"Henry-ah!"

I woke up with a mild headache and tried to lift my heavy lids. Blurred colors and lights were the only things I can see through my lashes. My last memory was a blinding light and a deep honk from a heavy truck.

HOOOOOOONNKK!!

"Aaaaahh!" I yelled and fell off my bed. "Ow."

"Omona! Henry-ah, gwenchana?"

I opened my eyes. Zhou Mi hyung was bending over me, with Ryeowook hyung at his right.

"Henry-ah, it was the nightmare again, wasn't it?" Ryeowook hyung asked.

I nodded.

"Don't worry. It was just the alarm clock, not the... you-know-what." Zhou Mi hyung explained.

"I mean, seriously! Who set that alarm sound on?" Ryeowook hyung said.

Zhou Mi hyung helped me up. We all went out to the living room where Donghae hyung and Eunhyuk hyung were watching TV.

I guess I should explain. We, all 15 members of Super Junior, live in one huge dorm. Leeteuk, Heechul, Hangeng, Yesung and Kangin hyung have one big room to themselves. Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Siwon and Zhou hyungs have another room, and Donghae, Ryeowook, Kibum, Kyuhyun hyung and me share another.

"Aren't any of our oldest hyungs awake yet?" Zhou Mi hyung asked.

"I'm here."

We looked to our right and there was Shindong hyung looking through the kitchen window. Kangin hyung and Yesung hyung also waved from the dining table.

"They all had late night scheds yesterday and were dead tired when they got home. Everybody was asleep already except me when they came," Eunhyuk said.

"Henry-ah, was that you who yelled just now?" Yesung hyung asked.

"Uhm, neh..." I answered.

"Wae?" Kangin hyung asked. He sounded concerned.

Before I could reply, Zhou Mi hyung cut in. "He just fell off the bed. Nothing serious." He winked at me.

Yesung hyung nodded, understanding and convinced. "Arasso."

Only SJM knows what happened to me a few years back, when I was only 15. But only Ryeowook and Zhou Mi hyung remember it still. It was a severe tragedy.

A few hours later, everyone was awake and is sitting round the dining table. Ryeowook hyung had made a yummy breakfast: pancakes, just like how they cook it in my home in Canada. But it pained me to eat and look at the pancakes. It reminded me of the past. They were soft, golden-brown, and light, just like how she made them...

"I've news for you guys," Leeteuk hyung said and cleared his throat.

Everyone leaned forward in eagerness. "What is it?" We all asked in unison.

"Manager said that we are gonna have a maid help us around here. He said we are too busy to fix around the house that it will soon look like a garbage can."

"Is she a noona?" Kyu hyung asked.

"For you guys," he answered and pointed to me, Kyu hung, Kibum hyung, Wookie hyung, and Donghae hyung.

"When is she coming?" Zhou Mi hyung asked.

"Tomorrow we will all get to meet her."

Oh no...! A noona! It's been so long since I've called someone 'noona', ever since...

The next day, I woke up a little bit earlier than usual, maybe because I had slept a lot earlier last night.

So anyway, I turned the TV real low and watched. There aren't many interesting shows at 5 in the morning, so I idly switched channels every now and then. Then I heard a knock at the door. I hurried over and opened it. Outside there stood a girl a few inches taller than me, and about 3-4 years older than me. My mouth fell open as I looked into her face. She looked so much like her...

She bowed. "Annyeonghaseyo. Jeoneun Hye Ri-imnida."

I recovered from shock just in time to say, "So, you're the noona! Come in. Sit down!"

While she sat down and looked about, I banged at my hyungs' doors.

"Hyung! Hyung! She's here! Wake up!"

At the first door, Heechul hyung almost strangled me if Leeteuk hyung didn't hold him back. At the second door, all 5 of them in there bustled out groggily and got squeezed together between the door frames. At the third door, they all looked as if they had been awake for a couple of hours.

Soon they were fully assembled at the living room with Hye Ri noona. She had introduced herself again.

"Welcome Hye Ri-yah. This might be an awfully hard job for you," Leeteuk hyung said sheepishly.

Noona giggled. "Gwenchanayo. I can do it; I'm sure, er... ahjusshi."

"Aniyo, jebal! Call us oppa, and those 5 younger guys there, I'm sure you recognize them, you can call them goon," explained Zhou Mi hyung. "Besides, we're not that old." I scoffed at that.

"We all have to leave later except for Kyu and Henry. You guys," said Ryeowook hyung and turned to me and Kyu hyung, "help her settle in and show her around."

We nodded. We had breakfast and the hyungs went off to their schedules.

"Hye Ri noona, come with me. I'll show you your room," said Kyuhyun hyung. Hye Ri noona smiled and followed him. I just sat there, lost in thought.

