five
Beneath the BlackIt’s hard to remember that Jackson is actually an idol sometimes.
Maybe it was because whenever they saw each other, be it backstage at a taping or in passing at an event, they always managed to bicker about something petty/ridiculous/inconsequential. Truth be told, they shouldn’t be arguing in the first place, let alone in public, but they somehow manage to tick each other off in the littlest ways. Last week, it had been because YoungJi took a sip from his milkshake and then the next, it’d been because of her hair.
(“What do you mean ‘what’s wrong’ with my hair??”
“Nothing. I’m just saying it looks a little weird today.”
“Your face looks weird!”
“YAH WHAT’D YOU SAY??!”)
Or maybe it was because his messages to her lacked the tact that a public figure was supposed to have, comprising largely of ‘YoungJiiii I’m bored! Talk to me’s and random pictures he thought for some reason he should send her.
(Once, he sent her a picture of a beautiful pool at his hotel in Thailand with the caption,
Wish you were here. YoungJi had been touched, until a minute later, when he sent a follow-up message saying, I’d push you in.
She’d sent him a picture of the horse she was currently riding and typed,
Wish you were here too. I’d run you over with this guy :)
“Uh, YoungJi, are you alright?” HaRa asked hesitatingly from her own horse because her member was laughing maniacally into her own phone.)
YoungJi eventually realized that she often forgot that Jackson was an idol because he never treated her like everyone else did.
Seniors in the industry alternatively looked down on her condescendingly or babied her as if she was a fledging little fawn unable to walk on her own. Jackson, on the other hand, treated her like a ‘bro.’ He’d ruffle her hair, jostle her jokingly as they walked together, and spoke to her informally as if they’d been best friends for years instead of having just met each other a year ago.
She couldn’t really see him as an idol because, at the end of the day, he was more like her friend.
“Are you sure you’re just friends?” Her sister asked her (again). YoungJi rolled her eyes and tucked the phone into the crook of her neck as she flipped through a magazine in a waiting room.
“Come on unnie.” YoungJi begged, exasperated. “Haven’t I already told you that I don’t like that kid?”
“I’m just saying,” Her sister tried to placate YoungJi gently. “I haven’t heard you talk this much about a boy-”
“I don’t talk about him!” YoungJi protested. “I complain about him!”
“-since SeokDul.” Her sister finished and YoungJi could hear the smug satisfaction over the phone.
“Aish.” YoungJi hissed, feeling her face burn from retroactive embarrassment. “Why would you bring him up??”
His name was Kang SeokDul.
He was two years above her in high school, had a smile that made her brain short-circuit, and was the most talented striker in their entire district. As if that wasn’t enough, he was the vice president of their school, always managed to score in the top ten during exams, and (and!) he volunteered at an animal shelter.
He was, in a word, perfect and YoungJi had the terrible habit of staring at him too often during the girls’ team practice on the adjoining field to the point that she’d miss her cue during warm-ups.
“Yah YoungJi!” Her teammates had when she managed to shatter yet another pair of glasses because SeokDul was running around the track and YoungJi forgot about the ball she was bouncing on her head because her sunbae looked so cool and handsome. “At this rate, you’re going to have to send him the bill for all your replacement glasses.”
(She eventually got contacts, but that’s beside the point.)
Heo YoungJi was in love.
Granted, she had said maybe 10 sentences to him in her whole life, he was dating the pretty captain of their debate team, and he may not even have remembered that YoungJi actually existed, but it didn’t matter. YoungJi was certain that the heart-pounding thrill that ran through her skin every time SeokDul even glanced in her general direction, or the fact that she could barely string two coherent words whenever he came within ten feet of her was because she was completely and utterly in love with him.
(NaNa looked at her oddly when YoungJi recounted this story as they talked about their ‘first loves.’
“Actually,” The After School singer began slowly, “It sounds less like you were in love with him, and moreso that you thought he was a really great person.”
“Ehh, that’s silly.” YoungJi waved it off. “After all, what’s the difference?”
NaNa covered her eyes, laughing exasperatedly and Sunny patted YoungJi’s head sympathetically, cooing,
“Oh, you sweet, precious, confused little puppy.”
But that was almost a year ago.)
It was a moronic comparison.
“Jackson is not like SeokDul.” YoungJi muttered under breath after her conversation with her sister ended.
SeokDul was handsome and sweet and spoke very maturely about how he was going to become a lawyer like his father. He was composed and mature…whereas Jackson literally pulled on one of her pigtails the last time they had run into each other.
“Who’s SeokDul?”
Speak of the five-year-old.
