsoo could feel it. He has everything plan out, today. His eyes turn to watch the group-

          No… Jongin’s back walking farther away.

          The bell rings around him, it’s class time, and Kyungsoo’s late once again. Kyungsoo paces back to his hiding spot and grabs his own backpack, pulling it on. His slender hand takes his blue lunchbox. Kyungsoo runs down the sidewalk, the trees becoming a blur around him. He stops a few feet from the front door, not noticing another approaching him. Their fingers brush against one another, Kyungsoo glances at the bronzed fingers, he recognizes the fingers but pays not mind. He turns his head to the person, “Sorry.”

          “It’s okay, I was going to open the door for both of us anyways,” the boy replies. Kyungsoo’s ears heat up; he’s on cloud nine right now. Even the slightest touch is enough to prove to him over and over again that his feelings are true. Kyungsoo looks down at his dainty feet…

          That was unexpected.

          Jongin’s never been one to be late, maybe he got too caught up in conversations with his friends? Kyungsoo waves off this and steps in first as Jongin pulls the glass door open.

          “Kyungsoo, right?”

          Kyungsoo turns around and nods. Jongin smiles at him. Kyungsoo’s never seen his smile up close, its brief but it leaves its intended impression. The boy’s white teeth gleam through his pink lips and soft copper skin. Kyungsoo smiles back, “thanks.”

          That’s all Kyungsoo needs to say, anyways because he’s already late for class. He bows his head, but really wants to stay longer, and hurries to his next class. Kyungsoo knows for sure that this day was going to be special, even if unexpected things like running into Jongin made it even more special.

          He scurries, finally turning the knob of his classroom. He smiles hesitantly at the teacher before taking his seat near the window in the back. Kyungsoo takes out his notebook, the cover covered in small writings, mostly love notes for Jongin. Kyungsoo looks forward at the board writing down important notes. He’s been on top of his class for years, even though his attendance needs work.

          Kyungsoo gets lost for a moment before his eyes wonder to the window, he’s seated next to. He gazes out for a second, the clouds above flying freely in the air, and an occasional airplane overhead. Kyungsoo wants to be like that, the courage to be lifted high in the air. On a straight path to his destination, flying in the air above the horizon, possibly straight into someone’s heart. He smiles as the clouds beyond cover the sun, blocking out the light. Kyungsoo stops his writings for a moment before taking a deep breath. It’s something he needs every day, for in his stressful life, Jongin is someone who can take those worries away. Like those clouds above taking the harsh light from his eye, Jongin can take his breath away. The bell rings as Kyungsoo comes back down from his sky trip and pushes his notes and binder in his backpack.

          He smiles at his teacher; he’s the last one out. He walks into the hallways noticing Jongin’s friends passing by him. He takes no notice to them as his eyes train on one person he’s waited for all class.

          “See ya, Jongin!”

          Kyungsoo closes the door of his locker as looks off into the hallway. Jongin waves off one of his friends, bag securely strapped around him as he walks towards the school’s doors. Kyungsoo throws his things in his bag, making sure he’s got his homework too. He moves quickly, maneuvering pass people before coming to the school’s front doors. They’re glass doors as Kyungsoo gazes out for a second before pushing them open. He smiles, Jongin is waiting to cross the street.

          Kyungsoo can feel his heart beating fast as he’s only a few feet away now. He’s standing behind him, the small pink plushie waving at Kyungsoo as the boy walks across the street. Kyungsoo waves back, as people walk pass both him and Jongin. Jongin hums along the sidewalk, waves as a few people he recognizes drive past him. Kyungsoo chases after him standing not too close, for it might scare the boy, and not too far away either. He watches Jongin’s movements, they both live in the same direction, just Kyungsoo lives a little further away.

          Jongin stops for a moment at a street waiting for a car to pass along the asphalt. Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to see him so he lingers behind him, his feet taking slow steps. He bits his lips again, step by step, will Jongin finally notice him? He looks to his left and then to his right before crossing. Kyungsoo follows right behind. The boy starts humming again, and Kyungsoo wanders into his day dreaming again.

          Kyungsoo walks faster, his hands taking Jongin’s. The blonde boy smiles giving Kyungsoo his most perfect smile ‘hey you,’ he would say as their fingers intertwine. Kyungsoo would blush a deep red as they swing their hands along the sidewalk. For Kyungsoo, this would’ve been their date, but no one would’ve known, not even Jongin himself. Where would Jongin lead him as Kyungsoo blindly follows the boy? Jongin would flash his cheeky grin getting the best of him.

          “Kyungsoo, where are you going?”

          Kyungsoo opens his eyes; his day dreaming image whisks away, love filled pictures of things never happening fades. Kyungsoo looks down to his waist, feeling unwanted pressure. A pair of tanned arms grasps his soft sweater. Does Kyungsoo dare to look behind him? Kyungsoo surveys the area, a car drives pass him, he must’ve gotten lost in his head to not notice his was about to walk blindly onto the street without looking.

