yifan hops over the fence easily, landing sturdily on both of his feet and with minimal noise. he checks his surroundings carefully as he makes his way over to the door at the end of the alley. the dim lamp shining above it casts grotesque shadows on the brick walls and the uneasiness that yifan feels is heightened as he lifts a hand and knocks on the door with his knuckles. time seems to slow and yifan gets more paranoid about the possibility of someone lurking around the corner spying on him. finally, he hears murmuring on the other side of the door and the creak of the door swinging open grabs his attention. 

the door opens to reveal a youthful looking man with a pair of bright red glasses perched on his nose. he surveys yifan quickly from bottom to top and smiles shortly after. the deep wrinkles at the side of his eyes belie his young appearance and yifan makes sure to keep his guard up with this seemingly innocent man. the innocent looking ones were always the worst trouble.

"what brings you here?" the man’s amused voice is borderline insulting, but yifan reigns in his irritation to take out the business card that he stuffed in his pocket earlier. the glint of the symbol on it, a murky red circular and cloud like object, is caught in the low lighting and the man smirks when he sees it in yifan’s hand. 

"ah, well it looks like you’re in the right place." the man opens the door wider and gestures at yifan to walk in. he steps slowly into the entryway of the place and the door is shut firmly behind him. he follows the man down a long hallway and they take a right down another until they stop in front of a door. the man opens it and inside is a dark and posh lounge with a bar in the back. the extreme difference of the drab appearance of the outside in contrast to the luxurious interior of the lounge is jarring. it feels like stepping into a new world and yifan feels severely out of place with his tattered hoodie and ripped jeans. 

"go ahead and sit. i’ll go get xiu." yifan freezes at the mention of xiu. xiu was known for lots of things, and none of those things were good. meeting him was not something that yifan was expecting to happen that night, he thought he was just going to show up, be told what to do and then immediately leave to go do it. however, things were not happening as how he imagined they would.

he’s gripping his hands tightly together when the door opens again and in strides the man from earlier with another person, whom yifan presumes is xiu. xiu is nothing like how he pictured him in his head. his round face, small stature, and bright eyes emanated none of the vibe that his reputation alone gave off. strangely, yifan feels calmer and starts to relax under the smile and attention that xiu gives him as he sits across from him. yifan now truly understands why this is the most dangerous man around. that the way he gets everyone to subconsciously become lax and easy around him is his main ploy to strike his opponents when they least expect it. it’s a great trick and yifan knows he is certainly not immune to it.

he extends a hand in offering of a handshake and yifan takes it straight away startled by its petite nature. it didn’t seem possible that the hand he was currently shaking could have choked the lives out of over hundreds of people as the rumors had said.

“what is your name?” xiu raises an eyebrow up at him. 

“my name is yifan…sir.” the awkwardness in his own usage of the honorific makes yifan slightly cringe, hoping that he hadn’t in any way offended xiu. because offending xiu was the last thing he wanted to do.

“alright well, lets get down to the bottom of things. why are you here?” yifan felt the urge to bolt from the room and far away from this place as fast as he could, but he holds himself back. he has to remind himself why he was here to begin with before he musters the courage to finally reply. 

“i need money.”

“oh, i see how it is. and just how much money do you need exactly?” xiu’s tone as he posed his questions wasn’t mocking or degrading, in fact it seemed as if he was genuinely curious and understanding of yifan’s current situation.

“a lot.” yifan didn’t elaborate, instead choosing to be vague and try to keep as much secrecy to protect not only himself, but also for the person he was here for. the look on xiu’s face after he said it made it seem as if he understood what yifan was trying to do and respected his non-descriptive answer.

“well if you need a lot that means you’re going to have to do a lot of work for me, do you understand?” yifan gulps at the implications in xiu’s statement. he hadn’t meant to be here working for red chaos, he had even promised to never associate with them. a promise that he had meant to keep for the rest of his life. but things had happened and here he was. there was no turning back now.

“i understand.”

“good. first, I’m going to need you to deliver a package for me.” yifan dodges out of the way before a backpack thrown at him from the man who answered the door earlier hits him in the face. it ends up dropping into his lap and he feels dread at the weight of it.

“that wasn’t very nice of you lu.” lu snickers and then apologizes to yifan, but his apology holds no sincerity. “there are directions in the front pocket of the backpack lu gave you. follow them exactly as stated and then come back tomorrow. if you are successful and continue to be successful with the other tasks i give you, then you will get your money.” xiu stands and exits the lounge leaving yifan gaping in confusion.

“you should run along now. we’re all a bit too busy around here to entertain you further. good luck!” yifan only feels further disturbed at the joy in lu’s words and quickly makes his own exit out of the building. as the door to the alley slams closed behind him his knees start to shake and his hands tremble, but the most unsettling aspect is the screech of a broken promise ringing in his ears.