YoungJi was ashamed to admit that she actually screeched and jumped in her seat, a hand fluttering to her chest to calm her pounding heart from the surprise of Jackson suddenly appearing at her waiting room door.
“Yah!” She picked up her magazine and chucked it at him. “What are you doing scaring me like that?!”
To YoungJi’s chagrin the magazine fell two feet short of hitting him and Jackson only chuckled as he bent to pick it up.
“I wasn’t trying to scare you.” Jackson told her, dropping the magazine back on the table in front of her and plopping down on the seat next to her. “You just weren’t paying attention.”
YoungJi smacked his arm lightly. “You could’ve at least knocked.”
He smirked at her and rapped the table in front of them twice, “Knock, knock.”
YoungJi smacked his arm again. “You’re incorrigible.”
“No,” Jackson told her, stretching his arms overhead, “I’m tired.” He poked her arm and demanded/asked, “Let me stay here for a bit.”
YoungJi glanced around the waiting room, noting the two staff members who didn’t even look up from their phones as Jackson walked in. This kid really was getting too comfortable with them.
“Go sleep in your own waiting room.” She ordered him instead.
“I can’t.” Jackson whined like the five-year-old he really was. “JB’s barking out orders, Mark keeps practicing his flips, and YuGyeom and BamBam keep playing loud music because they’re apparently having a dance-off. I’m.tired.” He tugged at her arm pathetically and she had to laugh. “C’mon YoungJiiii. I just need some peace and quiet for a few minutes.”
“Like I could kick you out of here if I tried.” She rolled her eyes, which was as good of an agreement as Jackson needed.
He immediately peeled off his jacket, throwing it over the back of his chair before taking his cap off and laying his head on his arms. Jackson grinned at her in a way that should’ve been charming but just made YoungJi’s left eye twitch.
“Can you do that thing again?” He asked, gesturing vaguely to his hair that badly needed a haircut. YoungJi should’ve been concerned that she knew what he was talking about without fully explaining himself.
“You know, you could get someone else to do this for you.” YoungJi grumbled lightly even as her fingers threaded through his hair again.
“No one else could put up with me like you do.” Jackson shot back cheerfully. He had a point.
“If I keep doing this, you’re going to fall asleep again.” YoungJi warned him.
“No I won’t.” He protested even though his eyes were already drooping close. She shook her head with a scoff,
“My God,” She marveled. “You’re like a puppy.”
“Was SeokDul a puppy?”
The question caught her off guard and Jackson’s eyes snapped open when she withdrew her hand. He took note of her surprised expression and had the decency to look apologetic.
“Sorry.” Jackson said a little flippantly. “I heard you say that name earlier and that I wasn’t like him. I’m guessing you weren’t talking about a dog then.”
YoungJi averted her eyes but he laughed because her face always lit up like a flame every time she was embarrassed.
“Ah! So it was a guy then.” He watched as she made a pinched face and further (correctly) guessed, “Ooh! It was a guy you liked too!”
“Yah!” YoungJi turned to him with a gasp, demanding, “How did you know that?”
“I didn’t.” Jackson smirked. “At least until you just confirmed it.”
She glared at him for a moment before kicking his shin.
“You’re irritating.”
“I’m curious.” Jackson corrected, propping his elbow on the table to grin at her.
“And I’m ignoring you.” She announced, pulling out her phone and playing Candy Crush.
“It can’t be anyone at your company because I’ve met pretty all those guys already,” Jackson carried on regardless. “So it has to be someone you know personally who’s not in the industry…”
“I’m still ignoring you.” YoungJi ground out as she made a combo to crush all the blue candies on her screen.
“Oh!” Jackson suddenly exclaimed deviously. “I bet your sister knows who it is. Maybe I should call her?”
YoungJi’s eyes went wide as saucers and she shot out a hand to grab his wrist as he pulled out his phone.
“Yah! Jackson Wang!!” She gritted her teeth. “What are you even doing with my sister’s number in first place??”
“Why, she’s the dear elder sister of my bestest, best friend,” Jackson said it so sweetly that YoungJi was certain she’d developed a cavity just listening to him. She her teeth once,
“Yah! You’ve got too many best friends and not even common sense!”
Jackson laughed because she was right, “Alright alright! I won’t call her!”
YoungJi muttered something rude under her breath and he laughed again. Jackson, for all his claim of being tired, looked bright and energetic now, smiling and leaning forward as he pressed once more,
“Soooo,” He sang, “Was he an ex-boyfriend?”
YoungJi closed her eyes and threw her head back with a groan,
“Oh.my.God.”
“Ah,” Jackson nodded as if he understood everything, “So he wasn’t a boyfriend, but he was someone you liked.” twitched once and he concluded, “Oh, so it was an unrequited thing?”