          “You should be more careful, Kyungsoo.”

          There it is again as Kyungsoo tenses up, the arms around his waist not letting up. Kyungsoo brings up his own arms; they’re limply at his side, to the pair of arms holding him. He gracefully untangles the limbs around him. Kyungsoo mutters a small ‘thank you,’ but doesn’t want to meet the person face-to-face. He knows it’s a certain someone, but in his mind it’s someone else. Kyungsoo’s a bit dazed as he walks across the street again. Not once looking back, Kyungsoo hears the pitter patter of shoes behind him. Kyungsoo really has nowhere to hide as his pace quickens a bit. He’s out in open, to be securitized by someone who’s only heard of his existence just now, Kyungsoo knows that’s not true, but he believes it.

          “Where are you going so fast?”

          The voice is back, it’s from the person behind him. Kyungsoo ignores playful tone as he walks a little faster. He’s nearing Jongin’s house, the light blue house with metal fencing and petite flowers in the lawn. Kyungsoo knows Jongin’s room is the second window on the right upstairs, and it’s always on up until two in the morning. He doesn’t turn his head to look at the house this time, because he’s being pursued, eyes on him. Kyungsoo hates that, unwanted attention for things beyond his control. The boy closes his eyes again; his house not far, and gets lost again.

          A small peck would seal the deal as Kyungsoo holds Jongin’s hands. They would be standing outside the boy’s house before Kyungsoo has to return to his. Kyungsoo’s face would flush pink as he’s given his first to his love. It’d be a light gentle kiss, not too serious, but it would still be able to send Kyungsoo places. Jongin’s smooth voice would say, ‘I love-‘

          “Kyungsoo watch out!”

          Too late, Kyungsoo’s face comes in contact with a pole, a street light to be exact. He snaps out from his lazy dream rubbing his head. There will surely be a bump there tomorrow. Kyungsoo groans as a hand grabs his arm. His own sleeve riding up as his hand is being controlled. Kyungsoo turns around, eyes flared.

          “You should be more careful Kyungsoo. First, almost walking in the street and now running into poles,” Jongin says as his other free hand gently touches Kyungsoo’s forehead. Kyungsoo tenses, special days happen for a reason. The lax touch of Jongin’s slender finger tingles against his bruise. Kyungsoo’s shyness emerges as he backs away, “thank you.”

          Kyungsoo turns on the heels of his sneakers, hiding his blossoming rosy cheeks. Nervousness setting in as Kyungsoo walks. An arm reaches out grasping his shoulder, “Kyungsoo what’s wrong?”

          Kyungsoo hasn’t really thought out what he would say if he ever got the chance to talk to his crush, and today certainly wasn’t going to be that day. Kyungsoo sprints towards his house; too timid to say sorry and too scared to meet Jongin’s face directly. He quickly unlocks the gate to his house, the metal feebly being tossed aside as Kyungsoo jumps his porch steps to the safety of his house. He’s about to turn the knob, his sanctuary within sight, but it all comes crashing down.

          A bronze hand pushes the door closed too fast for Kyungsoo to register. He’s twisted around so fast a blurred image of a person comes into view. Hands clutching Kyungsoo’s shoulder and the face of an angel shines in his eyes. Kyungsoo’s going to explode if this special day goes on any longer.

          “Kyungsoo, why are you ignoring my questions? I just want to talk to you, and you keep running away, what’s wrong?”

          Kyungsoo’s arms hang helplessly at his side, and mouth slowly parting. Both of the boys are locked in eye contact, Jongin’s gentle face over takes his serious one. Kyungsoo is rendered to stone. The boy breaks the odd silence, his hands letting go of Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Jongin’s playful smirk slowly reaching his face, “so what do you have to say for yourself?”

          “What?”

          Kyungsoo’s not thinking clearly as his voice is talking control over his waning brain and impaled heart. Jongin chuckles, “Kyungsoo, you’re weird and very strange.”

          “Huh?”

          “But I like that about you, hey you should join me at lunch sometime. I would like it if you did, tomorrow maybe?”

           Kyungsoo’s owl eyes not letting up and voice now sparse. The only signal he gives is a nod, too frozen to do much of anything else. Jongin’s radiant and overjoyed, “Great I’ll meet you at the bench near the school, and you know where that is right?”

           A simple nod once more as Kyungsoo cannot fully comprehend what’s really happening. In his mind Jongin is confessing fully to Kyungsoo, his undying love filling every fiber of Kyungsoo’s being. This cannot be possibly happening, right?

           “See you tomorrow!”

           Kyungsoo opens the door to his house. The wooden entry way creaking as the rusted nails holding the door turn. The noise couldn’t possibly be any louder, but in Kyungsoo’s mind everything is turned up, full volume. He’s dazed and confused, someone, no Jongin himself personally invited him to have lunch with him. He takes a few gentle steps into the threshold, door closing on its own. Kyungsoo’s heart flutters as he’s feeling lightheaded, “Is this really happening?”

