{ Clandestine Dalliance: Fourth Chapter }

Love is so unpredictable in so many ways. Sometimes, it can lead you to good things and sometimes, you can be very unfortunate when it comes to it. True love, it defines eternal love which every man and woman have been wanting to feel. The literal feeling of being loved and to be in love. True love conquers all as some people say; because love works in mysterious ways and it will always give you pain.

Pain, sometimes overly felt, sometimes overwhelmed by numbness. Pain is demand to be felt during times when you are in deep sorrow and it takes guts to go through it.

Soojung doesn’t know why her guts brought towards Jongin’s house but it just did. After so much hesitation, she thought that it’s time to sort things with him after being quiet for a few days. The  cold wind of a Saturday morning slapped her bare face as she was nearing his house. Her legs felt like a mix of jello and cement, if you could mix that—it’s unexplainable and at the same way it really felt like that.

She went in front of his door, knocking his door calmly. Soon, a wet Jongin with a towel draped around his waist appeared in front of her that made her look at him reluctantly. Jongin’s eyes dilated with shock, clearly not expecting her presence early in the morning.

They stayed quiet for a few seconds until he stopped the intense silence between them by clearing his throat. He let her in as he scooted to the side to which she immediately complied.

“So,” he began, escorting her towards his black leather couch, settling themselves. “Is this about what happened during Gayoung’s party?” he straightforwardly followed as if it was no big deal. Soojung scoffed at his obliviousness.

“Yes,” she responded shortly.

He let out a big sigh as he leaned back on his couch, composing the right words to answer to her. He wasn’t that much assured with what she’s feeling right now but he’s been able to comprehend the pain she felt during the party. Every time he diverted his eyes towards her, he would catch her stealing glances but she would always look away whenever their eyes would meet.

He took a deep breath before voicing out his reasons. “She’s my girlfriend.” He stated, shifting his body so that he could look at her side view.

She chuckled dryly, feeling so foolish for loving a man that she can never claim hers right from the very start. “For how long?” she momentarily asked.

“Um, a year already, I think?” he answered, that came out like a question to her. What a jerk, she thought.

“So you dated her before me. Nice tactics you got there.” She said, uttering the last part quietly; not wanting him to hear what she just said.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you.” he paused briefly, biting his lip out of agitation.

“I came here for your explanation, Jongin. And I want pure honesty.” She said, her gaze fixated on the table in front of her. Her eyes refused to make contact directly to his. It just can’t. She felt so disgusted about him even though she still loves him. She just can’t look at him the same way she looked at him before.

“You don’t need explanations Soojung.” He answered, lowering his head.

Soojung’s face fell at his answer. She was expecting him to really explain things to her and not like this. She expected him to be more honest, and comprehensibly truthful about his matters. He can’t just leave her in a cliff with no one catching her. He can’t just be a jerk and tell more lies to her. She’s had enough.

She clenched her fist, fighting the urge to slap the insanity out of him. Although it hurts her, she still washed away the softening of her heart as she looked at him intently. She found him lowering his head, as some water from his wet hair dripped on the tiled floor.

Her face hardened before releasing a scoff out of her lips. “Actually, I don’t need your explanations. I just came here to end this—to end us. If there’s even an u-us.” She said, her firm voice became shaky at the end as she felt a lump forming in .

She got up from her seat, making her way towards the door but she was stopped by Jongin who grabbed her wrist before latching their bodies together. She froze, not being able to move at his sudden gesture. When she finally realized that he’s hugging her, she instantly tried to push him off her but she eventually failed. Jongin hugged her tighter, almost squeezing her so that she won’t be able to break free.

“Let me go,” she hardly said, still using all her strength to push him off her body.

“I won’t.”

She softened, her heart sank the moment those two words got out of his lips. She didn’t know that this person is still the Jongin she knew. Her Jongin always listens to her all the time. Her Jongin that is so supportive about her decisions. Her Jongin who never interjected in all her plans. Her Jongin who always hugs her whenever she’s doubting on herself.

Not this Jongin.

This Jongin is stubborn—hard to persuade. He doesn’t listen to her. This is not the Jongin she knows.

“You’re not Jongin,” she whispered quietly, as she gave in, burying her face in his chest. He sighed, frustrated with seeing her being vulnerable like a glass that is ready to break due to the heat that’s been constantly hitting it.

“I am Jongin,” he said,