 

yifan doesn’t believe in fate, but he does believe that somehow and someway that meeting junmyeon was something that was meant to happen.

yifan remembers everything about the first time they met. it had been a monday, he had been dreading returning to school and having to avoid the red chaos gang who were intent on recruiting him. those who rejected the offers were severely punished and yifan’s only way to avoid that was to constantly hide himself whenever they were near. the walk to school was uneventful, the pain of an empty stomach being the only thing that prevented him from being content.

as he turned the corner right after entering the building, he spotted two notorious members of the gang hanging out in the hallway. he quickly turned and went the other way, running through the halls until he went to the one place where he knew no one could find him. he wrenched open the door to the janitor’s closet and propped a chair under the knob of the door after he closed it. ignoring the stench of the place he threw himself into one of the dark corners only to collide harshly into a body he didn’t know was there.

they both jumped apart and yifan grabbed a broom that he saw to his left and held it up ready to defend himself against the stranger. after a few moments, his eyes adjusted to the dark and he could finally make out the features of the stranger across from him. to his surpise, he held a small switchblade unsheathed out in front of him, aiming it at yifan.
 

yifan didn’t personally know who the man was, he had just seen him in passing between classes, but what he did know was that the man’s name was junmyeon, and that he was smart. he was always winning academic awards and he was talked about greatly within the student body.

yifan dropped the broom and held up both his hands with his palms facing towards junmyeon. he hoped that his harmless posture would help to calm junmyeon and prevent himself from getting knifed. 

"what are you doing here?" junmyeon gritted out his words through clenched teeth and yifan flinched from the harsh sound of it.

"hiding."

"from what?" suspicion and doubt was evident in junmyeon’s voice and the twitch of his switchblade when he spoke.

"from red chaos." almost immediately after confessing the reason for his hiding, junmyeon’s body seemed to lose the tension that was holding him rigid. with a quick snap of his wrist the switchblade folded back into it’s handle and junmyeon placed it into his pocket.

"me too." that surprised yifan greatly. why would junmyeon of all people be hiding from red chaos?

"why?" junmyeon smirked sardonically at yifan’s question. 

"because they don’t always want brawns like you, you know. they want the brains too. and apparently they think i could be of use to them." junmyeon snorted and ran a hand down his face once he was done speaking.

yifan took the time to better study junmyeon’s features in what little light that filtered in under the door. his skin was extremely white and pale, the pallor of it apparent even in the darkness of the closet. he was strikingly handsome in a very subtle and nonchalant way, his beauty seemed to effortlessly project from him and yifan was momentarily dumbfounded by the force of it. his wispy brown bangs swept over his eyebrows and threatened to fall into eyes, tempting yifan to reach out and brush them aside so he could better see his magnificent forehead.

junmyeon was extremely tiny in size though. yifan had felt gargantuan sitting so near him. although he was stunning, overall he looked weak and fragile, someone that needed protection, but yifan knew that this was all a guise. that underneath the seemingly soft and delicate exterior held a fierce and solid interior that wouldn’t back down to anything. and the way that junmyeon confidently and expertly handled his pocketknife earlier indicated that he knew how to use it very well, and that he had most likely used it in the past. yifan considered himself lucky that he had been spared a cut from it.

before yifan could continue studying him, they heard voices out in the hallway that had them both scurrying further back into the corner of the closet. without much thought into it, they both found themselves sitting next to each other with their shoulders pressed together. yifan suppressed a shudder that threatened to overtake him as he felt junmyeon’s fingers curled strongly around his bicep. they stayed silent until the noise of people disappeared. after a few more moments of silence junmyeon must have realized that he was holding onto yifan and let go with a shocked noise.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to do that.”

“it’s ok.” they fell back to silence after that, with both of them unsure of what to talk about.

“hey, i have a proposition. let’s be friends.” yifan’s eyes widened at the suggestion.
 

he hadn’t made any friends since moving to korea last year to live with his aunt after his parents died in an accident. people tended to stay away from him, they seemed to be afraid of yifan’s big demeanor, and his tendency to be quiet most of the time made him become the school outcast. he always received nervous and furtive glances as he passed people by in the hallways of the school. no one ever stepped up and offered friendship and yifan never tried to approach anyone either.

after having been caught off guard by junmyeon’s offer he contemplated it a bit before giving his answer. “ok, but why?”

“why not? i mean, we both don’t like red chaos and don’t want to join them. we can help each other avoid them.” junmyeon’s reasoning was logical and yifan nodded in acquiescence.

“alright.”

“alright? that’s all you’ve got to say?”

“yeah.”

“wow, you sure are a man of many words.” junmyeon tried to smother his laugh with his hands but it still reverberated loudly in the small space of the closet.

“hey!”

“ok, ok i’ll stop. let’s exchange numbers so we can text each other whenever we see a red chaos member nearby so we don’t run into them.” after they finished getting one another’s number, they decided that it was safe enough to leave the sanctuary of the janitor’s closet. before they parted ways, junmyeon flashed him a dazzling smile that made yifan’s heartbeat falter in its rhythm.

