*JM*

I’m on Taehyung’s doorstep, pacing back and forth, deciding what I should do.

The cafeteria thing happened on Monday, and now, it’s the weekend. I feel awkward about waiting four days to talk to him- really it’s been three weeks, but only four days since I’ve last seen him. I don’t know how to go about this visit at all.

I’m absolutely going to knock, but what about after that? What will I say to him? I need to apologize- for a lot of things, probably. I need to.. what do I need to do? I’m probably the most confused I’ve ever been— when it comes to Taehyung, at least.

Does he hate me now? He has to, if he’s picked up formalities again. 

Why does he love me? And why don’t I love him back?

Why is that even a question? I absolutely love him. So I think the more important question would be: why does he have the disease? 

I’ve done so much research into it, practically living on my computer, and in the hospitals, asking both sources questions relating to the Hanahaki Disease. Neither could awnser me. Doctors frowned at me sympathetically, and people online sent me long paragraphs apologizing for my situation, which really only made me more upset.

How am I supposed to help my best-friend, if I’m the problem?

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of the front door unlocking, and the door clicking open, and high heels on the concrete front-porch.

“Jimin?” She sounds amazed, for some reason.

“Hello, Ms. Kim. How are you?” It feels weird to call her ‘Ms. Kim’, but I’m not sure if she’s comfortable with Chaerin at the moment.

“Jimin, honey, I’ve been fine, but why are you here?”

I frown, and look to my feet. I feel ashamed.

“I came to talk with Taehyung, is he home?”

She throws a glance over her shoulder, and frowns. “He is… Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Why? Is he feeling unwell? Is he okay?” My voice grows louder with every syllable. I’m panicked.

She sighs, and beckons me inside, leading me to the kitchen and sitting down at the island. I sit on the stool opposite her. 

“Honestly, Jimin, I don’t think he is. I think he might be getting better, but that doesn’t mean he’s okay. I don’t think he’ll ever be okay.” She pauses, because of her cracking voice. “Jimin, he’s refusing to get the surgery, and I promised myself— and him— I wouldn’t decide for him. There are days when he wakes up smiling, and there are days when I have to walk in with him curled on his bed next to those retched flowers…”

She drifts into silence, and even though were having an uncomfortable conversation, the silence in nice. I can tell that she wants to be upset with me, but we’ve known each other for so long that having any negative feelings towards me might be hard.

“I’m sorry.” I take a heavy breath, and it chokes me a little. “Chaerin, please believe me, I really do love Taehyung, I-I don’t know why he’s sick, and neither do the doctors, and—” 

“Shh, honey, I know you love him.”

I blink at her around my tears.

“You just don’t love him in the way that he loves you.”

I almost voice my rejection of that statement. There is no possible way that I don’t love Taehyung the same way he loves me. I think about him 24/7 and he’s the only guy— or person— I’ve ever really cared about in that depth. He stirs feelings in my chest that I’ve never experienced before.

Is that not love?

I look at my hands instead of her face. I need to figure everything out on my own before I can argue. She clears .

“I was actually heading out, but… If you want you can stay and talk to Taehyung. I think he’s having one of his good days, he was giggling in his room for an hour this morning.” She smiles, probably at the memory of her adorable son- I would also smile if I held a recent image of a happy Taehyung.

“Um, yes, thank you Chaerin.”

She stands up and gives me a sad smile, patting me on the shoulder. “Honey, I know it’s not your fault— I just. I hope that you knowI don’t hold any sort of resentment to you for what’s happening— I might want to, but I can’t.”

I give a small nod, not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing to be hearing.

She recollects her purse and keys, and walks to the door.

“Take care of him well, Jiminie.”

And with that, she's gone. I sit there quietly for about ten minutes trying to collect my thoughts, and pull myself together. And then, I get rise from the stool, and head up the stairs. 

I knock before I enter Taehyung’s room, and let out a whisper, “Tae?”

*T*

I don’t open my eyes until if feel a dip in the bed, and a hand my bangs. When I do, I immediately jerk back, whether it’s in surprise or fear, I don’t know.

Jimin looks at me like I’ve killed a puppy. Or his mother. Or both.

“S-sorry…”

I give a nod at his stuttering voice, but I can’t look at him anymore. At least, not in the eye. I end up staring at his knee caps, bent over the edge of my bed.

“So, Tae. Are you okay?”

I want to laugh, because of the rhyming of my nickname and ‘okay’. I want to cry because of his strained voice. I want to yell at him for coming into my space, and I want to apologize right after for the look of hurt that he’s sure to give me.

Instead I say, “I’ve been better.”

He opens his mouth, and closes it, and then just leaves it open. He can’t decide what to say. I’m kind of surprised, because he’s normally so sure of himself.

“Tae, I want you to know that I’m sorry. I don’t know why you’re sick.. I just, I love you so much, I don’t know why—”

“Jimin, you don’t love me. You might think you love me, but you don’t. Or at least, you don’t love me in the way I love you. I want you to stop telling me you’re trying. I want you to stop trying in general,” I pause, to catch my breath, “Jimin, you can’t make yourself love someone.”