            Kyungsoo walks up the stairs to his own room, today has certainly been a very special day. The stairs seem to take hours until finally Kyungsoo’s dragging himself to his room. The white door, with the sign, ‘no adults allowed’ in bold, black and red greet him. Turning the golden knob, not caring if he’s done his after school chores Kyungsoo walks into his room. Kyungsoo collapses onto his bed, throwing his own backpack off and lunchbox in some random direction. Blue and white sheets as soft as clouds beneath him, comforting him, but Kyungsoo’s eyes are blinded.

            He huffs, and closes his eyes. Kyungsoo turns on his side arms and legs limply sprawled on the bed. This is when Kyungsoo’s mind gets the best of him…

            “Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?”

            Jongin would say as the blonde boy would gently a few strands of hair covering Kyungsoo’s face. Carefully pushing back the hair, Jongin would grin, “Kyungsoo, I’m gonna tickle you if you don’t tell me.”

            Kyungsoo would only peek just once, using his left eye, the one hiding in the bed. He would see Jongin’s pearly smile, as if angel came dropped from the heavens. Luhan’s hands lightly making contact with Kyungsoo’s clothed sides, making the boy squirm.

            “Jongin, stop…”

            Kyungsoo opens his eyes, no one is beside him, lying in his bed, nor are they comforting him. Kyungsoo brings his own hand to his face, as if Jongin’s invisible touch were a reality. Kyungsoo closes his eyes as sleep over takes him.

-

            Kyungsoo’s packing his things for school in the morning. He meticulously fixes his lunch box full of snacks and treats for himself in the kitchen. He looks calm on the outside as his mother smiles and waves to him as she, herself, walks out the front door for her day job. Inside, Kyungsoo’s about to float into a new world, Jongin had invited him to lunch. What would they do? Talk sweet nothings to each other, or Kyungsoo could just sit there watching Jongin instead talking while he just listens quietly. He shakes it off as he gathers the last of the homework he managed to finish when he awoke early in the morning. He strolls around the hallway, walking ever so sensibly as he holds the straps of backpack. His delicate hand turns the knob of his front door, the cold air rushes in. Kyungsoo’s wearing as long scarf covering most of his face as cool air cascades over his exposed flesh.

            Kyungsoo breaths out, and light wisps of air flow out only to disappear into the cold air. It’s early, a little too early for Jongin to be awake, which is perfect. Kyungsoo trots down the steps of his front porch, remembering to lock the door of his house before proceeding to school. A soft breeze picks up as a few leaves gather on the sidewalk, Kyungsoo watches them blow past him. He avoids the ones crossing his path, as if they had feelings. His small feet even skipping over cracks in the grey pavement as he strolls. He looks to his left at a familiar blue house, he blushes…

            “Hi, Kyungsoo, do you want me to accompany you?”

            Kyungsoo wouldn’t reject a kind offer from a friend that seems much more like a lover than anything platonic. Jongin’s ghost white hair would gleam in the early rays of light from the sunrise as he walks from his house to join Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo would be looking at his feet the whole time as unbeknownst to him a firm hand would link with his. Hands clasping over one another, Kyungsoo’s hand would tighten over such divine fingers. They would walk together to school, hands never leaving the other until Kyungsoo would go his separate way. He would look back at Jongin, the latter who just called his name. Kyungsoo would be taken by surprise as a small peck from Jongin would cause him to turn absolutely red.

            “See you at lunch, okay?”

            “At lunch?”

            Kyungsoo stops just short from reaching the school’s door handles. Frozen, he stands there, not sure what to do now. Would he join, Jongin, someone so beyond his league to lunch? Can someone as invisible as Do Kyungsoo truly be with the distinguishable Jongin? Kyungsoo pushes past the doors of the school into the school’s hallway. He walks a little faster to his locker, memorizing his combination, and getting ready for class. Kyungsoo peeks around the door of his locker noticing a few students have started to file into the school. He closes the locker door and shuffles himself to his early class to start this day, another very special day not known to Kyungsoo himself. He passes a few familiar faces like Chanyeol, the giant’s toothy grin and flailing arms directed at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo only smiles as he walks into his classroom.

            He’s seated in the back of the classroom, or he would’ve opted for the front, but not today. Kyungsoo sets he backpack near where he’s seated and begins to take inventory. He puts out a few pencils and his notebook. The bell rings a few minutes later as Kyungsoo starts to write down little doodles of a boy with tiny bear ears on his head. The tiny chibi smiles back at him, and Kyungsoo even draws his hands waving at him.

            Loud noises fill the room as students fill the classroom, but Kyungsoo pays no mind as he’s lost in his own world. He doesn’t even see someone stand over him as he starts to drawing the little cub boy now running trying to catch a butterfly overhead.

           “K-Kyungsoo right?”