 

yifan stares at the money in his hands, more like glares at it. he stands in front of a building with a big sign that hangs on the front of it advertising for auditions. auditions for singers that think they have a good enough voice to become a star. it’s the very same advertisement that he’s seen junmyeon glance at whenever they pass by it on their way back from their trips to the grocery store. it’s the same advertisement for the audition that yifan knows junmyeon would pass with flying colors.

the only problem was that the fee for the application was way too expensive. with yifan barely getting by with his job at the gas station and junmyeon using all of his paycheck from working at the bank to pay off his father’s debts, there was no way they could afford the fee. junmyeon never talks about it, but he knows that junmyeon wants to audition so badly.

the money feels so dirty in yifan’s hands. he wants to throw it across the street and stomp on it a few times, but he can’t. he can’t do that. he needs the money, he wants junmyeon to become the star that he is. he wants junmyeon to have a better life. one that doesn’t have him tied to this stupid town and it’s corruption. a better life where he can be rich and famous and not worry about the violence that always lurked around every corner. a life where he didn’t have his past haunting him and could do what he what he was really good at. even if it was a life away from yifan. yifan was willing to let go. yifan let the memory of junmyeon’s first smile at him replay in his mind and he took the steps necessary for him to enter the building to seek out the office where the applications were.

 

yifan got the call in the early hours of the morning before the sun had even risen. the panic and terror in junmyeon’s voice had him bolting out of his bed and out the door before the phone call even ended. he ran down the familiar streets until he ended up at the police station.

he barged in through the doors, uncaring of the loud clang when the doors hit the walls and instead searched frantically for junmyeon. he spotted him sitting by himself by a police desk and hurriedly went to him.

when junmyeon spotted him he stood up and crashed into yifan. his arms s around yifan’s torso and he gripped fistfuls of the back of yifan’s shirt. he buried his face into the crook of yifan’s neck and yifan shivered from the air of junmyeon’s gasps.

“i didn’t know who else to call. you’re the only one I thought of. i’m so scared.” the strain in junmyeon’s voice broke yifan’s heart as he gently patted junmyeon’s head to calm him down.

“it’s fine. everything’s going to be alright junmyeon.”

it turned out that junmyeon’s father, while high on drugs, beat his mother to death. after he killed her he junmyeon, but luckily junmyeon managed to get away. he ran to the police station and begged them to help him. when they showed up at his house his father had died as well, apparently from an overdose. yifan brought junmyeon home with him that night.
they were both much older now than when they had first met in high school four years ago. graduation had just passed the year before and they were still friends, best friends as junmyeon liked to constantly correct yifan. yifan was lucky to have junmyeon in his life and he was happy with him.

yifan had moved out of his aunt’s apartment right after graduation, truthfully he was forced out due to her complaining of him being a burden, and had found a place to stay on the outskirts of the town. it was severely run down and dilapidated, but it was atleast a roof over his head. he brought junmyeon inside and they both tried to sleep on the makeshift bed of blankets that yifan made on the floor.

junmyeon understandably couldn’t sleep after the horrifying events that took place, so they went out to the field nearby and laid on the grass gazing at the stars before they faded away with the arrival of the sun.

“i hate red chaos so much.” the vehemence of junmyeon’s statement shocked yifan. “this wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t kept selling my dad those drugs. my parents would be alive if they had just left my family alone.”

yifan didn’t know how to appease junmyeon’s anger, but he took his hand and linked their fingers together in hopes of providing some comfort.

“yifan, promise me something.”

“what?” junmyeon sat up and yifan followed him as well.

“whatever happens, no matter how bad things get, promise me you won’t join red chaos. promise me that you won’t have anything to do with them for the rest of your life.” junmyeon’s eyes bore into yifan’s as he implored him.

“i promise, junmyeon.” junmyeon gave a slight smile, all that he could manage after all the dreadful things he had just faced, and he eased himself back down to the ground. yifan laid down next to him and they both went back to looking at the stars.

“it’s amazing though. that even if my life is right now, the stars are still just as beautiful as they always are.” yifan didn’t know how to respond but just recaptured junmyeon’s hand again.

 

it’s junmyeon’s smile as he lets yifan into the apartment that has yifan’s nerves settling. he feels less on edge and although the guilt still lingers somewhere in the back of his conscious, he doesn’t allow it to overwhelm him and instead focuses on the pretty man before his eyes. they both enter the kitchen and settle into their spots at the kitchen table, junmyeon always on the right and yifan always across from him on the left side. junmyeon knows that yifan has something important to say, so he stays quiet and just smiles encouragingly at yifan. 

"junmyeon, i have something for you. but you have to promise not to freak out." junmyeon looks confused but slowly nods his head in reply to yifan’s demand. yifan hopes the look he’s conveying is gentle and calm. 

"i was stopped today by a recruiter. it turns out that they were giving out free applications at random to people they saw on the streets, something they were doing to make the audition process more exciting, and it turns out that i got one. i filled it out…..with your info." he slowly takes the folded paper out of his pocket and slides it over on the table to junmyeon.

junmyeon looks bewildered and grasps the edge of the paper before taking it and opening it up to read its contents. his eyes scan the paper hurriedly and when he’s done he freezes, eyes staring blankly at yifan.

"this isn’t real. i must be dreaming." junmyeon whispers and stammers his words. his hands are trembling and yifan reaches out to put his own hand over his to settle him. 

"it is real. and you aren’t dreaming. you’re going to be a star. i know it." yifan feels junmyeon’s hand stop trembling and when he looks up he is startled to see tears pooling in junmyeon’s eyes. yifan’s chair scrapes loudly across the floor as he gets up and rounds the table until he’s standing right next to junmyeon. he falls to his knees and gathers junmyeon into his arms and lets his head rest on his chest. big drops of tears soak through yifan’s shirt as he cries but yifan clings to him as the sobs wrack through junmyeon’s small frame. 

