find·ing
ˈfīndiNG/
noun
plural noun: findings
1.
the action of finding someone or something.

TOP's POV

I can't remember when last I've felt this content, I think to myself as I look down at Chaerin who's tracing various designs over my bare chest and stomach lazily. She's so incredibly beautiful that it's impossible not to observe her, especially in her candid moments such as these. 

"Seunghyun?" 

I grin like a fool at the use of my given name; she's one of the few people who call me that, reminding me of the division between TOP and Seunghyun. Those I'm not too familiar with call me the former and my closest friends use my real name. Chaerin calling me this is nothing new, but it feels that way. I wonder if it's the same for her when I use her birth name again.

"Hm?" I answer, trailing my eyes away from her hand and to her face that's next to mine. Her blush is endearing. It's a wonder how even now her cheeks still redden so easily with me.

"I hope you don't have a girlfriend right now because this would be awkward," she gestures between us with her finger. "And wrong."

"What if I do?" I inquire, wiggling my eyebrows at her. 

She delivers a playful slap to my chest that's thankfully nothing like the ones she gave to Jiyong last night, "Ya! Stop lying to me!"

"If you know the truth then why did you ask?"

Her lips unintentionally go into a pout as her left leg hitches around my waist. It's a simple movement, but if you consider the fact that we're both stark , it no longer seems so innocent. Chaerin seems to pay no mind to this and continues, "I just wanted to make sure."

"How did you find out in the first place?"

"You're too weird for anyone in their right mind to date."

I shoot her a mock angry look, which causes her to laugh softly, and give her taut a light smack. She's surprised at my touch and turns me on my back so she's now straddling me. I smirk in anticipation for round two as my hands travel up her bent legs on either side of me to settle on her hips. 

"Jiyong-oppa told me," she informs before leaning down to whisper something in my ear, "And speaking of him, I need to go."

And like the little minx she is, she's up and off me, mumbling how guys always have on their minds. I look on with confused amusement while she easily locates a towel as though she's lived here for years and heads to the bathroom, no shame in her whatsoever. 

"What do you need to do with Jiyong?" I call out, narrowing my eyes at her jokingly. "Already cheating on me?"

"How did you find out?" she replies sarcastically, stopping at the door of the bathroom. "I really just need to apologize for having a go at him like that."

I chuckle as I recall the way Jiyong had been breathing heavily while CL beat the out of him with her little fists. Her yells were heard even from the floor below as she berated the poor guy and he just took it. 

"It's not funny, you ," she tells me. "I probably hurt him when he's one of my closest friends."

I hold up my hands in surrender, "Alright, alright, woman. So feisty even when we've just started dating."

"Oh, we're dating?" she asks and, though she tries to hide it, I can see her lips turn up. 

I gesture to her form and then to mine as if the answer is obvious. "Yes, that's what I call it."

"Nice try, buddy," she laughs, opening the door before her. "But unless I actually get a date, I'm not dating you. And you're going to have to work hard to even get me when I have no schedule." 

"But I thought-"

"I already told you earlier, but you had other things on your mind."

"Did you find it yet, Seunghyun-ah?" I hear my mum ask as she stands in the doorframe of my old room. "I put them all under the bed but..."

"But what?"

Her gaze shifts to the ground as she shrugs in embarrassment, suddenly turning slightly aloof. I don't have to prod to know that it's something to do with my father. I retract myself from my crouched position on the ground where I had been searching under the bed and stand to my full height. 

I ask again. "But what, eomma?"

Her shoulders slump, "I don't know if he took it."

"So he was here." 

It's a statement and I hope she can discern from it all the disappointment that I'm feeling. It's enraging to think that she let the man who had caused us so much pain years ago back into our house. He'd never be welcome here after he abandoned my mother for a side woman as if my mother meant nothing to him and hadn't birthed his children. 

My mother had been driven into depression for years not only for the loss of her husband, but also the ridicule she faced from neighbours. Being a single mother in a messed up country like this is equivalent to murdering many. It brings shame to the family like no other and my mother had to go through all the disgusted looks for something she had no control over. 

"Don't be upset, son-" I cut off her pleading.

"How can I not be?" it comes out harsher than I intended; I can tell from the way she recoils slightly. Not wanting to scare her, I take time to calm myself before continuing, "Just don't let him back in here. It's hard to forgive what he did to us, to you. And seeing him only causes you pain."

"I've just felt lonely..."

"Do you want to move into the villa?" I suggest, moving to sit on the bed and patting the space beside me. When she sits, I wrap an arm around her shoulder in comfort. I wonder if she's been taking her anti-depressants. "I'll try to make more time to be home for you and the neighbours are friendly."