It wasn’t fair that he could read her so easily.
“Could we please not talk about this?” She begged.
“So if you said I’m not like SeokDul,” Jackson reasoned slowly, disregarding her obvious discomfort because it amused him, “Does that mean you don’t like me?”
“How could I like someone like you?” She threw back almost immediately. “You’re loud and obnoxious and frequently invade my personal space.”
“I invade your space?” Jackson gestured pointedly to the hand she still had wrapped around his wrist from when she tried to grab his phone. He stopped her when she tried to retract it, “Ah, there’s no need for that. Just go back to doing this again.”
And, like the far too many times this had happened recently, he guided her hand back again to his head and she automatically started flexing her fingers, nails raking his scalp in lazy circles.
“I need to start charging for this.” YoungJi muttered.
“Why?” Jackson demanded lowly, opening his eyes just to glare at her suspiciously. “Are you doing this for anyone else?”
“Why?” YoungJi teasingly challenged, “Would you be jealous?”
Jackson ground his jaw momentarily, “Very.”
It might’ve been his deadpanned words or the way he leveled his gaze at her evenly that caught YoungJi off-guard and she paused in her ministrations before resuming them again, assuring him,
“Don’t worry. No one bothers me like you do.”
True to form, Jackson was persistent, “Not even SeokDul?”
He said the boy’s name as if he were regarding skin infection.
“Oh for-! He was an old classmate!” She blurted out before she cursed instead. YoungJi flicked his forehead once. “And I haven’t seen him in years!”
“…Good.” Jackson said after absorbing that information. He poked her stalling hand, “Why’d you stop?”
“My God you’re needy.” YoungJi muttered.
“So what was he like?” Jackson probed again and YoungJi realized he really wasn’t going to drop this unless she actually told him.
“He was polite.” She said quietly after a beat, and for once Jackson remained silent (a miracle, truly), looking at her from his place on his arms, waiting for her to continue. “He was very popular at our school, too. He was smart and he was really good at soccer too.”
“Didn’t you play soccer too?”
She was surprised that he remembered. “Yeah, I did.”
“What happened then?” Jackson prompted her, “Or did you ultimately chicken out and never say anything to him?”
YoungJi shrugged, “There was nothing to say.”
Jackson raised an eyebrow, “Really?”
“Really.” YoungJi said decisively with a nod. “SeokDul was handsome and talented and cool and-”
“Your jaw is going to fall off if you keep praising that kid.” Jackson grumbled.
She scratched the nape of his neck to placate him and Jackson wiggled in place, ticklish.
“He was a really great senior,” YoungJi insisted. “But…that’s all he really was to me.”
And it was the truth.
Kang SeokDul was never her peer, but rather a high school idol; he was someone to respect and cheer on from a distance but YoungJi could honestly say she knew next to nothing about him other than he was perfect and beautiful. After a few more years, she’d come to understand that being perfect and beautiful were nice qualities…but they weren’t everything.
“We weren’t friends or anything like that.” YoungJi told Jackson honestly. “I’m not even sure if we would have gotten along well if we were left alone together.”
“But you liked him anyway?” The skepticism in Jackson’s voice was loud and clear. He watched as she smiled slowly, lips curling upwards fondly to a secret he wasn’t sure she’d ever share with him.
It bothered him.
“I did.” YoungJi confirmed happily. Jackson must’ve made a face because YoungJi laughed at him and insisted, “It was a high school crush, though. They’re not supposed to make a lot of sense at that age anyway.”
“Let me get this straight,” Jackson said, YoungJi’s hand falling away from him as he sat up in his seat now, “This SeokDul guy was some guy you barely knew but really liked?”
“Which is why you’re nothing like him,” YoungJi said slyly, “I know you so well that I can’t possibly like you.”
“YAH! HEO YOUNGJI!!”
She laughed, he growled, and the DSP staff rolled their eyes so far back that they were seeing into the past.
It wasn’t a lie. After all this time, YoungJi knew a little too much about Got7’s rapper to ever regard him with the same level of fangirl-like idolatry she’d used to fawn over Kang SeokDul all those years ago.
Then again, SeokDul was essentially a stranger.
Jackson, on the other hand, was the roommate she didn’t want need expect to enter her life. Jackson was the loud, wild player who was always too nosy for his own good and thought YoungJi’s personal space was his playground. Jackson was the idiot that always managed to drag her into petty, moronic arguments all day long and made her wonder why on earth she hadn’t blocked his number or banned him from KARA’s dressing room.
No, YoungJi doesn’t particularly like Jackson Wang half the time she’s around him…
5. But she is a little bit in love with him.
fin
4/22/15
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