'This is so creepy. It's like... It's like... Her being alive again... I don't want to remember...' I yelled out loud. Kyu hyung peeked from Hye Ri's room door and looked at me questioningly. I just shook my head.

The next few days, it felt like I was possessed or something. I wasn't me. I yelled and nagged at Hye Ri... I didn't even call her 'noona' anymore. My hyungs are always getting at my face. Till this one day...

"Yah, Henry-ah! You come back here this minute or else!" Ryeowook hyung yelled at the door of our room. I had locked it on his face.

"Aniyo!" I yelled back. Then there were soft voices.

"Ryeowook oppa, just leave him alone for a minute. He'll come round later..." I recognized Hye Ri's voice. It was so much like hers... but it only made me angrier. I buried my head in my pillow and yelled.

I have to think about this. Alone. So after considerable time [a few hours, perhaps] I snuck out of the room and put on my coat and boots, which were dumped at the front door. I also put on a knitted cap which covered my ears and part of my eyes. I didn't notice any of my hyungs. Either they're having their afternoon naps or they have schedules. I didn't know that Hye Ri saw me get out and followed me, not until it was too late, anyway.

I stepped out. Instantly, cold wind blew by me and I shivered. It's the start of October and a thin layer of ice was already on the ground. I shivered and wrapped myself better in my coat. Then I went to take a walk in the streets. No one will notice me as Henry Lau of Super Junior unless they come near me and whipped my cap off my head.

I have to think about this. I have to analyze myself. This isn't me anymore. If this goes on even Zhou Mi hyung will resent me, the closest hyung I've got. Why am I so mad at Hye Ri anyway? Because she reminded me of... of that tragic lose I've suffered 3 years ago? Molla... Jeongmal molla...

My thoughts were jolted by several sounds all produced at the same time. A female voice shouted my name, a loud beeping sound from a very heavy vehicle, and sounds of tires screeching on the icy ground. I turned just in time to see bright lights coming from a huge truck. My vision turned sideways and I was lying on a snow-coated street. My eyes didn't close. Shouts of alarm were all around me, threatening to deafen me. A pair of muscled arms lifted me and I was forced to look up and into Zhou Mi hyung's eyes, all wild with worry. They even had tears at the corners.

"Henry-ah! Gwenchana?! What happened?! Are you hurt?" Zhou Mi hyung asked. I sat up. I felt disoriented and woozy, but quite unhurt. I tried to answer hyung's questions, but my voice was shaky and quivering.

"Zhou Mi hyung... I... I'm fine... I'm not hurting... What happened...?"

I turned over to see a huge red truck and a crowd of people in front of it. I recognized Ryeowook hyung's hair and Kyuhyun hyung's blue coat.

"We saw it. Me, Ryeowook, Kyu, Sungmin hyung, Hangeng hyung, Siwon hyung, Donghae, and Eunhyuk hyung. She ran to you and pushed away just before the truck could have hit you. It hit her instead and sent her flying. Good thing Hangeng hyung ran and caught her before she hit the street or she would have... something nasty would have happened," Zhou Mi hyung explained quickly.

"Who... who 'her'?" I asked, puzzled. "Who's she?"

As if to answer that, Zhou Mi hyung supported me and made me stand. We made our way to the crowd.

Hangeng hyung was in the middle, winded down by the force of whoever he caught. I couldn't process it very well, as my head hit the street too. All the hyungs Zhou Mi hyung mentioned were gathered around.

"Who is that?" I asked, still not grasping it. Sungmin hyung leaned out and brushed the hair out of the girl's face.

Hye Ri.

My eyes widened as I remember this same set-up a few years back. It was still Zhou Mi hyung supporting me. It was still Hangeng hyung holding her limp body. It was still the same Super Junior sub-unit, SJ Mandarin, gathered around her. It was like a horrible deja vu.

"Well? What are you guys waiting for? Call an ambulance!"

Then all hell broke loose.

I started screaming and clutching my head and my knees gave way. This is too much for me. My worst memories were flooding my mind. I was suffering from the trauma that I should've gotten over with. I didn't know what was happening anymore. I must have slipped into unconsciousness, because when I was sane again I was in a hospital room. I forced myself to sit up and found Zhou Mi hyung pacing around the room back and forth and Ryeowook hyung sitting with his face buried in his hands.

"Henry-ah!" said Zhou Mi hyung, noticing me.

Both of my favorite hyungs rushed at my sickbed.

"Gwenchana?" Ryeowook hyung asked me.

"Neh... Mwo... Where..." I stammered while feeling a little disoriented.

"It was a creepy deja vu for us too. It all happened... just like last time..." Ryeowook hyung said with a shudder.

I remembered. I started to get up from my bed and almost doubled over with dizziness.

"Henry-ah~!" Zhou Mi hyung coaxed me. "Are you well enough to stand?"