            Kyungsoo freezes, his pencil stopping short from drawing another figure, a little boy hiding in the brushes. He slowly looks up from his desk. Kyungsoo’s eyes rounding as if he’s never met a person before. A boy, not much older than him is standing over him. The boy’s brown locks just barely breaching over his eyebrows, and his dark pupils looking right at Kyungsoo. He looks very face hardened as the boy awkwardly waves his hand.

           “You’re Kyungsoo? Great, I thought I would’ve had to look all over the whole school before lunchtime, but luckily you’re here in my first period.”

           “Um,” Kyungsoo looks nervous as the unknown boy walks around the desk where he’s seated. He sets himself in the desk next to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, himself, looks like he’s very uncomfortable, and looks back down to his notebook. The boy sets his own backpack down and begins to pull out various school supplies, “I’m Sehun by the way you know… one of Jongin’s friends?”

           "Oh, uh yeah hi Sehun, I’m Kyungsoo.”

          Kyungsoo turns red remembering the boy already knows he’s mentally hitting himself. Sehun discreetly rolls his eyes as if uncaring, “yeah I know, from Jongin.”

          Kyungsoo turns his head to Sehun, “Jongin, uh he… talks about me?”

          “Of course he talks about you; he talks about everyone at school.”

          “Oh,” Kyungsoo tightens his hold on his pencil, griping the yellow wooden stick. Jongin talks about everyone, maybe Kyungsoo isn’t as special as he thought. Sehun glances at him as the teacher finally walks in the classroom, getting the dozen of students straight to work.

          For Kyungsoo he sits there staring off into space as the teachers words become like static in his head. He can’t be like everyone else right? Jongin knows his name… well he knows everyone’s name. Kyungsoo doesn’t move until a small nudge from Sehun shakes him out of his trance-like state. He merely smiles as Sehun tells him to walk with him to lunch. Kyungsoo doesn’t feel extra special now as he’s lost in the swarms of people walking around him. They all feel blurred to him as he doesn’t match a face to name as he walks past them. Is Kyungsoo just as invisible and alone as he is in a crowd of people?

          “Kyungsoo, do you wanna put your stuff away before we meet him?” Sehun says as Kyungsoo looks up at him, eyes broaden. Kyungsoo’s heart stops, he remembers he’s meeting Sehun, actually hanging out with him. Kyungsoo nods lifelessly as Sehun gestures him to his locker. Kyungsoo walks in front of the brunette haired boy. He turns his locker combination and swings the metal door open. Kyungsoo’s trying to hide his wariness as he puts his textbooks in his locker. Sehun, he notices, is leaning against the lockers to his right. Sehun’s eyes and hands are drawn to his phone. His gentle fingers swiping the phone’s glass display.

          Kyungsoo takes a few seconds to look over Sehun’s outer appearance. The school’s official uniform fits perfectly on him. Sehun’s light honey brown hair styled modestly, no strand out of place, and a small amount of eye makeup generously under his eyes. Kyungsoo takes in his own self; he’s not so eye catching. If this friend of Jongin’s look so neat, flawless what was he?

          A peasant, the so called king of school fancied? Kyungsoo doesn’t feel so special right now. He closes the door of his locker, “ready.”

          Sehun side smirks, “okay,” his figure exuding a friendly aura. He places his phone in the pockets of his tan pants, “C’mon I’ll show you where Jongin and the rest of us hang out.”

          Kyungsoo follows behind Sehun as the boy in front waves to a few people Kyungsoo never really notices as they walk through the hallways of the school. Kyungsoo’s mind and also his heart are racing, can he be with a group of people the rest of the school would kill to be with, even for a mere minute? Sehun holds the door open for Kyungsoo, “thank you.”

          Sehun lips curve upward into a small smile and wanders next to him, “So Kyungsoo…”

          Kyungsoo takes a minute to look at his surroundings. The sky is clear overhead, not a cloud in sight. The birds fly, chirping as they land on tree branches. The sidewalk is mostly clear except with the occasional lost gum, stepped on, and darkened a sickly black color.

          “Kyungsoo, what are you doing?”

          Kyungsoo looks to his left as their hands are comfortably locked together. Jongin smiles at his side, a cheeky grin, “are you scared?”

          Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, his perfect face, unblemished features, and Adonis-like appearance. Kyungsoo fidgets, “I am, I-I can’t do this, what if they don’t like me?”

          “And we’re here, hey guys!”

          “Hey Sehun, who’s your friend?”

          Kyungsoo snaps from is daydreaming. His eyes widen, four other boys are scattered around the lone bench. Kyungsoo takes a small step back, wanting to run from the group, but he instead covers himself partially behind Sehun’s tall stance. Sehun sidesteps away from him, “this is Kyungsoo.”

          “Oh, this is Kyungsoo.”

          Kyungsoo smiles, and waves, he’s gotta seem cool… well at least during lunchtime. He looks down, but continues to smile as Sehun walks over to the crowd. Kyungsoo follows right behind.

