Even if the concert is over, the concert hall is nothing close to empty. If it is possible, it sounds even louder and there are group fans who are singing songs together, some other chants for encore, but the set list is done, the sound crews already put the cables away in a specified box, and if there is a curtain, the curtain is closed. So Joonmyeon can only wishes them to get home safely from backstage.

His phone buzzes silently in his pocket, ever since the concert is over. But Joonmyeon ignores it, knowing well who's calling, instead he continues to approach staffs and saying thank you for their hardwork.

Joonmyeon is about to go to another section of the backstage when Chanyeol pulls him over, "Hyung!" he practically squealing as he hugs Joonmyeon tight, "What a night! You did well hyung"

"You did well too, Chanyeol. And all of us. Thank you" Joonmyeon returns the hug. "You are an amazing leader. You never dissapoint us..." Chanyeol adds again, there's another name on the tip of his tongue, seeing the taller man in front of him suddenly starts to eye Joonmyeon carefully. Joonmyeon stares at him, hoping to get his 'don't' message across.

Chanyeol is 'his' bestfriend afterall

The phone inside Joonmyeon's pocket buzzes again now, and it feels heavier.

"Glad to hear that" Joonmyeon answers, giving a little smile to Chanyeol to show that he's unaffected.

Their moment is suddenly interrupted by the screaming Baekhyun, telling everyone the place of their company dinner and to get to there fast.

"You want to go together?" Chanyeol turns his attention back to Joonmyeon. The older shakes his head, "No, I have something to do with the upperhead" he answers, Chanyeol raises his eyebrow questioning.

"Leaders'..." The word feels harder to pronouce without plural even now , "..duty. You guys go first" Off course he has to lie.

Chanyeol only gives him a long look, still suspicious but ends up believing him. He bids goodbye to Joonmyeon as he runs back to the change room.

-

"Why are you picking it so late?" That's the first thing Yifan says as soon as Joonmyeon picks up his call, after about 15 missed calls and 10 desperate pleas through katalk. Joonmyeon swears he hears Yifan's pout.

"Leader's duty. Thanking everyone for their hard work" Joonmyeon answers solemnly, trying to keep his voice steady and calm. The answer shutting the latter up.

"Joonmyeon, I'm--"

"Don't. We've talked about this" Joonmyeon says first, playing with the edge of old magazines he found inside the place where he hides right now, the storage room.

Yifan sighs, giving up, "How's the concert?"

"It's fun!" Joomnyeon's eyes light up, "You should see their reaction to our new song. And when Kai and Sehun danced to Playboy. It's worth it! And then..."

Joonmyeon's chatter continues as he excitedly reciting about that day's event, from the opening, their El Dorado costumes, their VCR for My Turn To Cry, that song, this song, while Yifan diligently hears from the other side and giving appropriate response on some parts.

"....ican'tbelieveit'soverandican'twaitforthenextone" Joonmyeon finishes the last sentence with a single breath. "Whoa, whoa, take a breath Joonmyeon, take a breath" Yifan laughs lightly.

"It was just so overwhelming" Joonmyeon defends himself. You were not there. You didn't know, the thought echoes inside his mind, but Joonmyeon chooses to not let it out.

"I saw, you cried?" Yifan asks a few seconds later, he must be stalking everything from twitter right now, Joonmyeon thinks. "And.." Yifan pauses at the other end.

"..'Even though someone I deeply cared for is now gone from my life, I will continue to work hard every day. Thank you all'.."

"It was just-- just my emotion. Everyone was emotional, ever since we sang the song that Yixing created, 'Promise' and--" Joonmyeon stutters.

"I'm sorry, Joonmyeon. I'm sorry" Yifan cuts in, the tone nearing begging.

Joonmyeon shakes his head hard, even though he knows Yifan won't see it, "No Yifan, No. How many times that I should tell you that, No don't talk about that"

"Why?" the former leader questions, even if he knows the answer already.

"I'm not ready" is the automatic answer coming out from Joonmyeon's mouth.

"Why?" the former leader asks further.

The question always left unanswered.

They fall into a silence right now, from the sound of it, Yifan doesn't move at all from where he is, and Joonmyeon doesn't either.