"thank you thank you thank you yifan. thank you so much.” yifan barely hears junmyeon’s mumbled words over his sobs.

he tightens his hold on junmyeon and runs one of his hands comfortingly down his back. it takes awhile but junmyeon finally stops. he escapes the confines of yifan’s arms and gives him the brightest smile that yifan has yet to ever see grace his face. yifan finally feels that despite everything he had done to get here, it was all worth it to see junmyeon smile like that.

 

when yifan first heard junmyeon sing, he thought that the skies had parted and an angel from heaven had descended to replace junmyeon. yifan just never thought it was possible for someone to sing that good.

it was their second year of high school and they had been going strong in evading the red chaos gang as best as they could. their level of friendship had been taken to a new level when junmyeon had asked him to start accompanying him on after school outings. they never really did much, just walked around town, went to the movies, the mall, or even stopped by each other’s favorite food stalls. the loneliness that yifan had felt earlier on had been completely lifted after junmyeon entered his life.

they had shared texts earlier and agreed to meet behind the gym after school. yifan was running a little late because his teacher wanted to discuss his latest test grade with him. before he rounded the corner to where junmyeon was, he heard the most divine voice singing and it made him come to an abrupt halt. 

he slowly peeked around the corner to find out who was singing only to be surprised that it was junmyeon. yifan didn’t know what song he was singing, but he thought that it probably wouldn’t have mattered because with a voice like junmyeon’s any song would sound wonderful. as junmyeon finished the song, yifan finally came out of hiding.

“that was incredible.” yifan’s voice was overly breathy as he was still in awe of discovering junmyeon’s impressive voice.

“holy . you scared me yifan.” junmyeon clutched his chest as he was startled by yifan’s presence. when he had recovered, he glared at yifan. “how long were you standing there? why were you trying to be so sneaky?”

“i just was so surprised junmyeon. you have a great voice, why didn’t you tell me you could sing so well?”

“because you’re wrong, my voice is terrible. my horrible singing isn’t worth mentioning.”

“NO!” junmyeon jumped a little when yifan yelled.

“what?”

“no. your singing is not horrible. i don’t know what is making you think that, but it is terribly untrue.”

“for a man of so few words, you really have a lot to say about this.”

“because it’s true, your voice is beautiful. anyone who heard it would say the same thing!”

“you’re crazy.”

“please believe me junmyeon.” junmyeon paused to contemplate yifan’s pleading.

“ok, i believe you. you happy?” yifan sighed. he was exasperated that junmyeon wasn’t taking this seriously. he wanted junmyeon to realize how special he was, but it was clear that junmyeon wasn’t going to realize that anytime soon.

“yes. i’m happy.”

“great. now let’s go before that arcade closes down. i’m going to demolish you in league of fury, just wait and see.” junmyeon grabbed yifan’s shirt and dragged him towards the school exit.

come what may, yifan was going to get junmyeon to acknowledge the beauty of his own voice.

 

the airport is extremely crowded that day. yifan whips his head around to try and spot junmyeon through the large groups of people that block his vision. he finally catches sight of him standing near the entrance to security and he heads over to him.
every step that brings him closer to junmyeon gets harder to make. his feet feel like lead and his body doesn’t want to properly comply to bring himself to him. yifan thought he had prepared himself enough for this day, he had known right from the moment that he had first heard junmyeon sing that this was his destiny. that junmyeon was meant for bigger and better things, while yifan was not. he knew that one day junmyeon was going to leave him, and that day had finally come.

he stops once he’s right in front of junmyeon. junmyeon doesn’t say anything, just continues to smile at him as he clutches onto the small piece of luggage in his right hand.

“hello yifan.”

“hello.” there wasn’t much to say at this point.

after junmyeon had passed his audition like yifan had always believed he would, they promptly put him into training. junmyeon had left their apartment a month ago to stay at the company’s headquarters in town. yifan missed him dearly when he left, and now was the time for junmyeon to go to seoul where the company had big plans for him to debut. junmyeon had told him over the phone two weeks ago. yifan didn’t know how he managed to hold back his sobs until after the phone call ended.

“i’m glad you showed up.”

“of course i showed up, i wouldn’t have let my friend leave without saying goodbye.”

“best friend!” yifan’s deep chuckle makes junmyeon pout.

“yes, best friend.”

“make sure you take care of yourself when i’m gone. no more late night trips to the ice cream store, you hear me? maybe buy a pet so you won’t be so lonely.” yifan’s answer is a lighthearted chuckle. one that pierces his own heart with the vibration of it. “and most importantly, stay away from red chaos.”

junmyeon’s demeanor is entirely serious and his eyes were hard. yifan swallows the bile of guilt that rises in his throat and nods.

“i’m going to miss you yifan.”

“and I will miss you too, best friend.” junmyeon smiles and it partially alleviates the suffocating feeling clogging yifan’s throat.

yifan desperately wants to reach out and hug junmyeon, but he’s afraid that he won’t let go if he does. he crosses his arms in front of him to stop himself from doing anything.