"I can't intrude like that, especially now that Chaerin came back," she says quietly. She flashes me an encouraging smile, though her eyes have lost their spark. 

"She's been back for five years, mother," I point out.

My elder scoffs, "Ya! Don't act like you don't know what I mean. Why else would you come for those letters so suddenly? The girl sent so many that it was hard to keep up. She obviously loved you a lot or she wouldn't have wasted her time like that. Even before she left, the way she looked at you said it all."

"That's why I need to find them," I admit. Finding the letters would be like making up some lost time with Chae. I'd do anything to regain those missing years.

"So you still need to mend your relationship? Even after five years?" she wants to clarify. "What have you been doing all this time, huh? I hope you didn't ignore her, Choi Seunghyun."

Unable to answer the question, I give a forced laugh and retract my arm from around her shoulders. "So are you going to help me look for them or no?"

She helps me look-anything to get herself a step closer to grandchildren- and eventually we find it under one of the floorboards, tucked away in an old box. I don't even want to know why it's there. My mother knows well and gives me time alone to read through. 

It's all in order and I'm thankful for that; no doubt the work of a parent such as mine. I make a mental note to take my mother out more often and spend more time with her. 

"Let's see here..." I mumble to myself as I remove the first one, inspect the partially damaged paper and begin to read.

'I miss you, Seunghyun. I've just settled in and I miss you so much. Words can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for not telling you about my departure sooner, but my parents had given me short notice, too. They knew that I wouldn't go if they said something before. That's...unfortunate. Because I know how you must be feeling and I want you to know that you don't have to worry about not having your feelings returned. I love you, too. So please don't sulk like I know you are and forgive me for everything. After all, it's only two years, right?

God, the more I try to convince myself that it's a short amount of time, the more I don't believe it myself. It's so much to ask, but just wait for me, alright? Can you do that? All you have to do is give me the word and I'll forever wait for you. You just mean so much to me that it's all terribly amusing how some idiot who took the last pack of potato chips from the vending machine has me feeling this way. 

It's been years since that incident, but I still want to kill you for that and you still didn't buy me a new pack of chips. I'm holding it against you and I even remember just how many chips your pack had as you ate it across the cafeteria from me with that bastard who used to bully me. Twenty three pieces of fried potato. I expect that the pack you give me has no less than twenty four. 

Ah, this all feels a bit petty, right? I just want you to know that if you think so, I'm sending you a punch from my present home in Lille. Even these little moments, I can remember as if it happened yesterday. With you, I am unable to forget and that's not entirely a bad thing (except for when we argued like crazy over the dumbest things). 

And do you remember that time you first tried to kiss me but I pushed you away and didn't speak to you for a week? That thought seems so faraway now as we've shared many kisses since then, but I ignored you because I was scared it'd ruin our friendship. I didn't want us to end up hating each other if we broke up or something. I can see now that that's a common thought in romantic relationships that started out as friendship. 

I wish I could kiss you now. I wish I could tell you that I love you in person. I wish I could feel your arms around me. But, everything seems to be against us now. Have no fear, it will all work out with time.     

Please don't be too mad at me. I love and miss you.
Bring me my potato chips now,
Lee Chaerin'

I replace the letter in the box before taking them all with me as I run out the door and to my car. I managed to give a yelled out goodbye to my mother who had watched me with mirthful eyes, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter. Pulling my cellphone out of my pocket, I dial Jiyong's number. 

"Hyung?" he picks up on the second ring, sounding as though he'd just been laughing. I hear him tell the other voices in the background to quiet down. 

"Let me talk to Chaerin right now."

His pause reveals his skepticism, but he eventually hands the phone over. I'm grateful that I didn't have to beg.

"Hello?" 

"Chaerin."

"Yes? Are you okay?" she questions quietly. "You sound like you're crying."

How is she even able to know that when Jiyong hadn't picked up on it? My tears hadn't even registered to me until reading the last parts of the letter had become too blurry and the page had gotten droplets on it. 

"I've found the letters."

"Oh, you did?" 

"Yes," I reply. "And I just need to know. Tell me now, do you still love me?"

"Seunghyun, what are y-"

"Please just answer the question, Chaerin."

"Do you even have to ask?" she shoots back and I can almost hear her roll her eyes through the phone. "I don't usually make love to guys who ignored me for years for stylistic purposes, you know."

"Thank goodness!" I let out a relieved breath at her words. If I wasn't on the phone, I'd have screamed out in excitement. "Are you at Jiyong's house?"

"Yeah, I am. You coming?"

"Well, I kinda need to tell you that I love you too in person."

She laughs heartily on the other end, "I still want my date."

"You'll get as many of those as you like and a pack of twenty four potato chips."

A/N: so....yeah. That's it! Bloop. Haha, thank you for reading :)