CHAPTER 2

._day one

Onew opened his eyes once again to find himself somewhere unfamiliar. It did not look like hell neither did it look like heaven. But he could recognise the strong medicine smell that was surrounding him. He was in the hospital. His eyes wandered around and found his two little dongsaengs sleeping soundly on the couch. Minho was sitting up straight leaning against the sofa back, while Taemin was using his leg as pillow.

The little maknae stirred a little, lifting his heavy eyelid to check on his injured hyung. He shot up immediately when he realized that he was awake.

“ONEW HYUNG!”

The brunette ran over to his side, holding on to his hands careful as he did not want to touch the tubes that were attached to him. Onew showed a little smile, ensuring the little one he was alright. He wanted to say something, but he could feel slight throbbing pain around his neck. Onew remembered the cut he made were a little too deep and they probably had to stitch it up. And talking might cause the wounds to open up again.

“Hyung, why are you so silly? He's not worth it.” The older said nothing but ruffled his little dongsaeng’s hair and wiped away the tears that he shed for him.

To Onew, he believed that if you loved someone, you would not care if that person was someone who was worthy of your love.

The only thing you will care about is your love for them.

And he loved him a lot, more than he loved himself.

This attempt of suicide did not give him the permission to enter heaven nor hell. God did not allow him to die yet. It was almost impossible to have someone saving him, yet he was saved. Was it was a sign that their love could be revived?

Jonghyun might be back by his side one day.

He will be back.

._day two

Taemin and Minho visited Onew again. Both of them had accompanied their hyung almost for the whole day, just to make sure he would not commit suicide again. And of course, they did not mention anything about Jonghyun. They knew the mention of his name might break his broken heart once more and even bring him to another thought of suicide. It was a rather naïve thought that not mentioning his name would probably make him forget and no longer miss him anymore.

However, deep down inside Onew was still thinking about him and secretly hoping that he might visit him even if it was out of guilt. He just wanted to see his smile, feel his warmth, smell his scent and hear his voice. Onew wants to see Jonghyun again.

He waited the whole day, but he did not visit him.

Perhaps he still did not know he was admitted to the hospital yet. He would be here the very minute he received the news.

Tomorrow. He will appear tomorrow.

._day three

The brunette turned up the next day alone without his lover. Minho had to work for the day and could not tag along. Taemin brought with him quite a few thick books along with a laptop to ease the boredom for Onew and himself. He did not know that his hyung was hoping that he would bring Jonghyun instead of books and laptop. But he appreciated his effort to keep him occupied.

Taemin was busy on his laptop, while Onew was busy with his books. The older one tried very hard to focus on the storybook, but an hour later he would find himself still at the same page an hour before and reading the same line over and over again. His mind seems to wander off very quickly, thinking about him. Not only that, his eyes would be fixed at the door and with the hope that his lover might be there peeking at him.

After the whole day of waiting, he did not visit him again.

Perhaps Jonghyun was afraid of Taemin chasing him out and not getting the chance to explain. He must be waiting for the moment when Onew was all alone in the ward.

Tomorrow. He will appear tomorrow.

._day four

Taemin appeared again without Minho. This time around he bought movie shows to watch. He did sneak in snacks to eat but Onew was still not in the condition to enjoy it. The younger one was very engrossed in the show but the older one’s mind had wandered off. He was pondering why he had yet to visit him in the hospital.

Of course Taemin did notice that since he was not dense. The maknae often caught his hyung daydreaming or looking at the door rather than the movie. He knew he was thinking about that jerk and hoping to see him again. How he wished he could be the bad guy and wake him up from his wishful dream. Telling him the fact that Jonghyun would not visit him.

But he could not, he knew very well that the reason for Onew to continue his existence was because of the hope that Jonghyun might turned up one faithful day in front of him in hospital. He could not spill it out.

It was the fourth day and Jonghyun still did not visit him.

But Onew still continued on believing that Jonghyun will turn up one day. The reason that he did not turn up was because he was afraid it would hurt the older one if he were to appear now. Jonghyun wanted to give his hyung more time to prepare to face him. That was why he had yet to visit him. Maybe much later he would visit him with flowers and fruits along with his sincere heart.

Tomorrow. He will appear tomorrow.

._day five

Onew’s belief started to waver but that does not mean he would stop believing. He continued on waiting for him.

The ward was exceptionally quiet. Taemin and Minho did not stop by today and it was the older one’s idea. He could not speak yet, so he just wrote it down and showed it to the maknae. Both of them could not go on dates since Taemin spend his extra time with him instead. And it made him look like a burden to the couples.

He told them he could do well by himself and if he needed help the nurses would do their job. Of course, he also promised to keep himself safe and would not take the chance to end his life. And that had made the couple to finally agree on it.

Actually, there was another reason to his idea and it was the most important reason. The two dongsaeng not with him means higher chances of Jonghyun stepping into the ward. Since there was no one except for Onew himself, he could approach him without much worry.

He waited and waited, he did not visit him again.

And the reason why he could not visit him was…was…I don’t know.

Onew did not have any more excuses to provide.

But he just believes that the Jonghyun he loves and knew would be here.

Tomorrow. He will appear tomorrow.

._day six

The couple showed up and insisted to accompany his hyung today. Onew said nothing but stared at the closed door. No matter how Taemin and Minho tried to distract him, his eyes never left the door. For the whole day, nobody said anything and Jonghyun did not appear.

“Onew hyung…” Taemin called out softly.

Onew faked a smile giving his dongsaeng a pat on his head.

The visiting hours were over and the couple went home. The older one did not sleep and tried his best to stay awake. He was afraid. Afraid that Jonghyun would visit him when he was sleeping, caressing his cheeks telling him how sorry he was and reason for his disappearance. Maybe it was all the sleep that he missed out the chance to see him. He stared at the door, hoping to see the face he missed appeared by the window and peaking in.

One hour later…

Two hour later…

Three hour later…

Please be here, I don’t know what reason to cover up for you anymore. I really don’t know.

God, please make him appear…please.

._day seven

A week had officially passed.

Jonghyun was nowhere to be seen.

Onew was devastated.

All his hope had vanished.

He gave up, he really gave up.

All the excuses he thought for him was just further breaking his broken heart. How could he forget that tomorrow never comes? He won’t be here. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next month, next year…he would not be here. He was gone. He had gone to another world, a world without him.

This was not a fanfic. His suicide would not make Jonghyun realized how much Onew mean to him. They would just get back together, cherishing each other more than before and have a happy ending. This would not happen. The awful truth was Jonghyun did not feel guilty or regretful. He might even be more than happy that Onew was no longer there to disrupt his life.

Did Jonghyun change? Did he change into a heartless jerk? Despite all the times they spend, the love they once had, he did not visit him.

Jonghyun, why must you be so cruel to me?

He believed him, trusted him.

And the only reason was because of love.

A one-sided loved.

God did not return Jonghyun back to his side.

God extended his life to give up on him.

God wanted him to leave with anything holding him back.

God wanted him to let go of the love.
_______________________________________________________________________

To be continued.