The first time I saw him was just awful. It was nauseating, it made my legs buckle, it made things spin. It was terrible. But there was something about it that made me try it again for a second time.

The second time wasn’t that bad. I had a few dizzy spells but it was nothing compared to the first time.

Every time I came into contact with him, it was like euphoria. He just made everything a thousand times better. I felt warm at heart, I felt comfortable, and I felt like I belonged somewhere.

People always told me that he was bad for me.

“He’s bad news.”

“You should break up with him.”

“You’re going to regret this one day.”

But in all honesty, I couldn’t care less. I was happy with my decision and I was not going to let others ruin it for me.

“I love you so much,” I said.

He grunted and turned his attention back to the television. His side profile was just so amazing I couldn’t help but smile to myself.

“What? Is there something on my face?” He asked.

I shook my head and rested my head on his chest. “Nothing; you’re perfect as always.”

Eventually I just couldn’t live without him. I had to have contact with him every day in order for me to function properly.

I chewed on my nails anxiously as I waited for him to pick up the phone. Once I heard the familiar low “Hello?” I broke out into a smile.

“Hey, what are you doing right now?”

“Huh? Oh nothing, just chilling at home. Hey, aren’t you at work right now?”

I nervously laughed. “Yeah, but I’m taking a short little break. It’s just a quick five minutes. I’m sure no one’s going to miss me.”

I could almost hear the of his eyebrow. “Okay then,” he said hesitantly. “If it’s nothing important, I’m going to hang up so that you can get back to work.”

“Cool. I’ll talk to you later.”

“…yeah…”

He took too long to respond.

I craved his touch, his smell, his everything every second of the day. I couldn’t go on without it.

“This is the third time you’ve called today. Is everything alright?” He asked, concern laced in his voice.

I my dry lips. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just really wanted to hear your voice, that’s all.”

He was silent for a moment. “I appreciate the love and everything but it’s kind of getting in the way of work. Do you think you could make it the last call of the day? I really have to work on this code and it’s not going to write itself. Besides, don’t you have a report that’s due at the end of the day?”

“I do but I’ve already done half of it.”

That was a lie. I barely had a sentence done.

“If you say so. But please, don’t call me anymore. I’m starting to get weird looks from my boss.”

I turned around and saw one of my superiors looking at me while he sipped his coffee.

“Got it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Mm.”

He didn’t say ‘love you’ back.

I needed him. I needed him every second of the day but I couldn’t keep on bothering him.

I paced back and forth in my living room. My eyes were glued to my phone that was laying on the coffee table. My fingers itched to tap the cool surface on my phone, punching in my password, pressing the little phone book labeled contacts, scrolling down to his name, and then calling him.

But I promised that I wouldn’t call more than twice a day.

I had already called twice.

I groaned and threw my head back in frustration. I then saw my phone vibrate and I immediately grabbed it to see what it was. It was cute little message that told me to tough it out for the rest of the day.

My heart melted. He always knew the right thing to say.

However, it soon became too much. I couldn’t go on without seeing him, without hearing him. It was as if my life was incomplete without him.

“Really? This is the fifth time you’ve called today. My boss is going to kill me,” he hissed on the other line.

My leg started to shake and I started to bite my nails anxiously. “I’m really sorry. Really, I am. But I couldn’t just help it. I just need to hear your voice.”

He let out a heavy sigh and my heart dropped.

“Please, I promise I won’t do it again. Just tell me that you love me I won’t call again,” I begged softly, trying to keep my conversation on the down low.

He sighed once again and forced out a quick ‘I love you’ and then hung up. I smiled widely and then got back to work.

Eventually, it got to him.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m breaking up with you.”

I felt my heart shatted into a million pieces.

“What? Why? What did I do to make you break up with me?”

He ran a hand through his hair and breathed out loudly. “Seriously? You really don’t know why I want to break up with you? You’re too clingy. You call me nearly ten times a day and constantly text me. Do you know how many times I got yelled at by my boss? And I can’t even hang out with the guys without you calling just to hear me speak every five minutes. I’m sick of it. It was nice at first but now it’s just tiring. It’s over.”

He started to walk away and I chased after him. “Please, please don’t break up with me. I need you. I can’t live without you,” I cried as I clung to his arm.

He roughly pushed me off and coldly walked away without turning back.

The first week was rough. I was all jittery and anxious. I kept on thinking that he would come back, that he would accept me with open arms, that he would love me once again. But it didn’t happen.

By the second week I was a wreck. I often got to work late, I barely ate, I barely slept; I barely functioned as a human being.

I was a completely different person by the third week. Everyone around me kept on trying to get me back out there but the only one for me was him.

“You can’t just hole yourself up at home every day? What about work? What about living your life?”

I groaned at the nagging and turned to the other side, wrapping the blanket around myself tighter. “I already informed my boss that I will be on leave until I’m better. And the only life I can live is with him around. Without him, I’m nothing.”

“You’re ridiculous! You act as if he’s the only person in the world for you.”

“Maybe he is! You don’t know anything!” I screamed.

I didn’t even need to turn around to see the shocked look on my friend’s face.

“Just leave. I’m fine, really,” I muttered.

I saw him on the street with a different girl on his arm. Something in me just snapped and I felt everything break apart.

I walked up to him and saw the happy smile on his face slowly disappear.

“Oh, hey. How’s it going? It’s been a while since I last saw you,” he greeted awkwardly.

I ignored him and glared at the girl. “Who’s she?”

I saw the way his face lit up when I mentioned the girl. “She’s my new girlfriend. We haven’t been dating for long but she’s just amazing.”

She giggled. My eye twitched at the annoying sound.

“Well, it’s nice to see how you’ve moved on,” I forced out.

I could see how he noticed the change in my tone. He wrapped a protective arm around the girl and subtly pulled her back. “Thanks. We have to get going now. Our movie starts in ten minutes and we don’t want to be late. It really was nice seeing you again.”

“Same.”

It really wasn’t.

I was going mad without him. I physically and emotionally needed him. Without him, I was just an empty shell.

“Oh my god, what’s happening to you? You look like you’re dead.”

I looked up from the couch and mechanically turned my head. “No I don’t, I look perfectly fine.”

“Seriously?”

My friend then pulled out a mirror from her bag and shoved it in front of my face. “Look at yourself and tell me that you look fine.”

I took a look and blinked at my reflection. “I do.”

I really didn’t. My hair was all messy and greasy, my skin was a sickly pale, my cheeks were slightly sunken in, my lips were all cracked, and there were massive dark circles under my eyes.

“I’m fine. I am fine.”

It soon became too much and I couldn’t handle it anymore. The day he left, he tore my heart in half and stomped on it until it was nothing. I had nothing to live for anymore.

The man placed a lily on the table below the framed picture. He looked at the girl’s once vibrant smile and he felt his eyes burn with tears. He bowed and then turned to her mother to bow.

“I am so sorry for your loss,” he said, voice almost inaudible.

The middle aged woman lowered her head and wiped her tears with a shaky hand. She then pulled out a small piece of paper and handed it to him.

“She left this for you.”

He looked at it in surprise and hesitantly took it. “Thank you.”

He walked off to the side and carefully unfolded the paper. Tears pricked his eyes at the sight of her familiar handwriting and by the time he was done reading it, his shoulders shook with every sob.

“Please don’t blame yourself for this. It was my fault. I was the one who caused a rift in our relationship. Dating you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Although I couldn’t handle the break up and had to end things like this, I just want to let you know that I still love you.

You’re more addictive than any drug could ever be, Kim Jongin.”