CLOSE THE DOOR.

I learn that 34 missed calls by Chen end with Yixing trying to kick in my door, of course accompanied by a pizza carrying Chen.

After two years of friendship I already know that Chen thinks that pizza is an apologise for everything that ever goes wrong.
Chen owes you money? - Pizza.
Chen broke your hair dryer? - Pizza.
Chen accidentally killed your goldfish? Chen had with your mum? Pizza, Pizza.
It's his answer for every sociological issue ever made.

It really is a pity that I can't react before Luhan and Minseok open the door for the two buttheads, (yes, kicking in doors isn't as easy when you're Lay and weight about twenty kilograms) because four guys barging inside of your room while you're busy watching SHINee's One Fine Day with Kim Jongin, clinging to each other while loudly fangirling over Key's hair isn't the best thing to have in your life.

A very awkward moment of silence follows; Jongin and me staring at my friends and my friends staring back, Key still talking in the background.

Chen is the first one to react - with a loud howl. "You still got it, damn! Doing the school's crush, I'm proud of you!"

Yixing is second - hiding his eyes, getting red and yelling out several "sorry"s and "I shouldn't have interrupted"s.

Luhan and Minseok are third - Luhan looking totally devastated and Minseok like he's ready to stab a . I don't know if I'm the , or Jongin is. I don't want to find out, either…

"This is not how it looks like," I say, forgetting that this sentence always makes everything worse.

Jongin clears his throat, letting go of me and pausing the DVD, before facing the floor. I try to look at the eyes of my friends, but I'm too busy being embarrassed.

"Is he that Chanyeol boy?" Yixing breaks the silence. I can hear several face palms, even without looking at the boys.
I hear someone coming near to my bed where Jongin and I sit, and I pray that it's not Yixing.

"Hello, Mister Chanyeol. I'm glad you are taking care of my dear friend. You are a nice person!"

Okay, it is Yixing.

I look up to see Yixing enthusiastically shaking Jongin's hand, making me scream from the inside.

"Uhm," Jongin begins to explain, "I'm not Chanyeol."

"Yeah, he's 'Kai'." Luhan snorts. "Never heard of him, Xing? He's the school's ," Luhan says bitterly, his tone judging and fierce. I want to remember him of the parade of girls he ed in middle school, yes, in middle school, but it's not the right time to start a war.

"Well, excuse me, he is not Kai, he's Jongin. He has a personality disorder, thank you!"

Jongin stares at me, obviously shocked. "Personality disorder?"

"Yeah," I say, now a bit flustered, "you know what I mean."

Jongin blinks. "No, I don't."

Oh, . Now this is gonna be difficult.

I clear my throat before starting to explain. "Sometimes you're Kai, sometimes Jongin. Sometimes you're a disgusting brat, sometimes you're a SHINee loving . Kinda like… a werewhore."

Jongin blushes furiously, looking at the boys in embarrassment, just like he had been caught trying on a bra and matching . "I n-never intended to be a… uhm… werewhore."

Chen bursts out in laughter, like the tactless person he is. "Werewhore! That's a good one. God bless you all, I'm having the time of my life."

I shoot him a dark glare, making him stop laughing immediately.

I hope he at least brought tuna pizza, because he really has a lot to make up for.

Yixing steps away from us, confused as hell. But that doesn't concern me, he's always confused. What really kicks me of is how Minseok stands there, looking as if he's going to explode any second.

If the nice guy's upset, everyone's automatically ed.

I need to end this situation right now. Minseok's a ticking bomb.

"Guys," I stand up, not sure how I'm going to solve this, "let's all forget this, okay? Jongin-"

"Call me Kai, please," Jongin interrupts, still brightly red.

I hem, nodding slightly. "Alright. So, I met Kai today and found out that he's actually easy to talk too. Then we went to KFC and meet Chanyeol, who now thinks we are a couple. So please, help me instead of assuming the same.

"The boys eyes widen, they exchange looks; before the four all start to nod.

I smile slightly.

That's my squad.

After eating pizza with most members of the Chinese gang featuring a cowed Kai, discussing my current situation, we start to make a list of possible solutions.

"Show him your ," Luhan suggests. "Not only that they will be the first one he's ever seen, he will probably even stop being gay for Baekhyun. It's a win win situation."