“goodbye yifan.”

“goodbye junmyeon.” and no more words are exchanged as junmyeon turns and heads to security to catch his flight.

junmyeon turns around only once, after he passes through security, and he waves at yifan. yifan waves back and promptly turns to head out of the airport so that junmyeon can’t see the tears that threaten to spill out of his eyes.

 

it was not yifan’s plan to wake up gasping and groaning as an unbearable weight dropped onto his stomach. when yifan finished coughing and sputtering from the pain, he lifted his head up to see junmyeon nonchalantly resting on stomach. he was smiling and swinging his feet in the air with glee.

“junmyeon, what the hell possessed you to do that? are you trying to kill me for forgetting to water your plants again?”

“you were taking too long to get up and i was getting impatient. i have a surprise for you.”

“what is it?”

“i’m not telling you. you’re going to have to come to the kitchen and find out for yourself.” junmyeon then got off the bed and ran out of yifan’s bedroom.

yifan rubbed his sore belly as he stood up and went to the kitchen. when he arrived there was a note on the table that told yifan to sit and wait. he sat down in his spot at the table and right as he settled on the chair the lights of the kitchen turned off. without warning there was music playing and then junmyeon stepped into the kitchen with a cake topped with lit candles.

with that tremendous voice of his, he proceeded to sing the birthday song to yifan as he held the cake out to him. yifan sat entranced by junmyeon’s face illuminated by candles and the melodic voice that sang for him. when junmyeon finished yifan didn’t want to blow out the candles, he wanted time to stop so he could cherish this moment for a bit longer. when junmyeon shoved the cake right in front of his face he decided to finally blow them out and junmyeon turned the lights back on after placing the cake on the table.

“happy twentieth birthday yifan!”

it was yifan’s first birthday that they had spent together after junmyeon had moved in with him and it was one that he would never forget, because it was at that time that yifan realized he loved junmyeon.

 

there’s a searing ache in yifan’s heart, but for the most part he just feels hollow. it feels like someone has gutted him and drained his blood and all that was left was the outside husk of his body. he had been to the apartment right after saying goodbye, but wasn’t able to stand the pain of seeing all of junmyeon’s belongings that he had left behind. he wasn’t able to withstand all the reminders mocking him of his loneliness and he fled to the nearest bar to appease his sorrow.

it might have been between his fifth or sixth shot of alcohol when yifan realizes that someone is sitting next to him. it takes him a couple of seconds to finally recognize the face of the man, it is xiu. he almost drops out of his seat once he comprehends who it is, but miraculously he manages to not topple over.

xiu is nursing a glass of whiskey and stares at yifan as he traces the rim of his glass. yifan has no clue what xiu wants or what he’s going to do, so he does nothing and opts to remain motionless.

“it’s nice to see you again yifan.”

“yeah, it’s nice to see you too.” yifan’s flat and monotone voice betrays his true thoughts.
 

xiu was the last person yifan wanted to see right now. he had done so many jobs for the man back when he was trying to earn money for junmyeon’s application. he delivered so many “packages” and when it was all over he had not wanted to see him ever again. unfortunately, it seemed as though life doesn’t care about what yifan wants.

yifan tenses when he feels a hand land on his shoulder.

“it’s sad about that junmyeon guy leaving.”

“how do you know about junmyeon?” yifan tries not to panic. he doesn’t like the fact that red chaos knows who junmyeon is. in fact he despises the fact that someone as vile and bad as xiu had the audacity to even utter his name. he didn’t want junmyeon’s name to be tainted with association with red chaos.

“i know anything and everything. of course I would know about the person you love.” yifan jerks away from the xiu’s touch and scowls.

“don’t you dare ing lay a finger on junmyeon or i will kill you.” yifan practically growls at xiu.

“whoa whoa there. i’m not going to touch your precious junmyeon, that’s not what i’m here for.”

“then why are you here?” something in his mind tells yifan that he probably shouldn’t be speaking to xiu the way that he is, but at this point he can’t stop himself.

“i’m here to offer you something.”

“no thanks, i’m not interested. i’m done with you and your gang.” he knocks back the shot that he had been holding onto and turns away from xiu, intent on ignoring the dangerous man.

“look, i know you’re having a hard time right now, but i don’t usually do these visits with just anybody. consider yourself lucky that i’m even here and offering you anything. people would kill to be in the position your in.”

“yeah, but i’m not one of those people.”

“no, you definitely are not and that’s why i want you.”

“i don’t think so.”

“don’t dismiss me so easily if you know what’s good for you.” yifan decides not to further irritate xiu and keeps quiet.

