"Go on." Kyungsoo regarded me, his eyes wide and sorrowful and full of - my heart felt like it was being stabbed- distrust. It's funny how things change in a blink of an eye.

"Remember you told me I had to get him not to like me?" I found myself sobbing. "That was my plan, to make myself seem ty and cheap, to seduce him, to use him, so that he wouldn't like me anymore. I wanted him to dislike and be disgusted at me and forever stay away from me. That was my plan, and it worked!"

I was stunned at my own outburst; I didn't realise how much I had been keeping inside of me, how much I had been hurting and pining for a certain friendly giant I had lost in my life, until now and judging from Kyungsoo's expression, he realised it too.

From out of the blue, I heard a crashing sound outside the class and we both turned our heads towards the window.

And there stood Chanyeol, staring at us with his mouth wide open, a bruise forming on his head from knocking his head on the window ledge.

I would never forget the look on his face as he slowly backed away from the class, shock and disbelief registering on his features, words that I have been keeping inside of me and hurting me- now hurting him too. I know from the look on his face...

... He never wanted to have anything to do with me ever again.

"Chanyeol..." I took a step instinctively towards the direction of the window, but then I hesitated and turned behind to see Kyungsoo staring at me as if I was an alien from a foreign planet that he didn't recognise at all.

"You should... go after him...." Kyungsoo turned away from me, his face dark. 

I hovered around him unsteadily, not sure if he meant it or not. "Soo..." I pleaded, but he didn't look towards me at all. 

"Please don't," Kyungsoo exhaled, his voice trembling, "Park Chanyeol is probably completely heartbroken now. You really should go find him." Then he added quietly, "I can tell from your body language, that you really love him." My heart shattered into a million pieces at his own heartbroken, saddened voice. 

"Soo..." I felt tears stream down my face. I should have just told him of my own accord from the start... My precious Kyungsoo... He understood everything.... He didn't even judge me for my unacceptable behaviour.... From the start till the end, this was the boy of my life, Do Kyungsoo...

"I'm not your best friend for nothing, aren't I?" He shot me a weary, wistful smile and with his hands slightly trembling, he gave me a insistent shove. "Go chase after your happiness, Raerin. Go!" He pushed me once again and with tears obscuring my eyes, I whispered, "Thank you, Soo..." before dashing out of the classroom blindly.

Wiping my tears as I ran, I strained my neck to look for Chanyeol but he was nowhere to be found. I narrowed my eyes when I saw a familiar dark, tall figure disappear into the stairwell.

Kim Kai, you are dead to me.

Seething uncontrollably, I barged into the stairwell and charged towards him, tackling him to the ground in a surprise attack. At that point in time, I let my rage and hurt and humiliation take over.

"What the fu-" Kai shrieked as he fell to the ground with me throttling his neck with strength I never knew I had in me. He began choking but soon, he pried my hands away from his neck with force. I was undeterred. I kicked him in between his legs viciously and slugged him in the face and dazed from the attack, he yowled and clutched at his crotch, rolling on the floor like a pathetic turtle.

"You scum of the earth," I hissed, stepping on his ankle with my own foot and pressing on it with all my strength. "What did I ever do to deserve this-"

To my horror and disgust, he merely laughed, as if my force was nothing on his flesh. "This is the first time in months you've touched me of your own accord."

I instinctively recoiled, my fists clenching. "You're disgusting." I spat, then I realised I had fallen in his trap. I shouldn't have let his words get to me, again.

"Aw, don't take that tone with me." He smirked as he took the chance to get up, nursing his face bruises. I revelled in the fact that he winced from the kick in the groin. "Don't you forget, I still have that video." He reached for his phone and went straight to the gallery, that godforsaken video mocking me in my face. "Just one click, it goes to the batch group."

I was suddenly fearless. After all, the two most important boys in my life already knew about it. What did I care about the rest of the school?

I won't lose the moon for the stars.

I had nothing else to lose. When you've hit rock bottom, you can't go any lower. And I was practically at the edge of my tipping point now.

"I remember." I stared him down challengingly. "See how many s I give." And taking my chance to sneak a surprise attack, I gave a roundhouse kick to his groin area again, sending him sprawling to the floor and cursing. "You can do what you want, I won't be your plaything anymore."

For the first time, I saw surprise glimmer in his brown eyes as he gazed up at me. He suddenly looked vulnerable and confused, as if this wasn't part of his big plan.

"I feel so sorry for you," I shook my head, "You can try to hurt me and many more innocent others as much as you want, but you'll never relieve the hurt from your pathetic soul, Jongin."

My job here was done.

His stunned eyes never left me as I tore away from the stairwell, my fists still hurting from the blows I made, but my heart more than determined now to right the wrongs I made.

I was going to take charge of my life - and my love.

Park Chanyeol was miraculously where I thought he would be.

He blinked incredulously at me as I walked into the band room, his knuckles turning white from gripping tightly onto his lyrical notes.

"Chanyeol..." I knew I said I would take charge, I could be angry and violent towards someone I hated, boldened by my hurt... But what was I going to do about a broken heart I had no right to even blemish in the first place?

He took a wary step back, his eyes flashing with fear and apprehension, as if I was going to eat him. My heart felt it was being thrown into a grinder.

"Chanyeol, you have every right to hate me. You have every right to walk out now and not listen to me." I took a deep breath, a futile attempt to steady my shivering body. "I can't even attempt to explain myself, because I was absolutely wrong and nothing can justify what I have done."

Chanyeol's puppydog-eyes continued to regard me with trepidation. Oh, how much I wish I could put back the life in his eyes again, the goofy grin on his beautiful, innocent face... I felt myself struggle to hold back my tears.

"I never was the girl you thought I was." I continued, my tears betraying me such that my words came out in a strangled sob. "I always held others' opinions of me in high regard and all I wanted was to fit in. All that Aunt Agony is bogus, I'm sorry. I'm not even half the person I portray myself to be. I'm just one of those weak girls who go with the flow. But you..." I paused, letting my thoughts flow into words. "You made me feel special. You made me feel I was someone who was different from the crowd-pleaser I thought I was."

"And that's because... you are the most special person I've ever met." I wrangled my hands. "I wish I could be who you thought I was. But I wasn't. I was scared that I would be an outcast in school." I hung my head in shame. "I knew you liked me but I didn't want to hurt you any further, so I decided to do.... unspeakable things so that you wouldn't like me... You don't have to forgive me, Chanyeol. I just want you to know that it's not your fault, it's all because I really messed up."

My last words came out as wracked sobs and I couldn't bear to let anyone else see my weak side anymore, neither could I stand seeing the hurt expression on Chanyeol's face. I bowed my head down apologetically with all my sincere heart and fled the band room. I didn't want to see or hear anything that could potentially send me into more tears.

And well knowing what I felt for him, that was dangerously potential.

As long as Chanyeol didn't berate himself and he could move on from this, I was satisfied already. I didn't deserve his love, forgiveness was too much to ask for, but all I could hope was that he came out of this unscathed. He was innocent after all.

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