Seeking You
written by Silver_Light
reviewed by layximi

Title: 7/10
I don’t quite understand the relevancy of your title to your story. This also applies to your chapter names as well. Maybe you’ll make the connection between the flowers and your plot later on in the story, but at this point, there seems to be none that I can discern.

Plot: 19/25

                9/10: Setting
                Your setting is fitting for your story, though I wish that you would have spent a little more time adding imagery into your story.

                3/5: Originality
                You rely on a lot of high school clichés, which takes away from the originality of your work. The righteous class president protagonist, the y popular girl, the flirty playboy, the nerdy outcast, it’s all been done before, which is not a bad thing. I just wish you would have maybe integrated them in a more unconventional way.

                7/10: Believability
                I just want to mention, that for a gang, they don’t really do much gang-related activity. There seems to be a lot of sitting around and general bro-ing. And they seem to be expending a lot of time and effort into Sena when it seems like their time and effort would be better placed dealing with other things that actual gangs should be doing.

Characterization: 23/35

                2/5: Presentation
                Your characters themselves seem slightly juvenile to me. At the end of the day, it’s just a matter of personal preference, but I’d just say, be aware of how old your characters are supposed to be and make sure their actions and thought process match that age. Your characters seem rather one-dimensional at this point. I think that mainly comes down to the fact that you have so many characters which you’re squeezing into a very short story. I would be mindful of what each character brings to the table. Like, do they contribute at all to plot or add another dimension of diversity, if not, then they should be cut out because they’re just cluttering the plot.

                5/10: Development
                Sometimes the characterizations seem a little hasty and not as well thought out as I would like. It almost seems too convenient how you basically glaze over the fact that Luhan is an outcast in school despite being considered good looking and relatively friendly. For people to look over him just because he’s wearing glasses seems unrealistic. I also wish you would have delved into why all the members became part of a gang. Luhan and Sena’s sudden romantic relationship seems rushed as well. There was no real transition between Sena hating him, to suddenly acknowledging her feelings for him. Having just a kiss be the thing to breach that wall seems too cliché and rushed.

                16/20: Diversity/Purpose
                Sena’s sudden hatred for Luhan is rather hard for me to swallow. Their relationship is one that has been developing for years, so I don’t understand why Sena is so quick to turn on him, just because she found out he’s a gangster. I mean, I get that Sena attributes Sehun’s involvement in the gang to Luhan, but it makes no sense that she would pin all the responsibility solely on Luhan. It seems very rash and immature on Sena’s part. I would say a lot of your story lacks purpose or drive. Be mindful of what is going to keep the reader wanting to read on. Is it plot development, is it the romantic relationship between Sena and Luhan? You need to make sure you really commit to the themes you’re presenting. Don’t just use them as just plot conventions.

Writing Style: 26/30

                8/10: Narration
                One gripe I have with your narration is that you don’t clearly differentiate whose point of view we’re reading from. For a majority of your story, it is being told by Sena, but on the few occasions you switch to someone else’s POV, there needs to be a clear indication of whose POV it is.

                8/10: Consistency/Flow
                Frankly I don’t understand the point of the flashbacks. It actually makes your story harder to follow. Flashbacks can be done effectively if they’re done right and with purpose, but in this case, your use of flashbacks seem somewhat random. The key words here are “with purpose”. If a flashback directly affected or related to the immediate plot, then the flashback would make sense, but you never use it in this way. I feel the information would have been more easily digested if you had just told everything in chronological order.

                10/10: Spelling/Grammar
                I didn’t notice anything glaringly wrong in your use of grammar or spelling.

TOTAL: 75/100