Okay, I must warn you this is not a fluffy one and that I'm sorry.

12 September 2014

    An hour ago I was in a club. Surrounded by friends and members.

    And now I’m hanging upside down in my own car, only attached to the seat thanks to my seatbelt and an airbag.

    Am I dead?

    Why is my spirit still stuck inside the body?

    I remember the whole night vividly. Bobby, that kid’s showcasing in the party. Runway full of models. Us talking behind sajangnim’s back. I got on my car, my manager drove his following mine. And then.

    Then everything was black.

    “Seungri!”

    I try to speak but nothing comes out.

    “Ah..”

    “Are you alright!?”

    “Ah..Ah…”

    “Seunghyun!”

    “Mom, I’m okay.”

    I assure her as she approach the bedside. Her face screaming worries and fright makes me feel guilty even more. My dad smiles at me but it’s just dawn. He looks quite tired.

    “Are you sure? Your car flipped over!”

    My sister slowly sits on the side of my bed.

    “Yah, you sit there.”

    “Oh you’re perfectly fine! Mom! Look at oppa! He’s like this to me again.” Hanna makes a face at me. Our actions cause mom and dad seem to relax a little bit more.

    “What about people in the other car? Is there anything serious?” Dad speaks quietly. His gentle smile appears.

    “One of them got small injury on her leg. Manager hyung’s taking care of her right now.”

    “Don’t make him talk too much, dear!” 

    “I said I’m really fine! You don’t have to worry.” I let out a small laugh.

    “You want to sleep? Because I do.”

    “I’m a little tired, since you said it.” my sister always know.

    “I guess mom want to stay here with oppa?”

    “Young girl, you’re staying too.”

    “Really? I didn’t bring any clothes with me.”

    “It’s alright. Let her go sleep at home, mom.” I push Hanna’s head lightly.

    “Oppa!”

    I keep staring at the ceiling even there’s nothing to look at. Calm noises my mom’s making when she’s asleep doesn’t help any better. I know I should rest and it’s been a long day.

    But I keep staring at that shadow of neon ceiling light, wondering about things.

    I think of checking my phone and put it back on the nightstand. Think of checking it again and put it back again.

    Kakao talk? Line? or Naver? Pann?

    We celebrities all lie when we said we don’t check about ourselves online. Even they want you dead, you still want to check if they really say it.

    And in a way, this curiosity is what killing us inside, everyday.

    I flinch as my tummy suddenly pains.

    “Just sleep already.”

    My sister turns her back at me, probably talks with her eyes closed.

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