When Sehun stumbles in, smelling of cigarettes and bad whiskey, his lips were chapped and eyes bloodshot red. Luhan knew where he was because the smell of another lingered on his skin like a second coat. The bruising of his lips and the marks on his neck only confirmed it. Even though Luhan knows he should hate him, that he should yell, scream, cry and punch Sehun, he can't seem to bring himself to do so. Because he still loves him, even when Sehun seems to want to love others, Luhan still finds himself loving the younger male even more each day, each night when Sehun stumbles into the house, barely able to hold himself up without the wall for help. Luhan finds that he likes to be the one who Sehun needs during these time, to help him get undressed, get into bed, to help him in the morning with the headaches and achy bones.

During these times, Sehun is the most vulnerable, he doesn't push Luhan away but instead welcomes his warmth. He'll whisper apologies about promises, some are true and others are just empty lies. Luhan knows this but still he can't help but smile and nod, accepting every word that Sehun says.

Even if they are lies.

It's when the clock strikes 12, that Luhan lets himself break down. When Sehun is out or asleep. Luhan will remove himself from the bed, with shaky knee walk himself downstairs, to the living room, where he will sit. He will sit in silence for a moment before covering his mouth with his fragile hand. He knows he's finally broken when the warm tears are falling onto his hand and rolling off to land on his lap. He stifles his cries, afraid he might wake the younger lover. He'll cry and cry until the sun is rising and it's time to cook breakfast.

Sehun never notices the red puffy eyes each morning, the circles forming under the beautiful soft brown eyes or how pale Luhan has gotten because he doesn't even bother to look at the older male unless he's drunk or drugged.

Luhan knows he should hate Sehun but he finds himself loving the man even more.

He knows this love will slowly kill him. But he can't see himself anywhere else but here, with Sehun.