"So I'm not the only one who thinks they're gay?!" I gasp in horror. It wasn't my imagination, after all!

"Byun looks like a guy who enjoys to me, anyway. He probably craves that flat hidden under children's underwear." Chen shrugs, chewing on his pizza.

It's no tuna, which means that he needs to pay for his actions. But I'm too busy picturing Chanyeol's Rilakkuma boxers, feeling the urge to find out how flat exactly his is.

I look at Kai to see if he's dead yet - but in fact he doesn't look as traumatized as I expected him to be. He starts to speak suddenly, nearly making us all jump in surprise. "I was Baekhyun's roommate before he moved in with Chanyeol."

Luhan rises a brow. "Did he leave because you were not giving him ? Or not enough ? I bet he's the insatiable kind."

Once again feeling ashamed for my choice of friends, I speak up. "Are they really that close?"

Kai nods, taking a sip of Mountain Dew, the only drink I have at home - well, except for water. But nobody wants to drink water anyway, am I right? "They're friend's since middle school."

"Awwww!" Luhan looks totally delighted, fluttering his long eyelashes. "He's just like us! That's cute."

I mimic the sound of a fart, to show Luhan exactly how cute this is. "I hated you in middle school," I add, making him gasp. "I only had interest in Minseok, but he was class president and too busy getting great marks to befriend me."

Minseok laughs, scratching his head. "I totally forgot about this."

Chen rolls his eyes before he suddenly slams the table, scaring the out of all of us. "Stop the friendly chit-chat and flashbacks to middle school, we need to find a way to make you get into boxershorts with teddy print!"

"Stop talking about his underwear all the time," I complain. "You're doing things to me. But wow, I'm impressed by your seriousness. You're really passionate, I like that."

Chen grins and gives me thumbs up.

Minseok sighs. "This is complicated. Couldn't you catch him and tell him that's there's nothing between you two?"

I shake my head. "He ran away instantly."

Yixing looks like he's thinking hard, which is never a good sign. "Bake him a cake!" He then screams out, like it's the best idea ever, so great that it's terrifying himself.

Five pairs of eyes stare at a excited Yixing.

I decide to break the silence, because I simply cannot bear that avid smile of his. "I… I don't know how this is supposed to help," I say slowly, trying to sound as nice as possible. Him breaking out in tears is the last thing I need now.

"Wait, maybe that's no bad idea, actually."

I stare at Minseok, not being able to believe that those words came out of the mouth of the person I believed to be the only sane one in this room.

"Think about it," Minseok starts, "he's a pretty simple guy, isn't he? So why not try it the good old way, a letter and a cake for him to like you? It might be a good start-off, don't you think."

"No, I don't think. This is insane. I won't bake a cake for him because he thinks that I do Kai!" I shake my head furiously. This idea is insane!

Luhan suddenly jumps up from his chair, shaking his fist in the air, his eyes sparkling. That's probably how Columbus looked like when discovering America.

"It is a great idea!" Luhan exclaims.

Yeah, of course. Everything that his beloved baozi says must be perfect.

Not even two seconds later Luhan sprints out of the room, producing a cold trace of wind in the process.

"Where did he go?" Confused Lay asks, looking around helplessly.

Chen shrugs. "Probably buying ingredients for cake."

"It's nine pm." I sigh, palming my face. "And it's one week until school begins again. This doesn't make sense."

Minseok shakes his head, sighing, Chen puts his arm around Lay to comfort the shocked boy and Kai is looking at me questioningly.

But I have no explanation to why I hang around those people.

One week goes by in the blink of an eye - marathoning all episodes of Hello Baby with Kai, going to the cinema with Minseok (after getting Luhan high enough that he can stay at home calmly), going shopping with Tao - beautiful moments with my friends, that cannot let me forget the fluffiness of Chanyeol's hair, the deep black of his eyes, his theethy smile and his disgusting smell.

In the end Monday comes faster than expected. The first day of school is always the worst.

"Ev-ery-body, wa-ke up, wa-ke up!"

I grunt at the sound of my alarm.

Not even SHINee has the right to wake me up at such an unholy hour. Our education system really asks too much of us, the Bangtans were ing right after all. How do people expect me to be ready for school when SHINee just had their comeback? One week is not enough to get my life together at all.