Again, he looks like I’ve murdered someone. Multiple someones.

“Taehyung, you don’t believe me? I do love—”

“YOU DON’T.”

His eyes widen, and my voice catches in my throat, and my eyes start to burn. I take a deep breath, to calm myself down. I let a single tear slip, and then I slide my hands up my face, pulling on a weak smile.

“Jimin-hyung, I’m sorry I raised my voice with you, but I think you should leave.” I try not to sound like I’m breaking on the inside.

“No.” His voice breaks, and arms are wrapping around me.

“Hyung, stop.” I sound awkward, pushing at his chest.

“No.”

I let out a huff. “Come on, Jimin-hyung, I said stop..”

He pushes me back at arms length, and gives me a sad smile. His face is marked with pink, blotchy tear trails. “Would you please stop calling me ‘hyung’?” I open my mouth to refuse. “Please?”

I look at him— broken. 

I’ve never seen him break before.

I nod.

And then, I am embraced (the word captured might be a better description) in a tight hug. I can feel little drops of heat hitting my shirt, making my skin comfortably warm, and then uncomfortably cold. I can feel Jimin shaking.

“Tae, can you please hug me back? Please?” He’s still breaking, and I’m not any less weak to his pleading than I was thirty seconds ago, so I move my arms around his shaking torso, and pat his shoulders awkwardly.

We sit there for a short time, but it feels long. Somehow I know that we can’t talk until Jimin stops crying. Jimin isn’t normally a crier. He’s normally an ‘I’m going to keep yelling at inanimate objects until I feel better’-er. And so, I ride out is tears until he pulls back, and lets out a tiny sniffle. He rubs at his nose and eyes— further irritating them— and shakes his head a few times.

I grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of my bathtub as I run a washcloth under some hot water. Jimin makes a move to take the rag from me, but I push it away and dab at his blotchy skin myself.

“Tae—”

“I know you’re sorry, you don’t need to say it again.”

“But—”

“I know you love me, and I know it’s not in the same way I love you, you don’t need to keep trying to explain yourself. ”

Jimin stares at his hands, and his lip quivers. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

His shoulders start to shake, and so I put two fingers under his chin, and pull his face to an angle where he has no choice but to look me in the eyes.

“Jimin, it’s not your fault. I love you. I’m trying not to love you.” I pause. “Wait, I phrased that wrong. I’m trying not to love you in this way. There’s no way I could ever not love you.”

He looks like he wants to cry again.

“Please stop crying, honestly it makes me love you more.” I let out a little chuckle, but Jimin doesn’t seem to think it’s funny so I set my face strait again.

“Do you have to ignore me and call me ‘hyung’ to stop loving me like that?” I gap at him, shocked at how straight forward he’s being in this recked state.

“I. Uh. No.”

“So we can still be friends? And hang out every day? And text each other even when we’re in the same room?”

I give him a weak nod.

“And I can still give you hugs?”

“Jimi—”

“Taehyung, please. I miss you so much.”

I open my mouth to protest further, but end up letting out a sigh paired with another weak nod.

Jimin gives me a smile, his eyes disappearing. He holds open his arms and I give him a look— but timidly step into them anyways. I feel him smiling into my shoulder.

“So.. does this mean that we can have a Gossip Girl marathon?”

I laugh, and hit him in the arm.

*JM*

We end up watching anime on the couch in his living room. Taehyung promises that it’s not because he’s upset with me, but because there’s a new episode of his favorite one.

Honestly, I think that we should have just put on Gossip Girl, because Tae fell asleep during the first three minutes of his show. He’s laying right beside me— half on top of me, really. I can feel his breathing on my chest. I can feel the way he nuzzles his face into my neck because he doesn’t like the light coming from the window.

Instead of watching his anime, or going to sleep, I just admire Taehyung. He’s honestly beautiful. His long eyelashes against his naturally tan skin- even though it’s paler than normal. Even with his sickness, he’s beautiful.

“I can’t believe that you’re sick. I love you so much, Taehyung. You’re beautiful, and funny, and smart. There’s no way that I don’t love you. In what way do you love me Taehyung? How do I not love you in the same way?”

I his bangs.

“I know you told me not to try anymore, but I can’t not try, Tae..”

His face scrunches up in his sleep, as if he can hear me- but I know he can’t, because when Taehyung is out, he’s out cold.

“If only you would believe me, Taehyung, when I tell you how much I love you.”

Even though I know Taehyung would be upset if I did this while he was awake, I kiss his forehead and pull him closer. I let myself be lulled to sleep by his breathing.

My last thoughts are filled with words like ‘Taehyung’ and ‘love’ and ‘promise’.

A/N 

Hello! I promised VMIN, and I gave you VMIN!! (At least I hope this is okay, because I actually kind of like this scene, hehe.) I have the next chapter and a half all written out. The chapter just needs editing. 

Please tell me what you think of everything happening so far! Tell me what you wanna see in this story, or what you think is going to happen!  

Subscriptions, Upvotes, and Comments are always really nice~

Thank you for reading!

사랑해요 <3