"I wasn't hurt bad, hyung. I just fell over. I'm fine," I said, almost annoyed. "But I could use some help," I added shyly.

My hyungs nodded and guided me. We walked through the bare white halls of the hospital echoing with our boot falls. Soon we came to a room with the rest of SJM sitting anxiously on benches outside it.

"Henry-ah. Are you feeling better?" Asked Hangeng hyung in Chinese. I answered him in the same language. At least he still cares about me. The eldest of SJM...

But the others were bursting.

"Henry-ah! What were you thinking, walking on the streets alone?"

"You could've died!"

"You don't care about anything anymore, do you?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Now a fair lady has taken your place on the death bed."

"Henry-ah, you're not a kid anymore. You're even older than Onew and he's more responsible!"

Hangeng hyung raised a hand and said in a deep voice, "Enough." That quieted down all the others.

I bowed my head.

"Henry..." I looked up and Hangeng hyung was looking at me. "Come here. Sit with me." I obliged.

Ryeowook hyung and Zhou Mi hyung sat on the cold floor as I sat with Hangeng hyung on the wooden bench.

"Henry, I have one question for you. Look at me." I looked into Hangeng hyung's eyes: wise and old beyond his years.

"What is it, hyung?" I asked humbly.

"Why do you dislike Hye Ri so much?"

Crap, I knew he would ask this. I started sobbing.

"Henry-ah, wae?"

"Hyung, don't you remember?" I hiccuped between sobs. "Three years ago, when I was 15."

Silence.

"Remember? My noona, Helenae noona!"

Silence.

--flashback--

"Henry-ah~!"

"Noona! Noona, jamkkanmanyo...!"

"Yah, namja...!! You better hurry up or we'll miss it! It's getting later and later!" Helenae noona called to us: SJM. We used to be best friends with her then. We always did everything together. Our parents have died even before I was a year old. My mom died giving birth to me, and dad committed suicide. We only have each other. Helenae noona was about as old as Ryeowook hyung. I could even recall her saying something that she had a crush on hyung...

We clambered after her to the top of a high hill. When we got there, she was a standing silhouette against the bright orange lights of the setting sun. She had spread out her arms and was taking deep breaths. As I got closer and panted next to her, she said, "Beautiful, isn't it, Henry?"

It took me a while to answer because I was catching my breath. "Neh. We hardly see any of this in Canada..."

When we were all gathered together watching the sun set, Kyuhyun hyung found himself beside Helenae noona. He has taken a fancy to her too. So he "casually" leaned his head on her shoulder. Noona only laughed and let him do it.

"Helenae noona...?" I cooed and crawled over to them. I shot Kyu hyung a glare but he just chuckled and moved away.

"MworagoWhat is it, Henry-ah?" Helenae noona asked. She my hair.

"Do you love me more than anybody else?" I asked with puppy-eyes.

"Of course! Henry-ah, you'll forever be my number one man," she giggled. "Nae hanappuniya."

"But what if I make you mad? Or I rebel? I'm not a kid anymore... Who knows?" I mumbled.

"Aww... Henry-ah, look at me." I looked into her big brown eyes. They were deep brown, they know things I don't know, and they are old beyond their years.

"Henry-ah, you'll always, ALWAYS be my perfect little brother, arasso?" Helenae noona smiled. I smiled back.

It was dark when we trudged back home. The street was dark and empty. I didn't know I was unconsciously walking half-awake. I didn't know I was in the middle of the highway. I only woke up fully when,

"Henry-ah!"

Blinding lights, screams, police sirens, then I out.

At her funeral, I stared at her peaceful face sleeping beneath the glass of her snow-white coffin. "Noona, what about now? Am I still you perfect little brother?" Then I cried.

--end of flashback--

There was silence as we all reminisced the dark past. They all got it. They all looked like they're gonna be sick. They all remembered now.

"Henry-ah, mianhae. I didn't mean to... forget... Jeongmal mianhae..." croaked Hangeng hyung. I only nodded.

"Henry-ah, do you... do you wanna see... Hye Ri noona?" Ryeowook hyung asked quietly. In response, I nodded.

We went into her white bedroom. She was lying on her bed unconscious. A doctor was there, checking on her.

"Ahjusshi, will she be ok?" Ryeowook hyung asked fearfully.

"She is stable now. She'll definitely live, but now she's tired out. No serious injuries whatsoever. I'll leave you now," said the doctor and went out.

I stared at Hye Ri's face. For a moment I felt a twinge of anger. Why can't my noona live, while this stranger could? It's so unfair.

"I know, Henry-ah. Life by default is unfair," Ryewook hyung said and came next to me, as if he could read my mind.

"But the question is, ‘What are you going to do about it?’"

I looked out the window into the wide blue sky. The sun was rising slowly, filling the earth with its golden glow. A new day is dawning, so is a new beginning.