“now, i am here to offer you a prominent place on my team. you did such a nice job working for me before and i think you have what it takes to be working with me on a higher scale. i’m only going to offer this once, so think hard before you reject me again. if you decide to join me, you know where to find me.” yifan doesn’t watch as xiu slinks away leaving his unfinished drink on the bar.

he sits and thinks over xiu’s words. at first, yifan was dead set on rejecting whatever he had to offer, but as he thought about it more, it was beginning to become more and more appealing. yifan knew there was no way that junmyeon was ever going to be a permanent in his life anymore. that eventually, they would sever ties altogether as junmyeon rose to fame and yifan stayed here in the town. so, with the buzz of alcohol running through his system, yifan decides to spare himself further pain and completely let go of junmyeon right then and there.

with his mind made up he gets on his feet and wobbles out the door. he heads in the direction that he knows where xiu will be and when he stands at the front of the door a vivid image of junmyeon’s face illuminated by candles and smiling at him flashes in his mind. yifan shuts his eyes and shakes his head to clear out the memory and then pounds on the door.

lu opens the door and seems ecstatic to see yifan standing there.

“nice to have you back yifan. come on in.”

yifan feels the last sliver of his heart crumble and turn to dust in his chest as he crosses the threshold.

 

junmyeon refused to go inside. when yifan tried to persuade him by offering to buy him his favorite food he still didn’t give in.

“i’m not going in there.”

“come on junmyeon, it’ll be fun!”

“okay, i’ll go in, but on one condition.”

“what’s the condition then.”

“you have to sing.”

“ME?” yifan glanced at the buzzing neon sign of the noraebang and gulped.

“but i at singing.”

“so do i.”

“no you don’t. we’ve already discussed this.”

“so your plan was to drag me here and have me sing the whole time?”

“uhhhh yeah.”

“well if you’re not going to sing then coming to this place was pointless and i’m going home.”

“WAIT! FINE, I’LL SING. DON’T GO!”

they ended up singing for three hours straight, but what yifan loved the most was when junmyeon became so self-confident in his singing ability that he sang a ballad by himself right before they left.

 

yifan sheds his jacket off and tosses it onto his couch as he makes his way into his apartment. he goes to his bedroom and turns on the tv then he heads into his bathroom to run a hot bath. when a familiar voice starts to filter in from the bedroom over the noise of the running water, he runs out and stares at the screen.

junmyeon is on some music program and he sings his latest single in front of an enthusiastic crowd who frantically wave around lightsticks. yifan only watches for half a minute more before he shuts off the tv. he puts his head in his hands and attempts to stave off the agony of past memories swarming into his mind.

it had been five years since he had last seen or spoken to junmyeon at the airport. after fully joining red chaos he had cleaned out his old apartment, save for junmyeon’s stuff which he had left in a box, and moved into a new one provided by the gang. he cut off all contact with junmyeon by changing his number and even went so far as to change his name. no one refers to him as yifan anymore, he is now kris.

there had been so many times throughout the past five years that yifan was tempted to seek out junmyeon again, but he couldn’t do it. it was best if junmyeon would just forget him.
 

today had been extremely hard for yifan to endure. the streets had been littered with newspapers with junmyeon’s face on the cover. he had just gotten back from doing one of xiu’s assignments when he accidentally stepped on one. junmyeon’s face was as beautiful as he had remembered it to be. he had apparently won the biggest prize at an international award show and the whole country was celebrating. yifan heard junmyeon’s songs blasting from every store he passed by, he could never fully escape junmyeon, no matter how hard he tried.

yifan’s whole body starts to shudder as his sobs echo throughout the empty apartment.

 

yifan and junmyeon would sometimes go to the market to talk with the interesting old flower lady that sold her flowers there. she was frail and old, but she had the most cheerful disposition and her stories were always the most intriguing things to listen to. 

she had always assumed that they were a couple and constantly gushed about how perfectly they looked together. yifan and junmyeon were always too embarrassed to correct her and secretly smiled at each other over her head. they were only friends, even if yifan loved junmyeon so much more than that. 

everytime they parted from the old lady, she would give them both a small flower in gratitude for their company. yifan always thought it was silly, but he would always let junmyeon weave his flower into yifan’s hair just to hear the light tinkle of junmyeon’s laughter. 

 

yifan feels particularly nostalgic today. whenever the gang activities are at a low and they have nothing for him to do, he almost always finds himself just walking around the town looking at the places he hasn’t been to in a long time.

strangely, there’s something that compels him to take the right roads that leads him to the market where the old flower lady used to sell her goods. he doesn’t even know if she’s still alive, but he has this overwhelming sensation that makes him want to go and see.

the ahjummas try to sell him their wares on his way but he politely declines every one of them, with only the thoughts of the flower lady plaguing his mind. when he comes to the spot where she used to sit, there’s no one there to occupy the spot and disappointment fills him to the brim. she was always so nice, yifan wishes he had seen her one last time.

when he starts to leave he catches sight of someone a few yards away that has him freeze up in terror and confusion. it is junmyeon, and yifan cannot fathom why he is there. he closes his eyes and reopens them in hopes that what he sees is only an illusion, but he steps back in dread when he still sees junmyeon there.

junmyeon looks at him with deep grief and longing that it makes yifan pause from his backward steps. when junmyeon attempts to come to him, yifan doesn’t give him the chance to approach and runs away as fast as he can as the frenzied shouts of his name follows after him.

 

“YIFAN YIFAN YIFAN!”

“WHAT IS IT JUNMYEON?”

“nothing, i just wanted to see if you would respond if i yelled your name.”

“listen, junmyeon i’ll always respond when you call for me, but you don’t need to scream at the top of your lungs like that.”