          “Uh, Kyungsoo you can sit here,” Sehun points to the bench, there’s no one sitting on it. Kyungsoo shuffles to the metal seat as Sehun settles himself at his feet, with all of the other boys. Kyungsoo takes a survey of the group.

          They all look very intimidating. Kyungsoo gulps as one of the boys turns to him with a sly smirk, “so Kyungsoo, wanna care to tell us what your secret is?”

          “S-secret?”

          Kyungsoo squirms a bit in his seat, his hands carefully gliding up to his thighs. They’re all staring at him now, now in the spotlight. Kyungsoo bits his lip; he’s never been one to take in all this attention. The boy stands up, “relax Kyungsoo,” he smiles.

          “My name’s Jongdae and I just wanted to know since Jongin seems to like you very much.”

          “Uh,” Kyungsoo tries to voice something, anything, but mouth dry as he looks around the area. The boys are literally trapping, suffocating him in their prying eyes filled with curiosity. Kyungsoo looks down to his hands, they’re sweaty and griping the bottom of his shirt tight. A hand grabs his knee, “Kyungsoo, it’s okay we’re your friends too.”

          Kyungsoo’s eyes drift to Sehun’s hand, his slight smile calming Kyungsoo for now.

          “I-I don’t know… what would Jongin want with me?”

          Jongdae smiles, “I don’t know,” he crackles a bit and sits back down pulling open his bag. The rest of the boys resume their group activities, an occasional question is always asked towards Kyungsoo since he’s the newest member. Kyungsoo looks around the area, no sigh of Jongin yet. He pulls out his own lunchbox and begins to eat. Kyungsoo eats quietly listening to the group’s conversations of girls, dates, and other nonsensical gossip.

          As Kyungsoo settles into the metal bench, his mind begins to wonder. His eyes go hazy, as if in a trance. He looks around, and all together stops eating his sandwich. Kyungsoo’s literally nervous, his breathing becoming more and more rapid. He’s never been one to do well in crowds, especially with people he just met. Kyungsoo’s own little bubble feels threatened even if there is really no danger.

          What are you doing? Do you honestly believe that Jongin asked you to come here, and you would have a fairy tale ending? He doesn’t like you, you’re just a no body, a penguin in a pool of dolphins you’ll never be one of them.

          Kyungsoo hears voices all around him, mocking him, laughing at him. He looks at this former hiding spot a few meters away. It’s barely covered from his point of view; maybe Jongin could see him this whole time? No, he couldn’t have… Could he?

          Kyungsoo gasps, he’s been holding his breath this whole time, and his own self-doubts come back tenfold.

          “Kyungsoo, you okay?”

          Kyungsoo’s panicking now as Sehun’s hand makes contact with his shoulder. His pupils dilate, and his whole body tenses under the immense weight of Sehun’s hand on his shoulder. Kyungsoo needs an escape, anything to get away.

          “Hey Gu-“

          That’s it Kyungsoo bolts from metal bench, clutching everything; his backpack and lunchbox, not even caring if his sandwich is ruined. He needs to run, as the one person he’s been tailing just walks up to the large group.

          Kyungsoo doesn’t hear the shouts and sounds of concern behind him as he sprints back into the school. No, Kyungsoo will not be hanging around here anytime soon as he runs past his locker and dozens of people. Kyungsoo’s eyes water and his breathing becomes more and more desperate with each deep inhale of air.

          Kyungsoo feels like he’s suffocating as he finally reaches his own house. He pushes past the steel gates and shoots up the porch stairs. He fumbles with his backpack wrenching out his house keys. He throws the door back and doesn’t bother to close it as his runs up the stairs into his room.

          The boy is crying loudly at this point as he drops all of his things. His backpack and lunchbox come crashing to the floor as Kyungsoo himself walks over to his bed, landing on it with a loud thump. He crying so hard at this point he doesn’t care if the neighbors hear.

          He turns his head on its side, Kyungsoo’s eye sting. He looks at his blank wall, nothing but empty dreams of things he could’ve done, but never did. Kyungsoo’s never felt more alone than now.

-

          Kyungsoo wakes up in the dark. It’s been long since the sun went down, as the lingering light in room comes from a nearby streetlamp, causing one side of Kyungsoo’s blank room to glow orange.

          Kyungsoo sniffles a bit as he lies off to the side of his bed as one of his legs hanging lazily off it. His eyes almost don’t open all the way as he wipes away his dried tears, only leaving a faint salted stain on his face. His fingers brush against his eyes feeling the coarseness of his tears. Kyungsoo cannot believe he let it get this far, it was only infatuation he once felt towards Jongin, but now. Kyungsoo knows, it’s entirely much more than that now, but what can he do? He ran off like a scared puppy.

          Kyungsoo watches the orange glow of the light waiver back and forth as cars drive past his house. He’s empty now.

