Midnight Farewell
written by srstaeny
reviewed by Yeoniebb42

Title: 10/10
I really liked this title. It suits the story very well since the entire story is, in fact, about a parting at the witching hour and it was very eye-catching to me. You really made a great choice; I was interested to read this story from the title alone!

Plot: 30/35

                3.5/5: Originality
                The thing I found interesting about this story is that most of it happened to be strictly dialogue. It is not easy to have a plot that is driven only by conversations (e.g. Before Sunrise) or focusing only on descriptions (e.g. Butterfly Girl) but when done well, I find it to be quite romantic. The idea is certainly heard of so it is not completely original anymore but since not many are brave enough to attempt to write this way, I think that it can still be considered quite innovative.

                9/10: Believability
                I can’t help but feel that, realistically speaking, it would take more than a soliloquy one night for a person to get over the loss of a loved one. On the other hand, whether or not one believes in ghosts and whatnot, I think you did a great job at making this story pretty believable. It was nice that Tiffany and Taeyeon were seemingly having an ordinary conversation together despite the fact that Tiffany did not know of Taeyeon’s presence. Although a part of me wished that Tiffany could see and hear Taeyeon, it was this factor that made the story believable so well done for that!

                9/10: Narration
                Most of the story happened to be dialogue however, from what I could gather, your narration is beyond satisfactory. I thoroughly enjoyed the description in the opening and at the ending. What I think you could work on is the way you detail the characters’ traits and movements – your wording was rather strange at times and you sometimes mentioned things that were unnecessary such as “Taeyeon’s baby-like face was wet with tears”. I did touch up this sentence previously but I do feel that there wasn’t a need to state that her face is “baby-like”. It stuck out to me like a sore thumb upon first read and didn’t match the serious and emotional tone of the story.

                8.5/10: Setting
                You provide plenty of details in your descriptions and I was certainly able to paint a strong mental picture of the entire scene. However, what I’m looking for is a balance. You gave too much about the characters but not enough about their surroundings. I like how you described their constellation sticker-filled ceiling and who was on which side of the bed but perhaps a little more detail about the rest of the room could have helped?

Characterization: 24/35

                5.5/10: Development

•                 Taeyeon’s character was the same from the beginning to end and little can be understood about her. In my opinion, it would’ve been nice if she also revealed things about her relationship with Tiffany or perhaps if she went a little more in-depth about how exactly she left Tiffany. It may not be that important to the plot but it could possibly help the readers relate to Tiffany a little more if we could understand the exact level of despair she is in.
• Tiffany, on the other hand, was characterised somewhat more adequately. Her innermost thoughts and feelings were all revealed and through this, we caught tiny glimpses of her personality and even fleeting glances at Taeyeon’s. I don’t know; I just had problems connecting with Tiffany because she still felt like a stranger to me at the end and maybe more flashbacks about things such as how they met and fell in love could have been helpful.

                3.5/5: Presentation
                The plot was very limiting to the characters but with the little you could make use of, I think you did rather satisfactorily. You did the most you could with Tiffany’s character however, I would have liked more insight on Taeyeon’s background such as sharing enough information for readers to make inferences about what happened to her.

                5.5/10: Diversity
                Once again, Taeyeon’s underdeveloped character and Tiffany’s limited personality must be brought to light. They were the only two characters yet if it weren’t for the different names and states, their characters could have almost been carbon copies of one another. Taeyeon and Tiffany are too similar; when creating characters, it is very important to make sure that they have differing characteristics.

                9.5/10: Purpose
                Despite a few inconsistencies here and there, Tiffany’s character serves her purpose well. The pain of loss is illustrated well, Taeyeon’s convenient presence for their final goodbye, and their matching conversation all come together pretty well to represent the struggles of moving on.

Writing Style: 14/20

                6/10: Spelling/Grammar
                Although I have already taken care of beta reading this story for you, I’ll have to score you here based on how it was before having been beta-ed. Your spelling errors consisted only of typos and your grammar usage was questionable at times. The main problems you had were with your wording actually but seeing how I corrected the story for you previously, I think you have spotted which mistakes you had and now know how to fix them. Good luck!

                5/5: Consistency
                In terms of writing, you stayed true to your style and didn't stray away from beginning to end. It was consistent to its nature so well done for that!

                3/5: Flow
                The flow of the story was not choppy per se however, admittedly, it tended to drag on a bit at times – I think this could have been improved by adding a flashback scene at some point. In any case, I am pleased with your attempt and I think you have the potential to have a smoother and neater flow in your writing.

TOTAL: 78/100

Thank you for sharing this story with me. It was a pleasure to review a yuri fic for a change and I hope you find my review helpful! I wish you the best of luck!