Today, 23^rd of April 2015, rumors of you leaving are released. This isn’t my first time hearing this kind of news, since I’ve heard the same about the group’s leader too. As I said, this isn’t the first; not the first time I felt depressed, down, dejected…

To many, this may appear “annoying, exaggerating, irritating…” or any other adjectives to disregard what I am writing, but this is how I’m feeling at the moment; I’m hurt, upset, distressed… I feel pain.

I’m sorry you weren’t the first I noticed; you didn’t show your personality much back then, you were shy, you were timid. But as time went by, I only had you in my eyes. I had lots of dreams of you, and only you.

Some acquaintances often ask me, “Why do you like him?”

I just answer them with a smile. I’m not smart enough to find perfect words to describe why I like you. Why you of all people? Maybe there wasn’t a need of words; no need for explanations, no need for a reason.

I can describe every little thing I love about you. Your dark iris, sharp gaze that expresses emotions; your lips that melt me when you smile; your voice, which makes me love you even more, when you speak, rap or sing; your hair, which you can style and dye in any way, and still look handsome; your smile that gets me every time.

These details are only a slice of the vast aspects I love about you.

Whatever the outcome might be, I want to say that I enjoyed watching you on TV shows, videos and fancams. I listened to what you had to say, what you were trying to make people understand; I listened to your songs, to your voice, to your emotions.

I know things about you, and I want to know more. Your personality is also something I love about you.

When you smile, I smile. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You feel pain, you can share the pain with me. You make me happy with every little thing you do, see?

Whatever the outcome turns out to be, know that I’m always with you. I’m always by your side to support you, to cheer for you.  

As a fan – who’s afraid to lose contact, to lose track – I don’t want you to go.

But as a person – who loves you, cares for you – I plead for you to be well.

I love you, but you don’t know.

Tao, I love you. Please, don’t go.