          Kyungsoo wanders into school like a child. He looks like an absolute train wreck; his faint tear streaks still mar his face. His once perfectly groomed red wine hair now unruly, and eye bags are shadowed below his eyes. Kyungsoo looks like the walking dead he might as well be one as he drags his feet to his locker.

          “What’s up loser, I heard- what happened to you!?”

          Kyungsoo barely has turn his head to recognize the shrilly voice of his friend Baekhyun. Baekhyun is one of only two friends that actually deem Kyungsoo worthy of their attention, in Kyungsoo’s head anyway. The boy’s honey brown hair with light streaks of eyeliner around his eyes take in Kyungsoo’s disheveled appearance. One of Baekhyun’s delicate hands grasp Kyungsoo’s chin, “You look terrible, come one let’s get you cleaned up in the bathroom.”

          Baekhyun takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his own, Kyungsoo not fighting back as his backpack drops to the floor and locker left open. Both their sneakers squeak across the tiled floors before entering the bathroom. Baekhyun’s free hand turns on the tap water of the faucet leading Kyungsoo to stand near the sink. He lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand and drops his own backpack to the floor, rummaging through it. Kyungsoo briefly glances at the mirror, he’s looks like garbage, but he doesn’t voice it.

          Baekhyun stand back up as a wet napkin is passed firmly against Kyungsoo’s face. Baekhyun looks lost in concentration wiping away Kyungsoo’s faint streaks of tears. Kyungsoo thinking he’s not going to talk sighs as he closes his eyes.

          “You know, I told you this would happen,” Kyungsoo opens his eyes, taking in Baekhyun’s lopsided smile, “Stalking Jongin around only to get yourself hurt. We both know how shy you get around other people, especially in crowds.”

          Kyungsoo makes a stink face and looks down taking interest in the grimy floor as Baekhyun giggles, “Don’t make that face, and just admit I was right.”

          Kyungsoo shuffles a bit with his feet before looking back up, “Okay you were right. I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

          Kyungsoo sighs before continuing, “I thought I was going to be okay until my head got the better of me. I stayed up for the rest of the night feeling like crap.”

          Baekhyun smiles, “Look even your sailor talk is coming through I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say such a word.”

          Kyungsoo grumbles as Baekhyun finishes his clean up, then popping open a small tube of concealer. He dabs it on Kyungsoo’s skin before talking, “So what are you going to do now?”

          Kyungsoo looks at the mirror, his faces looking more presentable, “I don’t know. Maybe quit my whole ‘tailing’ the guy and just leave it be. Let’s be honest here, Jongin wasn’t interested in me in the first place.”

          Baekhyun stops rubbing the pastel colored makeup for a second, “Uh, are you sure Jongin doesn’t have feelings? I mean I don’t wanna scare you but have you seen ever actually Jongin outside of your little stalking?”

          Kyungsoo looks incredulously, “Jongin barely knew my name yesterday Baekhyun, I doubt he likes me, especially if he knew I was stalk-tailing him.”

          Baekhyun just shrugs, “Well, if I had a cute little penguin following my move every day, I’d be calling.”

           Kyungsoo swats Baekhyun’s hands away as the boy finishes his touch ups. The stink of the bathroom and the unpleasant sound of the creaking faucet as the water rushes out makes his head spin. Kyungsoo sighs again as Baekhyun tosses his tube and the napkin in his bag, picking up the bag. Baekhyun tosses it over his shoulder and turns the faucet off, “come on let’s go, class is about to start soon.”

          Kyungsoo doesn’t respond as he merely follows Baekhyun out of the bathroom. Kyungsoo wishes Baekhyun would scold him further, telling him to stop his tailing and leave Jongin alone. Kyungsoo can’t get the thought of yesterday’s tragic scene out of his head. He ran like a coward away from everyone, away from Jongin. His one and only chance to finally be Jongin’s lost. Kyungsoo strolls back to his locker, closing it and grabbing his backpack. Baekhyun ruffles is wild hair, “Cheer up, Jongin is like one of how many of guys in this school. There are more of them out there to stalk.”

          Baekhyun giggles and runs off as Kyungsoo throws him a menacing look. Kyungsoo sighs again and closes his eyes one last time before heading off to class.

          “Kyungsoo, why did you run off yesterday?”

          “I didn’t mean to, I just- I just wasn’t ready to face you. I love you, but sometimes I feel like this whole relationship is one-sided.”

          Kyungsoo turns his head to Jongin. Jongin looking at Kyungsoo’s rounded orbs and giving a faint smile, “Kyungsoo, I’m sorry my friends cornered you, I didn’t think’s make you feel out of place. They’re just a little rowdy sometimes.”

          Jongin sounds like he can understand Kyungsoo’s feelings as he talks; Kyungsoo wonders where this talk is going. Kyungsoo’s body leans against the lockers, studying Jongin’s face. Jongin smiles, “Kyungsoo, how about today I may it up to you? We go out tonight, maybe take a walk?”

