change
CHānj/
verb
1.
make or become different.
 

CL's POV

Face makeup-free, contacts out, dressed only in my underwear and his shirt. This is the most natural anyone has seen me for a while, I conclude with regret. What kind of message was I trying to send to my fans by caking on makeup all the time? I make a mental note to wear less. 

It's like we're teenagers again, only now those supposedly awkward years don't seem so awkward. No, this awkwardness puts those moments to shame and spits on them ten times over. 

Bravely, I peel my eyes away from the hardwood floors and bring them up to meet the man before me. I'm not surprised to see that he's looking right at me, almost as if he expects me to run away. I remain. 

He's aged well; anyone can see that. Grown out of his urban clothes and into preferred suits. That had been the first shock to me when I saw him again: he'd changed. And, maybe that was inevitable, but some part of me had wished he'd have kept something from his youth. 

His facial features remained mostly the same, only now there's the smallest of crinkles by his eyes when he smiles widely. He looks strict, collected, somewhat arrogant. And it's all nothing like before. 

"You've changed."

The words aren't stated with any harsh intention, just as passing thought that came to the surface. Funnily enough, I wasn't the one who said them. Under his watchful eyes, I tug nervously at the collar of the navy blue shirt that just so happens to retain his scent. I want to reprimand him again for changing me out of my clothes, but figure that he's had enough scolding for the morning with regards to that topic. 

"I've gotten older, Seunghyun," I say. It's the first time in years that I've called him by his real name and without honorifics, but it just seemed right for the moment. "And so have you."

He smirks and nods as he hears my hidden words, you've changed too.

"Why did you come back?"

I release a sigh before speaking; it's not like he doesn't know the reason. "I told you that I only meant to stay for two years in France, then I'd return. My family wanted it so I couldn't object."

"You told me right after I confessed to you," he points out as if speaking about the weather, but his uncaring façade is exactly that: an act. "I gave you all my trust, but then you just left with every part of me. Not even an apology. That hurt more than anything in this world."

I arch an eyebrow at him in question, challenging his accusation because it's so stupid, "I wrote to you every ing day, Seunghyun. And every letter had an apology. Even if you didn't reply I wrote and wrote, and I told you everything that I never got the chance to say in person. Like you'd given me your deepest thoughts, I gave you mine-" he cuts me off, slamming his fist against the table between us and making me jump in my seat.

He leans forward so that he's closer to me, "Don't you lie to my face! You never sent a single letter!" 

"I'm not lying, you bastard," I return at the same volume. There's no way he's going to shout at me and not get it right back. "I sent over seven hundred letters and not one reply came. If I couldn't write one day, I sent two the next, but you never made an effort."

"Because I didn't get any letters!" 

"Oh, for the-," I stop myself as his words hit. "You didn't get any letters?"

"No," he shakes his head and he re-takes his seat. He spoke softer, but with the same fierceness; almost like a hiss. 

"Well, I sent them to your home in Jamsil-"

"When I became a trainee at YG, I moved to Hapjeong."

"You never told me you were going to join an entertainment company," I tell him, wondering if this is my fault or his. Perhaps, both. "Or else I'd have sent them there."

"How was I supposed to tell you when you never gave me the chance? I couldn't even write to you because you didn't give me an address and it's not like you even know how to use technology well."

I ignore his little jab at the end because, well, that's true. "I didn't have a permanent home there, Seunghyun. Dad's a professor so we had to move all the time."

"Oh." And my sentiments are quite similar to his.

I get up and move to stare out his kitchen window where he has a generous view of the Han River. It has potential to be a good distraction from the present, but with Seunghyun in the room, my thoughts only go to him. Why does that have to remain the same of all things? 

I look around before busying myself with the single fork left in the sink. Old habits die hard, it seems, because he couldn't find it in him to wash one piece of cutlery. That man has always hated doing the dishes. And, though it's annoying, it's still a sign that he's not entirely gone. I wash it and place it to dry.

"When I came back," I start up, returning my gaze out the window so I don't have to look at him. "You didn't even acknowledge me. All you did was walk away as if I were nothing to you."

It's a while before he speaks and I don't need to turn to know that he's gathering his thoughts. He likes to put matters into perspective before voicing them. "I wanted you to be nothing, but the more I avoided you, the less that happened. I wanted you to understand that I was angry at you, that I hated you for leaving like you did."

"Your overly biased, irrational way of thinking hasn't left you," I declare lightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you think it'd be wise to come and speak to me first before you started loathing me? It'd have made sense to get the full story instead of acting like a child who didn't get milk in years," I rationalize. "That's the difference between us: I wouldn't have gotten angry without knowing everything. Hell, I didn't get angry."

"But you are angry."

"Because you've ignored me for five years when I was right there!"

"Can you blame me for thinking that you went off to France to find some other guy?!" he shouts. "Not even a day had passed after I said that I loved you and you tell me you're leaving! What the was I supposed to think?!"

Well, . It's clear that he thought I'd rejected him when I didn't. If only he knew that it'd been the complete opposite then we wouldn't be in this mess. Suddenly his actions seem more understandable; he'd been a young guy in love with no assurance of it being requited. Then it dawns on me that maybe I'd been the cause of all those changes in him and the more I try to find an alibi, the more I realize that there is none. 

I didn't want to cry. No, I couldn't show that much weakness in front of him or anyone for that matter. But, and perhaps inevitably, I begin to do just that. Wiping at the tears quickly, I open my mouth to give an apology but it remains unsaid because right then I feel his arms slip around my waist from behind just like they used to. I hadn't even heard him come up.

I freeze briefly at the both familiar and unfamiliar touch then let myself go. I turn in his arms, my own wrapping around his waist as I return the embrace. My head rests against his firm chest, hearing the quick, steady pounding of his heart. I'm not the only one who's nervous about this change from just minutes ago. 

Taking a chance, I reach up to press a tender kiss at the base of his neck, "I'm so sorry, Seunghyun. I'm so, so very sorry."

"So I am, Chaerin," he whispers. "The way I treated you was-"

"Understandable."

"No," he disagrees. "It wasn't, but I'll spend all the time in the world making it up to you."

"I'd suggest that we start over, but I already know too much about you to pretend that we've just met. I've missed so much in the years gone by though..."

"We have time."

I nod, grateful. "Fortunately, we do. But, Seunghyun?"

"Hm?" he hums in response, staring intently down at me. Not that I want him to, but he still hasn't let me go, I note with relief. It's the reason I'm able to meet his black orbs with the same passion. Had he not been holding me, I'm certain that I would have shied away from his gaze long ago and blushed like crazy. 

"This changes nothing for the while," I tell him firmly. "Not until we know each other better. We both have a lot to learn."

"Okay," he nods, bringing his head closer as if I didn't say anything. 

I pull back slightly, "Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Yes," he breathes out with a sigh, unintentionally releasing a puff of air over my lips and I lose it.

" what I just said," I instruct quickly as I pull him down so that his lips can meet my own in a kiss that goes way beyond the word 'passionate'. It's rough and wild and just like our past selves. I only hope that we can make it to his bedroom in time. 

Well, one more chapter left :) thanks for reading, subscribing, commenting, up voting...