I’m stupid.

I think that I really turned into someone I wasn’t before…someone I wasn’t supposed to become.

My head is buzzing with thoughts that I wouldn’t even imagine in the past.

God, Amber.

“You must have discovered the cure for the cancer,” she stated out of the blue while she’s driving us towards her home.

Her home? Is it really hers?

“What?”and like the that I am, I asked.

“You’re too quiet and you repeatedly sighed. Tell me what’s bothering you,” why do you look so concerned?

“It’s nothing important, besides you wouldn’t understand,” I said with finality in my tone.

She must have sensed that I wasn’t really up for talking or any kind of banter and so the silence, no matter how awkward it might be, resumed.

And so… with that, we went to her apartment.

-X-

We just arrived at her place.

Thoughts about her and her fiancé kept disturbing my thought process. Things like, were they intimate? .

Did they do their on the same bed that Krystal and I did? , really.

“Ehem,” she tried to grab my attention and it was not the first time today, “Amber, seriously what’s bothering you? Come on, tell me…please.”

And yet again, not the first time today, I gave her that smile that hides what I feel.

“You don’t have to worry, it’s nothing, really,” I looked at her and made sure that I’m making the impression that everything is just fine. “I just kept thinking…how I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

That is not a lie.

She smiled at me, and no matter how many times I told myself to not be fooled by her, it seems so real…like she’s really happy with what I said, like she’s really happy with my company.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately.  Just like what I said earlier, I can’t get enough of her, no matter how idiotic it might be, and the passion and fire that can’t be extinguish escalated even more.

-X-

I woke up to the feeling of coldness.

“She’s not here, huh?”

Instead of hurrying up to go to the kitchen where I assume she’s at. I just stared to the wall of her room.

Her room? Is it really her room or their room?

What happened yesterday flashbacked in my mind, and so I realized what kind of douchebag I am. I know; I am well aware that she’s not single. I know that she’s going to be tied up, exchange vows and all that, to a man I didn’t know that existed… until yesterday. Now, I am not a victim.

“Amber!” she yelled, “Breakfast is ready, you better hurry up or your boss will eat you up!”

Despite how I feel, the moment I heard her voice with a tone of mirth in it, I can’t help but be lifted.

And so, I decided to just enjoy this ride no matter how risky it is.

“Eat me up? Let’s see… while I don’t mind that happening, I’d rather have it the other way around.”

“Stop kidding and get your stupid right here.”

Stupid?  How appropriate.

“I am not a victim and I am not even innocent and that gives me no right to act like I don’t deserve it, like I am not sinless,” I muttered under my breath before going to the kitchen with the intention of backing myself to her presence. Fully aware of how vile our relationship might be.

Not like being vile is new to me. I guess… you can’t really run away from your roots.