“yeah but it’s much more fun when i yell.”

“you know, you can be such an sometimes.”

“i know, but i’m allowed to be an sometimes cause I’m your best friend.” yifan seethed in agitation and junmyeon giggled at him.

 

yifan knows it’s a bad idea but he ends up at the old apartment that he and junmyeon used to share. the box of junmyeon’s belongings is still there and yifan wonders if he truly did just see junmyeon at the market or if this was the start of him losing his mind. he rummages through the box and checks to see if all the things are still there. there’s nothing missing and he looks at a photo of him and junmyeon at some festival they once visited. it’s one of the few photographs that exists of him and junmyeon together and when he moved out of the apartment he didn’t have it in him to take the picture with him.

"why didn’t you fill out the application for yourself?" yifan startles and looks behind him to see junmyeon standing in the doorway of the apartment with his arms crossed. junmyeon’s face is impassive, but yifan reads the look in his eyes well. the look that tells him that junmyeon knows the answer, yet wants yifan to be the one to say it.

"because, i wasn’t meant for stardom, you were. the whole world deserved to see and hear you sing. you’re the one who is talented and magnificent. i’m nothing, but you’re everything." yifan sees junmyeon’s blank face waver a bit, before resuming it’s emotionless appearance. when junmyeon steps forward and takes his hand he doesn’t know what to do. he looks down at junmyeon, but junmyeon keeps his gaze on their hands. 

"that isn’t all of it though. there’s more to it, isn’t there?" junmyeon looks up and yifan see’s determination and fire in his eyes. that junmyeon’s not going to back down and let yifan escape again until yifan tells him what he really wants to hear. 

"yes. there is more." yifan sighs and thinks about all the reasons why he gave the opportunity to junmyeon. but the one reason, the one that stands out and means the most is so boldly obvious, but it makes yifan uncomfortable. he doesn’t feel ready to tell it, but junmyeon won’t let him not say it. not with the way he looks at him and grips his hand. 

“it’s because i loved you.”

junmyeon takes in a loud breath and seems to clutch even harder at yifan’s hand.

“loved? do you not love me anymore yifan?”

yifan feels like he’s lost in a sea of emotions that he can’t seem to contain anymore, not when junmyeon’s there with him for the first time in a long time. junmyeon’s presence seems to unfasten the latch on his restraint and reserve. he doesn’t want to hold anything back anymore, not when he has junmyeon here again.

“i do still love you. i tried so hard not to. i tried to stop thinking about you, but my stupid mind wouldn’t let me. i wanted to completely let you go, but my heart wouldn’t let me.

“then don’t, don’t let me go.”

neither of them speaks again for a while, they just savor the moment and the way that their hands feel against one another.

“there never was a recruiter that was giving away free applications, was there?”

“no.”

“you paid for the application, didn’t you?”

“yes.”

yifan’s confessions were coming out now surprisingly easy and his head was spinning with them.

“why did you leave? why didn’t you stay?”

“because, i broke my promise to you. i’m part of red chaos junmyeon.”

“it’s ok.”

“NO IT’S NOT OK.” junmyeon hunches his shoulders and recoils a little as yifan tears his hand away. “you told me not to, and yet i still did. i work for the group that brought about your parents’ deaths!” yifan fights to catch his breath after his shouts.

“but it’s ok, because you did it for me. and i understand why you did it and i forgive you for breaking your promise.” yifan thinks that this must be a dream, that junmyeon can’t possibly be giving him his forgiveness right now.

“i was devastated when you disappeared, i was so hurt. i didn’t get how you could do that to me. but it made me realize something, that i wanted to be with you. i don’t care about what you’ve done. i don’t care that you broke your promise. i just don’t want you to disappear again, please stay with me now.”

yifan tries to wrap his mind around the things that junmyeon says. he’s on the verge of falling to the floor and having a meltdown.

“did you know, you’re the reason why i kept singing. i was singing for you, hoping that you would hear me. hoping you would hear me pour my heart out for you in every song. hoping that you would find me and come to me, but you never did. and when it finally hit me that i may never see you again i grew desperate. i hired a private investigator, just to see if you were alive and doing well. but then i saw the pictures of you and I couldn’t stay away, i had to come and see you.”

yifan thinks that junmyeon is making a mistake, that coming here to see him was the worst thing for him to do.

“i’m a criminal junmyeon! you don’t need me, you need better than me!”

“no, i only need you. that’s it. nothing else. i don’t care about singing or the money or the fame. i don’t care about anything if i don’t have you!”

“what are you trying to say?”

“i’m trying to say that I love you too!”

yifan’s hands automatically stretch out to cradle junmyeon’s face, but he stops with his hands in the air midway. even though it isn’t visible, he has blood on his hands now and he can’t touch junmyeon with them, not when his hands are filthy with the dirt of his deeds because of red chaos. but joonymun makes the decision for him, he pulls and places yifan’s hands on the side of his face and holds them there. and then he surges forward to press his lips upon yifan’s.

there’s something electric that yifan feels run from the brush of their lips and spreads rapidly through the rest of his body. the kiss deepens and he steps closer to feel junmyeon’s body against him. when they finally do break the kiss they don’t part, instead they somehow get closer. yifan’s nose presses against junmyeon’s cheek and he inhales junmyeon’s scent deeply. yifan lets go of junmyeon’s face only to wrap his arms around him in a tight hug.