          Kyungsoo’s whole body slides down the lockers, his eyes tightly shut. What is Jongin saying?

          “Kyungsoo, I want us to-“

           “Uh, hi.”

           Kyungsoo gasps for air as his day dream flashes away. He opens his eyes as someone’s pair of shoes and blue jeans obstruct his view. He looks up to Jongin’s small smile and wave. He looks a little distressed. Kyungsoo can’t deal with this right now. He jumps up as the school bells rings.

           “Listen, Kyungsoo about yesterday-“

           “I gotta go,” Kyungsoo crawls across the floor trying to escape Jongin. His finger’s pattering on the tiled floor, his knees feeling the cold ground. Kyungsoo doesn’t want their next meeting to be like this. His dreams shattering on these floors like glass, being afraid of losing everything below him.

           “-I didn’t think you’d run away and I felt bad, I’m sorry.”

            Kyungsoo stops and turns his head upwards towards Jongin, “Uh?”

            They’re the only ones in the hallway now as Jongin kneels down on the floor, eye level with Kyungsoo, “I’m sorry, I should have told Sehun to ask you to meet somewhere else instead of with my friends. I wanted just to talk, you and me… alone.”

            Kyungsoo sits on his bottom, carefully folding his legs over one another, “about what?”

            If feels lie everything moves in slow motion. Kyungsoo sees Jongin’s lips move ever so slowly. Is Jongin going to tell him off, tell Kyungsoo to leave him alone? Kyungsoo feels so small in that moment before Jongin’s words reach is ear.

            “I like you.”

            Kyungsoo leans back too quickly as the cold metal meets his head. He groans a bit rubbing his sore spot with his hands. Jongin takes his hand away before rubbing his sore spot, “You okay?”

            Jongin chuckles a bit as his holds out his other hand, “here, stand up.”

            Kyungsoo nods, taking Jongin’s brown hand. He stands and his head is still sore, “thanks.”

            “So, about-“

            “Hey, what are you two still doing out here, get to class before you both get written up!”

            Both of them jump, Jongin says sorry as he leads Kyungsoo away. Kyungsoo feels the spot where both Jongin’s hands are: on his head and in his hand. They both turn a corner out of sight of the teacher scolding them. As they walk to class, Kyungsoo feels like losing himself again.

            “Kyungsoo, I love you, we should… you know. We should get married.”

            Kyungsoo jumps back pushing Jongin away, making Jongin jump in shock as well, “what’s wrong?’

            “You want to marry me?”

            “Uh, what?”

            Kyungsoo’s face turns red, “Oops, uh… No wait I meant- meant… never mind.”

            Jongin chuckles, “You’re being weird again.”

            “I know,” Kyungsoo sighs in defeat looking at the ground. Jongin invades his space again, “but like I said last time, that’s what I like about you.”

            Kyungsoo looks up, “Uh, really?”

            Jongin smirks, “Yeah, I mean your weird, but in an endearing way. I like your flustered look and how you seem almost scared of everyone, when I see you it’s like I want to protect you. I can’t explain it, but I feel very protective of you. I didn’t mean to scare you yesterday. I just thought that seeing you every day in those bushes must be lonely-“

            The rest of the conversation goes over Kyungsoo’s head. The only sound is the humming noise of the florescent lights of the hallway above them. Jongin knows Kyungsoo sits in the bushes. Kyungsoo speaks interrupting Jongin talking, “You’ve seen me?”

            “Well, not at first. It was only until Sehun pointed you out a few weeks back. I found it creepy, well we all did, but in a strange way I knew you meant no harm so I let it be.”

            Kyungsoo winces as he hears Jongin saying a few weeks back and Sehun, they’ve all seen him. Kyungsoo feels uncomfortable now as Jongin continues, “I wanted to talk to you about it, but when I started to look out for you in classes and after school, and I started to see you everywhere. I know this is gonna sound crazy, but uh… were you stalking me?”

            Kyungsoo feels his insides clench in hard. He feels terrible now, Baekhyun told him to stop, but not enough. Maybe, maybe if he were more hidden Jongin wouldn’t have seen him. Whose he kidding Jongin didn’t see him, Sehun did. He should have been more careful. Kyungsoo weakly nods, he knows he can’t lie to Jongin. It’d be useless.

           “Really, I thought you just liked me or something… Um,” Jongin looks almost scared now as his eyes slightly widen. Kyungsoo hangs his head in shame he might as well confess his feelings now that Jongin knows his gross habit.

          “I do like you, but I’ve just never had… had the courage to tell you. I-I was scared thinking that if you knew I liked you- you’d reject me. So I just kept it to myself. I’m sorry, I know I’m disgusting. I’ll,” Kyungsoo takes a heavy breath, “I’ll leave you alone.”