Mumbling death threats against humanity, I once again try to think positively, remembering the stupid book Lay got me for Christmas. Something about chicken soup and positiveness. In the end it wasn't about chicken at all, so it didn't make me think positive either.

List positive aspects about your current situation, the first chapter said. So I make my way into my tiny, ugly bathroom, because even an expensive fancy private college can't afford decent sized bathrooms. I stand in front of the mirror, looking at that pale, zombie-like creature with deep eyebags, staring at me. I'm so pretty, it's unreal.

"Luhan doesn't seem to remember about Yixing's idea with the cake," I list the first, poor aspect that is hardly positive. "And I found another shawol." Okay, that is in fact positive. "And I will see Chanyeol today." Okay, not sure if that's positive. But life's no fairytale, so there are wars to fight.

Wow, weed made me become wise.

Not bothering to put on any make up, I brush my teeth and get dressed.

As soon as I leave the girl's dorm, I meet Minseok and Luhan on the campus, obviously waiting for me.

I greet them half-heartedly, hugging Minseok and hitting Luhan as he tries to join. I see the evil glint in his eyes, so I know he's plotting something.

"Tell me what he's planning to do, Minseok." My voice is stern and I can see Minseok's face twitch.

He knows something.

But before I can ask any further questions, I see the silhouette of a short boy clothed in a leather jacket coming nearer.

Byun Baekhyun flashes his signature grin at us. "Hey, guys. You still look hung up."

"You still look ." I shrug. "Some things never change."

Baekhyun laughs, grinning even wider. "Why don't you like me, again?"

I rise my eyebrows, genuinely surprised that he has the guts to ask. "Did you say something, syphilis?"

He laughs and it sounds bright and beautiful. I curse him for having a pretty laugh while Chanyeol sounds like a strangled bear.

"You're cute. Good for you that I don't do s, or you'd be on my list." Baekhyun his lips, scanning my body. "But maybe I could make an exception?"

"Hey, uncool!" Luhan interrupts, stepping in front of me. For a second I feel touched and secure, yes, even glad to be his friend. Then he opens his mouth again and says: "Her ity belongs to us, and if you don't plan to have a foursome, this is not going to happen."

I feel sick suddenly.

"Let's go." I grab Minseok's hand and lead him away from Luhan, who's now arguing loudly with Baekhyun about who my ity belongs to.

Seriously, who says that I'm a anyway?!

"Now tell me what you two were doing before I arrived," I order, dragging Minseok along the corridors, not caring about the looks we get.

I can feel Minseok's hand becoming sweatier as I arrive at my locker. I think about pinning him against it to get some answers, but that'll be too cliche.

So I just stare at him, trying to look as serious as possible.

"Uhm…" He coughs, looking anywhere but my face. I pinch his cheek to get his attention, forcing him to look at me.

Minseok sighs. "You remember the idea with the cake?"

…

…

…

I scream, making people stare and judge me extra hard, but that's my last problem now.

Luhan baked a ing cake for Park Chanyeol?!

"Explain. Now!" I yell at Minseok, who's seemingly terrified.

"He baked it last night. Yixing helped him, they tried to make it look like you bake it and wrote a love letter. I think that's why Baekhyun came to talk to us, they left it in front of his and Chanyeol's door," he explains, speaking so fast that I nearly can't understand him.

I want to go home, so, so badly right now.

"How did they make it look like I did it?" I ask, already planning my funeral. Luhan needs to ask his rich dad to pay for SHINee playing while I get buried. It's the least he can do. Kris can pay too for kicking me out of his flat. Stupid rich Chinese boys.

"They used pink icing and copied the love letter you wrote to that Junmyeon guy in middle school. They also gave descriptions of your looks."

Memories of Luhan stealing the love letter I put in the locker of Kim Junmyeon, a guy that was in Luhan's class, before reading it out loudly in front of everyone pierce through my mind. First love stories always , especially when you're fourteen and have a crush on the teacher's pet.

"Oh god…" I feel like throwing up. "Please tell me the letter's not as bad as I remember it to be."