“what do you want me to do?” yifan whispers into joonymun’s hair.

“i want you to come with me to seoul.”

“i can’t.”

“yes, you can.”

“i can’t just quit the gang, they won’t let me go.”

“we’ll find a way, i’ll do anything it takes.”

“don’t, don’t do this for me. i’m not worth it.”

“i need to do this, i need to do this because i love you, and i want us to be together. you are worth it. you’re the only one who can make me happy and life isn’t worth living if we’re not together. i’m tired of being away from you.” yifan holds junmyeon close and kisses his forehead.

“okay, i’ll come with you to seoul.”
joonymun’s eyes sparkle with affection and he nuzzles his face into yifan’s neck.

 

junmyeon is being annoying again, yifan is folding his laundry while ignoring junmyeon’s whining. junmyeon wanted to go out and take a walk at the local park, but yifan was tired from his day of work and just wanted to go to sleep soon.

“you’re a big meanie yifan.”

“stop pestering me junmyeon, i’m not going to the park with you.”

“fine! i’ll just go to the park by myself then!”

when he walked to the door to head out, junmyeon tripped over the rug of the entrance and went crashing down on the floor. there was a loud noise as his head hit the hard floor and he cried out in pain. yifan hurried to him and gently lifted junmyeon off the floor and onto the couch.

“junmyeon, are you okay?” yifan was worried as he watched junmyeon groan and rub at his own head

“yeah, i’m good. my head’s a little sore and i have a headache, but i think I’ll be fine.”

“oh thank god.” yifan released the breath he had been holding.

“don’t worry yifan, i won’t die on you, you’re stuck with me for eternity buddy. i’m going to annoy you for the rest of your life.” yifan smacked his arm in retaliation, but he was glad that joonymun wasn’t seriously hurt.
 

“hey! this wouldn’t have happened if you had just agreed to go to the park with me yifan!”

 

“xiu, i can’t do this anymore. i quit.” yifan feels nervous as xiu peers up at him.

“may i ask why?”

“i’m moving to seoul, with junmyeon.” 

“oh, i see. then goodbye.”

“that’s it?” yifan stands with his mouth open, flabbergasted at xiu’s blasé remarks on his departure.

“what? did you expect me to forbid you to leave and threaten to kill junmyeon to make you stay?”

“yeah, or something like that.”

“well i’m not going to do that, so you can leave now.”

“but why?”

“because i understand what it means to be in love and i know what a person would do because of love. i wouldn’t be here in this current position if it weren’t for love.” yifan doesn’t know what it is that xiu is exactly referring to, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get the answer to it so he doesn’t comment on it. yifan lets the silence linger on before he replies.

“i’m not coming back, ever. when i leave, i leave for good. please don’t ever try to contact me.” xiu’s eyes continue to stare straight into yifan’s until he nods in acceptance.

“ok.”

yifan does not get how things can be this easy, he’s reluctant to believe xiu, but he knows that xiu never lies or goes back on his word. he wants to say something more, say something because of all they have been through together, but he thinks of junmyeon waiting for him and leaves without saying anything at all.

 

junmyeon fights the urge to yawn as the interviewer asks him another boring question. he answers her with one of his rehearsed replies and makes sure he flashes smiles at the camera surrounding them as he does so. his hands itch to touch his cell phone and text yifan, to ask him about his day or to see what he wants to eat later on that night.

the interview continues to drag on, but the last few questions has junmyeon perking up instantaneously.

“everyone has noticed your songs are more upbeat on this new album than on all your previous ones. Is there any particular reason for that?”

“i’ve just found more reasons to be happy with my life lately.”

“well, would your newfound happiness have anything to do with all those grainy pictures of you that we’ve seen in the recent tabloids with a mysterious man? is it true that you’re seeing somebody right now?”

“yes, it is true.” junmyeon smirks and leans back in the chair he’s currently sitting in.

“all of us are dying to know who he is.”

“his name is kris. and he’s an up and coming model, he just recently signed a contract with crimson, the biggest modeling company in korea.”

“how long have you two been dating?”

“a little over a year now, but i’ve known kris for a very long time.”

“ohhh how exciting!”

junmyeon makes sure to end the interview soon after that, he doesn’t want the interviewee to ask him too many personal questions about his relationship with yifan. the minute he’s back in his dressing room, he picks up his cell and sends a quick text to yifan.

from junmyeon
to yifan:
why’d you have to change your name to kris it’s so dumb. i hate having to call you kris to the public.

from yifan
to junmyeon:
hey it’s a good name!

from junmyeon 
to yifan:
no it’s not. it .

from yifan
to junmyeon:
yeah but you still love me though.

from junmyeon
to yifan:
…………yeah i do
but IT STILL !

junmyeon pockets the phone and gathers his belongings. he leaves the studio with a big smile on his face as he anticipates seeing yifan later. he thinks about his current life now and how happy he is knowing that he loves yifan and that yifan loves him too. the future is always uncertain, but junmyeon knows he will be able to handle anything with yifan by his side.