Unspoken Words
written by kjdzyx
reviewed by kpopandkdramas

Title: 10/10
When I read the title my first thought was “I’m going to cry” because it foreshadows a heartbroken theme. When I think on unspoken of I think of past conversations and things that I should’ve said at that time. Unspoken as reminds me of those that can’t speak for themselves, so I immediately thought two things. One: This story is about to make me cry because there’s going to be a heart wrenching rejection. Two: This story was going to be about the character being bullied and all the sudden there’s a savior. 

Plot: 29/35

                3/5: Originality
                Since this a high school and angst story I knew it would a banal heartbreaking story of the unspoken words of a love confession once I started to read. The twist was the ending when Baekhyun never confessed, and that was honestly heart breaking. However, because I’ve read plenty of relationship stories I felt that your story wasn’t that original. 

                10/10: Believability
                I might’ve cried… I was able to picture the details of the whole story, and there were emotions within the story. I was able to picture the storyline flow throughout my time reading it. You built the story upon a broken hearted male and it was just feels and feels piling on top of each other as I continued to read. 

                8/10: Narration
                The storytelling was great and it kept me reading. I HAD to keep reading. Even though it wasn’t that long it was a huge roller coaster. Thoughts kept popping up in my head like, “Oh my gosh is he going to confess,” and I was continuously trying to guess where the story was going to end up. I could just picture their conversation on their phone’s in my head. Something that stopped me from reading was the scene with Baekhyun’s dream. I was confused on that scene because I had no idea what was happening. I wasn't sure if it was actually happening until the end of the dream when Baekhyun wakes up. If you could put some kind of indication that shows that Baekhyun was having a dream I think that will cause the story line to flow better.

                8/10: Setting
                At the beginning of the story I had no idea where Baekhyun was. He could’ve been at the library or in their dorm, but there was no indication of where he was. I assumed that he was in the library, but I think a setting would affect the atmosphere. If Baekhyun was in the library then it would’ve made it seem more anxious because in a library you’re supposed to be quiet, but Baekhyun, who probably wanted to cry and yell but couldn't, and he had to hold all his emotions in. 

Characterization: 31/35

                8/10: Development
                I think you should emphasize the huge crush that Baekhyun has on Chanyeol. I understood that Baekhyun likes Chanyeol; however, I think that crush started to spring in love, so if you were to develop that crush into love I think that would be cute. It is completely obvious that Baekhyun likes Chanyeol, but I think to make it even more emotional I think you should add in how Chanyeol feels about Baekhyun to develop that emotional tension.

                5/5: Presentation
                The way that you built up Baekhyun and Chanyeol was cute. I think you should add, to Baekhyun’s first impression of Chanyeol, that he had big ears because that’s what stands out when you see Chanyeol. I think you should add a description of Baekhyun within the story, such as his height compared to Chanyeol’s or how elegant his fingers are, just things that make Baekhyun stand out when he stands next to Chanyeol.

                10/10: Diversity
                All the characters were different from each other. You could see the sadness when Baekhyun found out when Chanyeol was leaving compare to the nonchalant Sehun when he spoke of Chanyeol’s leave. Even with Jongdae you could tell that he was persistent on having Baekhyun confess, while Baekhyun procrastinated on telling Chanyeol. 

                8/10: Purpose
                I think you could make Jongdae a bigger character in this story. He was only there for a couple of scenes, but I think could make him a bigger character by simply important in Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s relationship. Why is Jongdae there? What is Jongdae within Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s relationship? Did Jongdae have an influence in the relationship?

Writing Style: 17/20

                8/10: Spelling/Grammar
                There are multiple of areas that have commas that shouldn't and areas that don’t have commas and should have commas. There are some phrases that need to be looked over to see if there supposed to be singular or plural. There are some wordiness and strange word choices.

                5/5: Consistency
                4/5: Flow
                I couldn’t tell if Baekhyun was dreaming or not until the end of his dream, so if you could just somehow indirectly inform the reader that Baekhyun is having a dream I think it would make it flow better. 

TOTAL: 87/100

I really liked the story. It was a heartbreaking, typical love story, but it got me in my feels. I would love to review your stories again. This is my first review and it was pleasure to read such a cute story. I absolutely love Baekyeol as a ship and I was able to see a different side of the Baekyeol ship compared to other stories that I’ve read about them. I usually read about them being happy together, but you made it different and you made it a tragic love story, which I loved. I hope this review helped and if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask. Thank you!!!