Minseok hesitates, and I know it's exactly as bad. "I don't know, you wrote something about his hair and how beautiful he looked while scrubbing desks afterschool? I don't know."

"Oh god." I hide my face behind my hands, cursing fourteen-year-old-me for being so clingy after arriving in Korea. "Why didn't you stop them?!" I yell out hysterically. "I though I could count on you!"

"Please, calm down." He holds me by my shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes. "I didn't do anything, because they didn't use your name, they just gave a description of who you might be. And we both know that Chanyeol's dense, so he won't find out. And even if he does have a clue, it's better than not talking to him at all, right? Baekhyun probably knows, though. We should focus on him for the moment."

My breathing becomes more regular, his words calming me down slowly, until I nod. I'm calm for nearly a minute, until I hear my messaging sound.

I really need to change it, because I can't bear the associate Minho's "SHINee's back!" with bad news.

Unknown number
it's been a while noona~

. Not this. Please, no.

Out of panic I click 'block number'. I need to deal with the real Chanyeol today, so I have no time for his bratty brother.

"Who is it?" Minseok asks, voice dripping with concern.

"Sehun." I sigh, putting my phone back in my bag. "That's too much. And the day hasn't even really started."

Minseok takes my hand, his smile encouraging. "We will get through this."

I want to say you, I feel betrayed, but it's Minseok and I can't be mad at him.

So we walk down the floors, not noticing a pair of certain black eyes staring at our intertwined hands.

At the time I arrive at the auditorium of my Economics class, the room is already filled with unknown classmates, talking loudly about stuff I don't care about. Luckily, the last row's still empty, so I can sneak to a comfortable place far away from people.

But even the distance doesn't save me from getting aware of the content my classmate's blabbering.

"Dude, Baekhyun's party was so insane! I made out with three girls!" Random classmate #1 says. Good for him that at least he enjoyed that event.

"I know right! I even saw those Chinese gang guys there. Baekhyun really must be super popular!" Oh, wow, random classmate #2. You really think that my friends hang out with popular people only? That shows a lot about your position in society.

"But did you see that Park boy?" Another classmate joins the conversation.

My heart skips a beat.

"He was absolutely drunk. He probably did drugs too, that night. Nobody gets unconscious from drinking only," he continues.

I clench my fists but keep listening.

"What do you expect from a crack dealer, anyway? Pretty sure he takes some psychedelic too. That guy's crazy." Classmate #2 laughs.

My body starts to move on its own; I stand up, following the sounds of laughs and end up slapping classmate #2.

"What the ?!" He screams out and now the whole room is watching us.

"Stop assuming when you don't know anything about Park Chanyeol!" I yell at him. I don't remember myself ever getting this loud before.

"What the heck is wrong with you?!" Classmate #1 stands up, stepping between me and his friend, coming dangerously near. I can smell his foul breath.

"I could ask you the same. What are you, a grown man or a little girl that enjoys gossiping?" I grind my teeth.

"Hey, hey! Calm down, guys!"

I turn around to see my classmate, Luna, appear. As usual she wears a crop top, high heels and hotpants, but still manages to look cute. She drags me away from the guy, mumbling apologies to him that are mostly accompanied by her laughter.

My blood is still boiling when Luna makes me take a seat, looking at me intently.

"I don't know you like this," she whispers, because she knows everyone's still looking at us, plus her boyfriend who is now standing behind her, watching me with strict eyes.

It's because you don't know me at all, it's because you're just the weed dealer's girlfriend, I want to say. But i look at thef loor instead, mumbling a half-hearted "Sorry".

Luna shakes her head, going back to her place, her boyfriend follows. I'm absolutely sure that he'll tell Lay about this. But that doesn't matter after my reputation is dead like this anyway.

The professor appears ten minutes too late. Miss Song looks stressed out, so I endure the lesson without leaving.

My mind is swirling while she talks about pharmacy companies. I'm not sure if I regret ruining even the last bit of prestige I had, or not kicking that guy's for insulting Chanyeol.

After two hours of headaches I can finally leave the room to enter my English class.

Our college is really huge, but small at the same time - rumours spread faster than in a village. So no wonder that I get strange looks while climbing the stairs to the last row of the auditorium.