          Kyungsoo feels a stinging sensation on his eyes, he’s crying again. Kyungsoo curse himself for being such a loser. He knows this is it, Jongin is done. He feels a pair of hands face cup his face, “Kyungsoo don’t cry.”

          Kyungsoo shakes his head, “I’m disgusting, and I tail you only to feel happy because I wanted what couldn’t be real. I gave you a present and when I saw it hanging on your back pack it only fueled his sick obsession I have for you. I-I can’t even stand myself at his point. Jongin stand still and wipes Kyungsoo’s tears with his thumb, “you gave this keychain?”

          Kyungsoo sniffles, but nods. Jongin smiles, “Thank you, and uh… I’m gonna be honest here.”

          Kyungsoo shuts his eyes, this is it.

“I still like you, I knew you were following me when I would back home and few days ago some of my friends said I should just man up and tell you how I felt. I was scared and nervous too, but seeing you… I don’t know… I just felt happy because you were always there, even though a few feet away, but still you were there. So when I hugged you that one time I knew I needed to confess. I wasn’t at all straight forward with my feelings, but when I saw you run I got scared and mad. You were basically stalking me, and I needed to know why. So I asked you to meet me yesterday. I asked Sehun to bring you to the bench, but I didn’t think you’d run away again. I felt mad and sad too, so I in all my feels to meet you today.”

            Kyungsoo looks shocked, his eyes nearly dropping out of his head, “But I, I was tailing you. I know I could have been a crazy person out to get you!”

            Jongin sighs, I know but hearing you say that you did stalk I’ll admit I was scared, but now that I know you didn’t mean harm, and this is a nice present too, I can’t stay made or scared. So Kyungsoo, I mean it when I say I like you.”

            The bell rings again, it’s nearing lunch time now only one class period before lunch. Both boys look around as students walk out of classrooms. Kyungsoo moves back and Jongin’s hands fall to his side. Kyungsoo smiles and sniffles a bit, “Um, well…”

            Jongin gives a weak smile, “I’ll see you at lunch? Oh, and this time please don’t run okay? It’s just gonna be my friends and me, they’re harmless.”

            Kyungsoo thinks for a bit before nodding, “Can- can I bring a friend?”

            Jongin’s smile grows, “Yeah, as long as your there.”

            Kyungsoo nods as he walks towards his class.

-

          The sun is shining brightly over head as Kyungsoo walks straight ahead and a whining Baekhyun being dragged by his hand behind him. The birds above are chirping as loud as Baekhyun is yapping, “Kyungsoo, when I said I was gonna be there for moral support I didn’t mean take me there and sit with you for the whole lunch period!”

          Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder, “I told Jongin I’d bring a friend, and I wasn’t going to bring Chanyeol. You’re saner than that tall monkey.”

          “But I don’t wanna sit there for the whole period, I have a life too!”

          “Hush, there they are,” Kyungsoo notices the group of six gathered around the bench again. The tree overhead providing a cool breeze as Kyungsoo walks under it. Baekhyun immediately stops talking as six head turn towards him and Kyungsoo. Jongin waves at Kyungsoo, padding a spot next to him on the bench. Kyungsoo hauls Baekhyun and himself towards Jongin. He sits first quietly telling Baekhyun to sit at his feet on the ground. Baekhyun grumbles a bit talking about getting his uniform all dirty, but his complies.

          “Hey, Kyungsoo. Who’s your friend?”

          It’s Jongdae looking curiously at Baekhyun, he’s sitting next to the boy. Kyungsoo meekly smiles, he needs to look cool even though yesterday was a total disaster, and he puts both hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders, “This is Baekhyun, he uh, wanted to come with me today.”

          Baekhyun snorts, “More like taken hostage.”

          The group laughs as Jongin puts his hand on Kyungsoo’s knee, “I’m glad you’re here.”

          Kyungsoo smiles a faint pink color tickling his cheeks, “Me too.”

          Baekhyun groans, “Hey Kyungsoo, I forgot my lunc- Ow”

          Kyungsoo doesn’t spare Baekhyun a glance as he shoves his poorly made lunch box in Baekhyun’s face, “eat it, I’m not hungry.”

          Today is a new beginning for Kyungsoo as he smiles at Jongin. The boy offers his food to him and Kyungsoo shyly accepts. Baekhyun is stuffing his face with Kyungsoo’s food laughing like a hyena at whatever the group said he seems to blend right in. Kyungsoo briefly glances at his old spot in the greenery. To think this whole ‘tailing’ could have been avoided if he had confessed in the first place.

          “Kyungsoo, what are you looking at?”

          Jongin says, his silky voice making Kyungsoo smile, “Nothing, I’m just happy.”

          Jongin pecks Kyungsoo on the cheek as the whole group is absorbed in conversation, “Me too.”

---

I'll see myself out now.

I swear I didn't mean to make Kyungsoo a shy character, this was written 2 years ago, but I never finished it. The next fic, Kyungsoo won't be a shy cliché character as this one.