"Aren't we funny, you and me, talking like this? Me calling you, and you answering like we're okay?" The question irks the younger.

"But it 'is' because we are okay, we 'are' in a relationship thus it 'is' okay for someone in a relationship to call each other and ask for each other's day? The question is, why are you being weird like this?"

"Joonmyeon, I'm sorry"

"NO!" Joonmyeon snaps, making himself winces at the intensity of his own voice. Guilt starts to creep inside his chest, thinking that he's probably hurting Yifan with his reaction earlier.

"Joonmyeon, it's been almost a year" Yifan takes a deep breath, "And yet everytime I want to say that I am sorry, you always tell me to cut it out. The other members think that you hate me, Joonmyeon. For God sake, don't pretend that you're not mad when you are!" Yifan feels the frustration driving him insane.

"But I am talking to you right now, it means I am not mad??" Joonmyeon retorts back.

"Accept my apology, then. I will say it now, and you will answer me with an answer that are not 'Don't' or 'I'm not ready'.." Yifan challenges calmly.

"I---"

Do I love you? Do I hate you? I can't make up my mind. So let's free fall, and see where we land.

"Can... Can you wait?" Joonmyeon's hand finds its way to his cheek, brushing away the wet liquid there, no he's not going to shed any more tears tonight, "I don't think I can say it yet. We'll see later, okay?"

I'm afraid forgiving you will mean that I'm letting you go. Being the sun is hard, I'm sorry.

-

"Aren't the sun is so great?" Joonmyeon asked the moment they arrived at the park somewhere near their hotel at Berlin. The wind was not so bad like the previous night and the sun was even appearing in the sky. Joonmyeon sat himself down on top of the green grass and patted the space between him, signaling his companion to sit down beside him.

His companion stared down at Joonmyeon, wondering if Joonmyeon's latest word was just his imagination or Joonmyeon really asked him that. "Why is that?" His companion sat down beside him and pulling the sunglasses down from his face.

"He loves the moon too much, he is willing to die every night to let her breath" Joonmyeon said, in a manner as if he was reciting a line from a book or movie. His companion only nodded in response, "Can you even imagine a love like that, huh, Yifan?"

"But aren't they also pathetic?" Yifan asked back, instead of answering. The question received a light shove on Yifan's shoulder from Joonmyeon, saying "You're ruining the moment here!!" he protested.

"Hey, I'm serious" Yifan stopped Joonmyeon's protest. "You're missing another point here"

"What is it, Mr. Yifan the professor of philosphy?" Joonmyeon asked back then.

Yifan breaths in, setting his glasses in his hand aside, "Even if they are living the way they want to, they are letting each other breath freely. They never meet. How do you apply this in real life?" Yifan paused, tilting his head to the side, thinking hard.

After a while, he talked again, "Let's take it like this, you have a partner, you're living a life where you're together, you're happy and you think that maybe that is already perfect, but truthfully, it's not for your partner. And the he wants to go to live the dream he wants, will you sacrifice, for him to breath freely?"

"Not seeing him, but at the same time you know he's living happily. Of course in our world, it doesn't have to be up to the condition where you and him can't meet at all, but you're far away from each other, you're both busy. Can you still be the sun, to your moon?"

"But they can meet! When it's Solar Eclipse!" Joonmyeon beamed proudly.

"It happens only twice a year, Joonmyeon. What if it's a Lunar Eclipse? They are finally on the same aligned line, but the 'real' world just has to be between them"

The silence enveloped both of them for a while, before it was broken by Joonmyeon's awkward laugh. "Hey, why did you have to make the atmosphere so gloomy. This park date should be a fun one, I don't want to go back to the hotel after this crying. You leaving is such a scary thought"

There were a slight of dissapointment and sorry crossed Yifan's face for a milisecond, but the older quickly brushed it away, laughing along with Joonmyeon. "I'm just asking" Yifan defended himself, "I'm sorry. Let's get into another topic"

Joonmyeon nodded, "Okay! By the way, do you want some ice cream?" Joonmyeon happily gestured to the ice cream truck near where they were sitting.

Yifan stood up, and then reached out a hand to help Joonmyeon stand, "Sounds good"

 -