I don't even get five minutes of silence before a certain leather wearing guy enters the room. Why I notice? Well, because he skips sitting in the row some girls saved him a place; only to join me at the back of the room.

Byun Baekhyun's eyelinered eyes are a deep hazel, his caramel coloured hair swapped to one side. He's really gorgeous, but the personality ruins it for me.
Baekhyun looks at me - his eyes surprisingly warm, before simply saying: "Thanks for defending Yeol."

I turn to him, blinking; his smile is warm and I suddenly feel close to him.

"It's a matter of course," I answer.

His smile gets brighter and I'm about to smile back, but his smile turns into a grin.

"You should work on your baking skills, though."

And bye to the feeling of bond to Byun Baekhyun.

"But your writing is really passionate," he continues, starting to chuckle. "I never remember cleaning desks after school, but hey. Nice that you appreciate my efforts."

I absolutely hate Byun Baekhyun.

I don't answer, making it obvious that I don't want to talk to him anymore. I'm too busy planning Luhan's funeral.

English is a pain. Classmates looking behind their backs to watch Baekhyun and me in the last row is not even the worst; it's their gossiping I hear even from up here. It doesn't matter how often the teacher yells at the class; no one's shutting up. That's why I'm absolutely relieved to be able to pack my things and sprint into lunch break as soon as the bell rings - leaving Baekhyun and my stupid classmates behind me.

I meet my group of friends at our usual table in the cafeteria, not deigning to look at Luhan.

"You look done," Minseok says, ruffling my hair.

I run my fingers trough my bangs, not bothering to pretend to be fine. This day is to exhausting for me to not give a . "I nearly beat up a guy because he insulted Chanyeol. Now I'm what everyone talks about," I summarize the happenings. 

Kris looks at me with his usual 'so what?'-expression. "You should ignore idiots like this. They'll never stop talking about him. He's forever the campus' loser, nobody can help this. Chanyeol's misunderstood, and it will stay like this."

I open my mouth, but Tao speaks up before I have the chance to give Kris a comeback. "You don't even know that guy. You should stop volunteering to ruin your popularity for him."

I laugh bitterly. "What popularity? And speaking of popularity, mister manwhore Byun Baekhyun made fun of me because of a certain someone's cake. Thanks a bunch, Lay and Luhan."

Lay looks at the table guiltily, while Luhan continues to eat his sandwich. I don't even have the strength to be angry about this anymore.

"Gotta go." I stand up, attempting to leave the table before Chen and Minseok grab my wrists at the same time.

"Where are you going?" Chen asks, concern in his voice. It's rare to see him out of his role as jester.

"To hell, probably." I shake them off and leave the cafeteria.

The building is much more empty, now that everyone's either outside on the campus yard or in the cafeteria. My steps echo through the halls as I make my way to the girl's bathroom.

The image in the mirror reflects how I feel; eyebags, blemishes and dull skin. I take out my make up bag to make me look presentable before psychology starts. A bit of BB cream, mascara, blush and lipstick because I'll never be capable of applying eyeliner correctly. I look at my reflection once again and realize that SHINee's Etude House promotions have too much of an effect on me.

I wash my hands with cold water before I attempt to leave the bathroom, opening the door with my elbows because ugh, who likes bacteria on their hands.

I stop for a second when I suddenly hear voices - one of them deeper than the sea, while the other also sounds fairly familiar. I freeze in my position as my heart beat becomes faster.

"Believe me, man. We didn't do anything. She's not even my type," the other voice says. It's also deep and somehow blasé… Jongin, no, Kai?

"It's not like this really matters to me, you know… she holds hands with various guys, she writes Baekhyun a love letter, and she meets up with you while the whole school knows she's actually Kris' girlfriend. Why should I care about such a girl?"

Chanyeol's voice never sounded that ugly.

I feel like I've been stabbed. Not having the strength to stay at my feet I fall down, tears already escaping my eyes. I always thought that someday, he'll get to know me. I thought we would open up to me. That I would get him.

So that's what everyone thinks of me?

With wobbly legs I manage to stand up and run out of the bathroom - not caring about Kai and Chanyeol staring at me as I run past them. 

A strange feeling of satisfaction gets over me. Maybe he will see what he has lost one day. That he closed the door to his heart for me.

Yes, the first day of school is always the worst.